Sweet Escape
by KupKakes09
Summary: Part 2 of sweet secrets. Aleah is finding out that mayb life as an old lady isn't what she thought it'd be. Will she choose to escape somewhere new? With someone new? Or stay while Juice starts to crack?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey all…..I finally have the first chapter of Part 2 ready to post for you :D I know some of you won't like where this story turns and I'll probably lose some of you, but I will keep posting for those of you that have asked to see the ending of this little storyline I have going. **

**A lot of work went into Part 2, and I want to thank Jessica for her help. She really does a lot to help me get things written down. **

**This picks up around Season 6. Everything has happened according to the show even if I haven't mentioned it. The only thing that I have changed is that Kozik didn't die in Season 4. He is still very much alive :D **

**I do not own SOA, only my characters. **

Chapter One The memories that hurt

The sunlight that was peeking under the visor was blinding me but that was okay. It helped to keep me awake. I still a ways to go on my drive. I'd never driven past Sacramento on my own. I still had to wonder if I was crazy for making this trip alone. It didn't matter, I didn't have the option of bringing anyone along with me anyways. I had to do this alone or be caught red handed. And being caught wasn't going to happen.

So much had happened in the past year. I couldn't believe I'd came out of it mostly unscathed. Juice was… well… not himself. But I was still okay for the most part. I was still able to function and smile like everything was okay despite it wasn't. I'd become the master at faking the happy relationship and keeping my cool. No one knew just how bad it'd become for us. It was too embarrassing to tell someone the truth.

I couldn't tell Gemma, or even Jess, that Juice refused to touch me for months now. He'd give me an unfeeling, quick brush of a kiss in front of people but that was it for us. He slept in his office in the recliner and I stayed in our room. I knew it was because of the things that happened. He didn't want to have sex with me because he didn't want to deal with another pregnancy or even talk about trying again. I knew he wasn't interested in being pregnant just to have another disappointment after all of the excitement of the first time.

After everything I'd done for him he couldn't bring himself to do it for me. Give me a family like I wanted. I'd turned on my own flesh and blood to save him. I could still remember the shock on Dad's face when he found me digging through his house, searching for those papers. The pure outrage when he realized I'd helped turn him in when the cops came to arrest him while the three of us watched on. I'd made my choice, I couldn't take it back. I wasn't sure I would if I could anyways. That man had gotten rid of my mother for his own wants and greed. Now she was too terrified even 20 years later to even talk to me.

That had been what sealed the deal for me in helping Juice save his ass when Jax offered him his out. Alanna had spilled the truth to me when I tracked her down, she'd been only 2 hours away the whole time. But the violence and threats kept her away from me. She didn't want anything to do with me even now, she'd started shaking at the sight of Juice in his cut standing beside me. I had my own father to blame for it. I didn't let myself feel too bad on helping Juice and Gemma with their plans. He'd done me wrong, I did him wrong. I was loyal to my Old Man first, like a good Old Lady should be even if it meant hurting others. You never turned your back on your Old Man.

Which was why I was still going back and forth over where I was going. I knew it was a bad idea. A very very bad idea. A deadly idea. Juice could kill me and no one would say a word about it if he found out and wanted to. I doubted he would though. He hadn't even asked the name of the spa I'd told him I was going to in L.A for a few days. He'd just shrugged with the same vacant look in his eyes that had been there for a while and said "Take what you need from the stash". I probably could have left without even telling him and he'd never notice until he ran out of clean clothes.

It hurt that I couldn't snap him out of whatever was still going on with him. Juice wasn't the easy going, laughing, goofball he used to be. He didn't speak much, kept the same empty look on his face, and just… got by. What was I supposed to do with that? Sit around and wait for him to go back to normal? I didn't think he'd ever go back to normal. I was at the end of my rope with him. He wasn't the only one hurting, the only one wondering if things could have been different. We'd both lost a baby, we'd both put my dad away, and we'd both been victim to Jax's streak of violence.

I'd never thought Jax would flip on me the way he did either. If I thought on it long enough, I could still feel the sting of his hand slapping my cheek when we'd argued that last time. Pick which side of the family you're on, he'd told me. Blood means nothing to us, you know Jax had told me, we'd always been family. Was I willing to let Gemma go without seeing the boys? Let Juice die a rat traitors death? Or would I help them? I chose to help them like he already knew I would. I'd been banished from seeing the boys for a while myself.

That stupid bitch Tara was the one to blame for that. I scowled in the rearview mirror at my tired reflection remembering her cruel words when I'd confronted her about not making me the boys guardian. "You have no idea what its like to be a mother….and probably won't ever." She'd smirked at me right before I pummeled her. The real problem was that she knew who I was loyal to. And it wasn't Clay Morrow. Now though…. Everything was okay. I had free reign to see my nephews now that she was gone. No one even missed her.

I needed the vacation. I definitely needed time away from Charming. The guys were still a little peeved with me over my retaliation on Jax. I didn't pay a single one of them at the TM side of things. They hadn't done mechanic work in weeks so why should I? And what was it to them if I wanted to sell the Morrow side of the garage? I'd never actually do that, but it was a damn good scare tactic. I'd done everything in my power to protect Juice right down to making threats that I knew I'd follow through on without hesitation. He might be a depressed, sulled up Juice, but he was mine.

And I was technically still his. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Being one Son's Old Lady meant I was off limits to the others no matter what. You didn't mess with someone's Old Lady. You didn't get too friendly with them. Juice had never came out and asked me about Kozik but he didn't have to. I knew he already knew something had happened from the way they talked to each other. When Kozik had declared he was going back to Tacoma the vote to send him away had been unanimous. Koz had been a dick to everyone he came within a mile of and made sure they'd all want to send him on his way.

He didn't have to pretend to be moody, angry, and outright violent. He really was. He drank like a fish and threw dirty looks anytime he saw me. I'd hurt Kozik without ever meaning to and realized too late that it hurt me to see him like this. I didn't like seeing him hurting. I hated that it was because of me he did hurt. Kozik had already been so unlucky in life it was cruel to make him suffer again. But I'd been 5weeks pregnant and head over heels for Juice when Kozik came to put his pride aside and ask me in a pleading voice "Come with me… come to Tacoma. Leave Juice. If you even think there might be something there…. This is your only chance. Please Leah."

I hadn't been able to tell him yes. I was still blind to the adoration that was in his eyes when he looked at me with that sad expression pleading with me. It hadn't been just sex for Kozik those months Juice was away. Kozik had fallen in love, and he'd fallen in love with another members Old Lady. That was forbidden. Even if I'd went with him to Tacoma when he asked…. It wouldn't have ended well for either of us. MC protocol stated you never chose a female over your brothers. Kozik had done just that without letting the club in on it. Still… I didn't realize what that meant for him to admit to me.

Kozik was a lifer. He'd been in the club almost 20 years now, he wore his Unholy Ones patch with pride. That alone showed how loyal he was to his club, but he'd offered to throw it away if I'd just go to Tacoma with him. I'd been stupid not to go. That was a major show of love and commitment. Knowing some of the awful things he'd said and done before he left didn't bother me. I knew before I got involved with him that Herman Kozik was no angel. He knew how to work people, manipulate them into what he wanted. Everyone except me apparently.

But I couldn't change the past. I was stuck in the future and I had no room for mistakes this time. I couldn't take back what I was doing now even if I wanted to. I'd made my choice the minute I told Juice I was going out of town. Now I was starting to enter the icy climate and slowed down for the ice covered roads ahead. I was here and I couldn't go back now. This was it.

!

Kozik's POV

I hated happy families. Loathed them even. The sound of children's laughter was grating on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard or some shit. I wasn't sure how much more I could being out here in the frigid, freezing snow with the pile of brats while my brothers pushed them down the small snow hill we'd packed together a couple of days ago. Coming out here hadn't been my idea. Nope. I'd been goaded into it with promises of a hot meal and several Old Ladies inviting me over and over until I caved.

I wasn't the only chronic bachelor that'd been talked into coming out at least. Timmy-Two Shoe was sitting to my right looking as grumpy as I felt, and Sven was trampling through the snow with the little crumb catchers like he was actually having a blast. He probably was. Sven had always been a little off in the way that he actually enjoyed being around our brothers families. The kids just liked to be around him to giggle at the way he talked with the god _awful_ Russian thickness to his words.

I'd been in this mood for months. A lot of months. Ever since I moved back to Tacoma after the big shoot out with the rival cartel. I didn't like to be around people and they generally didn't like to be around me. No one wanted to work near me on the construction sites unless absolutely necessary and I couldn't blame them. I was depressed, mean, angry, and violent. I lashed out at anyone and everyone that crossed my path. I'd locked up with so many of my club brothers I couldn't even count the fights anymore.

But my violent streak was welcomed by Lee. He'd had no problem giving me the SAA patch back shortly after my arrival in town. I was the person he trusted the most to protect him, and he knew I could get the dirty work done without a second thought when I felt like this. Shit… I wasn't an 'Unholy One' because I was sweet and docile. I only knew one person that was sweet, and she was wrecking me.

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand that Aleah had this type of effect on me. It burned my stomach like a bottle of whiskey going down straight. I hated that all she'd had to do was simply look up at me with those cool blue eyes of hers all innocent and sweet. Fuck me… I knew it'd been a bad idea from the start. But I'd never done what was good for me and at my age, why should I start now?

So much had happened since that night I'd first laid my eyes on her. I knew I'd have to watch myself around this one. I broke too many rules for her within the first few times we even talked. I hated it. I'd hated it more when she told me in an excited voice with glittery eyes that she was pregnant. Fuckin pregnant. It felt like a slap to my face after I'd pretty much just declared my love for her, or as close to it as I'd ever get. I didn't say sappy shit. I didn't _ask_ women to be _with_ me. I didn't offer to betray a brother for just anyone.

It'd been the only time I ever had to question my club loyalty in my life. I hated myself for it. I absolutely fuckin hated that I had a weakness now. I'd always rolled my eyes and smirked at the other guys that took Old Lady's. I didn't need someone running around after me, keeping tabs and shit. I didn't want to be with just one woman sexually. Hell, my marriage hadn't even lasted through the club shit. Or the next Old Lady I took. They weren't Aleah though. Neither of them even came close to this little girl that had me ready to snap.

I'd been alone for so long it was just my life. Sure I had a daughter, but she didn't like me and I had no clue what to do with her besides send her money when she called to hit me up. I didn't speak to my actual blood brother. I didn't have anyone. It was just me. Now…. I had someone else in my mind. Someone I'd let myself dare to dream I could actually have. But I couldn't have her. No, nothing was ever easy for me. I could never just simply take an Old Lady and live happily fuckin after.

I knew the day Samcro got out of lock up I couldn't stay in Charming much longer. I couldn't just sit there and watch them together. I was a jealous motherfucker and I really didn't have a right to be. She was someone else's property. She wasn't mine. Never would be as long as she wore his ink. She'd never leave him for me either, I was just her second best. And that stung like rubbing salt in a wound that wouldn't heal.

It'd been months since I'd heard from Aleah, I didn't try to talk to her once I moved. Tig had mentioned to me about the miscarriage she had. Like a jackass I sent flowers with a note with a simple message on it 'Still stands'. Like I was begging now. I wished like hell I could take that back. Or I didn't. I didn't know. It must have hit a spot with her because soon after she started texting me late at night. Just a few short, generic messages to start. Then she started to confide in me, talk to me as a friend again. It was awkward. I couldn't let her in again. I had a temporary wall up to this girl until I knew exactly what she wanted from me.

I had no what she was expecting when she got here. Was she hoping I'd be her knight in shining armor? Let her use me and take off back home like nothing happened again? She hadn't said. The girl had asked me in a soft voice I couldn't say no to when she said "Koz… you think I could come see you?" Umm… can you.. Sure…. Should you? No…

This could go bad. Very very bad for both of us. I was angry with Aleah still even if I had been talking to her. I didn't let grudges go easily and in my mind, she'd done me pretty fuckin dirty. You didn't fuck someone for a year and look at them the way she did me then say 'Hey its been fun, but I think I'll go have babies and shit with this Mohawked asshole'. Part of me wanted to snuff her off. Ignore her completely, but the other part of me I hadn't even known I had was saying not to. To just talk to her and see exactly what she was coming for.

I didn't know what I'd say to her if she was hoping I'd take her as an Old Lady if she left Juice. That wasn't something that would be accepted within the club. Not if Juice didn't let her go and if he hadn't done that yet, he wasn't going to. He was keeping her around for some unknown reason to her. You didn't just take someone's Old Lady. He'd be totally justified in putting a bullet between my eyes for her even coming to Tacoma to visit me even if I wanted to say it was just a trip between friends. We weren't innocent friends.

I wasn't sure if I had it in me to just be her 'friend' much longer. I didn't do friendships with females. Why should I be her friend to just sit back and watch her with someone else? Have a happy family with someone else? I was an all or nothing person and this was pretty hard to navigate around. Even Lee hadn't been able to advise me much when I went to him in confidence a few days ago for a chat as both a friend and the club prez.

Lee had told me in a steady, tired voice that it was against club rules and drop it. It was a bad idea and it meant trouble with the mother charter. Aleah wasn't a normal Old Lady. She was a Morrow and Jax's sister which meant she had a better standing than most of the women did around here. Was she worth it? Lee asked me curiously. Did I love this one? Really love her? Because if I did… then it was worth whatever punishment I'd have to take for this. If I wasn't sure…. Then I needed to end it. Immediately.

I wouldn't lose any patches. I had enough pull and enough favoritism from the club that that wouldn't happen here in Tacoma. It would all come down to what Juice said if Aleah really was expecting me to hold up my word and take her as an Old Lady if she left him. I'd suffer in some form. Lee had given me a small smile while he puffed on his cigar and said it better than Lorca could have if I'd went to him for advice "How can I throw you out for wanting what the rest of us have? An Old Lady and someone that gives a damn if you make it home from a run."

It might not even come down to anything like that however. I just didn't know if I really wanted to go to this place again. I was tired of hurting. I was tired of being so damn volatile no one could stand to be around me. I was just tired of being alone and it looked like this girl that was half my age might be what I'd been waiting for all of these years.

**Next chapter will be twice this long, I promise. I just wanted to start you off with something for tonight. Please review . **


	2. Chapter 2

**I think I responded back to all of you that reviewed, but just in case I didn't…. thank you!**

**To my guest reviewers, I appreciate you all leaving me your thoughts. I did however want to address one review that was left regarding Tara being gone in this fic. I wrote this before the season 6 finale, so I won't specify on exactly what happened to her, and yes in Aleah's opinion… no one misses Tara. **

**I do not own SOA only my characters. **

**This chapter is pretty much a lemon filled filler to bridge in some things, I will try updating again Saturday. I am still not well for those of you that might remember me being down for a while, so I am moving slower than normal with updates. It all honestly depends on how I feel on how fast I update even though its already written I still have to edit it as I post. **

**To all of you Juice fans out there that are still with us, please keep reading. I swear its worth it even if you don't like the choices Aleah is making for a while. You haven't saw the last of Juice. **

**Credits and thanks to Jessica for keeping me motivated!**

Chapter Two Whaddya want from me?

Aleah's POV

I couldn't believe I'd actually done it. I'd packed a bag with a few changes of clothes, the essentials, and withdrew cash from the ATM before I headed out. I'd been on the road for hours but I was past the tired point and into the giddiness of what I was actually about to do. I picked up my phone driving slowly over the ice covered roads. I'd never driven through snow before.

"Hey Leah." The deep voice answered after the first ring with its normal smooth silkiness.

"I'm here." My voice was shy almost. "I think I'm on your street now, I'm using GPS to find you."

"I'll meet you out front. Be careful." Then he hung up without a goodbye.

I was freezing even with the heater on. I'd brought a jacket with me but nothing that prepared me for the harsh Tacoma winter that was happening around me. I had no idea how the SAMTAC guys even rode on days like this. I followed the instructions to make a left and peered out of my frozen windshield at the apartments in front of me. They were surprisingly nice, nicer than I thought they'd be. I'd been expecting some sort of a shack maybe, nothing too fancy. I spotted him walking out of a lower level apartment and then noticed the bike that must be under the tarps tied down.

I waited until he was closer before I got out. I shivered already hugging myself. "Hi." I greeted him when he was close enough to hear me.

Kozik threw his arms around me pulling me in a tight bone crushing hug. "Hi yourself kid. I never thought you'd actually sneak away up here even if its just for the weekend."

I hugged him back, wanting his body warmth more than anything. He'd obviously gotten used to the climate change from his hometown and was wearing a heavy coat, cut, then a hoodie under it along with his normal layers of shirts. "Its freezing out here."

"Nah not yet. This is warm compared to what tonight will be." He grinned releasing me from the embrace. "C'mon you can get cleaned up then we can go grab something to eat. Or you can take a nap and I'll run out for food."

I started to grab my bag from the backseat but he beat me to it slinging it over his shoulder with ease. I gave him a look that he grinned at while leading me to his apartment. It was small, just two bedrooms and a small living area that connected into the kitchen. It was very bachelor like in its decoration but it wasn't filthy either. "Did you clean just for me?"

"You know it. It was hell watchin the sweet butts tidy up around here." Kozik tossed my bag down onto his bed. "Bathroom is right there. Just help yourself."

"Thanks Koz… really… thanks for this." I looked up at him feeling guilty and excited at the same time. What I'd done was enough to get me killed or him.

He waved me off like it was no big deal. Any death threats were small to him. "Hey, a friend called and wanted to visit. What am I supposed to do? Say no because she happens to be an Old Lady?" He leaned in the doorway, keeping distance between the two of us. "SAMCRO will be beating down my door before the nights over."

"I doubt it. I told Juice I was going to a spa in Los Angeles for the weekend. it's a long drive from Charming, almost the same as what it takes to get here so I should be covered. And I took cash so he can't trace my cards if he even looks at them. I doubt it though." I didn't think Juice would do any digging. He didn't seem care too much about anything lately.

"Smart girl." Kozik complimented me going to get me towel when I went into the bathroom. "I'll give you a few."

I nodded in appreciation shutting the door behind him when he walked off. The realization of what was happening was hitting me hard and heavy now. I'd lied to Juice so I could come see Kozik for a weekend of sex. My only reasoning was that Juice wasn't giving it to me, and treated me like I was just something in his house not his old lady that he loved. Or at least… I hoped Kozik would still want me.

I showered slowly savoring the hot water for as long as I could. The apartment wasn't cold, but it wasn't as cozy as I would have liked it. I knew it mostly just me adjusting to it, not from lack of heating running.

I wrapped my hair up in a towel after I'd gotten dressed, walking out just in time to hear Kozik talking to someone. I paused, listening to him speak , he hadn't noticed me yet. "Yeah baby…. I know you don't." He was silent for a moment. "I'll see what I can do for you, it might be a few days though doll."

I frowned wondering if he'd gotten himself an Old Lady or at least a girlfriend and neglected to tell me about it. He shifted on the couch noticing me there then. His eyes dipped over my body looking me over with his lips curling into a smirk. "I'll call you later Ken. Daddy loves you too."

Ah… it was the daughter he never saw or heard from unless she needed something out of him. I climbed onto the couch beside him. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Its fine. My daughter." He explained lighting a cigarette. "Always calls her old man when she wants cash."

"Sounds like Dawn and Fawn." I noted remembering Tig's daughters. We'd been around each other a lot when we were younger but as we got older the girls decided they didn't like Tig so much. They were horrible to him unless they wanted something out of him, and Tig couldn't say no to his girls like Kozik couldn't seem to either. "Do you ever wish you'd been around more?"

Kozik shrugged, gazing over at me lazily. "Sometimes. But mostly no… Told you.. I'm not a kid and families kind of guy." His eyes were friendly enough, warm even, but there was a harshness there too that I hadn't expected from him. "You want to nap while I run out or you want to come with?"

"Won't… the Tacoma guys see us?" I asked worried about being recognized by Lee, Donut, and anyone else that might know me.

"They might. Might not. They won't say anything though. I'm the SAA here. It has its job perks."

I scooted closer to him daring to snuggle against him. This was all familiar, comfortable even. "I'll go with you. I think I need to buy a heavier jacket."

Kozik chuckled, the hand of the arm that was around me was starting to inches its way closer to my cleavage. "Told you it was snowing here, pack warm. I'm guessing you don't want to take the bike then?"

"_Helllll_ no."

"C'mon… we have plenty of time for this." He pulled his arm off of my shoulders sitting up. "And other stuff…. If you want."

I smirked at him, going back to his room where my hairdryer was at. "I didn't drive 900 miles to not have sex. We're not all whoring ourselves out every night."

"We should… talk.." The harshness grew in the lightness of his eyes again. "Before any of that…"

"I didn't have you pegged for long romantic talks about feelings and shit." I smirked at him hoping to hit a nerve.

Kozik rolled his eyes not even arguing back. He just grabbed his pile of coats, shrugging them on waiting patiently for me to finish getting ready. I let him drive not wanting to wreck us and have to explain why I was in Tacoma to Juice. Kozik seemed to have the icy roads down pat, driving us to a restaurant that did indeed have a few Reaper embezzled Harleys out front of it. I pulled on the extra hoodie he'd given me before we left sighing at the way it swallowed me. The bottom hung down close to my knees, mid thigh at the best but it was warmer than the jacket I'd brought with me on its own.

"Yeah umm… a few of the guys are here. Leah…. Just… play it straight kay?" He instructed paving the way inside for us.

It was a cute little 50's style place with a jukebox playing in the corner. I could see the table of bikers already ;all of them had their SAMTAC cuts pulled on over their coats just like Kozik did. I stayed back a few feet behind him, following at a respectable distance. I knew the rules were the same here just like they were in Charming. I waited for Kozik to show me where to sit before I slid into a booth behind the SAMTAC crew.

"Hey blondie… whose your friend?" One of the guys asked Kozik with a sly grin on his scarred face.

Kozik just brushed it off. "A friend you don't need to know." I saw him give Lee a slight nod before Lee came around to our side of the booth looking stern.

"Been a while since I saw you darlin." The older man spoke giving me a look that was almost scolding. "Didn't think you'd be up here to see the likes of him."

"Hey, we're friends. Friends are allowed to visit each other." Kozik defended us pushing a menu towards me. "Get some hot chocolate kiddo."

"Hi Lee…. Yeah I needed a change for a few days. My Old Man's… busy. Don't worry I told him I was going out of town." I wasn't lying exactly, I just wasn't saying the entire truth. I frowned down at the menu at Kozik's suggestion of hot chocolate.

"Uh huh… did you tell him you were coming to see Kozik?" Lee asked raising an eyebrow at me, fully playing the father figure giving me the third degree right now.

I let my eyes fall down when I shook my head no. I heard him sigh loudly, the guys in the booth behind us were quiet trying to listen in. "We're friends Lee. I just.. Needed a friend for a while. Things are.. Rocky back there." I was being careful not to say where there was in case any of the eavesdroppers pieced it together. I didn't trust them even if Kozik did.

"Well you have one problem even if I don't say anything and Donut doesn't either." Lee said looking at something over his shoulder. "And you better come up with something fast."

Kozik's eyes hardened when he saw what Lee was talking about, and I felt sick to my stomach. Happy was walking towards us, his cheek twitching like he was angry, coming out of the bathroom. He had on a couple of hoodies over his cut, but he still looked just as intimidating without it showing. He sat down beside me without being invited giving me a look that told me he wasn't about to keep quiet.

"Didn't know you were in town…brother." Kozik spoke first to him, the tension was thick enough to slice.

Happy pulled Kozik's drink towards him, downing half of the glass in one gulp. "Yep. Had a run up this way. Didn't know you were stealing Old Ladies this weekend or I would have put in my order."

The waitress came over carrying my mug of hot chocolate, eyeing me suspiciously. I knew it looked odd, one female with this gang of outlaws especially since they were all twice my age. Happy smirked at the steaming mug when I took it gratefully. He nodded at Kozik's glass holding up a finger to show he wanted one. God forbid the man speak anymore than he had to.

"Didn't steal an Old Lady. A friend came to visit me." Kozik stretched his long legs out in the booth, glancing over at me.

I gave him a small smile trying not to show the panic I was feeling. Kozik might just get his wish of having me move to Tacoma with him. Only it'd be because I was excommunicated from home. I wasn't sure if that carried over to every charter or just the one you were at. "Would've offered you a ride if I knew you were coming." I told Happy trying to break the ice.

Happy was silent, he seemed to be in thought for a while. None of spoke again until he finally did. "So the way I see it… there's two things that can happen here. I can get on the phone and tell Juice where his Old Lady is… or you can do me a favor."

Doing Happy a favor wasn't something I wanted to do, but it might be my only way out. I looked at Kozik who nodded. "Whatcha want Hap?"

"Don't know yet. But it'll have to be something good if I'm keeping my mouth shut." Happy closed his menu with a loud smack. "Maybe I can find the goodness inside my heart to keep a secret and just watch this shit go down on its own."

"Seriously Hap?" Kozik was laughing looking amused by this.

"Just agree to it." Happy replied gruffly going back to his normal sullen state.

"Deal." I held my hand out for Happy who shook it with a firm grip. "This never leaves Tacoma."

"What the fuck you comin to see this dickhead for anyways?"

Kozik flashed him a grin after we'd ordered. "Hey I'm allowed to have female friends. No one seems to want to believe that for some reason."

"You're a whore." One of the guys on the other side of the booth threw over the edge while the others howled. "I'm shocked you left the house after your little speech of not bothering you this weekend."

I sipped on my mug giggling with them while they jibed at Kozik, making jokes on his account. Happy stayed quiet while we ate, I couldn't see how they were best friends when only one of them made conversation. The best I could figure out was that it was because they both had the same apparent murderous streak where the club was concerned.

"Where you headin?" Happy asked us as Kozik started pulling on his jacket.

"Shops. Little girl needs a jacket or something if she's staying a few days." Kozik explained throwing down a few bills. "I was thinking about takin her sleddin later if she wants. You gonna be around?"

Happy nodded sliding over to let me get out of the booth. "Yeah I'll be around."

Lee stood up giving me a quick hug whispering. "You watch yourself. Call me if you need something." He looked at Kozik talking another one of the guys. "I'm glad you came up here darlin. This is the first time he's been like this in months."

I hugged Lee back, then accepted one from Donut. "I'll see what I can do for him. He usually sulls up like that when he's pissed off." I whispered back already knowing why Kozik was being a dick. It was the same thing that had drove him to Tacoma in the first place. "I'll see you before I leave."

"If you leave….." Donut grinned sitting back down. "Don't know that Kozik's gonna let you."

I laughed along with them, but something told me they were being serious. Kozik had mentioned me staying for a few days…. I'd told him I was coming for two. I didn't bring it up though when he walked me down the sidewalk to a women's clothing store. I flipped through the racks of jackets until I found one I liked that seemed heavy enough. "Here… I'm done."

Kozik had grabbed a beanie hat and mitten set from somewhere for me, it was bright purple. "Here, we're takin this too. Can't have you getting sick on me." He snatched the jacket from me throwing it on the counter ignoring my protests when he paid for it. "Consider it a late Christmas gift."

I caught the coat when he threw it back at me sliding it on before we went back outside. "I didn't get you anything."

"You came to see me. That's enough of a present." He grinned grabbing my mitten covered hand in his bare one. "You want to look around town? Go back to my place and sleep? Sled? Have sex?"

I considered the options he'd laid out for me. "I think… sledding sounds nice. I've never been before." This snow thing was new for me. I'd never been in it this heavy before. "We can have sex and sleep tonight."

"Works for me." Kozik slipped his fingers through mine, holding my hand like he would if we were a couple. It was so odd for him, this older man being like this. I doubted he'd ever held anyone's hand before except for maybe the ex wife.

"Where do we sled at?" I asked kicking up the snow that was falling on the sidewalk.

He pointed at a place I hadn't noticed when we'd drove through town. The SAMTAC clubhouse was on this street with a construction business right beside it. Their cover up operation. "We have it all dug out around the back. The guys take their kids out there, sometimes the sweet butts."

"Geez… do I fall into the kid category for you?" I teased earning a tight squeeze of my hand. "What's our story anyways?"

"Friends. You're just a friend that came to see me. Just like I told everyone else." He was taking me around the clubhouse, it seemed like a long walk but I went along with it. "You warm enough now?"

Nodding, I held onto his hand tighter when we came to the designated sled area. There were already kids milling around with a few others chasing after them. Everyone was bundled up like we were and laughing. I smiled a little, liking this scene. It was like what home was like before…. Before everything happened. Kozik paused at the top of the small snow hill. "You want a tire or a piece of sheet metal?"

"Uhhh…tire?" I frowned not knowing which was safer. I watched three little kids pile on a piece of the metal as one of the MC members gave them a big push down with them screaming the whole way.

"Sure. I'll pull you some. Then we can get the real sled." He winked at me dropping my hand to go claim us a tire. He waved to someone calling out.

I waited for him feeling awkward in the crowd of people I didn't know. A woman came over to me, her face was caked with make up but her eyes were friendly. "Are you Kozik's kid?" She asked warmly.

"Oh… no." I knew I must have looked mortified right now. "I'm…"

Understanding filled her eyes then. "So you're the girl." She looked over where he was talking to a couple of burly looking guys. "I knew there was some reason he wasn't himself."

"I'm just a friend." I gave her a small smile. "Just visiting for a couple of days. I'm… Leah." it was a pretty crappy cover up name, but hey it was better than all out advertising who I was.

"Mandy. I'm Jenn's sister." Mandy smiled at me again shaking my hand. "I'm Lee's Old Lady by the way."

Jenn… it was always back to the mysterious Jenn. I shook her hand feeling anxious when Kozik started back over finally. "Nice to meet you."

Kozik gave Mandy a look I couldn't read before giving my puffy jacket a tug. "C'mon kid. Lets go have some fun before my hip gives out out here in this weather."

Mandy snorted at him. "You're not as young as you used to be that's for damn sure Herman."

"Neither are you….. that's for damn sure." He shot her a grin that seemed to irritate her. "Excuse while I steal my friend."

I looked at her apologetically when he led me off. "Just sit on it?" I looked at the kids next to me before climbing on the same way they did. And the fun started. Kozik pulled me down the hill with the rope letting go after a hard tug that sent me flying down the hill screaming the entire way. I hit the bank laughing at the end. We did this a few times before he hunted us up the sled and climbed on with me getting several laughs and calls from the onlookers. Apparently Kozik at the snow hill wasn't something that happened often.

"You havin fun?" Kozik asked me pulling me the sled behind us on our tenth time down together. He had snowflakes in his spiky blonde hair that were almost making me him look angelic.

"A lot of fun." I admitted giving him a nudge. "Let those kids use the sled a while." There were a few little girls waiting at the top patiently.

Kozik pushed it over to them getting several hugs and "Thanks Uncle Kozik!"'s from them. It was nice seeing the way he tickled the kids through their coats grinning along with them when he sent them flying down the slick trail. He came back over to me, knocking the snow off of my hat roughly. "Ready to warm up?"

"Please." I'd been cold for a while but didn't want to stop playing to go inside. He took me in through the backdoors that led into a huge, warm kitchen where a few women were either sitting down cutting stuff up or stirring things on the stove. They all looked at me appraisingly, and I knew they'd already heard the SAA had shown up with a girl. Not a woman… but a girl.

"Get her something hot to drink." Kozik ordered them grabbing himself a handful of the leftover Christmas candy from a large bowl.

"Oh I can get it." I looked around wondering to start hunting when a redhead approached with a cup of cider for me. "Thanks."

"They can get it for you. You want anything… tell them." Kozik didn't seem to think much of the women in here and then I realized why. These were the Tacoma sweet butts. They were more covered than the crow eaters in Charming due to the weather but they were what they were. "C'mon."

We went into the main area of the clubhouse, the amount of respect Kozik got from everyone was astonishing. I'd seen it in Charming but not like this. Juice didn't carry any special patches. I stayed glued to his side until he decided it was time to leave. I was starting to get tired even if it was still early. The long drive was hitting me now that my energy high was ending. I pulled my mittens on, waiting by the door for Kozik to get finished saying his goodbyes.

Mandy came over carrying something. "Here hon. You're going to want to want put some of this on those cheeks later when you thaw out." She held a small pot of some kind of Burt's product.

"Thank you." I accepted it knowing to refuse would offend her. "It was fun outside with the kids. Do you guys do this every time it snows?"

"Usually, if the kids are out for vacation still. You should come back tomorrow." Mandy smiled at me. "We're having a party later tonight, a patch in."

I glanced over at Kozik again, he was watching me closely, almost predatory. "I think we're going home and napping honestly." I saw the knowing smirk tug at her lips. "I mean…. thanks for inviting me though….."

"Any friend of Kozik's is a friend of ours." Mandy seemed to be digging for information, little by little. Gemma would be proud of her tactics. "So you're staying with Kozik?"

"Yeah she's staying with me. Why would I let a friend stay alone in a hotel?" Kozik had came up behind us using his catlike movements. "You ready girl?"

I nodded quickly, ready to get out of here before I opened my mouth and really started saying I shouldn't. "Nice to meet you." I told Mandy letting Kozik push me out with a hand on my shoulder.

He did things in a way Juice never did. Kozik seemed to really be one of the guys that believed in the men ruling over the women. He wasn't ever an ass to me, but things like the hand on my shoulder told me that it was true. I waited until we were a few blocks away from the apartment to speak to him. "So Mandy is Jenn's sister? She seemed nice."

"Yep. Don't let her fool you. She's just trying to find out who you are so she can report back to Jenn." Kozik sighed looking like a man defeated. "Women are crazy."

"Yes we are. So Jenn…. She's alive? And lives here?" I pried gently wondering why he wasn't with this Jenn woman if she was still around.

He grimaced taking a right hand turn, it seemed like it was taking us longer to get back to his place. "Jenn is very much alive. She lives a few blocks away from me."

I decided asking more might push him too much, so I just nodded looking out of the window at the streets. We pulled into his complex where his covered bike had snow on the tarp burying it. "Hope you weren't planning on going anywhere." I pointed on our way past it to get into his apartment.

"Nope. I think I have everything I want right now." He shut the door behind me, flipping the deadbolt. "C'mon Leah."

"Is this where you take advantage of me?" I joked following him into his room knowing that was exactly what was about to take place. How we'd managed not to tear each others clothes off all day was a mystery.

Kozik shrugged out of his layers while I did the same thing, grateful to feel like I could really move again. I followed his lead though and kept taking off layers even after the sweater hit the floor. I lifted my undershirt off revealing the pink bra with the white bows on it underneath, I'd brought it with me just for the purpose of him seeing it on me. I knew he liked the girly, more playful things on me than the more mature seductive, sexy types.

I stopped at my jeans watching him undo his belt buckle, shirtless in front of me. "Like what you see or something?" Kozik smirked letting his pants drop. He still didn't wear underwear. I dipped my eyes down, taking him in already starting to want what I'd been missing out on for a while now. "Show me if the bottom matches the top." He reached over running a rough thumb over the tops of my boobs.

I pushed my jeans down showing him it did match with a shy smile. "Thought you'd like it." I did a little twirl for him. "I thought you wanted to talk?" I asked him remembering his words from earlier.

"I'd like it even better on the floor." Kozik's hand felt up my sides rubbing my skin. My body trembled under his touch, I'd forgotten what this was like. Especially with him. His fingers hooked into the sides of my panties pulling them down. "We'll talk later… I don't want to.. Ruin this." The harshness was completely gone from him. Now he was looking at me lustfully. "What do you want more…. My tongue in you or my cock?"

I kicked the tiny pink panties to the side, pressing myself against him. Kozik's body was still lean and toned for a man his age. "Your cock. Now." I tilted my head to the side when his lips hit the flesh. Kozik pushed me back onto his bed, hovering over me while we kissed. The making out alone had me wanting more. I started to pull my leg around him, wanting it now.

"Uh uh." Kozik whispered pushing my leg back down. "We have time to play a little." He licked my throat going to swivel each of my nipples with his tongue. He sucked hard when he shoved two fingers inside of me knowing just where to push for my g-spot. "You really do want this. You're dripping."

I let my eyes close, letting him take control. "Kozik….. Don't play games." I sighed with pleasure when he started pumping his fingers gently. "I want this.. You know I do."

He slid down the bed resting between my legs still fingering me. "I know you do. That's why this is so fun to do to you." He flicked his tongue over my clit making me jerk. I could feel the silver stud in his tongue against the bundle of nerves. "You had to come to Tacoma for me to fuck you."

His mouth felt like gold sucking and lapping at me. I knew already he hadn't done this since he'd been with me last. He didn't eat out sweet butts, they were lucky if he even got them off at all before he had his. "I'm cumming." I croaked out, my legs were shaking in the hardest orgasm I'd had in months. Since the last time Juice….. I pushed the thought from my mind, clutching at Kozik's shoulders digging in his skin with my nails. The sounds I was making were embarrassing but I couldn't help it when another orgasm shook through me.

I was still coming back down when Kozik was back on top of me hooking my legs over his hips when he pushed into me. He didn't hold my wrists down so I grabbed onto his back clutching him every time I gasped when he hit the exact spot I wanted him to. "This what you came for?" Kozik panted into my ear biting on the lobe. "I knew you'd be back."

"Yes.. Yes… god yes…" I moaned not wanting this to end. The first time we messed around with a long wait between didn't usually last long for Kozik. It just showed how big of a difference there was in fucking me and fucking a sweet butt.

He stroked deeper making me breath in sharply, it didn't hurt exactly, but it was a change from the toy I'd been using. I tucked my face into his chest whining into his skin just above his SOA tattoo. I could tell by the way his body was starting to tremble it was about to end for him. I didn't know what made me do it but I bit down hard on his shoulder when he came, the feeling of it making me explode again. I could taste the blood on my tongue when he pulled away from me, breathing heavily. "You bit me."

"I know." I touched the mark gently. "Are you tired?"

Kozik grinned shaking his head rolling onto his back. "Nope… what about you?"

I curled into his side hoping for once he had it in his heart to cuddle with me after sex. "I think I could stand to do it again." Or maybe four more times. Or until Kozik told me he couldn't do it anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello readers! I know I said I'd update Saturday and its already Sunday, but better late than never eh? Christmas has had me swamped! **

**I loved all of your reviews from the past two chapters, and I really appreciate all of you sticking with this even with the Koz/Juice changes happening right now. **

**Big thanks to Jess for keeping me motivated, now if I could just feel 100% a few days in a row we'd really be makin some progress :P **

**I do not own SOA**

Chapter 2 Tell me the truth

I hated to leave him. But the weekend was over and it was time for me to drive back to Charming. Juice had called earlier asking when I'd be home, he must have ran out of clean clothes or finally noticed I was gone. I knew it wasn't because he suddenly missed me. I shoved my toothbrush into the pocket of my bag. Kozik had taken my car and filled it up last night so I didn't have to stand out in the freezing snow to do it myself.

"You don't have to go." Kozik said with a sigh watching me from the bed, just like I knew he'd would.

I zipped my pink overnight bag up, with a heavy heart. "Yeah I do. Juice is already asking when I'd be back." I hadn't expected that.

"Do you even… love him anymore?" He asked quietly sitting up some when I went to sit with him on the edge of the bed.

"You know I love him. I love Juice a lot, you wouldn't believe the things we… the things I did for him." I leaned against Kozik's torso, thinking. "I just… need more than he can give me right now." Whether or not I loved Juice wasn't the question right now, it was whether or not Juice was sane enough for a relationship. And I already knew the answer to that.

"He hasn't touched you in a long time Leah. As a man… that's not a good thing." Kozik played with my hair, massaging it at the roots. "If you loved him…. You wouldn't be in bed with me."

I shut my eyes tightly. I'd been dreading this conversation once the weekend started to end. We'd carefully avoided it after he said we should talk when I first got here. Now it was happening when we couldn't put it off anymore. "Do you love me Kozi?" I asked him in a soft tone not wanting to scare him off. "As more than a friend?"

Kozik wrapped his arms around me pulling me down onto the sheets with him. "What do you think?"

"I have to know." I sighed relishing these last few moments together in the warmth. "Do you love me Kozik?" I tried again wishing he would just open up for once in his sad, violent life.

He didn't say anything so I started to pull away from him. I wasn't sure what I was waiting to hear anyways. This man wasn't known for his feelings. "Don't leave." He pulled me back in to his chest. "You know how I feel about you… shit… You think I'm this nice to every woman that graces my bed?"

"I can't leave Juice unless I know what I'm leaving him for Kozik. To come be your fuck friend? Your live in maid? Old Lady?" I raised an eyebrow at him wondering what he really wanted from me when he'd invited me to go with him. "Friend?"

"I told you.. Me and Old Ladies don't go very well. Or wives. But… maybe a steady, serious, live in wouldn't be so bad. If that's what you want." Kozik looked put off. I could tell he didn't like letting his wall down to me. "God dammit Aleah… don't make me keep asking you."

I heard the desperation in his voice and nodded, it was just a slight movement. "If… Juice doesn't touch me for three weeks, before I come back….. I won't leave again except to go get my stuff."

"Deal." Kozik pushed the back of my head down for a kiss. "You need to get going before it snows again. Call me if you have any problems on the road, and call when you get to Charming."

I kissed him back smiling through it. I'd cracked this untouchable stone faced man. "I will." I stood up from the bed pulling my jacket on. He rose up with me walking me to the door. "I love you Kozik."

I didn't think he'd say it at first, it was a test more than anything. "Love you too kid."

Three weeks later….

Convincing Juice I wanted to go on a ski trip wasn't a big deal. He'd just nodded and told me take however much cash I needed and to call him. I didn't know what to do for him. He wasn't my Juice anymore, he was this bitter, angry man that flinched whenever I tried to touch him. I wanted him so bad but I knew in my heart it wouldn't ever happen again. It'd been the three weeks I promised Kozik, and I was leaving for the trip as soon as Jess got here.

Happy had 'grudgingly' volunteered to be our escort on the pretend ski trip. He told Jax he wanted to check in with Tacoma anyways and that we'd be safer vacationing there than if we decided to go somewhere else. Now that Juice was gone for the day, I was packing another suitcase filling it with more of my clothes, important papers, anything I might need and couldn't come back for. Juice wouldn't notice this stuff was gone. I had to debate on whether or not to take Gizmo and decided I'd have to have Jessica or Gemma take him just in case Juice played the keep away game again.

I heard the horn honk outside then the knocking on the door. "Come in!" I yelled dragging the humongous suitcase behind me.

Happy stepped in, eyes hidden behind his shades. "You packed a lot." He observed taking both suitcases from me with ease. "Someone might think you were staying a while."

"Never can tell what might happen." I breezed past him going to open the back of the Tahoe up. I'd have to come back eventually for my car. At least Juice couldn't claim that, Dad had paid for it.

Happy tossed the suitcases in on top of Jessica's zebra printed ones. "She know anything?" He asked me in his gravelly voice.

"I think she knows about Kozik." I whispered shutting the hatch. "She was suspicious about it when you were guys were locked up, she knows we're going to Tacoma to ski but I'm going to tell her they lost our reservations."

"And what about your Old Man?" Happy asked pointedly

"I'm working that in too. Don't worry, I'll… figure out how to keep them from killing each other." I told him with a wink. "I sent Kozik a message telling him we were on the way."

He nodded going to mount his bike, I climbed into the Tahoe grinning at Jessica in her snow bunny gear. "Ready to roll?"

"Pfftt.. I was ready since last night. I could hardly sleep I was so ready to get away from Carter." Jessica hit the open road with Happy tailing close behind us. "Thanks for inviting me along on your trip. We could use some bestie time."

I nodded letting her talk on until we were halfway there, we'd been driving for hours already taking a few breaks for Happy to stretch his legs and smoke. Kozik had sent a few messages checking on us but we hadn't talked about what this trip meant. I was saving that for a face to face convo. I didn't want to make any official decisions without it. "Hey Jess…. I need to tell you something." I started staring out the window at the dark night around us. "But it has to stay between us. Not even Carter can know."

Jessica glanced over at me curiously before nodding in agreement. "Okay… I swear it."

"I know a while back… you asked me if I was… sleeping with Kozik. I was, the entire time Juice was gone right up until a few days before he got home." I admitted watching her expression. She wasn't surprised at all so I continued. "I didn't go to the spa last month, I went to Tacoma to be with Kozik for a few days." Now she was shocked. "Me and Juice… we're not doing so great. He's changed so much the past few months that… we're not even sleeping in the same room much less having sex. I'm not happy in Charming anymore."

"I could tell something was off with you two, Juice has been a little off. Everyone has noticed that." Jessica agreed making me feel better. It wasn't just me noticing the big change in Juice. "But I know he loves you and if you're saying you're leaving him for that asshole … I don't support it."

I turned the radio off sighing. "I don't know if I am for sure, but if I do, I won't be able to go back to Charming except to get my stuff. I won't be allowed near the club there. What I did…"

"Is a betrayal." Jessica finished with a shake of her head. "Do you realize Juice could kill you for this?"

"I don't think Juice cares enough to do anything." I really didn't. I didn't think Juice would put up any kind of a fight when I really left him. "Its really bad with us Jessica. I don't think Juice will do anything to either of us. I just wanted you know from me, that it wasn't me whoring around."

"Do you love Kozik?"

I smiled a little thinking on the older but somehow still bright blonde haired man waiting for me in Tacoma. "I think so. He's good to me, he doesn't treat me like he treats the other women. You'll see."

Jessica didn't look happy but she didn't chastise me for what I'd done like other Old Ladies would. "I hope you're sure about this." Was all she said until Happy blew past us, leading us into the SOA territory of Tacoma.

I couldn't help but sit up a little straighter, eyes wide and exploring the streets that I'd been on with Kozik. It was still snowing but not nearly as bad as it had been the last time I was here. Happy led us to the Tacoma clubhouse, slowing to down to point at where we should park before going to the row of bikes.

"Umm… there's one more thing I didn't tell you." I'd almost forgotten. "We're not really going skiing." I gave her my best grin hoping she wouldn't be totally pissed with me.

"Gee, I think I figured that out two hours ago after you confessed you were fuckin the lemonhead." Jessica smirked adjusting her headband. "Wish you'd told me before we left though, now I'm stuck in this get up like an idiot."

My door opened suddenly startling me. "Come on." Happy rasped looking annoyed. "Its fuckin cold out here. They're waitin for us."

We followed Happy into the packed out clubhouse, it was the first time these people would all know who I was instead of being dubbed Kozik's friend. The cheers came as soon as Happy walked in with us on his heels. Lee approached us first with a beer in hand. "Everyone welcome SAMCRO family straight from the predecessor's line himself. Aleah Morrow, I expect you all to treat her with respect." He gave me a quick hug grinning at me. "Her big brothers liable to drive up here and kick some ass if you don't."

I saw the whispers going through the crowd of the ones that had met me last time, the nods and smirks when Kozik sauntered over grinning. "Took you long enough to get here kid." He hugged me keeping an arm slung over my shoulders. "A party just for you."

"Jess was drivin. Never driven through the snow." I leaned into him, the nervousness was giving me butterflies. "Should we… keep it toned down here?"

"Depends on you." He guided me to the bar. It looked like the one back home except the counter was taller and jet black. "You drinking?"

I shook my head, I wanted to be sober for tonight. I hadn't planned on them throwing a bash just because a couple of Old Ladies showed up. I realized I'd lost track of Jessica and searched the room for her with my eyes. I spotted her finally over in a corner with Happy shooting pool a joint dangling from her pink painted lips. "Maybe I will have a drink." I changed my mind seeing her cutting loose.

Kozik motioned to the redhead sweet butt. "Bring me a double whiskey, and a screwdriver for her."

She just nodded taking off at rocket fast speed to get our drinks filled. Being on the arm of the SAA had perks. We hung around the clubhouse drinking and smoking for a couple of hours until Kozik pulled me against him, nuzzling his face into my neck. "You want to get out of here?"

"Yeah. I gotta get Jess though." I wasn't sure how this was about to work out. I hadn't planned far enough ahead for a place for Jessica to stay and it didn't look like Happy was going to score tonight. He'd made a few passes at her that she just laughed about it or winked at him over. "Can she… stay with us?"

"I don't care who you bring home with us as long they don't mind hearing what's about to happen." Kozik's grin turned wicked suddenly. "I may have forgot to mention Happy is crashing at my place too."

"Are you serious?" I asked him in disbelief. "This is a mess." We pushed our way through the crowd to our two friends where they were shooting pool with Lee, Mandy, Donut, and a lady I didn't know but assumed was Donut's old lady. I leaned over to Jessica. "We're getting ready to leave."

Jessica nodded downing the rest of her beer like a pro. You'd never guess she was a wife and mother from the way she was partying. "Right now?"

Happy's dark eyes gazed as us when he leaned down to make his shot, I knew he was listening in. I looked up at Kozik to see what he said about leaving, his eyes were starting to get bloodshot a little more with each drink. "Yeah I think Koz is ready to head out."

"We can stay a few more if you want." He said over my head to Jessica. "You might want to talk to the brunette over there… see what you have in common."

There was something in the way he said it that made us both turn around and look at the woman he was referring to. She was rail thin, no body whatsoever, with short brown hair and leggings that had to be painted on with an ugly sweater thing draped over it. She wasn't a beauty at all. Jessica stared at the woman, her fingers twitched on the pool stick in her hand. "That's the bitch Carter fucked isn't it?"

Kozik laughed ruffling the front of his hair up. "I don't know what he did with her. I just know they went to the back for a while."

If this was how Kozik played games, I was intrigued. He knew how to manipulate people into doing what he wanted them to. Jessica tore her eyes away from the brunette and grabbed onto Happy's arm. "You ready to go hon?"

Happy smirked over at Kozik who grinned back at him lazily, I could see the friendship now. "Yeah lets go. Meet you at your place bro." He rasped to Kozik.

"Take care of her." Lee warned Kozik after they'd gone and I started pulling my coat on that he'd bought me the last time we were here. "And you watch your back."

Kozik eyed me, trying to decide if I was eavesdropping or not before he spoke. "I'll be fine. Juice isn't the kind of guy to come after her if anything gets back to him before things go down."

"You better hope not. This might be the last straw for you." Lee said in a stern voice. "The last Old Lady you took almost did you in, just ask yourself if she's worth the shit you're about to stir up."

"I'll worry about that." Kozik sighed giving the older man a tight hug. "I'll be at my place if something comes up. Hap too."

"Now that's a great combination. Two lonely old drunks and two little girls." Mandy snorted flicking her cigarette ashes onto the floor.

"Ain't nobody old." He smirked placing a hand on the middle of my back. "Let's go Leah."

I gave the Tacoma members a wave, letting him push me out of the clubhouse while the onlookers stared at us. Jessica had taken off with Happy on his bike so I drove the Tahoe following Kozik to his apartment. Happy must have a key because when we got there they were already fighting over the spare room Kozik used as an office for his SAA.

"You tired?" Kozik asked pulling his rings off while I worked my track pants and shirt off. I grabbed one of his SAMTAC shirts that was laying in a laundry basket and pulled it on for a night shirt.

"A little." I pulled the pins out of my hair letting it hang loose. "It wouldn't be so bad here it wasn't so damn cold."

"You get used to it." He flipped the light off plunging us into darkness before collapsing on the bed beside me. "Hope they're quiet."

!

I woke up snuggled into Kozik's side, his arms around me. It was nice waking up with someone for a change. I twisted my head to peek at him, surprised to see that he was awake and watching me under half closed lids. "You should have woke me."

He squeezed me tightly, showing me that he wasn't about to let me get up just yet. "You needed to sleep. You fell asleep on me last night."

I remembered it then, he was on top of me and it just felt so good… and relaxing that when I closed my eyes… I drifted off. "Oh my god… " I covered my face with my hands. "I can't believe I did that."

"I gotta say that was a first for me. Puttin a woman to sleep during sex." He laughed softly, looking amused. "I thought I was a little bit better than that."

"I was exhausted." I assured him still embarrassed that it'd even happened. "It wasn't you I swear. You're… amazing in bed."

Kozik nuzzled my neck with his nose grinning. "So… am I right in guessing you're becoming a Washington resident?"

"Maybe… we need to talk first. Then I need to call Juice and talk to him." I noticed the grin was leaving his face now. "I need to know a few things… ask some questions and you have to talk to me. You can't shut me out this time Koz."

He loosened his hold on me to roll over to his nightstand and grab his cigarettes. "What do you want to know?" He asked suspiciously, light eyes narrowed into slits.

I pulled the sheets up to my chest, sitting up against the headboard. "There's things I still want out of life… that you don't want. You've made it clear."

"A baby." He guessed with a sour look.

I nodded picking at the threads on the heavy blanket. "I want kids Kozik. If I'm leaving Juice… I need to know you're willing.. To give me that sometime in the future. Hopefully before you're too old to be around and know them."

Kozik inhaled deeply on his cigarette, looking like he was in deep thoughts so I continued. "And I'm a nurse. I need to be able to work and you not dictate over it. I earn my own money, just like I did in Charming."

To that one he just shrugged. "If you want to work… work." He said nonchalantly. "I won't stop you from that. What else you got?"

"You can't hurt Juice no matter what Kozik. I love him, that hasn't changed." I saw the hardness enter his eyes. "And I need to know what happened to…. The other two women you had before me."

He leaned over squashing his butt out, rubbing his temples. "I divorced from Lilly because we just couldn't get along. We fought a lot over stupid shit, I told you that. We only got married because of Kendra." He paused taking a breath. "Jenn… was a sweet butt here in Tacoma when I transferred over from SAMCRO. I fell for her, _hard_. I tried to take her as my Old Lady and the prez at the time wouldn't allow it, said taking sweet butts as Old Ladies only caused problems since we'd all been with her. Hell even Hap had fucked her a few times once I decided I wanted to be with her. I was still on the shit then too."

"Go on." I urged him when he stopped, my stomach was twisting into a big nervous knot.

"I got high, was on a binge , we were living together by then and she quit going to the clubhouse after a few big fights over me and her. She tried to stop me from going out for more, I hit her. More than once. Long story short… I tweaked out bad. Really bad. Held a knife to her throat when she wouldn't give me my keys. She took off and we haven't been together since. Mandy passes her info though, I know it."

I knew he expected me to freak out. But I didn't, I knew what the drugs did to you when someone was standing in your way of your next fix. You didn't care about anything other than that white powder. "So I don't have to worry about… you rekindling any romances?"

Kozik cracked a smile, shaking his head. "Nope. Haven't met a woman I liked until you. Even with those two… I didn't.. I wasn't like this. I'm a dick to live with." He said honestly. "I'm grouchy, moody, and I get violent. I drink too much and fuck around too."

I considered what he'd just confessed, mulling the words over. "I can't cook. And I don't know how to do much of anything on my own. And I don't put up with cheating. If I'm here… I'm with you, so I want you to be with me. And me only." I knew that was a big stretch for him.

"I don't know if I can promise that one." He chewed on his bottom lip. "Being faithful wasn't something I was ever good at."

"No deal then." I started to get out of the bed but he stopped me grabbing my hand.

"Wait… I'll… do my best." Kozik sighed looking defeated. "You have to do some things for me too you know. I'm _not_ Juice. You answer to me, where you are, who you're with, you take care of the house stuff. We'll figure out the food thing, you're not poisoning me again. You don't go anywhere unless I okay it. You behave like a _real _old lady this time around. I'm old school MC Leah, I don't put up with shit from females."

I narrowed my eyes, was he my prison warden or soon to be boyfriend? "Fine. But you have to treat me…. Good. No hitting me, yelling, or cussing at me."

"Deal."

Kozik started to reach for my hand to shake it in agreement but I held it up stopping him. "What about kids?" I asked not wanting to let him ditch out on that part.

"I don't like kids." Kozik met my eyes. "And I don't like babies. I don't want them."

I opened my mouth to speak but he pressed his palm over it. "But…. If you want a baby… I might have one… just one. But not for a while. And you understand I'm not helping with it except for money wise. Fuck, I'm old I shouldn't even be having kids at my age but I'll make that compromise just for you. Got it?" He moved his hand.

"Deal." It was like selling your soul to a blonde haired, blued eyed devil in the flesh. You weren't sure if it was a good idea, and there would be hell to pay, but you just couldn't help but give in to temptation.


	4. Chapter 4

**I know I said we'd see Juice this chapter, but I decided to make some changes and he just didn't fit into this one. I swear though you do get to see Juice in action via Cowboy Juice mode. Don't give up on him just yet….. He WILL be in this fic. **

**Thank you for all of the reviews! I appreciate my guests reviewers! I think I replied to all of my logged in ones but in case I didn't, thank you for reviewing!**

**Don't think any less of Kozik in this chapter….. Remember…. She knew what she was getting into. **

**Jessica1018 gets credit as always….. **

**I have to ask… would any of you be interested in a Hale story? We have a little something up our sleeves… :D :D **

Chapter 4 I'm not your ex

Going back to Charming to talk to Juice and pick up my stuff was nerve wracking. I didn't know who was going to be pissed or who was going to be okay with this. Kozik had followed us down in his Tundra to haul the bigger stuff back but Juice had said he needed to talk to me first, alone. At first I was scared to be alone with him until I realized he really did just want to talk. Juice told me he wasn't surprised I was leaving him but he had a few conditions on letting me go peacefully.

I had to keep his crow on my back. I couldn't get rid of it unless he said so, I had to keep out the clubhouses if he was there at the same as Kozik unless I was planning on being his Old Lady for the night. I had to come back to him if something ever happened to Kozik, and I had to promise if anything happened to him, I'd come back to Charming. It wasn't too bad of an agenda really, Juice said the last thing he wanted to do was excommunicate me from my entire family here. He was being nice about it. He even left the house for a while when Koz and Happy came to load up my larger items in the back of the truck. I had one more stop to make before I left for Tacoma for good though.

Kozik drove me the few blocks away to Moms' house getting out after I rattled him about staying in the truck being rude. I let myself in, looking around the large kitchen with a smile when she came down the stairs with Jax following behind her. "Hey."

Jax studied me carefully, like he was deciding whether or not to be angry, but Mom hugged me close. "Everything okay? We heard.. Things."

I glanced over my shoulder at Kozik who was standing awkwardly by the door like he was ready to bolt at any moment. "Yeah everything's okay. Juice… let me go. I just wanted to stop in and see you before I left. I don't know when I'll get to come back down."

"Whenever you want to. Kozik won't keep you from seeing your family." Jax put in pointedly with a look to Kozik who nodded in agreement. "You have no idea how lucky you are Juice is a nice a guy."

Mom threw Jax a dirty look going to the coffee pot. "Nice isn't how I'd describe that pile of moodiness. You can drop the prez act here. We're just family… saying goodbye."

"And warning the new brother in law that I can still drive to Tacoma and kick his ass." Jax smirked at Kozik. Kozik just grinned at him, letting me have the moments to talk with my mom.

"Why don't you two step out for a smoke?" Mom suggested nodding at the back door. "Let us have a minute."

We waited for them to shuffle out before hugging again. "Are you mad at me?" I asked her quietly. "For going to Tacoma?"

"Not if that's what you want to do baby. I can't tell you not to go, no one can. Could've picked a younger, more improved replacement though." Mom smirked peeping through the blinds at Kozik.

"Anything is an improvement from the grim reaper a few streets over." I laughed peeping out at them with her. They were standing close talking in low voices obviously because we couldn't hear a word. "Is everyone else… pissed?"

"Pissed is an understatement. Jax was livid, so was Chibs. Juice didn't say much either way, just nodded." Mom turned around to face me, hands on her hips. "You sure you want to go to Tacoma? Be with Kozik?"

I nodded, a smile playing on my lips thinking about the new life I was starting. It was exciting, the change of scenery, the new places. "I think I should have went to Tacoma the first time he asked me to. Kozik's not the dick he pretends to be for everyone else. He's pretty good to me."

Mom gave me her appraising look. "He screws up… you come back home."

"Trust me, Juice negotiated everything out already." I grimaced remembering the tense and awkward conversation from earlier.

"I can't believe he's okay with this."

"I don't think he is… not really." I admitted remembering the almost stoic look on Juice's face while he stood leaned against the kitchen counter shirtless to talk to me. He still had cuts and scrapes from his beating that added to his dangerously crazed persona he'd adopted. "I think he's letting me go for now… because I want to go. But I have a feeling this is far from over for him."

And if I knew Juice like I thought I did then this definitely wasn't over for him. I could tell him from the way he carefully worded his conditions on letting me go peacefully without any harm to either me or Kozik. He didn't want me dead, he still cared that much. But he'd been man enough to admit maybe I shouldn't be around him for a while.

I stayed there for a while talking to her before Kozik came inside to tell me we needed to get back on the road, we'd stayed way longer than we'd meant to when we came down. Jessica was crying when I stopped by to see her on our way out of town. She didn't understand why I couldn't just make it work with Juice like she did with Carter. I was sniffling when I slid into the truck cab with Kozik, my car was being pulled behind us on a trailer.

Kozik flipped the radio off leaning over the wheel. "You okay kid?"

"Yeah… just never lived anywhere but here." I smiled at him before turning to look out of the window again. "I'm going to miss it Koz."

"I'll bring you back in a couple of months for a visit." He offered taking the turn to get on hwy 18, to lead us straight back up to Washington. "We have to figure out how we're going to fit all your shit inside my apartment until we find something bigger."

I snuggled into the blanket he'd thought to bring for me, hunkering down in the seats. "We're moving?"

He shrugged sipping on the energy drink he grabbed when we stopped for gas. "I thought you'd want to move. Find a house or something. Somewhere for your mutt to run around, your kid."

I couldn't stop the grin from covering my face. "So you're really going to go along with it?"

"Told ya after a while we can see…. I'm old. Might not be able to have kids even." He grinned over at me. "I could stand to get another dog too. A real one this time. Not that thing you have in that cage."

Poor Gizzy was in a pet carrier, passed out like he always was. Kozik refused to let him jump around the cab of the truck in the front or the back seats. The truck was his other baby next to his bike and still had the new car smell to it when you got in. I hadn't even known he had a truck until he said he was coming to Charming with me. There was a lot to discover about Kozik.

Some things about him proved to be annoying and grated on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. Sure we'd spent the night together but actually living together was a new thing for us. Kozik hadn't lived with anyone in years. Tig had been his last roommate and that didn't say much for either of them. Tense was the word to describe the small apartment we were squeezing into.

**Little time jump**

I wasn't welcomed into the SAMTAC circle with open arms by anyone. Even Lee, and Donut who I'd grown up knowing were put off by me actually taking the plunge and leaving Juice for Kozik. They were polite but I knew they were waiting for something to happen with us and me take off back to Charming. Nothing was going to scare me off from Kozik. After three weeks of living together for the first time instead of just sleeping over we'd already had a few fights.

I didn't do things the way he did, and he was too used to living alone. I was young and didn't know I wasn't supposed to do some things. I was used to Juice taking care of me even when he'd been on his little mental check out which according to mom was still going on, only now he was free to drink all night instead of just most of the day. Kozik didn't snap too much, he just rolled his eyes and mumbled things. Right now, I was rushing around trying to make sure everything was as tidy as I could. The apartment was cluttered until our moving day. If we ever moved…

My job search hadn't turned out anything decent so far. The hospital here told me they'd call, but I hadn't heard from them or the clinics I applied at. I was still getting a check from TM in place of my dad's take but I needed to be out doing something other than being Kozik's housewife. The door opened out of nowhere, and Kozik stepped inside looking exhausted. His work clothes were covered in sheetrock dust from the jobsite.

"Hey baby." I greeted him with a smile leaning down to open the oven.

"Hey kid.. You make it okay today?" He balanced himself with one hand on the wall to kick off his dirty work boots.

"Yeah, I went into town, did some shopping, looked around a lot." I walked over to give him a kiss, careful not to brush up against him. "Looks like you had a rough day."

"You have no idea." Kozik sighed walking off down the hallway. "I'll be out in a few."

That was his subtle order of 'have my plate ready when I get out'. Looked tonight was one of those nights I'd noticed was easier to make myself scarce than try to hover around him. He didn't lie when he said he could be a moody dick to live with. I pulled the lasagna out of the oven cutting him a huge slice , grabbing him a drink waiting patiently for him to get out of the shower before I started eating. There were rules followed here I never worried about with Juice. It was silly but it was how the new Old Man wanted things.

I heard the shower stop and straightened up when he came into the kitchen area a few minutes later in his pajama bottoms. He leaned over to give me kiss when he sat down, looking more relaxed and friendly after his hot shower. "Thanks Leah."

I waited until he'd started eating to start on my plate, hopping up to grab him a refill or a paper towel a couple of times. He chewed a mouthful of food for a while before speaking. "Mandy said one of the girls in the office quit today. Told her you'd fill in until they hire someone."

"At the construction company?" I asked slowly, not liking the sound of that. "I don't know anything about construction."

Kozik scraped his fork along his plate, making a design in the sauce. "You'll figure it out. You just answer a phone, sometimes you'll meet us on the job sites if we need paperwork from the office like permits. Nothin you can't handle. You told me you wanted a job, so I got you a job."

"I'm a nurse Koz. I wanted to do that." I argued back getting a look that made me decide picking a fight wasn't the best idea for me. "What time do I have to be there?"

"Get up when I do. I'll take you in before I go out to the job, get you settled. It'll be you, Mandy, Dee, and a couple prospects around there. The rest of us are busy this week playing catch up now that it stopped snowing." He got up carrying his dishes over to the sink. "I talked to the guy about the house on Elks Lake, said we can move in on Saturday if you still want that one."

I brightened immediately, I was ready to move in now if they'd let us. Personal space was something we each wanted but didn't come right out and say it. Kozik's office was stuffed with my belongings so he didn't even have his little refuge right now. The house of Elks Lake was an adorable Victorian style house that needed a little bit of work but Kozik had assured me he could do it himself. It seemed Kozik had been living in this apartment because it suited him, not because he couldn't afford to buy a house like he'd grudgingly agreed to do now.

"Really? That's the best thing I've heard all week."

"I'll get Fingers, Sven, and the prospects to help us get it together." He promised accepting the embrace I was pulling him into by sliding my arms around his middle. Kozik was easily 6'5 to my 5'2. "You have me so twisted around that little finger of yours its not even funny. Me… Kozik.. The SAA of SAMTAC… moving to _suburbia_ for a woman." He shook his head in mock disgust.

"Hey… this woman moved here to the frozen paradise to be with you. Risked being shunned from her family. I don't think suburbia will hurt you too much." I kissed the flat part of his stomach in little pecks. "Besides… you have me pretty twisted too."

"Not in the way I want." Kozik whispered into my ear suggestively turning into the nice, flirty Kozik I loved. "C'mon."

**SOASOAOSOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA**

Working in the office of the construction company was uncomfortable to say the least. The other women didn't seem to like me much. Mandy was still friendly but cautious now in a way she hadn't been before, like she too, was waiting make sure I was sticking around before letting me into the inner circle of old ladies here. Plus there was the whole Jenn thing hovering around. After two days I was tired of being given short answers, snapped at, and made to feel stupid by these women that had even less of an education than I did.

I was still wiping at my eyes when I pulled onto the jobsite to take a permit out to Lee. It looked like they were building a monstrous house. I grabbed the bag of burgers, fries, and the tray of drinks when I got out, balancing everything in my arms just right. I walked carefully across the broken up ground towards the group of guys. I wasn't even sure if Kozik was out here working or at the second site they had going for a gas station.

The red dirt they had spread out was muddy from the melting snow so I had to be careful with the load I was carrying. Lee gave me a wave and clapped one of the guys on the back sending him over to come help me. I had taken a few more slow steps when Sven made it to me, grinning what I recognized as his 'Dazzle 'em grin'.

"Need help yeah? He asked in his thick accent light eyes dancing at me in a way that melted away my moodiness. He was a happy go lucky guy that made me feel at ease every time I was in his presence.

"Please. If you'll take the drinks I can get the rest out of the car."

I passed him over the tray, turning on one of my nude colored pumps in the mud. I had just enough time to grab onto his arm when I slipped in the slick clay screaming when I hit the cold, wet ground. The roar of laughter was loud enough I could hear even a few feet away. Sven hadn't fell down with me but he grinning even when I started to tear up. I sat there in the mud feeling defeated while the tears poured down my cheeks. Sven said something in what sounded like Russian. Or was he Czechoslovakian? I didn't care, I just sat there in my new brown dress pants and light pink crop sweater that Kozik had bought me a week ago to cheer me up after we'd argued and I cried.

"You get up now. Come on Miss A-leah." The way he said my name made me smile through the tears. "Your Old Man he is coming."

I let Sven lift me up from the mud with a loud sucking sound when I stood up. My clothes were ruined. And my shoes. At least I'd left my jacket in the car. "Thank you." I whispered trying to brush off my legs with a pout. I knew I looked a mess, crying like a baby in front of everyone. "Really… thanks."

Sven nodded at me, a grin on his wide flattened face. He had the typical golden hair of his country wherever that was. It seemed rude to ask right now. He must have saw Kozik because he lifted a hand in a mock salute to someone before he took off walking like an expert through the muck. I didn't dare turn to see if it was Kozik, last thing I needed was to break a leg out here.

"Don't you look beautiful?" Kozik was laughing at me staying a few inches back observing my appearance.

"Shut up Herman." I snapped in a low tone so that no one would hear me irritated with him. I couldn't snap back at him in front of people like I did Juice.

"Aww…. What's a matter? Rough day?" He was joking again. "I'll get you a piece of plastic or something to sit on in the car."

I gave up trying to push any mud off of my clothes with a sigh. "I ruined my sweater." My lower lip stuck out, threatening to fold down with more tears.

Kozik stopped laughing, looking me over closer. "Hey… you okay?" He asked concerned. "C'mere little girl."

"I don't want to get you muddy." I sighed but went to him anyways shakily in my pumps. There was mud inside of them too, squishing in my toes.

He hugged me getting a few more laughs and calls from the guys nearby to which he flipped off. "You're seriously crying over some mud?"

"Its not just the mud." I admitted resting my head on his chest. He didn't wear a jacket at work because of the restrain of it, so he layered shirts on instead. "Everyone hates me. No one will talk to me at work except for the prospects and they don't even say much because they're scared of you."

"What do you mean they don't talk to you?" Kozik frowned, his light eyes looking a little angry. "They ignore you?"

"Not exactly but… say Dee is there with me and Mandy at the desk, and I say so where's the best salon at here? No one answers me except for Mandy and then it's a short answer with a smile." I wiped underneath my eyes. My make up was ruined.

Kozik took my hand leading me through the mud in a little maze of safe spots to step in. "I'll handle them. I guess… everyone has been giving you the cold shoulder."

I snorted taking my shoes off when we finally hit the grass. "You think?" I beat my shoe against the grass trying to get it somewhat clean. "Don't say anything to anyone. I'll deal with it on my own. I just need to find an in… somewhere with the women."

"I don't know if you can Leah. Its no secret how you got here. They don't like it anymore than the guys do. The only reason I'm not getting the same treatment is my flasher."

That was probably true I realized. We were still in a way being excommunicated only it was being done in Tacoma on the basis of I had a reputation of Old Man hopping. "Maybe this was a …." I paused when he shook his head.

"Don't even go there… it wasn't a bad idea for you to come here. I wanted you to and you wanted to come. They'll get over it." Kozik handed me a sheet of plastic from the back of one of the work trucks. "Just go on home, I'll call the office and tell the girls you're taking the rest of the day off."

Great….now I'd have special treatment at work too for the others to dislike me over. I just couldn't win in Tacoma.

**SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA**

I was lonely, sad and lonely. I didn't even have a single acquaintance to call up for coffee now that I lived where a Starbucks was. No one to come over when Kozik was gone for a two day run. Just me and Gizzy piled up on the couch together. Everything was packed up in boxes around me still, my happiness over the house was overshadowed by not having anyone to show it to except for Kozik's friends and he didn't have very many close ones. Happy, it seemed, really was his best friend. Or Sven which was the same thing as being friends with Happy considering I didn't think Kozik truly understood everything that came out of the man's heavily accented mouth.

The house itself was great. It was a two story with three bed and two baths, with a large brick kitchen I loved even if I couldn't cook. It even had a smaller room that we were using for Kozik's little area. The backyard needed some sprucing up, some flowers out front, but we had plenty of time to make it happen. We'd only been moved for three days before Kozik had to leave to go pick up a shipment from the port and run it back down to the halfway point to Charming.

I hated being here alone but being with the SAA was something to get used to. Kozik was a busy man. After a while I decided calling Jessica might be enough to break me out this funk I'd slipped into. I dialed her from the landline Kozik insisted on having saying you never know what might happen. The man was paranoid enough to hide guns in random spots throughout the house along with a few knives. He must have pissed off a lot of people had been my first thought when I saw him going through sliding handguns underneath things.

I kicked back with the cordless talking to my bestie for hours underneath Kozik's heavy wool blanket. I should have been up unpacking but I just didn't feel like it. I was laughing at a story Jessica was telling me when Kozik burst into the house looking more pissed off than any time I'd ever saw him.

"I gotta go…" I said quickly hanging up before Jessica could say anything else. "Hey hon… I didn't know you were coming back tonight." I kicked the blanket back getting up from the sofa.

Kozik's eyes were blazing when he turned his head to look at me. "You'd know if you answered the god damn phone."

"I was talking to Jess… my cell must be upstairs, I didn't hear it." I apologized, a shiver of panic ran through my body at how he looked. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't think maybe I'd be trying to get in touch with you even if I weren't coming home tonight? Fuck, I told you to answer if I call. You don't answer… I get pissed off if there's nothing wrong with you."

"Well as you can see.. I'm fine. So calm down." I snapped not liking how he was talking to me, like I was a child. "It was an-_stop_!"

Kozik grabbed my wrist giving me hard shake that rattled my whole body. "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to like that? Huh? You must be confused Leah. I'm not that punkass ex of yours. You don't talk shit to me like that."

I shook like a leaf trying to pull my arm away from him. This was the first time he'd ever gotten physical with me, I knew to expect it but never actually thought he'd do it. "Let go of me Kozik.. Please."

"Not until you can remember who the hell I am. You're the female here, not me. You answer to me, you don't fuckin shout at me, you answer the god damn phone when I call!" He shouted just inches from face if even that far.

I jerked hard pushing against his chest until I freed my arm trying to get away from him when he grabbed me again. I was crying now, more from the shock than anything. "Let go… now!" I cried out when Kozik tightened his hands on my shoulders.

"Don't ever talk back to me again." He warned before letting me go with a push that was rough enough for me fall into the doorway of the little study, hitting my cheek.

I curled up, pulling my knees to my chest crying after he'd walked way. I heard the door slam to our room upstairs a few seconds later and let it all out. I touched my bruising cheek shaking my head. I wanted this I reminded myself. I wanted to be with him, I loved him. I knew how he was, and he'd warned me he was a violent person. He'd told me it was his way or no way around here and he obviously meant it.

I stayed downstairs cowering for a while before I pulled it together and trudged up the stairs knowing what I had to do to fix this. I opened the door trying to be quiet in case he was already asleep, but he wasn't. Kozik was laying on his side in the dark, he'd turned his head when I came in then looked away. Wordlessly, I undressed to nothing but bare skin and crawled into the cold sheets with him. Tentatively I reached over putting a hand on his shoulder, testing the water before I did anything more than that.

Kozik's hand reached up grabbing mine, squeezing it. I laid my hurting cheek down on his skin to whisper. "I'm sorry baby" into his ear. He turned, rolling onto his back looking over at me in silence, and just nodded showing me it was okay. I kissed his shoulder leaving a trail to his mouth, relieved when he kissed me back.

"Get on your knees." Kozik shifted pushing the blankets from us. I was barely bent over when he forced himself into me. I stayed quiet, hiding any sounds I made into a pillow beside us until he was finished. I didn't even get off and he didn't make the effort to do it for me. This was an anger fuck. More about showing me I was his than it was for my pleasure so I took it even when he hurt me with how hard he stroked and gripped my hips too tight.

"Still love me?" He asked moving back while I was still bent over on the bed. I heard the flick of his lighter.

I nodded pulling the sheets around myself, laying down beside him not trying to cuddle up next to him. Kozik reached a hand over, rubbing my hair in a comforting way. "Good."


	5. Chapter 5

**Just another quick reminder… Kozik is not Juice. He's not a soft sweetheart, he does a couple of things you guys might not like but its just how the story goes… Don't give up on Koz though. Or juice ;)**

**Thank you for all of your reviews and follows. **

**Jessica gets her normal credit for helping with this**

**Also another reminder this story was written to take place during S6 but it is slightly AU, if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. **

**I DO NOT OWN SOA ONLY MY CHARACTERS**

Chapter 5 Saturday nights alright for fighting

Our house warming was a nice little party with a barbeque in what they assured me was 'warm weather' even though it was only 68 outside. I hadn't been to work for the past few days, feigning a pretend illness to save me the embarrassment of having everyone see the bruises left from our fight. If Kozik knew what I was doing he didn't mention it. There were a few nights he left late dressed in his all black 'Mayhem' outfit and came back smelling like something burnt and bleach. He didn't offer any information on what he'd been doing but I had a pretty good idea of what. That Unholy ones patch was flashing bright and clear on his cut for me.

I was standing in the kitchen mentally counting how many beers I needed to carry out when Mandy came in through the sliding glass door. "Need some help sugar?"

"You could grab two of those… if you don't mind." I smiled at her in what I hoped was a friendly manner before going to the fridge for two more just to be safe.

"Kozik do that to your face little girl?" She asked raising an eyebrow when I turned back around.

I shook my head, making myself keep the smile on my face. "An accident when we were unpacking. Box fell down and smacked me." I lied pushing the door back open again.

Mandy grabbed the beers, balancing the necks between her fingers like a pro. "If you say so darlin. How's Tacoma treatin you?"

"Why're you talking to me?" I stopped walking halfway through the yard. We'd done a lot of TLC in a short time. I had my flower beds, Kozik had his grill area and a nice patio set with a fire pit. "A week ago you treated me like I was something on the bottom of your shoe."

"A week ago none of us thought you'd actually stay." Mandy smirked flipping her hair over her shoulder. "No one thought Kozik could actually keep himself straight enough for an Old Lady. Guess we were wrong."

"Guess so. I'm not going anywhere." I gave her my best Gemma Teller look. "I didn't move away from my entire family to come to Tacoma for a few good fucks. I love him."

Mandy laughed lightly starting to walk towards the men again. Kids were running around the yard playing with Gizzy, roasting marshmallows over the fire pit, and playing tag. "Yeah you do."

The rest of the night played out well, we opened the presents they'd brought, most of the single guys had given us cash. "So which one is the….." Sven stumbled over his words in his drunken state, but his expression was still just as dazzling as ever. "The…. The baby room." He decided to choose that word with a sly smile coming across his handsome features.

"No baby." I laughed at him wrapping up his plate of leftovers. I'd managed to make potato salad, mac and cheese, and broccoli casserole without screwing any of it up while Koz grilled.

"No? Not what he is saying." Sven winked taking the plate from me. "You… meet my girl soon yeah?"

"Is her English better than yours?" I teased making him laugh loud enough for Kozik to look our way with narrowed eyes.

Sven nodded heartily pulling out his phone to show me a picture of the girl. "American. Her name's Sonya. She works at The Palace. But… maybe you should meet her somewhere else."

I thought on it, wondering where I'd heard that name before. It struck when I met his blue eyes that were twinkling at me. "Oh! Okay… next time.. Bring her with you?" I invited openly liking the idea of meeting another female that would be close to my age. I had no idea how old Sven was exactly, but he was certainly younger than Kozik but older than I was.

"Yah. I bring with. You'll like her." He promised reaching over to shake my hand. "You be nice to him." He warned when Kozik walked over to us, checking to see why I was so chummy with his brother, I knew.

I giggled when he kissed the back of my hand getting a look from Kozik. "Sven's helping me make friends." I explained drawing my hand from him. "He has a girlfriend."

"That's news." Kozik smirked leaning against the brick island where the sink was with the pots hanging overhead. "Is her English better than yours?"

"My English is good. Yours… not so much." Sven joked with Kozik easily. "You have a nice house. Very good pick. I live 4 houses over."

"Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to hear him and Chibs have a conversation." Kozik smirked getting a wary look from Sven. "It'd be like accents gone bad."

Sven held his hands up in a helpless gesture. "I learn from listening to my brothers." He grinned. "I learn something new every day. Sonya… I will tell her about you ok? Goodnight krasivaya molodaya zjenschina."

I looked at Kozik warily as Sven walked away. "Do I even want to know what he just called me?"

"Mmmm… probably not." He grinned going to grab another beer. Everyone else had already left a while earlier, Sven had hung back to help Kozik get everything back in place and score leftovers as his reward.

I dried my hands off on the dish towel on the granite counter top looking over the kitchen again to make sure it was completely cleaned up. Kozik didn't like messes, he'd made it clear when we moved in that if he was buying a house specifically because of me, I had to keep it spotless. So far it hadn't been a problem once we got everything unpacked and put away. Mandy and a couple of other old ladies had helped me pick up the living room and sweep. I looked at our pile of presents, a matching set of very nice Tiffany lamps that Mom had mailed in, odd and end throw blankets, plate set, a whole array of things including a couple hundred in cash.

Kozik had his back to me, watching the TV in the corner of the kitchen, some kind of game was on and had his attention. I slid my arms around him from behind, tucking my fingers into the waist of his pants. "I love the house Kozi. I really mean that."

"Good. I'm making mortgage payments for the next 25 years for you kiddo." He leaned forwards using his hands to hold us up on the table. "I'll probably be dead long before its paid for."

"Don't say that." I didn't like to think about the huge age difference between us because the fact was, Kozik probably would be dead before the house was paid for. Or in a nursing home if the life didn't get him before then. "Sven was talking about a nursery."

"Mmmmhmmm… Must be his broken ass English confusing him." Kozik straightened up shaking my arms off to turn around. He wrapped his arms around me instead, the two of us just standing there in our kitchen hugging.

"I love you." I looked up at him smiling when I said it. Kozik had only said those three little words a handful of times but I knew it made it that more special instead of getting angry that he didn't show much emotion. I didn't mind saying it to him whenever I felt it like now. "I'm so happy you let me come here, share this with you."

"Don't be getting sappy on me." Kozik grinned kissing the top of my head. He'd started to wear his own hair a little bit shorter than normal. He'd had a few streaks of gray start to show through. My blonde biker wouldn't be blonde much longer. "Let's go upstairs. Relax."

Relax. I wasn't looking forward to that. We hadn't had sex since our fight, I was too sore from it for a couple of days then we were just busy. I was still half terrified it would hurt when we did it again even though everything felt fine now. But I followed after him up the stairs noting I needed to run the vacuum over the carpet that covered each step. Our room was still a work in progress. We'd bought furniture for it, but that was pretty much it. I had a lot of decorating to do

I slid my shirt off slowly, watching him undress more than I was paying attention to what I was doing. "I made progress with the Old Lady circle. Mandy actually came and helped me in the kitchen with Dee and some blonde."

"I told you they'd come around. The blonde was probably Fingers Old Lady, Diana. Maybe this weekend I'll take you to the clubhouse, introduce you around some more."

I didn't like the sound of that. I'd purposely avoided the Tacoma clubhouse since the last time I'd been there a few weeks ago. I craved another females company though, and that might be the only place I could find friends at. I climbed into our bed pulling back his side of the blankets while he flipped the TV on. This was becoming our favorite thing to do together; pile up in bed and watch movies until we fell asleep with Gizmo in his dog bed in the corner.

"Hap said something about coming through Tacoma next run, told him he could stay here if he can't get a room at the clubhouse." Kozik laid down beside me finally yawning tiredly. "I didn't think you'd mind."

I moved closer to lay my head down on his stomach, the same spot his 'love machine' tattoo was at that made me giggle every time I saw it. "I don't care. He's your friend, I'll get used to him eventually."

"You going back to work tomorrow?" He asked sleepily, his eyes were already looking heavy. Kozik used to outlast me with a late night.

"Yeah, I'm feeling better." I lied letting my eyes close too. If he was going to sleep so was I. Forget the sex tonight. "Night hon.. Love you."

Kozik threw an arm over me, locking me in place for the night like he'd started doing when we moved. "You'd let me know if you weren't happy… wouldn't you?"

I didn't know what brought that on. I frowned a little, I'd just told him a hour earlier how happy I was. "You know I would. I tell you everything, but for the record… I'm happy. Really happy."

"Just makin sure kid… love you." Kozik sighed with sleep tossing his head around on his pillow a few times before he was out.

It was another week before Kozik took me to the clubhouse but he kept true to his word. He took me to a party on a Saturday night with all the stops pulled out. "Stay close ok?" Kozik breathed into my ear when we walked inside. "There's some out of towners here tonight."

I nodded feeling nervous about going into the wolves den but sucked it up just for him. The women were in a gaggle together laughing in their own circle. I watched them talk while they played cards, wishing I could go join them. I knew better than do that though, they'd tear into me in a heartbeat even if Mandy and Dee were being polite with me. Being Jax Teller's sister didn't get me anything here from the women.

Following close behind Kozik I grabbed a drink letting him push us a path to the pool table where Lee was at with Sven, and a few sweet butts milling around them mixed with a few guys that had Oregon rockers on their backs. I sat down on the chair Sven abandoned when he saw me. Kozik accepted a few hugs and to my amusement; a few kisses on the cheek from the new comers. I'd only saw a few of the _really_ old school members keep that show of love and loyalty.

"That old man treatin you right?" Lee asked the wrinkles around his eyes crinkling up when he smiled. "Haven't you saw around much. Jax was askin after you."

"I guess he is. Doesn't let me out of the house unless its with him of course." I grinned accepting the joint offered to me. "You can tell Jax baby sister is fine. Koz hasn't chopped me up and hidden me in the freezer just yet."

"No but its tempting." Kozik chimed in coming back to us. He hovered over me more than Juice ever did I noticed.

I stayed put back in the shadows talking to the guys that approached and the occasional sweet butt. It was a crying shame that these women that had fucked my old man on a regular basis were more willing to be my friend than the old ladies that should have been. A friendly darked haired one Kozik introduced as his 'friend' Tequila seemed to be the most eager to chat with me. Whatever progress I made with Mandy the week before was gone in front of the others. I watched Kozik downing drink after drink, he went for the hard stuff: straight Crown on ice.

After his sixth shot was poured down his throat he glanced at me, eyes glassy. "Leah, go get me a drink."

I got up immediately, the sweet butts had vacated the corner to go grab drinks for the other guys so I didn't have much of a choice but to do what I was told. I took the glass he held out to me taking off briskly through the crowd. The music was grungier here, they mixed in newer stuff than Samcro. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and at one point I was pretty sure I heard Rob Zombie coming

through the speakers. I made it to the bar after shoving my way through the people I didn't know.

"Excuse me!" I tried to wave down the sweet butt behind the counter, frowning when she looked my way but didn't make a move towards me. I couldn't remember the prospects names to yell for them to grab Koz's drink.

"Whatcha after doll face?" A man leaned over towards me with a leery grin, he had a deep scar above his eyebrow and reminded me of an older Kevin Costner.

I studied him before saying. "Crown, double shot on the rocks." If being female got me whiskey then so be it.

The man waved at the sweet butt raising a glass then pointing at the Crown on the shelf. "No problem. So I did you a favor… why don't you do me a favor once we get that drink?"

His hand slid over to my thigh, squeezing it suggestively. "I think you need to take your hands off of me."

"Only one hand on you, but here.. I'll make it two." Another hand grabbed my ass pinching it hard.

"I really think you should let me go." I pushed at his hands grabbing the whiskey from the counter. "I said let me go!"

"Whatcha gonna do about it girl? You know why you're here. You all come here to get sloshed and get fucked."

I slapped at the hand on my thigh deciding it'd be the easiest one to get off. I needed to get away from this man before Kozik came looking. He was drunk enough I knew it'd end up a full out brawl. Too late for that hope to happen though. Kozik was over my shoulder pushing the Kevin Costner guy back off of me. The whiskey spilled in the struggle between them, dripping down the already clingy neon pink shirt I had on.

"The fuck is your problem asshole?" Kozik snapped still carrying the pool stick in his hand.

Kevin Costner pushed him back but it didn't even budge Kozik's solid frame. "I don't see any ink on her. She's not anyone's Old Lady so back the fuck off of me Kozik."

"She's my Old Lady." Kozik growled the animalistic look coming into his eyes that I'd saw all of the times he'd scrapped with Tig. "She doesn't need any ink for that. Keep your god damn hands off of her."

"Or what?" The other man sneered trying to be sneaky and throw a punch to catch Kozik off guard.

The fists were flying after that, Sven grabbed me jerking me back from it. "He's good fighter." He tried to assure me keeping a hand on my arm in case I tried to go to Kozik.

I couldn't tear my eyes away as they fought, pummeling each other hard enough you could hear the damage being done to bones when they popped. Lee pushed his way through along with a man I didn't recognize but wore a president patch. "Bust it up!" He yelled pointing at two guys to do it.

Neither of the two men looked thrilled to break up the fight. In the end it took both of them plus Sven to pull Kozik off of the Kevin Costner who had blood pouring down his face. Kozik reached for me, grabbing me by the arm and jerking me forward. "You want to see her ink?" He snarled to the other man yanking the back of my shirt up just enough to reveal the huge crow. It was Juice's ink but it was still proving me to be someone's property. And that crow meant I was mother charter property. Even more than off limits.

"There's her fuckin ink. She's someone's Old Lady." He pulled my shirt back down roughly keeping his hold on me pushing me through the crowd that gathered to watch the fight go down. "We're leaving."

I didn't argue with him, I just nodded climbing onto the back of his bike when we reached it. The ride over to the residential area we lived wasn't far, about 15 minutes even when he drove slow. I waited until we were inside to see if he'd let me nurse his wounds. "Kozik… let me look at you." I went to the bathroom grabbing the first aid kit out of the cabinet.

"I'm fine." His voice still sounded angry so I took my time coming out with the kit. He was still standing up pacing around. His face didn't actually look like he'd took many hits, which meant the other guy must have took a lot of body shots.

"Did he get your ribs?" I asked reaching over to stop his angry little strut across the floor. "Calm down baby."

"No I will not calm down." Kozik snapped pushing my hands away his cut. "Why didn't you say something when he was all over you like that? You didn't look like you were doing that great of a job of trying to get away."

So he was still mad… only he was pissed with me now. I slid the kit down on top of our new dresser, Kozik had let me choose what I wanted. I had a suspicion he still had cartel cash stashed away somewhere inside of the house by the way we'd blown through cash when I moved in. I pressed my back against the dresser watching him. "I pushed his hands off Koz, I didn't want to make a big scene. I didn't want you to flip."

Kozik stopped pacing and I realized maybe it was better if he did pace. The way he was standing still eyeing me was too predatory. "Didn't want me to flip… Jesus Aleah… I'm supposed to flip out if someone's pawing all over you. All you had to do was tell him you were with me. As simple as that."

I nodded, dropping my gaze down to the floor as he continued his rant. "Is there a reason you didn't want to say that? You don't want to be known as mine or some shit? Because you are."

"I don't know Kozik… I didn't want you get pissed like this. Blow up." I pushed my hair behind my ears wishing I could just blend in with the carpet. "I didn't do anything wrong, I was just getting you a drink like you asked me to."

"So its my fault?" Kozik snapped, his hand flew to my arm digging his fingers into my pale white skin. "Did you want him grabbing on your ass?"

"_God_ no.. Koz I told you I pushed him away!" I raised my voice trying to get it through his head that I was the innocent victim here. "I didn't want to be handled like that. I'm with you now, you should know I wouldn't….." It hit me then… why he was flipping out on me.

Kozik tightened his hold as if he knew what I was thinking, his free hand pushed my chin up so I had to look him in the eyes. His light colored irises were bloodshot, he'd clearly had too much to drink. "Do I know that? I mean, you left Juice to be with me.. didn't you? Cheated on him….with me… Maybe you liked having another Son pushin up on this." He roughly grabbed at the crotch of my jeans.

"Koz.. Stop. I didn't like it. I don't want anyone else. I want you." I tried to reach up to stroke his blonde spikes but was stopped when he pushed his body against mine, crushing me into the dresser.

"I don't like anyone touching something that's mine. You understand that?"

I swallowed, starting to shake with fear. "Yes. I mean yeah… I understand." I trembled under his touch he let go of my arm, keeping me pushed against the dresser with his much bigger frame, and started to jerk at the button on my jeans. "Koz… wait..stop." I struggled against him. I'd just finished my period the day before and didn't want to risk anything embarrassing happening.

"I want to fuck. And you're going to fuck me." Kozik's voice was deeper than normal, the anger taking him over completely along with the alcohol. He pushed my panties down next ignoring the way I tried to clamp my thighs together.

"Kozik, I said no." I tried again grabbing at his hands that were undoing his belt buckle to free himself. Was he actually going to… I pushed the thought away, Kozik wouldn't do that. Or would he? He lifted me up easily throwing me down onto our bed, my bottoms fell off from around my feet on the walk over. I pressed my hands against his chest as hard as I could.

"You don't want me to fuck anyone else… so when I want to get off, you're going to get me off. Learn your place Aleah." Kozik breathed into my ear pushing his erection into me.

I closed my eyes, giving up on trying to fight what was already happening. His dog tags swung forward hitting me in the face but he didn't move them away like he usually did. As much as I tried ignore how it felt I couldn't. I dug my nails into his back cutting little half moons into his skin. I bucked my hips back against his with an approving groan from the man on top of me. The sooner this was over the sooner I could lock myself in the bathroom.

"You're hurting me." I whispered into his neck just loud enough for him to be able to hear me. He had my wrists together above my head now, not wanting me to touch him obviously. "Koz… it hurts. Really."

Kozik didn't show any acknowledgement of hearing me. He loosened his grip on my wrists but that was it. He kept pounding away inside of me making me wince with both pain and pleasure until I started to whimper into his flesh. "You still want me to stop now?"

I opened my eyes up slowly to see him staring down at me. "No." it came out as a sigh when I started to cum wishing like hell I didn't. Kozik didn't last much longer after that staying on top of me even after he was done.

"Don't fight me again." Kozik whispered touching my cheek with his beaten knuckles. "I'm good

to you, you be good to me when I need you to be."

"I'm sorry." I turned my face away looking into the white pillow beside our heads. "I need to go… I need to get up Kozik."

He rolled off of me watching me take off into the bathroom that was inside of our room. I shut the door collapsing against it instantly. What in the hell had just happened in there? Was that rape? Rough sex? What the hell… I wiped my tears off of my cheeks with the back of my hand willing myself to calm down before he came to check on me. Crying would make it worse, Kozik hated crying. He'd told me that plenty of times.

I got up after a moment and started running myself a bath. I'd feel better everywhere if I soaked for a while before I went to sleep. I was sliding into the water when the door opened unexpectedly, Kozik leaning in the doorway. "Are you mad at me kid?" He asked pretending to look at the molding around the door frame, touching the framework.

I thought on it, no I wasn't mad. "I'm not mad at you… I'm… hurt. You can't do that. If I say stop.. You have to stop Koz. I was having.. Female stuff still."

Kozik glanced over at me in my pool of steaming hot water. "Fair enough." And that was as close to an apology I would get from him. Kozik hated apologizing almost as much as he hated crying. What a cold hearted man I'd chosen .

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

The next month passed by fast. I was sad anytime I was alone, which was often. Kozik and the guys had been busy with some Irish shit that was happening. Kozik was the only one with any connections down at the docks an hour away so he was gone a lot securing the guns for the club. Mandy was slightly friendlier to me, Dee was still just as cold as she started out even though it was clear I wasn't going anywhere. Sven had brought his very tall, very thin, very beautiful girlfriend over to meet me and we'd hit it off so there was a slight hope for a friendship.

But that didn't help me at work, or at club gatherings. We were having a potluck dinner thing now over at Lee's place with Mandy rushing around. No sweet butts were invited so it was up to the Old Ladies to serve and clean up. I was timid when I entered the kitchen carrying my peace offering of pies; one blueberry, one apple, and one peach. Kozik took off with the other men somewhere leaving me with the wolves.

"Hi.. I know you said don't bring anything.." I slid the pies onto the counter with everything else hoping someone would at least acknowledge I spoke. I was at the breakdown point with these women.

Mandy smiled genuinely at me over the tons of covered dishes they were reheating and setting out. "Thanks sugar. You didn't have to do that. But I'm sure they're good."

"I hope so. Kozi wouldn't taste test." After the first two turned out horrible Kozik had reverted to his old ways, refusing any food I offered him and suggesting we go out for breakfast. Just like the old times.

"Kozi huh?" Dee smirked along with another woman, the blonde that I'd talked to at my house warming. "I'll have to remember that one."

I looked around, checking to see if I should be doing anything. The older kids were outside playing, a few of them were in the in ground pool with the guys standing around watching them. I spied the redhead I'd saw around a few times sitting in the corner with a sleeping baby in her arms. "Oh! I didn't know anyone had babies." I exclaimed without thinking.

The woman smiled at me politely. "Just me, Nicole, and Layla. All around the same age."

I went towards her, not being able to help myself. I smiled down at the sleeping little girl, it made me miss Charming even more. I hadn't saw Emalee, Abel, or Thomas since I left. Or the babies at the hospital. "I used to work in the maternity ward." I told her when she offered me the baby. "I miss it like crazy whenever I see these little people."

"Trust me, if you ever have any you'll never miss it again. I'm Rachel by the way." She stood up stretching her arms out, she'd needed the break as much as I'd wanted to hold the baby.

"I'm Aleah. Aleah Morrow." I smiled back at her taking a seat in one of the padded dining room chairs that was pulled out.

Rachel moved around getting things out of the diaper bag for when the baby woke up. "Ohh…. So you're the new young Old Lady everyone's up in arms over. Heard a few of them were pissy that you hopped from Old Man to Old Man without any problems." Rachel paused looking at me dead on. "But I say… there's two sides to every story and Kozik's never going to tell us how it really went down anyways."

"No he probably won't." There was something I liked about how she was talking so bluntly. "I didn't Old Man hop… exactly. My other one let me go, it was his choice. Kozik was good to me when he was in Charming."

She stuffed a soiled bib into her bag, sitting back down. I could see the others peering at us curiously. "I didn't think it was some big deal. If you love him, you love him. Kozik's a good man. A little old for you but what do I know? Maybe he likes 'em young."

I shifted the bundle of blankets around in my arms careful not to disturb the baby. "I do love him. A lot. I left my family to come here and…." I stopped deciding that might be talking a little too much for the first conversation. I was so hungry to talk to someone in person I was letting it get away from me.

"And be with him. You're Jax Teller's sister right? I met your Pops a few times when he was still the prez. Your mom is a wildcat." Rachel laughed good naturedly.

"Whose your Old Man?" I asked her bouncing the baby a little when she started to thrust her arms around.

"Sid. The short fat one." Rachel grinned pointing the man out for me. "We've been together since we were kids."

The baby let out a low cry that turned into a full blown scream when she woke up. I stood up passing her back over to Rachel. "Time to get back to Mom kiddo." I gazed over at the other Old Ladies still prepping the meal. "Guess I better go see what I can do."

"Good luck," Rachel smirked watching me walk back over to the circle of women.

I needed the luck. The others were a little bit more polite now that I'd broken the ice with Rachel but a few of them still gave me eye rolls that finally pushed me to the snapping point when we were washing the dishes. I'd had it up to my ears with their attitudes. Gemma Teller's daughter did _not_ take shit from anyone and I was tired of it. "Here, I'll do that." I offered trying to take the tray of beer and soft drinks from Dee.

"I have it doll. Go find your Old Man." Dee snapped giving it a tug back. "Back in Charming."

The kitchen fell silent at her words giving me the loud and clear to say my piece. I let go of the tray with a push letting it fall to the fall with a loud smash breaking the bottles and glasses into millions of tiny shards.

"I am so sick of your god damn attitude." I kicked the mess on the floor angrily. "I haven't done shit to deserve it. I've tried being nice, I've tried to be your friend… everyone's friend. And all I get is _shit _in return. Well you know what? I might have _'hopped' _to another Old Man, but he's mine. He chose _me_. Juice let me go not that its anyone's business here in Tacoma. But maybe you should all go back to Charming. Learn what real Old Ladies are. They don't treat each other like god damn dirt."

I knocked the broom down on my way out of the kitchen, stepping on the glass with a loud crunch under my converse. I stopped in the doorway where the men were gathering to see what was going on. I could hear one of them calling for Kozik. "Mandy, I'm sorry about the mess. I'll pay you for the dishes." Then I turned and stomped out of the house before I could give any of them the satisfaction of watching me cry.

Kozik's truck was parked along the curb, so I took off at a hurried walk trying not to run in case anyone was watching through the windows. I slammed the door shut slumping down in the seat letting the tears flow. They were awful. Every last one of them. I tried. I tried so hard to make Tacoma my home, but maybe it never would be. I cried alone for a few minutes until the drivers side opened, Kozik sliding in. "I'm fine." I croaked out using the sleeves of my shirt to dry my eyes.

"No you're not. What happened in there?" Kozik sighed reaching over to give my hand a squeeze.

I shook my head, thinking about the friends I did have, in Charming. I hadn't been back since I left, Kozik had promised he'd take me back down to visit but that hadn't happened yet. "I want to go home." I whispered through my tears.

Kozik moved to start the truck and I knew he thought I meant our Victorian style house a few blocks away. "No Koz… home. _My_ home."

"You don't seriously want to leave because of some stupid Old Lady spat do you?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me.

"I want my mom. And Jessica. And the kids. I want to see Jax." I was crying again even after he pulled away from the curb. "I want to be around people. People that like me."

He propped up on his elbow, shooting looks my way every now and then. "You want to go visit? I can take you to go visit if that's what you want Aleah."

"I want to go visit them. For a couple of weeks. And I'm not going back to work." I was taking deeper breaths, calming down. "I refuse to work with them anymore. I'll live off of my TM checks, off of Dad's account. I have some money saved up. I'll figure it out until I can get a nurse position."

"Don't worry about money Leah. I have that part covered. I only found you the job because I thought you'd like working around the club and it'd help… thaw them out to be around you." Kozik pulled into our driveway beside my car, his bike was locked in the garage. "I'll see what I can work out about taking some time away from the job site."

I knew that was his peace offering, and I should take it and be happy with it. But I didn't want to get my hopes up on going back home. I waited until we were inside the house to bring up another idea to him. "I could go to Charming alone. I made the drive here before when it was snowing. I could get Happy or maybe Jax to meet me halfway if that makes it better."

"You're not going to Charming alone." Kozik pulled his cut off hanging it carefully on its peg by the door.

"But… I wouldn't be alone. I could stay with Jessica and Carter. Or with Gemma. I'm sure I could go to Jax's too. My family's there." I tried again not wanting to back down on this. "Please Kozik… let me go."

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking tired. He'd been running nonstop lately, and I knew the last thing he wanted to do was deal with me right now. "I said I'll see what I can do about taking you down there ok?"

"Okay.. But if you can't… I can still go?" I asked going to wrap my arms around him. Cuddles and kissing might get me somewhere with him.

"Dammit Aleah… drop it." Kozik pushed my arms off of him. "Don't touch me right now or I won't be responsible for what happens to you."

I bit down on my lips, deciding maybe i should drop it for now. But I changed my mind after taking just a few steps. "You told Jax you wouldn't keep me away from my family Kozik." I reminded him.

The slap came out nowhere, I didn't even see him come at me. The stinging across my face was unbelievable in the spots his rings cut into my cheek. I fell back grabbing onto the banister for support. "Don't you ever hit me!" I yelled holding my cheek crying, hot angry tears.

Kozik came closer, leaning down to me but I kicked at him getting him good in the knee I knew gave him problems from laying his bike down when he was younger. "God dammit!" Kozik roared faltering some but still moving. "Let me look at it."

I slapped his hands away like they were poisonous taking off upstairs as fast as I could. He was moving slower from the kick but I could hear him turning the knob on the bedroom. "Let me in Leah… now."

"Go away!" I yelled pulling the blankets over myself.

The door popped open, and I cursed remembering the little lock pop that was on top of the frame. I pulled the blanket over my head not wanting to look at him. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Too bad. I'm talking to you, and you're listening." Kozik's weight fell onto the bed beside me in my lump of covers. "I didn't mean to slap you. I swear I didn't. That won't happen again. You've got to chill the fuck out though. I said I'd see about going to Charming and I will. I'm the damn SAA here, I don't get to just take a vacation."

I peeped out at him through a little tunnel in the pillow. He actually did look upset. "I just don't understand why I can't go alone."

Kozik sighed rubbing a hand over his face, then through his hair. "Because…. Juice is there."

I pushed my head completely irritated that'd he even suggest that. "I'm not going home to fuck Juice. I don't even think about him like that anymore." I flinched as Kozik put his hand on my hurt face. "I'm lonely Kozik… even with you here. I want friends. I need someone to talk to, someone to go out with."

"I know baby, I know. I thought you liked Sven's girl? That's a start." He shoved the blankets down completely pulling me closer to him. "We should ice your face. My rings caught you."

"It hurts. You can't do that to me…. Ever. I'm not some abused woman you can slap around." I sighed mad at myself for forgiving him so easily. "I love you…but I won't put up with that."

Kozik nodded looking thoughtful when his cool blue eyes looked into mine. "I know, I told you to back off though. I warned you to get away from me."

"But that doesn't mean its okay. You can't do that and think its okay because you warned me." I reached up to touch the hand that was on my cheek. "Do you even love me anymore?" I asked him wondering if he did. He certainly didn't act like it when he slapped me, or forced himself on me. I was living in a bad after school special.

"Yes. God yes I love you." Kozik wrapped his arms around me pulling me on top of his chest. "Don't ever doubt that. You should know I love you. Twenty years ago I wouldn't have stopped with one slap. And I wouldn't have let you kick me and get away with it. Or allow that pudgy little dog to sleep in my chair." He kissed the cuts that were bleeding a little with soft lips. "Don't be mad at me."

I wanted to be mad at him. But I couldn't. He was my Kozik. My savior every time I needed someone and the voice of reason. "I'm not mad. I just miss my family." I said softly letting him pull one of my legs over his.

Kozik kissed my chin before he kissed my lips then the tip my nose. "I'll figure it out. I promise. I might have to leave again for a few days soon though. I have to do something for the club."

"Kozi…." I sighed hating it when he was gone. Then I was completely alone. But the club came first I knew that as well as he did. "We'll work it out." I rested my head against him, shutting my eyes feeling tired. That really worn out, can't go any further kind of tired.

"Yeah we will. I love you kid. Don't ever think I don't. I'm just… a bitter old man sometimes. I forget how it is to be with someone its been so long."

"I love you too Koz." I mumbled in my thick sleepy voice. "You're getting better at being with me. Just no more… being mean."

Him chuckling was the last thing I heard before I drifted off.


	6. Chapter 6

**16 amazing reviews for one chapter! You guys rock! Keep 'em coming!**

**This is a fun, cheery type chapter…. don't worry we'll get back to the depression and anger soon :P :P**

**If at any time any of you get curious about Sven, please just let me know. He actually has his own story already written out but it will not be posted on this site. I would be more than happy to email it to you if you want to read some on my favorite Russian. **

**Thanks goes to Jess for her hard work… hopefully I have her Hale fic in the works by the end of the week. **

**We will have Juice very very soon… I promise. And out of curiosity… if I chose to do a memory type thing, what would you guys most like to see of Juice and Aleah before the split?**

Chapter 6 It Gets Better

I hid inside the house for the first three days Kozik was gone. You couldn't look at me and not know someone had hit me. I had an awful dark purple bruises and little scabs from the rings. On the third day someone came by, knocking on the door loud enough I could hear it from the backyard where I was planting marigolds and snap dragons. I pulled my gloves off walking through the doors I had propped open wondering who could be visiting me.

"Coming!" I called out stopping to glance in the little mirror we had hanging just inside in the entry way. I had dirt smudged on my face and my hair was frizzy. Perfect appearance for a visitor. I swung open the front door anyways, deciding it must be someone for Kozik.

Mandy was standing there with a hand on her hip giving me a smile like I was her long lost bestie. "Took you long enough kiddo. I've been knocking for five minutes."

I stepped back inviting her into the house doing a mental check over everything being picked up. I should be good I decided. "I was in the backyard, doing some gardening. Its planting time." I explained taking her into the sunny kitchen where I had the sliding doors open letting the breeze blow through the house.

"Didn't know you gardened." Mandy sat down on one the bar stools watching me get mugs down for coffee. She nodded when I held the pot up. "Lots of sugar if you don't mind."

"Sure. I drink mine loaded with cream and sugar." I smiled at her adding a generous amount to her mug. "I've been meaning to drop by and pay you for the glasses… I'm sure it scratched the floor up too."

Mandy waved me off nonchalantly. "Don't worry about that. They were a gift from Lee's aunt. I hated those glasses." She grinned taking the mug from me. "I was glad to see them go. And for you to put Dee in her place."

I stayed standing, not wanting to get too close in case this turned ugly again. "I thought you two were friends."

"We are friends. That doesn't mean I don't think she's a snobby bitch." Mandy replied eyeing me curiously. "He knock you around again?"

I touched my cheek shrugging. I wasn't telling her anything. "So what brings you over?" I asked wondering if that was too rude. I didn't have to deal with the Old Lady politics in Charming, we were all sister in laws in some way.

"Just wanted to drop in, see how you were. Haven't saw you at work anymore. Thought maybe you'd want to go shopping, grab some lunch."

Wow. This was different. Completely different even coming from her. She was Kozik's ex Old Lady's sister for crying out loud. "Uhh.. Sure. I need to change though, it won't take long." I put my mug down. "I'll be right back."

"Take your time girl." Mandy stirred her spoon around slowly. "I'll shut the doors for you, lock up."

I went upstairs hurrying to change into a pair of cut off shorts, knee high boots, and a plaid shirt. Cute and airy. I wiped the dirt from my face with a washcloth then started layering on the make up to make the purplish skin look even a little better. After the second layer I gave up. There was no fixing it. I grabbed my purse stopping by the dresser to pull out the plastic credit card Kozik had left for me along with the pin number. That had been a major step for me, the first time he'd let me in on any of the finances even if it was just by giving me a card and a roll of twenties in case I needed groceries.

Hurrying back down the stairs I noticed Mandy had migrated into the living room, looking at the wall of pictures I'd been working on. "Sorry I took so long." I apologized sliding the straps of my purse over my arm.

Mandy looked away from the pictures giving me a smile. "No rush. I was just using the time to check out Sgt. Kozik here." She laughed pointing at the picture of Kozik in full dress blues posing proudly for the picture.

"Doesn't look bad all cleaned up does he?" I grinned checking out my Old Man. I'd loved going through the pictures he'd had packed away in storage for years. He had tons of pictures of the SAMCRO guys back in the day with all their hair, and natural color. My favorites were the few he had of him and Tig in the Marines together. I'd uncovered a picture of Missy the German Shepherd and framed it for him too just for kicks.

"Not too bad at all. Lee was a looker back in his hey day." Mandy followed me back up the two low steps to the entryway.

I grabbed my keys off of the table, feeling a lot better about things now that I was actually leaving the house. "Want me to drive? I have my car, or the truck."

"Its fine, I'll drive. Show you around town some. Kozik said you hadn't been out much." Mandy led me to her Suburban. "Just sit back and enjoy the girl time."

Girl time was pretty fun. We went to a few stores Mandy knew about, and a new strip mall that had just opened. I didn't find much for myself except a couple of shirts and a new pair of heels to replace the ones I'd ruined in the mud a couple of months ago. Mandy was looking for maternity clothes, she'd happily spilled her secret after we dropped in at a Babies 'r' us. I wasn't sure how old she was but I couldn't believe that they only had one other child that was 7. Then again, Kozik's only child was probably around 17 or so, not far off from me.

We grabbed dinner since we'd shopped through lunch and for the first time I had an assurance I wasn't going to be an outcast anymore. I stayed in my good mood when Kozik called after another three days of being gone. "Hey baby." I sang out into the cordless, balancing a laundry basket on my hip.

"Hey beautiful… I called earlier and got your voicemail. Thought I'd try the house before I sent Sven over to beat down the door." Kozik's voice was grinning even though I couldn't see it.

"Yeah, I was probably downstairs with Mandy and Rachel still. They dropped by for coffee and to ask me to look at the baby's bump. She fell earlier." I sat the basket down on top of the kitchen table, happy he'd called me. I'd gotten the typical 'Goin to bed love ya' messages for a couple of days to let me know he was alive.

Kozik chuckled, I could hear a TV in the background. "Nice to know you're making friends. You should've pitched a bitch fit a couple of months back kiddo."

"Mmmhmmm…. Its just part of being with a codgery old man. No one thinks I'll be able to withstand it. They were taking bets you know." I laughed remembering Rachel telling me about it. "When I didn't leave after the first two months they decided to close the pool."

"I hate to disappoint them. Maybe I should get in on this too. I thought you were a goner for sure after four months."

"Keep talkin… I can pack up in the blink of an eye." I warned him looking out at the backyard while I talked to him.

"No you can't. You said you love me… forever." Kozik had slipped into his silky voice he used to use on me before we'd ever even thought about messing around. "And you don't tell lies….."

"I only said that because it was post coital." I teased loving every second he was on the phone with me. He hated using the phone. "Where are you anyways?"

I could hear him fumbling around with something, then the TV was off. "In bed…alone. Thought I'd call and check in on you."

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see it. "You know what I meant… are you in Washington? Oregon?"

"I'm…somewhere… I should get off of here though. Gotta get up early, just thought I'd see if you were making any progress at the house."

"Some, I went through some of your boxes out in the garage and got some pictures out. I think I found your daughter and ex wife in some. I kept the daughter pics and tossed the ex wife."

Kozik laughed, clearly amused. "I tossed her out too babe. No worries. Just keep the daughter pics, and don't touch my 8 tracks."

"You really are ancient you know that?"

"Not too ancient. I still scored a girlfriend half my age. A girlfriend that should be keeping her boyfriend entertained by telling him what she's wearing…." He trailed off suggestively.

I smiled going to the couch to sit back, relax, and have phone sex with him. It was embarrassing but at least he wasn't getting blown by a sweet butt somewhere so I settled for it. I stayed up late even after we'd hung up picking through his things. His ex wife was pretty, but you could tell Kozik wasn't too into her just by looking at the wedding picture I dug out from an album. Young Kozik was still blonde, only his hair was in more of a high and tight back then. The muscles were harder, more popped out than the long sinewy ones he had now. Still hot though.

The only person I'd been hoping to find pictures of, wasn't nowhere to be found in any of Kozik's stuff. I found all sorts of medals and awards that he'd gotten in the Marines and set them aside to dust off and slide into my new curio cabinet to display. Kozik's stuff was like a time machine and an adventure. I picked through a box of clothes throwing them all out after I looked at a couple of shirts. The socks that were packed away had to be older than I was.

The junk only entertained me until around 3am when I passed out after a huge glass of wine with a joint. It was late when I rolled off of the couch wrapped up in a throw blanket and Gizmo. "Lets go grab a shower." I told the little dog. He followed up the stairs waiting patiently while I showered then dressed. My face had healed save for a couple of tiny scabs that I could hide with make up if I decided to go anywhere.

I started back on Kozik's storage stuff, making a keep pile, ask pile, and a trash pile. I heard the loud rumble of his Harley before he even made it all the way inside the driveway that evening. I jumped up letting the papers fall to the floor, rushing to the door. "Hey baby!" I exclaimed when I threw the front door open, then did a double take.

Gemma and Jessica were walking up the concrete pathway while Kozik stood back talking to Happy near their bikes. "Mom!" I rushed towards her grabbing her for a hug then Jessica. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming last night when I called you?" I griped at Jessica but grinned.

"Miss me princess?" Mom smirked walking past me to get inside the house. "Nice place you got here."

"Kozik wouldn't let us. He called Carter a few days ago and asked if I could come up, but Carter wouldn't let me come alone without a chaperone. Like a goddamn kid, so Kozik talked to Gemma, and Gemma said she'd come up with me. But then they decided to send Happy too." Jessica leaned into me, we each had an arm over each other shoulders while we walked into the house.

I couldn't believe it. Kozik had pulled off getting the two people I missed the most to come here to Tacoma since he couldn't take me there. Mom was walking around the house, checking things out. I saw her doing her 'clean check' running a finger along the mantel for dust. "You're staying with us right?"

Jessica nodded giving my shoulders a hug. "Of course. Momma Gemma is too. Koz said we were welcome, I think Happy is staying too."

I remembered the last time Jessica and Happy were both under the same roof . I raised an eyebrow at her. "You sure about that?"

"Of course she's sure. Why wouldn't she be? We're all family, and Happy's as good as family to your Old Man." Mom walked back over holding her arms out for another hug. "We've all missed you. Abel wanted to come see Aunt Lee, and Carter had to pry Emalee off of Jessica."

Jessica nodded gigging with a twinkle in her remembering the huge scene. "Yep… but no kids this week. Tonight we're going out. And we're going to party!"

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jess went upstairs ahead of Mom to give us a little alone time while she showered and primped for our night out. Happy took off for the clubhouse, and Kozik was in the kitchen stuffing his face with leftovers. I was showing Mom the flowers that were blooming in the back when she started her 'mom to daughter' talk. "So… he treatin you ok?"

I smiled, remembering her warning a while back to be careful with him. "Yeah he treats me good. Better than what you'd think he does. Kozik's not all bite."

"So I hear. What about the club? He said you weren't on very good terms with the Old Ladies around here."

"I don't think they know what to make of me." I said honestly taking her back inside, Kozik had vacated the kitchen for another part of the house. Probably our room, a glance across into the living room confirmed. "I made progress this week though, I went out with a couple of them a few times."

Mom nodded flipping her dark hair around, if there was any gray showing she'd dyed it. "Good. You ever hear from Juice?"

I shot her a look shaking my head quickly. "No I don't. And I don't want to hear a word about him." I warned her starting for the stairs. "Think I'll get ready. What are we doing anyways?"

"Oh you know… girl stuff." Mom said mysteriously. "Just wear something… flashy."

Flashy. I dug through my closet hunting up something to wear while Kozik lounged across the bed watching some game that was on. "I have no clothes." I whined tossing a leather skirt beside him.

Kozik eyed the skirt giving it a push. "Wear that. You'll look hot. Smokin….."

"Smokin huh? Sounds like you've been around Happy too much already." I picked the skirt back up holding it against myself. "I don't even know if my ass can fit in this."

"Let it all hang out. Isn't that in one of those stupid rap songs you like?" Kozik propped his head up on one elbow watching me flit around some more for a top.

I pulled out a sleeveless black top, frowning while I tried to decide if I should add some color to it. "Excuse me for not listening to Kiss and ZZ Top."

Kozik reached out giving me a loud smack across the ass. "Hey, don't knock the good stuff little girl. Kids now days can't appreciate anything."

"I appreciate you bringing my family…" I winked at him, climbing onto the bed slowly with deliberate moves that pushed me against him.

"You really want me to fuck you with Gemma two doors down?" Kozik smirked but he already rolling onto his back undoing his jeans.

"You really want to fuck me with that skirt on?" I teased pushing his cut up with his shirt to kiss down his chest. "I missed you, you stayed gone for too long this time."

He pushed my head down further showing me where he wanted me to be. "Long enough I actually considered jackin it." He admitted tangling his long fingers into my already messy hair. "You gotta be quiet Lee."

I licked down his shaft teasing him with a suck every now and then to just his head. I did this until he shoved his length into my mouth roughly pushing himself to the back of my throat. I bobbed up and down on it liking the way he groaned lowly, Kozik wasn't a noise maker in bed. "Get on top, come on." He pulled on my hair tugging my mouth off of him.

It was hell staying quiet enough no one else in the house could hear us. I knew they could at least hear the creak of the bed but mid orgasm I just didn't care. Kozik kept a hand clamped over my mouth until we were done. "They so heard us." I whispered to him giggling into his neck, laying over his chest.

"I know. I don't give a fuck, I wanted some before I left."

"Left? Where you going?" I asked sitting up sliding him out of me grimacing at the feel of our fluids running down my thighs. Condoms had became one of things that we used when we felt like stopping long enough to grab, but not a necessity. "Ughhh…" I sighed climbing off of him.

"Me and Hap are going out. Some club shit, some us shit. Nothin for you to worry about." He worded carefully, telling me not to be nosey but giving me a tiny info at the same time. He grabbed his jeans pulling them back on. "You happy now Leah?"

I stepped into the bathroom cleaning myself up before coming back to grab panties and my clothes. "Very happy. I have you, Gemma, and Jessica. And I get a girls night."

Kozik lit a joint from the pocket of his cut toking on it hard. "Call me if you guys need a ride… Someone can come get you. I'm fixin to head out."

I plucked the joint from him for my own hit, I'd pulled the tight skirt on with a miracle. "Sure thing…. Daddy."

He gave me a look reaching over, snatching his joint back from me. "Don't get fresh about it. Just… do it okay?" He blew pot smoke at me with a grin, one hand already on the door knob. "I'll see you later tonight, or early in the morning."

I tossed him a look, not liking that he might not come home but didn't argue. Last thing we needed was for one our little spats to happen with house guests nearby. "Later hon…Love you."

Kozik opened the door, stepping backwards out of it. "I know." He blew a kiss before heading off down the stairs.

"Typical male pig. Comes home long enough to fuck you, smoke some weed, and takes off again." Mom smirked coming into our room. She'd changed into one of her skimpier outfits, hair teased up high on her head. You'd never guess she was pushing 57.

"Tell me about it. I think Kozik is the epitome of male pig." I went back to the bathroom to finish my hair while Mom rummaged around the room. "Pots in the top drawer if that's what you're after."

I was right, she went right for one of the blunts Kozik had ready and waiting. I'd curbed the pot usage since I moved, but I had nothing against getting blazed before we went out. So me, Mom, and Jess stood around passing the blunt until we were ready to go out in our tightest, lowest, and sluttiest clothes. We piled into Mom's Navigator laughing like mad ladies when they told me where we were going… The Palace.

"That's her." I pointed at Sonya walking around in her tiny little thong and pasties on her nipples. "That's Sven's girlfriend." I caught her attention waving.

Sonya grinned walking over while balancing a tray of empty glasses on one hand. "Hey Leah girl, didn't think you'd ever come see me at work." She leaned down giving me a naked hug.

"Me either. We want up close to the stage." I told her Mom and Jessica were snagging drink orders from another passing girl in practically nothing.

Sonya pointed at a spot two feet away from the stage. "Right there girl, make sure you tip or they'll tell you to move after a while. We'll have amateur night tonight too." She winked at me. "Maybe you can give that pole a go."

"Hell yeah!" Jessica cheered thrilled at the idea of getting to hit the pole again. Carter would kill her if he knew she was even thinking about it.

We whistled and catcalled when the first girl went up on the stage stripping to the loud rap music playing throughout the club. I watched in awe at how she swung around on the silver pole, rolling her body in ways I couldn't even begin to try no matter how much liquor I was consuming. I was on my fourth drink, three strippers down, when Sonya climbed onto the stage taking her turn on the pole. "Show it!" I yelled with Mom clapping beside me.

Jessica banged on the table, we were worse than some of the men were with our antics. "Shake that ass!"

Sonya kept her stage face on the entire time, throwing her jeweled bra over at us, hitting me in the face with a wink. Jessica stood up holding a cigarette in one hand, drink in the other dancing along with the music doing her own little gyrating and bumping to the music'. I almost fell over laughing when a man in a bouncer shirt came over to her, pointing at the stage. Jessica nodded her head quickly handing me her drink. "My turn!" she yelled over the music.

Mom leaned forwards to the walkway up the stage shoving a couple of ones in Sonya's thong. "Good job sweetheart!"

Sonya grinned at her gratefully collecting her clothes just as 'Cyclone' came over the speakers. I nudged Mom nodding as Jessica skipped out. The DJ announced the amateur night contest was starting with 'Jessa' performing. I threw money at Jessica sipping down my vodka and cranberry laughing with Mom when loud male voices started to cut in over the music breaking us out of our party vibe. Jessica's thighs gripped the pole like she'd never stopped working the sex industry

"Show us your tits already!" The loud annoying male yelled again.

"Shut the fuck up asshole! Some of us are trying to watch the show!" Mom yelled slinging ice over in the general direction.

The crowd shifted then, giving me a few look at who the loudmouths were. Kozik, Happy, Sven, and a prospect were sitting just inches from the stage watching Jessica take her clothes off. My mouth dropped open in shock. He'd said going out with Happy, not going out to watch naked women. I watched as one of the scantily clad waitresses slid her bony arm around Kozik's shoulders, he leaned back grinning up at her. "That asshole." I whispered watching her whisper in his ear.

Kozik hit Happy in the chest telling him something before he stood up, letting the stripper lead him away. I downed the rest of my drink feeling extremely jealous, ugly, and angry. "Let's get out of here." I told Mom as Jessica's music died down. "As soon as we find out if Jess wins."

It turned out only two other people were willing to get on stage and attempt to strip so we didn't have to wait long. By the time we were ready to go, Kozik still wasn't back from his little private party. We had to walk past the guys to get to the door, and I knew Happy would see us when we did. "Just keep walking." Mom guided us through stumbling in her little black boots. Her hair was already starting to lose some of its poof, and our night was just beginning.

I locked eyes with Happy when I went by giving him a cold look that he returned until I had to break it. Asshole. I was tempted to send Kozik a message and tell him not to bring him to my house later. Or himself for that matter. But I'd be the mature one tonight….. Maturity that lasted until we made it a bar that Mom knew about through Jax, she'd asked around about places to go before they came.

The bar was fun. I found two college age guys to dance with, Mom found a couple herself and Jessica was drinking like a fish in the Atlantic. I leaned into the dark haired one, he was cute, but baby faced. "No.. sorry. I can't." I slurred back to him. His hands curved on my hips pulling me closer while we danced.

"Why not? I don't see a ring on your fingers." He grinned down at me.

"I'm an Old Lady…. My… boyfriend.. Will.. Rip you apart." I laughed loudly imagine what Kozik would do if he walked into the bar right now.

"Old Lady huh? Come here Old Lady." The dark haired boy kissed me, he tasted like tequila. My stomach churned shoving him away.

I shook a finger at him dancing away, back towards where Mom was with her own boy toy. "Nuh-uh. I told you no." I giggled some more pushing between Mom and the boy. "Lets go hooommmee… or to the clubhouse."

So we were off again, Mom claimed she was fine to drive so we found our way to the SAMTAC clubhouse where a few bikes still littered the lot. The bumper of the Navigator just barely tipped the car in front of us sending the alarm off while we laughed shrilly together. "Shh… shut it off before they come out."

"I can't. Its not my god damn car." Mom laughed stumbling when she got out of the SUV.

Jessica climbed out, falling down with another burst of giggles when she tripped in her 4 inch heels, her skirt hiking up. "Aleah… go tell your man we hit someone."

I waved her off going towards the clubhouse doors meeting Koz and Sven halfway there. "Kozikkk… we had an accident." I pointed at the vehicles trying to hold myself up. My stomach was starting to feel weak.

Kozik's eyes looked in the direction I was pointing at, I heard Sven say. "Shit man.. That is the stripper from earlier. The one with the… the…" He gestured at his chest grinning at Jessica who was leaning against the truck with one leg propped up smoking.

"You guys hit Donut." Kozik chuckled, he nodded to Sven. "Go get Donut's keys. Tell him its fine."

"Kozik… I don't.. feel so good." I leaned forwards towards him just as the vomit came up involuntarily.

Kozik held me away at arms length groaning while I heaved. "God damn… on my fuckin boots." I heaved again, the sound of it splattering making me want to hurl over and over. "And my leg. Shit…" He guided me to the trash can, holding my hair back while I threw up all of the liquor I'd drank.

"I feel bad." I whined holding my stomach when nothing else was coming up.

"I bet you do. How much you drink tonight little girl?" He asked shaking his head like a parent would shake it at a child that disappointed someone. "Pull your shirt up."

I fumbled around trying to cover my body parts back up before Sven could back out with the keys. "I'm sorry…" I muttered tugging on my skirt next.

"Yeah me too. I need to go change, hose myself off. Can you not puke while I'm gone?" He sounded irritated, but slightly amused.

"Go away." I sighed going back over to where Mom and Jessica were sitting on the ground smoking again. "I'm goin…. Home…. Alone."

His eyes narrowed at me, following me over. "You guys don't need to drive."

"You drive drunk." I challenged him trying to get the door open to get back inside. "We'll be fine."

"We're fine _Herman_." Mom sneered at Kozik, daring him to snap at her I knew. As bad ass as he was…. I had to question his abilities against this woman.

Donut came out jingling his keys just then, stopping any fight from escalating. "Dammit Teller, you're here a few hours and already rear ended me."

"You wish." Mom winked at him, shaking her cleavage a little.

I couldn't help but laugh even though my stomach was twisting again. "I'm gonna get them home. I'll check in with you guys tomorrow." Kozik told him jerking a thumb at his drunken women that were all shooting him looks of daggers for ruining the fun. "Tell Hap I'm out, come by if he wants."

"Oh he does." Jessica threw in flashing a grin at Sven. "You're a cute one too you know…."

"He's taken." I elbowed her getting into the SUV, Mom was crawling in the backseat giving Kozik a shitty look when he got in the drivers side. "The stripper."

Sven gave her a dazzling smile. "Maybe the next time yeah?"

"Next time sugar…"

By the time we were got to the house and inside, I'd puked again, hanging my head outside of the window. Jess was laughing with Mom and deciding they were going to stay up drinking some more. Kozik was silent just watching us warily after he'd gone upstairs and changed into a pair of his workout pants he used as pajamas, with his chest bare. "Aleah… its time to sober up."

I frowned at him from my spot on the living room floor. I knew I should be crawling up the stairs but I didn't want the fun to end even if I did smell like vomit. Mom was kicked back on the couch, one leg thrown on our coffee table, Jess was sipping a glass of scotch from Kozik's hide a bar in the corner. "I don't want to."

"But you need to. You'll thank me in the morning." Kozik held a hand out to pull me up from the floor.

"Oh leave her alone. She's with her mother for Christ's sake. How much trouble can we get in sitting in your living room?" Mom gave him her bitch look. "You might be old enough to be her dad but you're not."

Instead of snapping like I thought he would Kozik grinned at her. "Knowing you three… I'm not so sure I even want to come back downstairs once I go up."

Jessica stuck her tongue out at him, twisting around in his chair. "You could bring us some more pot you know…."

I was starting to feel pretty rough, even if I wanted to stay downstairs and keep partying I knew I couldn't without throwing up all over my newly shampooed carpet. I put my hand in his letting him pull me up. "Everything's moving."

"Yeah it probably is. So be careful coming up ok?" Kozik kept his hand on me guiding me. "You guys make yourselves at home. Happy will be in later, so don't freak when he comes through."

"Yeah yeah. Nice chest Kozik." Jessica grinned getting up for a refill. "Didn't know you looked like that without a shirt. Maybe Aleah was right…. Older is the way to go."

Kozik laughed heartily pulling me up the stairs when my legs started to give out. "Come on baby, we're almost there. I'm gonna put you in the shower okay?"

"You smell like stripper." I gave him the stink eye. "Blonde stripper."

"You smell like frat boy." He threw back still grinning. "I wasn't going to say anything if you weren't. I think we're even tonight."

"I think so too. Even though I'm sure you had more fun than I did." I sighed letting him pull my shirt over my head. "I love you Koz…."

He finished stripping me down, moving me over to the shower stall. "Hmmm…. See how you feel in the morning . I'm betting you don't love anyone very much."

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Kozik was right. I had my first real hangover the next day. I'd never gotten shit faced like that before in my life. I knew my limit and stopped, but last night was about having fun with the girls. A little too much fun. I spent the morning leaned over the toilet while Kozik got ready for work. Once he left the hangover queen came in to check on me herself. I propped up against the bathroom cabinet gratefully accepting the cup of coffee she held out to me. "Thanks.. I'm sorry I didn't get up and go down."

Mom waved me off leaning down to dig through the cabinet, pulling out a spray bottle of cleaner. "Its fine. I fixed your man breakfast, Happy too. I woke up alone on the couch around 5, Happy was snoring like a freight train in the study."

I gave her a wry smile,. "You shouldn't have cooked for them, Koz can fend for himself when he wants to."

"I needed to eat something greasy, head off the damn hangover. You should get up and come down for something too. I saved you a plate. Then we're going out for the day." She was wiping around the sink with a washcloth, then the stool. "We'll be back in time for dinner."

So that was how I spent their first full day in Tacoma. The next two days we lounged around the house for the most part, going out for manicures and highlights, the things I'd been wanting to do but couldn't without a wing woman. I hated to see them go but I knew it had to happen when Thursday came. I crossed my arms over my chest holding myself together while I watched them put the bags in the back of the Navigator that had been detailed via Prospect.

"You comin down for Thanksgiving?" Mom asked when they were finished, about to go.

I nodded, not even asking Kozik first. I was dying to see the kids now. "I'll be there. Wouldn't miss it for anything."

"We'll have to have another girls time when you're done." Jessica promised hugging me looking just as sad as I felt. "I'll call you?"

"I'll call you too." I hugged Mom next. "Thanks for coming… it helped.. A lot seeing you two."

Mom climbed into the Navigator, not one for long sad goodbyes. "Don't get so down, you have a lot going here Aleah. Just pick up the phone and call. Jax said he'd be up in a couple of weeks."

"Sounds good."

I watched them back out and leave with Happy trailing behind them. Kozik had already left for the day for the job site they were on leaving me alone again. Story of my life. I piddled around the house for a while until I decided I really didn't have to be alone. I could make the first move of hanging out with the Tacoma ladies. I dialed Mandy's number and got a very happy yes when I asked if she wanted some company. It was getting easier being here.


	7. Chapter 7

**This ones a little shorter than normal but I had a few things I wanted to get out….. In case any of you are wondering Kozik actually did have a daughter named Kendra. The SOA Comic books are about her. She was a porn star in L.A :P :P **

**Thank you for the reviews, including my guest reviewers! I love reading them and so does Jessica it's the best feeling to know people like what we've done. **

**I decided on a memory to work on for you guys, I will try to have it put into either the next chapter or the next. Probably the one after though because that's when… good stuff happens :P yes I know I'm teasing you now. Once again if at any point you ever want some extra reading I do have Sven's story finished and it goes along with this one and I would be more than happy to email to you. **

**I do not own SOA only my characters. **

Chapter 7 With a Baby Carriage…..

Waking up in Kozik's arms was second to sex with Kozik as being the greatest thing in my world. I felt completely at peace laying there next to him while he slept. I knew the alarm was about to go off at any minute and break the serenity and absolutely hated it. I cherished these moments where I could sneak looks at how still and calm he looked. Kozik had been getting up at 5am to make it to the site an hour away on time so I hadn't had the chance to peek at him much. I snuggled deeper against him relishing in his warmth. It was crazy to think that he used to despise cuddling with me.

I started to drift off when the damn alarm went off beeping until Kozik reached over and hit it hard enough to break it into a million pieces. He stirred little by little, not trying to wake me up not noticing I was already awake. I smiled a little watching him crawl out between the sheets, stretching the leg that had been bothering him lately. "Is it stiff?" I asked softly.

Kozik jerked his head to look at me in surprise. "I thought you were asleep."

"Nope. I woke up a little bit ago. I can rub it if you want, wrap it up for you." I offered sitting up with a little yawn. It was too early for even Gizmo to be up, he was snoozing in the corner.

"I'm fine. I don't need anything." Kozik refused like he always did. He didn't like me trying to dote on him no matter what it was. I knew it'd feel better if he would just wear the brace I got him or let me rub the salve I picked up from the natural remedy store into the joints.

I watched him pull on his work clothes before going into the bathroom to finish getting ready. I crawled out of the warm bed going to stand behind him, grateful for even these few moments together. "I was thinking about going by the clubhouse later… Rachel said they were getting Halloween stuff ready for the kids."

"If you want to." Kozik shrugged touching his hair, spiking it up. He leaned into the mirror sticking his tongue out, inspecting his tongue ring even though he'd already brushed his teeth.

"I guess I can't hide inside forever…. People are starting to figure out the Sarge got himself a new lady." I smirked remembering Rachel's words. "Nobody thought it'd ever happen. I think they're curious about how you snagged such a hot, young girlfriend with your attitude."

"You know you're with me for the winning personality. Especially when I come home after a 14hour day and bitch because you're in bed while I'm reheating frozen pizza." He looked at me in the mirror with a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips remembering our latest spat.

Rolling my eyes I moved closer, hugging him from behind. I knew he had to leave in just a few minutes, probably had enough time to grab his normal glass of OJ and power bar before he took off. "You want some breakfast?"

"Can't have what I want." Kozik leaned back letting me pet on him, feeling up his stomach, chest, and arms. "Call me when you get done at the clubhouse if its late. I might just stop there instead of coming home… we can go out."

I faked mock surprise at that. "You mean… a date? With me?"

He grinned turning around to pull me up to his level. "I might take you out…. If you're lucky. I only take out very attractive females that give me a quickie before work you know."

"Its 5:30 in the morning…. And you want sex?" I laughed but was already shimmying down my pajama shorts. "You're doing all the work."

"Just bend over….and put a cork in it." His hands pushed me down on the bathroom counter, knocking over my make up. He tilted forwards brushing against me while he dug through the cabinet above our heads snagging a condom out of the box that was thrown inside.

The quickie didn't last long, about two minutes in his phone started ringing. "I gotta answer this." He apologized still inside of me when he flipped the phone open. "Yeah? No.. I'm.. up."

I couldn't help but giggle getting a light pop on the thigh. "Okay…. Tell Fingers to grab the prints for me. I'll meet you out there. Yeah.. I'm about to come now… or I was." He sighed after he hung up the phone. "Sorry babe.. Gotta go."

He teased me with one last push before moving back to zip his jeans up. "Tonight?"

"Tonight… I'll wait for you at the clubhouse with the girls." I promised following after him like a lost puppy when he started for the stairs. "Love you." I called out when he opened the door.

"See ya kid." He paused long enough to give me a wink that made me feel every bit like the 18 year old girl I used to be when he first started teasing me.

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"This taste amazing." I told Rachel in awe of the homemade pumpkin roll she'd brought to the little Halloween get together for the club kids, and the children's home.

Rachel grinned slicing me another piece before I could refuse it. "I'll text you over the recipe, its simple I swear."

Dee walked by us, giving me a dirty look pointedly, her arms ladden with Halloween decorations. I rolled my eyes at her, I wasn't giving in to any cat fighting today. "Is she going to be the wicked witch?"

"More like wicked bitch." Nicole chimed in with a knowing smile. She was decorating little cupcakes to look like mummies, witches, and pumpkins with sprinkles frosting and different candies.

We all laughed, our little circle was the three of us, Mandy, and another lady named Lily. Tacoma was a bigger charter than Charming, with way more Old Ladies. Charming had only had the four of us, or five if Mom still counted as an Old Lady. It was nice though, sitting at the huge table in the kitchen of the clubhouse with all of them while I ate and made candy bags up. We hadn't had enough kids in Charming for this type of stuff either. Or this much downtime. Tacoma was way more relaxed, or I thought they were unless Kozik wasn't telling me everything. Which… I thought to myself.. He probably wasn't telling me half of the things he actually did for the club.

"So how's almost married life treatin you?" Lily asked pouring herself another glass of tea from the pitcher we'd made.

I smiled shyly, remembering the almost quickie this morning, Kozik calling on his breaks, the cuddling… "Its good. Really good actually. I'm glad I came."

"Didn't think that one would ever get a woman. He was so damn set on being alone." Mandy threw in, her hands moving along her own little assembly line of cookies. "Even my sister couldn't tame him."

"I guess he _is_ pretty wild." I admitted with a laugh from the ladies around me. "This stuff is fun too, we didn't have this at home." I wanted to steer as far away as possible from talking about Kozik's ex's. I was too jealous of a person for that conversation. "Didn't have enough kids. Only Jax and Carter had small kids, everyone else was grown up."

"We try to do something each holiday. We're a slower charter, we don't get as much backlash from club things this far north." Mandy explained placing jelly beans down her witch cookie. "But it does happen."

I hung around with them for a while, eating more pumpkin roll, cookies, and drinking more cider until I felt sick. "Ughh… I think I stuffed myself too much." I held my stomach, hunching over in my chair. "Way too much. I don't think I'll make through dinner when Kozi gets here."

"Way to ruin date night huh?" Rachel winked at me pushing my plate away. "I think I'm cutting you off."

"So have you met Ken yet?" Mandy asked wrapping up the trays with Saran wrap that she'd finished.

I frowned trying to figure out who Ken was and why that sounded familiar. "Ohh… no. I haven't." Kozik had never offered to let me meet the daughter… the daughter who I wasn't even sure how old she was. Or what she looked like past the 4th grade.

"Now there's a piece of work." Lily smirked nudging Rachel. "He hasn't brought her around for a while.'

"Probably because of that last stunt she pulled." Someone else chimed in.

I had no idea what they were talking about. I'd only gotten brief mentions of the daughter Kozik said hated him. "What happened?"

Mandy sipped on her cider before answering, a look on her face that showed she was all too happy to divulge in Kozik's personal life. "That bitch ex wife calls him up, asks when he's planning on bringin their daughter home, Kozik tells her he hasn't saw the kid in months. Turns out she told Kozik she needed some cash for a new phone, a very expensive $400 phone just to add, plus she needed money for some other kind of school shit and he sends it to her. He always sends it to her when she calls and hits him up for something. Ken had picked up the cash and hauled ass off to Seattle to be with her little boyfriend and his friends. And before that…" Mandy paused dramatically. "She told him she wanted to come see him, spend time with him, so he went and got her. He had her down here for three hours before he took her back home, he caught her and one of the prospects half dressed in the warehouse."

"Don't forget the time she set the cats tail on fire." Rachel snickered. "Or when she rubbed sand all over his bike."

"I think my favorite was the time she asked him for a joint." Lily laughed shaking her head.

I was taking everything in all at once. Kozik's daughter was a menace. He'd said she was younger than me, but he'd never said how much younger. But if she was old enough to sneak off to Seattle…. And ask for weed… I frowned again thinking on it. Was I seriously sleeping with a man with a daughter the same age as me? "Sounds like a great kid."

Mandy laughed some more taking a cookie off of the tray to eat. "She dyed Jenn's hair blue once. Back when her and Kozik were together. Slipped it right into her shampoo and prayed like hell Kozik didn't get it first." She broke her cookie it half chewing on a small bite. "Guess it's a good thing Kozik never liked kids anyways, you might not have to deal with her at all… if you're lucky."

Something in the way she said 'Kozik never liked kids anyways' made my stomach churn. Kozik had said that several times, but other people had noticed it too. Were they telling me this stuff to scare me off or warn me? I wondered. I accepted the cookie Mandy held out to me, a little witch with bright green frosting. I took a huge bite chewing while I was lost in my own thoughts. They were all still laughing over things their own kids had done recently. I swallowed the bite I'd taken regretting it straight away. I'd forgotten I was already stuffed. I got the sawdust taste in my mouth along with my throat starting to twitch and jumped up from the table knocking over my cider on my mad dash into the nearest bathroom.

I heaved up everything I'd ate since I woke up at 5. I was wiping my mouth off when someone knocked of the door. "Aleah? Its me… you ok hon?" Rachel's kind voice asked through the black door.

I reached over and opened it letting her, glad that I'd already rinsed my mouth out. "I'm fine. Just… too many cookies I think."

Rachel nodded, studying me close while I balled up the toilet paper in my hand. "You sure its just the cookies?"

"I'm sure." I gave her a small smile, brushing past her to go back to the table with the others. I saw a few of them looking at me curiously when I sat down to start back on my treat bags. Whoever had picked up the candy had taken a few handfuls out of each bag for themselves making me think it must have been prospects that did the shopping. Chuckie would have a blast around here.

"We have some Sprite in the fridge if you want some." Mandy nodded towards the large stainless steel appliance. "And I keep crackers in my purse now."

"How far along are you anyways?" Lily asked her, pulling her blonde hair up into a messy bun.

"10 weeks." Mandy sighed with fake exasperation. "Only 30 more to go."

I listened to the others talk, working in my silence while I went back to my thoughts like I had been before I got sick. I hadn't had a period since the night Kozik had… I shoved that one away into the corner of my mind. Since we'd had sex. That didn't really mean much for me though, I'd had skipped ones before I'd miscarried. Then after it'd taken a while to even have one. The chances of me being pregnant were slim. Very slim since I didn't have normal female things happening. But there was still the chance…..

Kozik would freak. I knew that. He'd said we could have a baby if we waited for a while, not a few months after I moved in. It was too soon. He didn't even like kids. Liked babies even less. Did I even want a baby with him? He was getting older… he had gray hairs poking out, his leg was giving him problems…he'd already slapped me once. I didn't realize Mandy was talking to me until she waved a hand un front of my face. "Oh! Sorry… I was… thinking."

Mandy gave me a knowing smile, pushing the Sprite towards me. "I said drink this… it'll make you feel better. You look a little pale."

I took it taking a small sip until I was sure I could hold it down. The sugary sweet smell of the Halloween stuff was killing me. "Do the kids come here for anything? Or do we just prep here?"

"The kids come here. We do apple bobbing, pretend fishing for the treat bags, snacks, scary stories, sometimes the guys will turn the warehouse into a 'scare house' if we have the man power and time. Lee's supposed to ask around for volunteers after work. The whole town loves it. Shows them we're not all bad."

"Do they not like the club being here?" I asked taking another gulp of the Sprite.

Nicole answered me this time. "Some of them don't. Some of them don't mind the MC. The Sons here keep out what they can, but they can't control everything that comes in like the SAMCRO crew. They try to do a lot for the community though. Plus…. No one can beat our construction prices right?"

The ladies all laughed together with Rachel explaining. "We have another Old Lady that works in the same office permits go through… if its not a SAMTAC permit… well lets just say your construction might be put on hold for a while."

"We could use you back at the office if you decide you wouldn't mind coming back. We haven't been able to find another girl, and I've been taking off most mornings." Mandy glanced over the table at me. "Too sick to be up before 10."

"I might… I'll talk to Koz first." I wouldn't mind going back to work to just get out of the house. I was still hoping for a nurse position to open up at the hospital though. It seemed like you had to have an in there that I didn't have. "What time do the guys come through at?"

"Should be any minute." Nicole looked at her watch. "Good thing we're pretty much finished or they'd be eating everything."

They still got into the stuff for the kids party tomorrow night. Fingers were poking holes in the plastic wrap to dig cookies out, and cupcakes were being taken off of the cupcakes tier in the fridge. I waited around for Kozik, hanging back from the others. I felt a little nauseous but chalked it up to my nerves. He didn't get there until well after the others did, Sven had told me Kozik was making sure the boxes on the work trucks were locked. Sven had made faces at the Halloween decorations but dug into the cupcakes saying "This, I understand."

Kozik didn't come straight to me when he got inside the clubhouse. He was talking with Lee in the hallway the chapel was in, looking tense. I watched him, noticing he must have changed his shirt at some point because he was too clean to have been on the job site all day. His cut was already back on his shoulders, like most of the guys were. I stayed tucked away, waiting patiently while they talked like two girls hunkered down. Finally after Lee pointed a finger in Kozik's chest snapping at him and Kozik bowed up, obviously arguing, they were done.

He headed my way, not even smiling when his eyes fell on me. "Lets go Leah, come on." I straightened up grabbing my jacket hurriedly following after him. "Where you want to go?"

I gave the girls a wave on our way out of the door, sad to leave the clubhouse but happy to be alone with Kozik. "Anywhere. The diner is fine, or whatever you feel like."

Kozik led me to his bike handing me the extra helmet he'd started carrying for me. "We'll come back for the car later." He slid his clear night glasses on, waiting for me to climb on behind him. I leaned into him, gripping his thighs while we rode to a small outdoors type restaurant not far away.

Once we were seated at a cute little wrought iron table on the patio he lit a cigarette, giving me his lazy grin, all traces of anger gone. "Look little girl….. I changed clothes and everything just for you. You better put out after this date is over."

I looked over the top of the menu, smirking. "My mom told me to never put out after the first date."

"This has to count as like… the 30th date or something." He defended himself flicking ashes down into the tray. "I took you out before."

"Burgers at Nikki's so doesn't count as a date." I threw my menu down on the glass top. "Or getting pizza. You owe me a nice, romantic night out."

"Romance and us hasn't ever happened." Kozik shrugged leaning up now that he was done smoking. "Didn't know you were into that kind of thing."

The night air was cool, but not cold exactly. Not yet. The girls told me we had another month before the snow would start again. I shrugged out of my jacket, putting it on the back of the chair carefully. "I am… I've never had someone be.. Romantic." I scanned my memories, Juice had been sweet, but he was a goof and didn't do the romantic bit that great. Kozik had started out as a friend, someone I joked with so the romantic stuff hadn't happened there either. Did I want real romance out of him?

Kozik reached across the table, taking my hand in his. "Hmmm.. Give me some ideas here. I didn't have to romance the first Old Lady."

My stomach flip flopped throwing me out a hit of nausea.. Kozik stared back with one eyebrow raised. "You okay little girl? You look… freaked…."

"Fine… perfect. Just… Not feeling good." I ran my thumb across the back of his hand noting how soft the skin was there.

"We can go if you want, but you should eat."

"Hey Koz, can I ask you something?" I let go of his hand to grab one of the potato skins we'd ordered.

Kozik pushed the sour cream towards me, knowing I could eat it by the spoonful completely alone. "Yeah sure why not? My life's been full of your questions for a couple of years now." He grinned unraveling his silverware. "Shoot."

I dipped my index finger into the sour cream licking it off slowly. "So, your daughter… Kendra. How old is she anyways?"

His eyes cut towards me then back to his food. "Young." He took a big bite out of his potato, stopping the conversation.

"Like…. 12 young? 15?" I guessed around trying to spark a straight answer from him.

"Mmmm…. 16." Kozik finally answered, I could feel his eyes on my face gauging my reaction to that news.

So his daughter was only 6 years younger than I was. No wonder he'd avoided telling me. "Ohh.. I thought you meant you had a little kid." I chewed on a bite of potato lathered in bacon and cheese swallowing after a few chews. "So that's why you wouldn't more kids… too far apart in age."

"Something like that." Kozik agreed handing his empty plate to the waiter that was bringing our main meals out. He'd ordered some kind of grilled chicken with sauce on top, and I'd gotten the nice normal choice of pasta with chicken alfredo. "You goin to the kiddie bash tomorrow night?"

I nodded, a mouthful of noodles keeping me from talking until I swallowed it down. "I told Mandy I'd help her with Devin since she's not feelin so hot lately, I have to get the apples for the washtub in the morning." I twirled my fork around in my food. "Aren't you going too?"

"Nah. Not my kind of thing. I have to pack up anyways, get ready to go Rogue River for a couple of days." Kozik reached over stabbing a piece of my chicken covered in the white sauce. "You gonna be okay while I'm gone?"

"I always am aren't I?" It came out cheekier than I'd intended it to. "When are you leaving?"

"The evening. I need you to do me a favor while I'm gone though… make sure you keep that .45 close by. Make sure you lock up every night."

So he had been arguing with Lee over something. Something that involved me not being safe at home or made Kozik question it. "Is there something I should know?"

Kozik touched the gauge in his left ear, tugging on it. "Nope. Just a precaution. Some shits going down. I'd rather you be prepared just in case. We'll have to get you a dog soon, a real one."

"Gizmo isn't a cat you know." I laid my fork down feeling a little queasy again. "Will you be gone long?"

"Just two days. Why? You're actin like you might miss me or something." He shot me that easy going grin of his that always made me smile back. "Maybe when I get back we can finish the house. I got a new prospect, so we should be good on manpower if you still want to paint."

I picked at the basket of bread in front of me making little crumbs with the end that was closest to me. "Sure. I'll look at colors tomorrow when I go out for the apples. Are you sure we can afford all of this though?"

Kozik tossed his napkin down on top of his empty plate, taking the check from the waiter. "I'm pretty sure I can afford a few gallons of paint and a trip to Ikea babe."

"So.. We have money then?" I asked slowly trying to get a feel of our financial situation. Could we even afford to have a baby? I didn't have health insurance, and we'd have to start from scratch with baby gear. Plus he had his other kid to take care of.

He slid his debit card into the little book, holding it up for the waiter to come grab. "Yes we have money. We're not filthy rich but we're not poor either." He studied me from across the table. "I told you, you don't have to go back to work unless you just want to if that's what you're worrying about."

"Mandy did ask if I wanted to come back to the office." I quit playing with the bread deciding to focus on trying to finish my dinner. "I might go back, just to help out. Have my own cash. The TM checks are pretty shitty lately. Dad's account is still there but I hate touching it in case he ever needs it."

"Then don't touch it. I told ya kid, I can take care of you now." Kozik drank from his glass of Pepsi. "Do you need some more cash?" He asked frowning a little.

He'd taken to dropping me a few bills on the dresser when he left before me. My 'allowance' he joked when I asked about it, plus he'd let me keep the credit card from his last long trip. Spending Kozik's money made me feel bad, like I was wasting it any time I looked at something for myself, it was way different than spending Juice's money. I knew Juice's financial state, Kozik's I had no clue about except he must have a decent stash somewhere. I also knew that being the SAA granted him a larger chunk of their payouts than the other guys.

"Nope… I'm good. Just exploring options." I smiled despite the rumbling of my stomach. "Can we split?" I was dreading getting on the back of his bike but I didn't have much of a choice. I was ready to get home and curl on the couch for the night with a scary movie.

So the minute we got home, I went straight for the couch without even asking him what he wanted to do. I kicked my shoes off, grabbed the throw blanket and stretched out. I was exhausted. Kozik headed into his office to tinker around on the computer to my relief. That meant no sex. I didn't feel like having sex. I wanted to lay down, watch TV and think on this situation before I braved it and went for a pregnancy test.

I could hear him on the phone talking to someone after I was halfway into my movie. It sounded like he was trying to be hushed so I didn't show any signs of hearing him. I did bump the TV down a couple of notches, listening hard to him. I was curious about what had him on the road so much lately, and why I suddenly needed to sleep with a gun.

"I'm headed up there tomorrow. I think that's the last one." He paused. "I know Donut, I know. I thought he was dead too. We'll finish it this time. Hap's going with me. No, she'll be fine. Sven's gonna come check on her too, I trust him more than any of the others. He's hard. I didn't see any reason to mention it. Yeah.. Out."

I tucked my head back into the couch pillow when Kozik emerged from his office sans cut and shirt. His hair was sticking up more than usual which told me he'd been messing with it and nervous about something. Or worried. He fell onto the couch with me, laying his head on the opposite end of mine. "Just like old times huh?"

"Exactly what I was thinking only this time you're not feeding me popcorn and pot for dinner." Kozik laughed stretching out completely then pulling my legs towards him. His hands rubbed along my calves while I did the same thing to his. "And I don't have to sleep on the couch this time either."

"I think that's the only time you ever slept anywhere but with me. You tried so hard not to touch when you slept." I grinned down the couch at him remembering Kozik clutching his pillow at night. "Glad that's changed."

"Glad a lot of things have changed since then. Glad you're here with me, just the two of us."

Just the two of us. The way he seemed to like it. With the pudgy little dog of course.


	8. Chapter 8

**Loved all of the reviews from the last chapter :D thank you all so much including the guest reviewers. **

**Happy New Year! **

**I do not own SOA only my own characters…. **

**Hopefully in the next couple of days ill have your flashback ready for you. **

Chapter 8 She's Having a…..

Any doubts I had about needing a pregnancy were pushed aside when I woke up sick the next morning. I ran the shower the entire time so Kozik wouldn't hear me. This was something to keep entirely to myself. I swore I wouldn't even call Jessica until I sorted this out alone. After I was sure I wouldn't throw up again I climbed into the shower just in the nick of time when Kozik swung open the bathroom door. "I'm almost done." I poked my head out, thankful I'd already gotten my hair wet first.

"Take your time." He yawned rummaging around for his razor in one of the drawers.

I ducked back underneath the stream of hot water hurrying to play catch up before he actually did decide I was taking too long and got in with me. Shower sex wasn't sounding very appealing after hurling for twenty minutes straight. I was halfway through shaving my legs when he slid the fiber glass door open, stepping inside with me. "Oh. I'll get out." I started to slip past him ignoring the way the water drops looked on his chest. Usually that would make me want to lean over and lick them away.

"Why don't you stay?" Kozik suggested pulling me back under the steaming water. "I'm leavin in a couple of hours… thought you'd want to say goodbye."

I didn't want to say goodbye with sex I thought to myself but let him kiss down my neck stopping to suck on the right spots that would normally make me scratch at his back. I slid my arms around his neck, showing him to go ahead even though I wasn't into it. I followed his leads hiking a leg up over his hip after he was full on hard. It wasn't too far into it when he finally noticed I wasn't writhing and moaning. "This isn't doing anything for you?" He asked with a frown pressing me against the shower wall.

"No it is, I'm just.. Tired." I lied not wanting to ruin his sex life just because I was feeling prudish. "Keep going."

I made a better effort at faking I was liking it. I dug my nails into his shoulders at what I thought were the right moments and threw in a couple of whimpers. "Just…. Go. I don't think I'm gonna…."

Kozik didn't look happy at all with that. I'd never not gotten off when we'd had sex, but he grabbed two handfuls of my ass holding me up and got his. "Shit… I should have wrapped it." He muttered pulling out of me.

That did more to confirm I was doing the right thing in keeping my suspicions to myself. "I gotta get ready." I excused myself climbing out of the shower before he could say anything to stop me. I grabbed a towel from the little cubbies beside the shower that Kozik had installed himself not too long after we moved it. Little by little we were making changes.

I wrapped myself up going back into our room, eyeing the bag on top of the bed before pulling it open to see what he'd packed. It was a small saddle bag so he didn't have much room. He'd stuffed a razor, toothbrush, toothpaste, body wash, condoms, and the salve I'd bought for leg. The sight of it made me smile, he was finally starting to let me take care of him even if he was being sneaky about it. The condoms… well at least he was having safe sex with someone. I threw in an extra shirt after I rolled it in into a little sausage roll and stuffed in a little note that said _'love you-the kid' _

I dressed as comfortable as possible in my normal track pants, t shirt, and converse. No make up, wet hair pulled up into a pony tail. I was downstairs combing through the morning mail when Kozik came down with his saddlebag over his shoulder. "You headin out?"

"Yep… Decided to go a little earlier. Might be able to get back sooner." Kozik leaned down to give me a kiss. "Are you still planning on going to the clubhouse tonight?"

"Yeah, I got a few errands to run, I want to look at paint. Maybe go ahead and look at furniture for the other rooms. Maybe get some fall decorations to put out front with the bowl of candy." I smiled wondering if anyone in the neighborhood would even bring their kids by our house. So far the neighbors had kept a distance from us. They'd wave back occasionally if I was out front watering the flowers when they walked by but I knew they were still uneasy to have the SOA at the their door. There were only three residential areas in Tacoma though, and we had to live somewhere.

"Get whatever you want. Any furniture can be delivered if you want to buy it today." Kozik threw down the usual roll of twenties for me. "If you need more use the card, if you need cash get from the atm with it."

I nodded along with his instructions. Lock the door, make sure I closed Gizmo's dog door, if I got scared call Sven since he was the closest one only four doors down. And of course, keep the gun close by just in case. "Is everything okay? Like with the club?"

Kozik played it off well, I had to give him that. If I hadn't overheard him on the phone I wouldn't even know he was lying. "Everything's fine. Just going to help with the shipment. Need someone with muscle." He winked at me. "I'll see you in a couple of days Leah."

We leaned in at the same time for the last kiss, one of those tongue pressing, knees weak, and can't break it off types. Now I wanted to have sex. "Koz…. don't go.." I sighed into his neck kissing on his ear. The stupid gauge always got in the way.

"I have to. I'll be back in a couple of days. Just hold that thought… or send me pictures of it later." Kozik pulled away untangling us from each other. "I love you."

My stomach fluttered when he said it. It didn't happen often so when it did, he always threw me for a loop. "I love you too. Be careful."

I watched him go frowning from my spot on the front lawn. Two days to figure out what I was doing about everything. I grabbed my stuff and took off to the supermarket for the apples. No one had specified about what kind so I picked out 30 of each color, hauling them back to Kozik's truck in the buggy in the large crates they'd gave me with them. One job down… fifty more to go. I grabbed my phone dialing Rachel up to see if she wanted to get lunch but she was tied up with the baby teething. I tried Mandy next, she'd agreed instantly saying she was having a craving for Mexican.

I waited in the truck for her until I saw the suburban pull in beside me. Mandy didn't have much of a bump just yet, mostly just a pudge. She was still wearing her normal clothes and looked like a woman that could use a nap. Kind of like how I felt. "Hey… Koz is gone, so I thought.. Why not have some girl time before the kids thing?" I followed her to a booth in the back.

"I could use the break too. Devon's at school but I have laundry, cleaning, meals to cook, I don't think I even remember the last time I had sex." Mandy made a face not even bothering to look at her menu. "Or wanted to."

So the sex thing wasn't just me. Or the not wanting to do much of anything. "I could always use a break. Turning that place into something… cozy.. Is harder than I thought."

"It's a nice house though. Just needs a woman's touch." She handed the menus to the waiter ordering when he came over. "I'm so exhausted."

"Does Lee.. …Help you around?" I asked moving my straw around. I wished Jessica were here now. I could use her bubbly personality to cheer me up. Snap me out of this.

"When he can. But you know how those guys are, he's had his hands full with the club lately so I don't get much help unless you count him going to the doctors appointments with me."

I'd been curious about that, I was glad she'd brought it up first. "Which doctor do you use around here? I've been to the hospital to apply for jobs but that's as far as I got."

Mandy talked with her hands, waving a chip around before dipping it into the salsa. "Oh I go over to Dr. Byrd on 17th street. He's great. I used him years ago when I had the first one. You lookin for a regular doc?"

"Just need a checkup." I gave her a smile keeping away from the chips. Something about the texture of the salsa told me I'd throw up if I even put it in my mouth. "Are we supposed to be dressing up in costumes tonight?"

"If you want. I'm just slapping on some stuff around the house and calling myself a scarecrow. Rachel said her bunch was dressing up in matching ones. Nicole always pulls out something slutty." Mandy snickered going at the chips like they were the best thing she'd eaten in days. "So yeah, just whatever you want. Dress up, don't. Doesn't matter."

Doesn't matter… I kept that in mind when we finished lunch and decided to walk down to the little shops together. I found a cute but still modest Dorothy costume in one of them that looked like it'd fit just right and bought it on a whim. "Let's go over to the drugstore, I need to grab some Tums." Mandy rubbed her stomach with a sigh. "The Mexican is doing me in."

Drugstore worked for me. I followed her over to the cute old fashioned store, it still had a soda fountain in the middle of it that Mandy headed straight for even though we'd just eaten and ordered ice cream while I browsed the aisles. I found the pregnancy tests easy enough next to the condoms, lubes, and anything else they think leads you to needing to buy a pregnancy test. I ran my tongue over my lips before grabbing a three pack of First response. Wait until Kozik saw that purchase come across his Visa bill I thought to myself when I threw them up on the counter along with a pack of gum for any accidents I might have throughout the day.

I stuffed the bag deep down into my purse before going back over to Mandy. "I think I'm gonna head home, I told Kozik I'd do a few things there while he was gone."

Mandy got up taking her huge waffle cone with her. "Sure, I'll see you tonight then."

My day out was cut way short. I didn't make it to the hardware store to look at paint, or over to Ikea to look at more furniture for the extra rooms which all turned out to be a good thing. I didn't know if I should be planning to paint one room pink or blue anytime soon. I read over the instructions in the test even though I'd done this drill a few times before. I'd went through 20 of these things when I found I was pregnant the last time. The wait once I actually used one of them was the hard part. I paced around with Gizmo watching me from the bed lazily.

"If I'm pregnant… I can't tell Kozik. He'll flip. No flip is an understatement. He'll kill me, after he tells me to get rid of it. Its too soon for a baby. He doesn't even like kids. He has a daughter he doesn't even have anything to do with. She _is _a brat though. No, I can't say she's a brat, I don't even know her." I stopped pacing to look at the dog. "If I'm not pregnant, I have to go to the doctor anyways, skipping like this isn't good for me when we actually do decide to have a baby. If he wants one….."

I glanced at the face on my phone, it was tell all time. I took a deep breath steadying my nerves when I walked in. The white stick was laid out on a wad of toilet paper waiting to be read. I leaned over, reading the little blue signs on it carefully. Pregnant. I'd been expecting that. I wrapped it up in the toilet paper shoving it down deep inside of the trash can. The extra tests were stowed away in the very back of the bathroom cabinet behind the tampons. Places Kozik would never look for anything.

The bed became my sanctuary for the next few hours. I curled up deciding between calling Mom and Jess or not… calling Kozik. Only I couldn't call Kozik, he was on the road and even though he had blue tooth in his helmet, I didn't like the idea of him talking on the phone while he rode down the interstate with Happy. So I kept my secret to myself for now….

The Halloween bash at the clubhouse was fun. The kids were all dressed up and running around between the clubhouse and warehouse with candy apples and cupcakes all over their faces while we chased after them. My Dorothy dress was a hit with everyone even grouchy Sven who kept rolling his eyes at the Halloween things. Apparently he didn't celebrate 'the devils holiday' in his country despite the fact he'd very openly told me he was in no way religious either but was happy to eat the treats. The tricks came when I got home…

The house had been rolled. Toilet paper was everywhere, including in my flowers. Someone had taken Saran wrap and wrapped the doors shut on my car. It was a good thing I was in Kozik's truck or he'd die at the shaving cream smeared all over the windows of the car. I grimaced when I stepped in something crunchy and looked down to find a busted egg under my foot. "Classy guys!" I called out to whoever had to be hiding nearby to see my reaction. "Get this cleaned up before Kozik gets home!"

I tried to unlock the door getting angry when it unlocked but the knob kept turning over in my hand. Someone had buttered it. "You've got to be kidding me." I muttered using the skirt of the dress to grip the door finally getting inside my own house. Tacoma was a little too into the spirit for me. I locked the dead bolt as soon as I got in, frowning when I looked around. Something seemed off inside too. But no one would have went inside our house, they knew better than that.

I grabbed the gun in my purse keeping a hand on it while I crept around the house peeping around corners. Someone had been inside the house. In Kozik's office. His computer was on, desk chair turned to the side when whoever it was had stood up. His papers were strewn around on the floor, things turned upside down. I could hear Gizmo going crazy from somewhere, the bathroom downstairs I discovered, someone had locked him up. I hit the speed dial for Kozik, feeling queasy as the phone rang a few times before he answered. "Yeah?"

"Kozik? Its me… Leah." I could hear men laughing and yelling around him.

"I know who you are babe. Trust me. What's up?"

"Someone was in the house tonight while I was gone. They destroyed your office, locked Gizmo up." I tried not to sound as shaken as I felt. Kozik yelled for the guys to shut up before speaking again.

"I'm calling Fingers to stay with you until I get there, I'll be back in as soon as I can." He sounded pissed. "I know who it was, don't worry about that."

"Okay… should I… should I change the locks or something?" I was remembering the last break in I'd went through and was suddenly paranoid they might come back. "They didn't take anything or do anything anywhere else."

"No, I'll handle it. Just… don't go back outside. I'll call you back in a second ok?" He hung up suddenly leaving me listening to nothing but silence.

I cowered in our room with the door locked behind me until I heard the sound of a motorcycle pulling up. I went downstairs quickly to let Fingers in, he slipped past me going straight for Kozik's office to poke around. "I don't think they took anything.. But Kozik would only know. I don't ever come in here." I explained watching him rifle through the papers. The papers were nothing important mostly stuff about job sites, permits, a few things for the club like who owed dues, and events they had coming up. Nothing of importance. He wouldn't keep any of that out in the open anyways.

"I think whoever it was knew they wouldn't find what they were looking when they came in here. That's the only reason they didn't touch the rest of the house. And locked your mutt up." Fingers said gruffly shaking his head while he tugged on his beard. "Get some sleep girl, I'll be down here keeping an eye out."

"You sure? You don't have to stay." I protested as he went to sit down. "Sven's just down the block, I'm sure I can call him if something else happens."

"You really think I'm going to go home and leave you alone? Looks like you got attacked more than once tonight anyways." His eyes twinkled having seen the mess outside.

I rolled my eyes going for the stairs knowing it was pointless to argue about my new bodyguard. "I hope they clean it up before Kozik gets here or I'll feel as bad for them as I do the burglar."

The mess was mostly gone when I woke up around 6 to throw up. I was still groggy enough to not care that Fingers was downstairs probably still awake and would like some coffee. I crawled back into the bed taking the trash can with me. Kozik had never called me back after I called him. It was kind of annoying. Like he didn't care enough to check up on me to break up his party.

I ended up with Fingers, Sven, and Fast Freddy as rotating bodyguards for two weeks. I was pissed with Kozik to say the least. I was miserable, throwing up almost constantly, sleeping when I wasn't throwing up. I couldn't even see eggs, lunchmeat, or sour cream without gagging. The grocery store was pure hell for me. I was pushing my buggy through the aisles slowly when Mom called me to finalize our Thanksgiving plans. I almost groaned at the thought of making the long drive to Charming. "I haven't got to ask Kozik what day he's planning on going down."

"Doesn't matter. Any day is fine as long as we get to see you. Abel is excited for you to come back down, Tig was asking after you too." Mom said, I could hear the bird tweeting near her. "I figured I'd invite just the family, and Jessica with her two. Nero of course."

"Works for me. I don't want a big…. Samcro dinner." I didn't want to see them, face them after I'd left the way I did. Kozik had saw them since then but that was different. "No sour cream though ok?"

"Thought you'd want to see the family? A month ago you were crying to see Jax." Mom was smirking even though I couldn't see it. "What happened?"

I stopped at the frozen food, looking through the glass to see what I could stomach. "I just… have something to tell you guys. Just us."

"I knew it!" Mom cried out sounding thrilled. "I knew he'd knock you up before a year was over. What's he think about this?"

"He doesn't know." I sighed grabbing a few TV dinners. Dinner for one. Yum. "He's been gone for two weeks already. I'm sick, I'm miserable, and I just want to go home and go to bed."

"Have you been to the doctor?"

"Not yet… I wanted to tell him first. Make sure… we were going through with it first." I tossed in a frozen pie next then ice cream. "I don't think he's going to be thrilled about this. He's old."

Mom snorted loudly. "I'm old too but I still think a baby is always a good thing. don't let him boss you into something drastic."

That thought had been on my mind for a while since I found I was pregnant. Kozik telling me to get rid of it, there was the chance that he would. I'd been so tempted to tell him on the phone but didn't want to do it that way. I wanted it to be sweet and private, face to face. I didn't know if I could do it even if he asked me to. I'd prayed and cried for a baby for so long just to get one when I was the least prepared for it. "I won't. Just don't be surprised if he doesn't drop me off with Gizmo and my clothes when we come for dinner."

"This old house is too empty anyways." Mom added in. "I could use the company. You're staying here when you come aren't you?"

"I think so. He hasn't said we'd stay anywhere else."

"Good. I'll get your old room ready for you then. Listen I gotta go, I have to go meet Nero."

Nero.. Blah. I still didn't care much for the spic gang banger but what could I say? "Sure…. don't.. say anything to anyone ok? Love you."

"Love you too baby."

I slid the phone back in my pocket, pursing the aisles again for anything I missed deciding popcorn would be great for dinner tonight. I threw in a box of butter lovers with a pack of m&m's and I was all set to go. I was almost home free of running into anyone when luck would have it Mandy was getting out of her suburban parked next to Kozik's truck. I sighed to myself, I looked like hell. I was pale, skinny, and my hair was pulled into a greasy ponytail. And I had circles under my eyes despite all of the sleep I was getting.

"Hey girl.. Haven't heard from you in a few days." Mandy greeted me starting to help me put the bags in the back of the truck. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. Just.. Not feeling very well." I gave her a tiny smile tossing in the bag that held the bread.

"I see that. I heard Kozik is on his way home." She slid the last bag on the floorboard. "You hear from him?"

I shook my head shutting the back door gently. Kozik would flip if anything happened to his truck. "Not for a couple of days unless you count the 'Night baby' texts every night at midnight."

Mandy put a hand on her small baby bump, she had to be at least 14 weeks by now. "Did you have anymore trouble at your place after the break in?"

"Nope. Kozik told me not to worry about it. The clubs been checking in on me at night just to play it safe." I didn't feel like standing here talking to her. I wanted to go home, eat my Ben n Jerry's Phish food and go to bed with my dog. Boyfriend seemed to be happier on the road than at home.

"We're having a pot luck tomorrow if you want to come, over at my place around noon." She invited not taking the hint when I shifted from side to side. "You don't look so hot."

"I don't feel so hot…" I got out before the smell of her perfume hit me, making me nauseous. "I really need to go. I'll see you tomorrow." I knew it was rude but I clambered inside the truck as fast as I could, slamming the door behind me. I couldn't puke in here. That'd be signing my own death certificate.

A few deep breaths, and a couple sips of water later I was able to drive home. My car had been cleaned, washed, and detailed as part of the prospects apologies for rolling the house but I still preferred driving the monstrous truck around. I had more room, and it smelled like Kozik's cologne inside the cab. I pulled into the driveway, peering at the Harley parked next to the garage until I recognized it. I threw the truck door open, taking off inside at a run. "Kozik?!"

The tall, lanky, blonde man came out of the kitchen holding a beer in one hand with a grin on his face. "Miss me doll?"

I ran towards him practically tackling him to the ground when he let us fall back, careful not to let me drop back. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?" I kissed him hungrily not even giving him time to talk to me. Kozik's mouth covered mine kissing me back just as hard. I wrapped my hands in his hair holding him close.

"Thought I'd surprise you." Kozik kissed my nose playfully. "I didn't mean to leave you alone for so long Leah."

"You're here now." I told him with a smile, my tiredness and nausea were completely gone now. "Don't leave me again… not for a while."

He nodded kissing my ear now, letting me lay on top of him in the middle of the floor. His beer was spilling over onto the carpet in a puddle. "You should let me up, let me clean up that mess… and maybe get your groceries out for you."

"You're going to clean something?" I asked amazed but still rolled of him. "I need to grab my camera."

"Hey I lived alone for almost twenty years before you came along ya know." Koz grinned going to grab napkins and the spot cleaner. "I'm not totally dependent on a woman. I just like to let you do things."

"Uh huh…" I watched while he actually did get down and wipe up his beer mess. I wrinkled my nose at the smell of the carpet cleaner but managed to hold it in until he was done. "I'll start putting stuff up as you bring it in."

We had a good system going on, him carrying in my few bags while I rifled through them leaving out the things I wanted to eat or he'd picked at. Ice cream, popcorn, and root beer with a side of candy. "I talked to Gemma earlier, she was making our Thanksgiving plans. She's planning for just the family at her house."

Kozik chewed on his handful of candy while he talked. "Look… about that… I don't know if I can go down or not."

I hit the stop button on the microwave throwing him a dirty look. "We have to go, its Thanksgiving and we haven't been there once since I moved in."

"I know that, and I'm sorry. But I have a lot of shit going on here. Plus… Kendra's mom called me a couple of days ago. She wants me to take her for a few days while she goes on a cruise with her new husband." Kozik swallowed down his candy. "I told her it wouldn't be a problem."

"Kozik, you knew we had plans with MY family." I ripped open the bag of popcorn angrily. This was one fight he wasn't going to win. "We've had these plans for over a month already."

He ruffled his hair in the front, the sign he was getting annoyed. "Well I can't just tell my _daughter_ that she's not welcome at my house because I had plans with my _other _family."

I could hear the sting in his words but I discarded it. "Can't she… stay with a friend or something?" I knew I sounded insensitive even before I said it. "I really want to go visit everyone."

"No she can not go stay with a friend. I'm her father Aleah. You knew I had a daughter before we even started shacking up. Don't even start with this." Kozik snapped at me.

I dug through the cabinets for the biggest Tupperware bowl we had, dumping the popcorn into it. "Then I'll go by myself."

"No you won't. You should meet her, get used to her. She should get used to you too if you're planning on being around. We'll go to Charming for Christmas."

I felt the tears sliding down my face. "You always do this to me! What I want doesn't matter! As long as you get the last say, its all fine!" I slammed the bowl down, my tears mixing in with the popcorn. "I'm sick of it!"

"And I'm sick of arguing about this shit. Kendra's coming here for Thanksgiving next week, its final. Get over yourself. Grow the fuck up Aleah." Kozik growled pulling the bowl away from my tears path. "You can't always have it your way kid."

"You grow up! Stop being a jealous prick and let me go home dammit!" I yelled out just as his hand popped the side of my face. I cried harder holding my cheek.

"I said drop it!" Kozik was in front of me now, eyes flashing. "Shut it up or get the hell away from me. Now."

My face was stinging worse than it had the last time he popped me. Unlike last time I was willing to admit I might have deserved it this time. That didn't mean I was going without a fight. I hit the bowl sending popcorn flying everywhere. "You said you'd never do that again." I threw him a hurt look before going for the stairs.

I was crying too hard to see the steps clearly so I sank down at the bottom sobbing in small gasps when he tried to touch me. I pushed his hands away crying harder. "I…..w-w-want to g-go h-home…" I cried is frantic gasps.

"Shhh… calm down baby. Calm down… I'm sorry ok? I shouldn't have did that to you. It was wrong… just take a deep breath." Kozik was using a soft voice, one hand on my back rubbing it in a circle. "I'm so sorry I did that."

"Y-you said…. You wouldn't.. hit me." I was having a full on panic attack now, my chest was pounding like I was having a heart attack. "I c-c-an't… breath.."

Kozik pulled me to him, sliding me into his lap. "Try to breath real slow for me… I love you girl. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I'm sorry okay? I love you. But you have to calm down. We'll figure this shit out somehow."

I couldn't calm down. It'd already started. I started to feel dizzy little by little, breather harder and harder. He was on the phone talking to someone, I could hear him like it was all fuzzy. "Kkozik…." I struggled to get out when I pieced together he was calling an ambulance. "I..I… I'm p-p-preg-nant."

"Holy shit…" He pulled me closer, holding me tightly. "Why didn't you tell me that before Leah? Leah?"

Leah… I drifted off with the fuzzy sounds.


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter was huge! I ended up cutting it into two so you guys didn't have a 22page chapter to read lol. I might go ahead and double post today to try and get you guys to the Juice point. **

**Almost at 100 reviews! You guys have no idea how happy that makes me feel! Thank you!**

**Those of you that requested to read Sven, please let me know how that's coming along for you… **

**Thanks to Jess as always for her help and musings. **

**I do not own SOA only my characters. **

Chapter 9 One Big Happy Family

I was awake when they rushed me into the hospital room, shoving Kozik out of the way when he tried to follow in with me. The verdict was that I was severely dehydrated which is why I started to feel weak and pass out, and had a panic attack. I was waiting for them to wheel the ultrasound machine up when they finally let Kozik in to see me. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to look at him after what he'd done.

Kozik came into the room hurriedly, his cut was buttoned up completely up to his neck. "Leah, are you okay baby?" He asked leaning down to kiss my forehead. "You scared me kid."

"I'm okay." I sniffed turning my face from him. "I'm dehydrated pretty bad."

"They said your blood sugar was low too. Why haven't you been eating or drinking anything?" He touched my hand for a brief second before I pulled it back tucking it under the blankets.

"I have. I'm just… sick." My stomach hurt just thinking about the past two weeks. "All I do is pee and throw up. Or sleep."

He didn't look happy with that answer. Or the fact that I kept shying away from his touch. "You should have told me to come home little girl. I would have. I didn't know you were….."

"No you wouldn't have. Club first." I reminded him shifting around on the uncomfortable bed. "And I was waiting for you to get home to talk about it… until you… slapped me. Again."

Kozik looked away with a shake of his head. "I shouldn't have done that. I promised you I wouldn't. I'm sorry ok?" He touched the side of my cheek that had been hit. "We need to work this out. Together in Tacoma."

"I'm tired of you always saying no." I sighed finally letting him keep his hand on me. "I miss my family Kozik. Plus.. I don't know if we can work this one out. You don't want a baby."

"Do you want it?" He asked quietly stroking my hair back in such a soft manner I couldn't believe it. "You want this baby little girl? You ready for it?"I gave him a little nod. I did want my baby, I'd always wanted a baby. Kozik was silent for a few seconds before saying "Then we're having a baby."

The tech came in just then with her portable machine and a bright smile. "Just want to check things out, make sure everything is okay with the fetus." She explained getting her stuff together, telling me what she was going to do.

Kozik bristled a little at the tech pushing the sheets up to do the ultrasound but didn't say anything. It took a three times but we finally saw a little dark circle with a pulsing heartbeat on the screen in black and white. I was 10wks 2 days pregnant. We'd have a May baby. I had to rest for a couple of days, make sure to start vitamins, and book a follow up appointment which I needed to do anyways. I was 6 weeks further along than I thought I was.

I got discharged after receiving two bags of fluid, someone had brought Kozik's truck to the hospital for him. He helped me in and out of the cab when we got home despite my protests, I wasn't helpless. "I'm fine Kozik. Just… back off." I grumbled trying to get inside of the house. After three hours of the hospital all I wanted to do was go crawl into my bed. Alone.

"I'm trying Aleah. I just want to make sure you don't collapse on me or some shit." Kozik followed me up the stairs. "We should still talk.'

"No we shouldn't. I'm not mad at you." I lied kicking my shoes off before climbing into our cozy bed. This pregnancy exhaustion was kicking my ass. "I'll call Mom later, give her the news."

"You're mad. I can tell." He clambered onto the bed beside me, his cut was already discarded and hanging up by the door downstairs. "You leavin me?"

It was funny to me that this 'tough guy' was so worried I'd leave him. I pulled the blanket over my head. "I don't think so. Are you sure you want this baby?" I let my hand rest on my flat abdomen knowing it wouldn't be flat much longer.

Kozik answered in a thick voice. "Yeah I want it. I didn't think I did… but I'm okay with it if that's what you want. If you're sure you can handle a baby right now, then why not? You can't take off on me though."

"I'm not going anywhere. _This time_." I stressed the this time to him. "But if you slap me again, especially now.. I'm gone Koz. I told you, I won't put up with it."

"I can't put up with you being… like you were about Kendra either. She's my kid. I don't see her much."

I _had_ been pretty bitchy about the daughter thing. I rolled a little closer towards him. "I know you don't. I'm sorry about the way I was acting. I'll call Mom and tell her we can't make it. You're right, we should spend time with her too."

He slid an arm over me through the blankets. "I'm not the best father out there, but I try when I can. She's coming for four days."

Four days. Kozik had to go pick her up the day before Thanksgiving and take her back two days after. She was sweet, very loving, would like me he said. I had my doubts even when I called Mom the next day to tell her the bad news. She was pissed we'd canceled on them again. "I can't help it Mom.. He has to get her."

"Why don't you just bring her here?" Mom suggested not wanting to back down on the holiday together.

"He wants her to be here, in his house. Our house." I corrected myself. "We'll try to make it for Christmas. I guess I'll figure something out for dinner for just the three of us."

"No you won't. You're supposed to be resting." She snapped, I could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. "We're coming there. We'll be there the day before."

I thought I heard her wrong. "Who's coming here?"

"Me. Nero. Jax. The kids, Jessica, Carter. I'll load everyone up and we'll come see you."

"Here?" I looked around the house from the couch I was laying down on. Kozik had set me up with a bed of blankets, bags of chips, Gatorade and the TV remote before he left. "Are you sure they'll even want to come?"

"Who says I care if they want to come?" Mom challenged. "We'll be there the day before. I'll get everything done, Jessica can help me cook. Me and the kids will stay in a hotel, Jess can stay with you. Help you around. Jax will go to the clubhouse I'm sure."

By the time we hung she had it all planned out in her crazy mind. She'd load the family up and bring them to me since I couldn't go there even if I wanted to. She'd cook, clean, and help me around for the few days along with Jessica. Jax and Carter could just do chapel in Tacoma while they were here. And Nero would do whatever Mom told him to. I had two days to prep my house for everyone without Kozik knowing I was up doing it.

I managed to sneak a few decorations out without him noticing, not that I expected him to. I was in the backyard checking on my flowers when I found little scrapes along side our glass door like someone had been trying to pry it open but didn't know what they were doing. I frowned going back inside, locking it behind me. Someone was still after something they thought Kozik had. I decided to keep it to myself until after the next week was over, Kozik might cancel all of the fun if he thought something shady was going on.

I watched him get dressed before dark, he had to be in Sacramento by this afternoon to meet the ex wife. "Mom should be here tonight too." I reminded him watching as he stretched his leg out with a grimace.

"I don't want you up doing too much. I know you're not on bedrest but…" His eyes showed it all. But since I'd lost the baby before this one, he wasn't taking any chances. "Are you sure you don't want to come with me?"

I gave him a look. The last thing I wanted to do was go meet his ex wife, plus the daughter. I was nervous enough about meeting the daughter that was almost my age. Kozik had admitted to me last night he'd told her he had a girlfriend but that was it. I had my fingers crossed I could connect with her somehow and make it through the next few days. "I'm pretty sure. I'll have dinner when you get back in."

"If you need anything, call Sven. He'll either come or send a prospect over here." Kozik ordered pulling his jacket on before the cut. It was sleeting outside, I was getting used to the wet Siberian somewhat. "I'll call you on the road babe."

Kozik leaned down giving me a rough kiss that ended up with me tugging on his bottom lip with my teeth. "Maybe you'll have some time for me tonight." I suggested knowing I looked rough right now but thinking I could still tempt him into it. "Its been a few days…."

"Maybe… If you're sure you're up to it." He gave me a grin on his way to the bedroom door. "I'll lock up on my way out. Get some sleep while you can. We're about to have family out of our asses."

The family started pouring in around 3 with Mom arriving with Nero and the kids. Jax had went on to the clubhouse to check in there first which was fine by me since he'd sent the boys with Mom. I was in the kitchen when they got there, Mom just opened the door and let herself in. "Aleah? We're here!"

I wiped my hands off on a dishcloth going to the doorway quickly. Abel ran towards me hugging my legs. "Abel!" I cheered prying him off of my legs, lifting him up into a big hug. "Aunt Lee has missed you so much!"

"Abel missed you too." The little boy told me grinning at me with his chocolate smeared face.

"Put him down." Mom shook her head trying to take him back out of my arms. "You're knocked up for Christ's sake. You can't tote around a 40lb kid."

I squeezed Abel one more time before letting him go, just in time for Nero to come in carrying a sleeping Thomas. "Aww… he's gotten so big!" I squealed going to touch his soft baby hair. "We can lay him in Kozik's study on the sofa so we don't have to worry about the stairs."

"Aleah, you're looking nice. Good to see you." Nero greeted me, suave as ever. "Thanks for having me."

I let him give me a hug after he put Thomas down. I still couldn't say I exactly liked him. Nero himself was a great mean, a good catch even. Attractive. But not while Gemma was still married to my dad. "Of course. I'm glad you all came up to see me since I couldn't make it down there."

"Yeah.. Your mom said your step daughter was coming." Nero walked with me back to the kitchen where Mom was getting Abel something to snack on. "Step kids.. Now that's a tough one."

"Tell me about it." Mom smirked closing the fridge with a sway of her hip. "How old is the little brat anyways?"

"16." I sighed going to sit beside Abel at the counter on one of the stools. "I have no idea what to expect."

Nero helped himself to a cup of the coffee I'd had on heat. "Can't be that bad."

Mom put Abel's food in front of him, going over to my oven to peer into it. "Can't be that good either. I'll finish up the food, you go lay down. You look sick."

"I feel sick." I admitted with a frown. I'd been throwing up since Kozik left, and forcing myself to keep drinking since I couldn't stand to eat. How I'd gotten the roast into the oven was a mystery. "I have to go get Kendra's room ready still. I had to buy stuff for it."

"I'll do it." Mom told me with an authoritive tone. "Go lay down. Let me handle things."

"You're better off doing what she says." Nero elbowed me with a nod. "I got the little guy. We might have to go check out those flurries hittin the ground eh?"

Abel nodded enthusiastically, his mouth full of pb&j, ignoring the glass of chocolate milk in front of him. "Daddy says I can make a snowman. And that Uncle K…k… that's he's real mean to kids so I should kick him every time I see him."

I couldn't help but laugh at Jax's revenge tactics. One kick to the leg and Kozik would be down for two days. "Let's not hurt Uncle Koz. He's real old and he might cry if he gets hurt."

"I think we have a better chance of seeing Nero cry than Kozik." Mom was going around looking into my cupboards. "I thought I said I'd go shopping."

"Kozik did it. I wrote him a list last night and he went and got everything for tomorrow." I dropped my hand to rest on my stomach, feeling sick again. "I think I will go upstairs for a while if you don't mind. Come get me when Thomas is up?"

She waved me off already starting to wash the dishes that were in the sink. "Sure thing doll. I'll be up to check on you and finish off that room."

I laid down for a couple of hours after heaving into my toilet again. I was sound asleep when Kozik called and woke me up. "Helllo?" I answered groggily, it was dark outside. No one had waken me up like I asked.

"Hey baby… We're about 10 minutes away. I forgot to call earlier, thought I'd give you a heads up." Kozik said into my ear his voice sounding velvety.

"Ohh.. Okay. Dinner should be ready." I started climbing out of the bed grabbing clothes out of the closet to throw on. "I'll see you in a few."

I rushed to fix my hair, hide the circles under my eyes, the bruise on my cheek, and make myself look half decent. I didn't want to meet Kendra looking rough the first time. I hurried downstairs grinning when I heard Jax's loud booming talking to Abel. "Hey bro." I greeted him.

Jax stood up from the floor where he'd been crouched down coloring with the kids. "Thought you were dead when I went up there. Had to hold a mirror up to your nose and everything." He gave me a tight hug. "Thanks for inviting me up. Heard you miss me."

"More like I miss your kids." I stuck my tongue out at him getting a playful pop in the arm. "I better go check on Mom and Nero. She'll have the OG in there cooking."

"I think I'd pay to see that."

Mom was beating a bowl of potatoes when I walked in while Nero observed her from the kitchen table. "Mornin sleeping beauty."

I dipped my finger into the potatoes licking it off. "I told you to wake me up. Kozik called and said he's almost here."

"Good. Dinners done. I just have to round up the kids. Jess called, said they were leavin late tonight. Carter wanted to make sure it wasn't snowing too bad before they left with the kid in the car."

I reached into the cabinets getting plates down going to set the table. Nero got up grabbing the silverware. "Thanks." I gave him a small smile reminding myself he really was good to Gemma. And good for her. Dad was locked up…. Maybe I needed to get over the ill feelings towards him.

"No problem girl." He followed me around the table setting out the utensils after I put a plate down. "Think your man's here."

I heard Jax say "Hey how are you?" To someone, if it were Kozik they would have hugged and exchanged obscenities. I hurried back over to the counter to see if I could peek through the open doorway before Kendra came in. She beat me to it though, walking into the kitchen like she owned it. She was my height, with long straight bright blonde hair like Kozik's, she had his cool eyes too and was very tan despite it being November. She looked around at all of us with her mouth held tight before saying. "Hi… Daddy said to come in."

"Nice to see you sugar. You were a baby the last time he brought you around Charming." Mom smiled at her trying to pour on her Donna Reed routine while she was still sober.

Kendra's eyes were on me now, looking at my clothes then my hair. I suddenly felt self conscious about my curls that I'd left hanging down. "I have the same shirt. I didn't pack it though, Daddy said it'd be freezing here compared to Sacramento."

"Oh… Yeah, I got mine last week." I looked down at the winged back Affliction shirt I was wearing for probably the last time. I was starting to get a pretty good chub even though all I did was vomit. "Nice ear rings."

She toyed with one of the silver and pink diamond clusters on her lobe. "Thanks. Dad said he'd take me for a heavier coat since I didn't bring one. Is the mall close by?"

I was surprised she was handling this that well. Kendra was being very friendly. "Only a few minutes away. I'll take you if he can't."

"Cool. I could use someone my age to hang out with this week while I'm here. Dad isn't very-" Kendra's face broke out into a smile when Kozik came into the kitchen carrying her huge pink suitcase.

"Hey little girl, could you grab me a dry shirt?" Kozik asked coming in with a smile for me. Kendra's face had lit up when he said little girl but now she was shooting me daggers as he leaned down and planted a kiss on my lips. "Its awful out there."

I kissed him back despite Kendra starting to look red in the face. "Sure thing baby." I let the words roll off of my tongue. "I was just talking to Kendra."

Kozik looked between the two of us, not saying anything if he noticed the look on her face. Nero's face showed clear amusement. "Oh shit… yeah.. Kendra this is Aleah."

Kendra crossed her arms over herself, balancing on one skinny little leg. "I thought she was your girlfriend." She looked at Gemma who was smirking.

"He doesn't have a chance in hell." Mom turned going to grab the rolls out of the oven. "I'm her mother."

Kozik gave Mom a wink before he answered Kendra. "Little out of my league there." He joked shifting the suitcase. "Aleah's the one I told you about on the way here Ken. I'm sure you two will get along."

"I'm ready to go to my room." Kendra demanded looking upset. She'd quit looking at me now, was giving Kozik a dirty look. "I need to call Mom."

"I better go get your shirt." I pushed past Kozik going out ahead of them. Jax was giving me a grin that I wanted to smack off of his face. "Shut it Jackson." I hissed when I walked past him.

Kozik was talking lowly to Kendra behind me up the stairs. "What's the problem? You just met her, how can you not like her?"

"She's the same age as me!" Kendra didn't try to whisper. "You didn't tell me that. Daddy.. I don't like her. She was rude."

"You will, give her a chance. I doubt she was rude on purpose. She's.. not feeling that well Ken." Their voices were muffled when Kozik took her into one of the guests room that Mom had finished putting together for her. I'd went out and bought teenage girl friendly bedroom accessories yesterday. I doubted she'd be back but I'd wanted to make her feel like she was at home not in a guest room anyone could use.

I grabbed Kozik a SAMTAC shirt out of his drawer waiting for him to come in. When he finally did he didn't mention the conversation with Kendra. "I thought my ass was going to leave an imprint in the seat of the truck." He pulled off his cut hanging it to dry and tossed the wet shirt onto the bathroom floor. "You make it okay?"

"Yeah, Mom helped me finish up. Jax hasn't been here long." I didn't know how to say it nicely so I just blurted it out. "Your daughter doesn't like me Kozik."

Kozik pulled the shirt over his head slowly, I watched how his muscles tensed with his arms raised. "She just met you. She just has to get used to everyone. C'mon kid, lets go eat. I'm starved."

I went down ahead of him, he'd stopped to get Kendra out of the room she'd already closed and locked the door on. Everyone was seated when I went in, Jax was sipping down a beer while Mom drank wine. Day one and everyone was already becoming alcoholics. "Thanks for finishing up."

"Let's just get through tonight." Mom raised her glass as Kozik came in with Kendra trailing behind him.

I didn't speak much, only when someone else talked to me. Kozik was his normal easy going self talking with Jax and Nero once they'd been introduced. They were talking about the money flow of the charters while I helped Mom try to get food down Abel and Thomas. Kendra glowered at me when I caught her eye from across the table. "Here you go baby." I cooed to Thomas, he wasn't much of a baby anymore.

Kendra reached across the table for the basket of rolls in front of me instead of asking for it. She lifted it up knocking over my Sprite onto my plate. "Ohh I'm sorry." She apologized but didn't move to help clean it up.

"Its fine." I gave her a small smile wanting to believe it really was an accident. I emptied my plate into the trash can, trying to decide if wanted to try and eat anyways. I wanted to spend time with everyone, not the bathroom.

Not eating won out when I sat back down, Kozik was eyeing me from the head of the table. "Not hungry?"

"I'll eat later, I'm still not feeling too hot." I knew without even asking him that he hadn't told Kendra I was pregnant. I hadn't told Jax yet either, I had to say my big bro was doing a great job of filling us in on Charming without mentioning Juice once.

"Daddy?" Kendra asked in her too innocent, cheery voice. "Do you think I could get something else?"

Jax smirked at hearing Kozik being called 'Daddy'. Kozik was forking up a bite of his own food. "What's wrong with what everyone else is having?"

"Its really bland. I can't eat it."

Kozik looked at me, I knew what he was about to ask before the words could form on his lips. I stood back up, wiping my hands on a napkin. "I'll get you something."

Mom opened her mouth to protest but Nero shook his head at her when I started pulling something else together for Kendra. I was tired, nauseous, and my pants were too tight but I still had to play hostess, not my mother. I slid the new plate in front of her with a smile, the best I could muster up when I sat back down beside Kozik. Kendra made a little face but started eating. This step daughter business was already hell.

"So how'd you meet my dad?" Kendra asked twirling her fork around in a slow circle.

I glanced at Kozik wondering what I should say. Jax was smirking again, looking entirely too gleeful at all of this. "Umm….He came to help some friends of mine in Charming with a problem. He's a good friend of the family."

"He never mentioned you until Mom called." She pushed her plate away eyeing me in a way that was eerily like Kozik himself. "How long have you been together?"

This time Kozik answered her with a slight grin. "Long enough. Why don't you go get a shower? Settle in some Ken. Tomorrow's going to be busy."

She got up, coming around the table to give Kozik a little kiss on the cheek on her way upstairs. We all sort of disbanded, the two women cleaning up the mess while the guys took the kids to see the snow outside and smoke. I felt better until Mom pulled the raw turkey out of the fridge where it'd been defrosting and started pulling the inside stuff out. "I'll be back."

I hurried upstairs making it in just enough time to throw up inside of the bathroom on the floor. It was better than the carpet I thought to myself staying in there for a while until I felt good enough to go back down. Kendra had beat me to the living where everyone else was hanging out laughing at something Abel had done. She curled up in Kozik's lap giving me an icy smile when I looked at them. They stayed for a while longer before Mom declared she needed to get the boys in bed since Jax obviously wasn't going to do it. Father of the year that one I smirked watching him kiss the boys goodnight.

After everyone left Kendra went up to her room, I'd moved the TV from Koz's study into it earlier to give her her own space. I was checking the turkey one more time before I went to bed when Kozik slipped into the kitchen behind me, pressing me into the counter. "You feelin better?" He asked tickling my ear with his breath.

"Depends on why you're asking." I let my weight lean against his body. "Your daughter hates me Kozi."

"It'll be better tomorrow babe. She's just tired tonight, and I guess I left out a few details." Kozik's tongue was attacking my ear through his words. "I thought we'd wait a little bit to tell her about the baby."

I turned around wrapping my arms on his waist while we kissed hungrily. It'd been way too long since we'd done anything. Kozik lifted me onto the counter easily while our lips covered each others. I pulled my legs around his waist pressing against his belt buckle. "Koz, we should go upstairs." I whispered when his mouth dipped to my neck. It was one thing to have sex in the kitchen when we were alone, but completely inappropriate with someone else here.

"Let's go." He slid his hands under my bottom carrying me up to our room. He kicked the door shut before tossing me on the bed. "Better?"

"Much better…" I sighed as he kissed down my body, pushing my shirt up. He paused at the little pudge I was getting giving it a more sentimental kiss before moving down further. I raised my hips for him to tug off my too tight jeans.

Kozik touched the indentions from the waist cutting into me. "Maybe we should get you some new clothes." He suggested pulling down my panties next. "I'm no expert but I think you're supposed to be in pregnant people clothes soon."

"You're killing the mood by telling me how fat I am." I accused him with a look when he pushed my knees apart. "It's been over two weeks can't you say things like-Oh my god…." I whined when he started licking at me. I grabbed for my pillow stuffing it over my face just to make sure we were completely quiet.

When Kozik moved to climb on top of me I thought I heard the floorboards creaking but chalked it up the box springs moving when he leaned to the side to pull the blankets around us. He pushed into me after I slid one leg over his shoulder. He was trying his hardest to be gentle I could tell but gentle sex wasn't Kozik's thing. "Kozik, just do it. I'm not gonna break you know." I whispered.

"You sure kid?" He stopped, his hair had lost its spike and fell across his forehead. "I don't wanna…"

The door to our popped open after one quick knock. "Daddy? I think I hear something outside. Oh my god!"

Kozik lifted his arm up shielding me from Kendra's view still poised above me. "I'll be out in a second Ken. Shut the door." He sounded way too calm for a guy walked in on by his daughter when he was having sex.

I pushed him off the second the door was shut. "Kozik! What the hell?" I jerked my shirt back down while he grabbed his jeans. "She just…"

"She just forgot to knock. And we forgot to lock the door while we were fuckin." He pulled his shirt back on next. "I'll be back."

I was pissed. I knew it was her that I heard outside of the door now. Why she'd chosen to burst into our room I didn't know. I grabbed a pair of Kozik's pajamas yanking them on to go see what the big problem was. I knocked on the doorway of the guest room before I went in, Kendra was sitting in the middle of the full size bed smirking at me. "Dad went to go check outside, make sure no one was here."

I noticed the pile of wet towels in the middle of the floor and frowned. She had a sweating glass on top of the dresser I'd just bought, ruining it. "You know Kendra, I don't like my mom's boyfriend. I know this must be bothering you." I started deciding maybe we could start over even though I was irritated beyond belief at the sight of a hair straightener on my carpet. "But I was really hoping we could be friends."

"Why? Because I'm closer to your age than my dad is?" Kendra snorted tossing her blonde hair at me. "Sorry, I don't make friends with my dad's girlfriends. He only keeps women around when its convenient for him."

I bit my bottom lip studying the teenager in front of me. "I've been around a while. Longer than you realize I think. I'm not going anywhere either."

"My old man must have been laying some really good pipe in there when I walked in for you to stick around. Or is he more of a sugar daddy?" She grabbed a bottle of nail polish looking like she intent on doing her nails in the bed. "I know he's got money, but really? Isn't this a little low for you?"

"I really don't think your dad having sex is any of your business." I could hear Kozik coming up the stairs. I was trying to be sincere, make her like me. "Maybe tomorrow we can talk?"

"Don't think so. I told you, I don't want to know you or anything about you. And don't even think about trying to tell my dad anything about me… he won't believe it." Kendra jumped when Kozik came in, sliding his gun in his waist.

"Nobody out there. I think you'll be fine." He accepted the hug she gave him, kissing her on top of the head. "Lets try to get some sleep ok?"

Kendra gave me a dirty look under Kozik's arm, her eyes just as cutting as his could be. "Do you think we could sleep downstairs together? Just to be sure? Like old times?"

I watched in amazement as Kozik agreed to it, going to our room to get a pillow. Kendra just smirked before shutting the bedroom door in my face to get her own pillow and blanket. I followed him into our room. "Koz…. I wanted you to sleep with me tonight." I couldn't hide the annoyance in my voice.

"Its just one night Leah, it won't kill us. I was gone for two weeks." He grabbed his cigarettes off the stand.

"I know you were gone for two weeks, which is why I wanted you in bed with me." I sat down on the edge of the frame as he went into the bathroom. "I don't feel so good lately, I just want you to hold me."

Kozik sighed coming back out with his workout bottoms on in place of his jeans. "You should be resting if you don't feel good and we both know if I get back in that bed, that ain't happenin. Just lay down, I'll be downstairs if you get sick and need me."

It was tempting to throw a fit, argue with him over sleeping downstairs but I kept it to myself. Just a few more days and everything could go back to normal. I chose to keep Kendra's catty comments to myself a while longer even after I woke up sick and wanted Kozik to rub my back. I got up and went down to check on the turkey that was roasting on low all night, Kozik was still passed out in his recliner. Kendra was stretched out on the couch under the pink comforter I'd went and got for her to use. Just a few more days…. I could handle this….. Maybe.


	10. Chapter 10

**As mentioned….. Your second update for the day to celebrate my abundance of reviews! Thank you all!**

Chapter 10 The Snow Hit's the Fan

I had a few messages from Jess updating me with where they were, so at least something good was happening today. My one ally would be here to battle the evil daughter with me. I shut the oven after basting the bird trying to keep quiet when I crept around getting things out to cook breakfast. I hit the start button on the coffee pot when Kendra stirred and came in looking around sleepy eyed. "Juice is in the fridge, or we have soda in the bottom."

Kendra pulled the juice out opening up cabinet after cabinet until she found the glasses since I didn't offer her one. Two could play her game. "Thanks for the hospitality." She snapped after taking a sip.

"You're welcome. I made a breakfast dish, it'll be done in half an hour." I'd made the traditional breakfast bake of eggs, cheese, sausage, and a few other things that Gemma made every year for me and Jax since I'd moved in. We had it on Christmas morning too. "If you'll throw your towels out, I'll get them."

I could hear Kozik start to move around inside the living room. I gave Kendra a small smile going to him immediately before she could. Kozik was smoking when I went in, with a sleepy smile when he saw me up. "C'mere kid." He yawned.

I slid onto his lap with ease, curling so that my head could rest on his bare chest. Kozik put his free arm around me yawning again. "You feel better today?" He asked resting his chin on my head when he snuffed out the cigarette.

"A little bit. I already got sick before I came down so I think I should be good before everyone gets here." I snuggled into him liking the few minutes of warmth I was getting. "I gotta go get a shower."

"Me too. Maybe I'll meet you in there." He kissed my temple lightly noticing we were alone. "What happened to Ken?"

"She's in the kitchen. I got her some juice, told her breakfast was baking." I shrugged as non committal as I could. "She's fine Koz."

Kozik's long fingers touched my messy hair in its pony tail. "Be nice to her ok? For me? I really want this to go good, maybe she'll come back again."

"I'm being nice." I kissed the 'A' of his SOA tat across his chest. "Let's go get that shower." I slid off of his lap going towards the stairs but stopped when I saw what Kendra was doing. She'd decided to make her own breakfast and had egg yolks dripping down from my counter onto the cabinets messily with the broken shells still there while she stood at the stove scrambling eggs.

She'd also managed to drop orange juice in tiny drops on the floor on the way back to the fridge and gave Kozik a sweet smile. "Hi Daddy."

I waited for Kozik to tell her to clean up her mess but he didn't. He just smiled back. "Mornin Ken.. I'll be back down in a few ok?"

Kendra flipped her eggs onto a plate she'd wrangled from another cabinet. "Sure Daddy."

I let Kozik go ahead of me turning to look at her before I followed after him. "Cleaners under the kitchen sink." I gave her a smile before going upstairs making sure to lock the door after us.

I was in the shower when Kozik poked his head in. "Jess and Carter just got here." He had his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. "They're unloading their stuff now."

"So much for that quickie you promised me." I winked rinsing the suds out of my hair. Kozik pushed the curtain back far enough to look me over while he brushed his teeth, making me giggle when he went over his tongue ring that I had to admit, wasn't just for looks.

"Tonight. I swear it'll happen." He grabbed my gel rubbing a glop of it through his hair. "Sounds like the whole herd is here. Hurry up."

I nodded shutting the water off taking his cue that I needed to get it together. Getting dressed was a whole other ballgame. Everything was getting tight, I'd been thick to start with so now I was already too big for a few of my shirts. In the end I settled on leggings, a tunic, and a scarf thrown over it with boots. Just because I felt like hell didn't mean I had to look it. "Is Sven coming?"

"Yeah, I called him last night on the way in. He didn't have anywhere else to go, or that he really wanted to go. I think our misfit dinner is attracting him." Kozik pulled his cut on then grabbed his rings off of the dresser. "Be down in a few ok? You need to check on things."

So I again didn't get to fix my hair as nice as I would have liked to but it was worth it when I went down and saw the adorable blonde haired little girl running through my house with a neon pink tutu and black leather boots with the Harley logo on them. "Emalee!" I cheered holding my arms out for her.

Emalee turned to me an elfish grin on her little face running at me at full speed. "Aunt Leah!" She hugged my neck tightly. "Mommy said if I was good I could come see you!"

"You can always come see Aunt Leah baby girl. I like your tutu and boots."

Kozik was in the kitchen poking at the breakfast dish suspiciously, listening to us with a slight smile. Emalee pointed down at her outrageous outfit. "Uncle Juice give it to me. He said its because I'm a good girl and don't tell our secrets."

I felt my heart jump at the mention of Juice, I hadn't heard a single thing about him since I left Charming. "Did he? I bet Uncle Juice is lots of fun. He's a kid too." I was still holding Emalee walking into the kitchen when Jessica came in carrying the last of her bags, Carter tailing behind her. "Hey guys"

"You didn't tell me you moved to the god damn Artic." Carter grinned shutting the door behind him. "Maybe I can make a snow man before I go home."

"More like snow mountain." Koz had made his own cup of coffee and was giving me a pointed look at the mess in the kitchen. "Put the kid down Lee, you don't need to be carrying her."

"She's not that heavy. I just wanted to get some good cuddles in before I started cleaning up while everyone ate." I hugged Emalee again before handing her over to Carter.

Jessica came back down, looking every bit of a snow bunny like she had the last time she was here. "You look sick Lee, everything okay?"

I nodded giving her a small smile when I touched my little pudge. "Everything's perfect."

She gave a little shriek throwing her arms around me while she did a little dance. "You didn't tell me! You whore! You're supposed to tell me this stuff when it happens!"

""I know, I didn't really tell anyone for a while. We… kept it quiet until we knew it was okay." That was the story we were telling people instead of 'Aleah didn't tell me she was pregnant until she was almost 11 wks.'. I grabbed the sponge by the sink sighing at the mess Kendra had left for me.

"Leah, fix me something." Koz called out to me from the table making me glare a little while my back was turned.

Jessica smirked taking the sponge back from me. "Glad to see he hasn't changed." She whispered starting to wipe up the egg mess. "Did Jax cook or something?"

"No at least Jax would have tried to clean up after himself. Kozik's daughter did this." I spooned Kozik's food onto a plate, making one for Carter as well. "I'll be right back. The Fuher has spoken."

Emalee streaked past me on her way to Jessica giggling about something making me smile a little too. I wouldn't mind a little girl… I slid Kozik's plate down in front of him, passing one over to Carter. "I can make you some toast too if you want." Carter shook his head, Kozik held his cup out to me for a refill. I took it without slinging it, it had to be the hormones that had me this moody towards him.

"Thanks." He said taking it from me when I walked it back over, I could see Carter trying not to grin at me over the table. Carter definitely wasn't anything like the older MC members that took the Old Lady rules to heart. I'd saw the man up to his elbows in suds washing dishes then doing laundry after he cleaned the bathroom. "Can you check on Kendra?"

"Yeah sure." I knew I was sounded grouchy so I tried to make up for it with a smile before I went up. I knocked on the bedroom a few times, getting no answer before I just turned the knob and let myself in like she'd done the other night. "Kendra? Your Dad wanted to see if you needed anything."

Kendra was laying across the bed on her stomach, dressed to kill. She would freeze if she went outside. "I'm fine. I don't need anything from you."

The towels were still on the floor, along with the dirty glass that had left a ring on the dresser. I bent down grabbing the pile of laundry then the glass. "Okay well, everyone else will be here soon so come down in a bit."

"Don't tell me what to do. You know, you might be pretty if you lost some weight." Kendra glanced over at me with a critical eye. "You might need to check the bathroom too."

I bit my tongue, as hard as it was and shut the door going to see what kind of mess she'd made in there. Toothpaste was smeared all over in the sink, it looked like she'd dropped the toilet paper into water, and there were more dirty towels with make up on them. I grabbed them up too taking them down with me to the laundry room. I frowned noticing something. I threw the laundry down going into the kitchen where Kozik was. "Koz? Where's Gizmo at? I haven't saw him all morning."

Kozik shrugged leaning back in his chair while he smoked. "Haven't saw him all morning either. Make sure he's not shut up somewhere."

After getting Jessica to do a search of the house with me, it was a fact that Gizmo was missing. I threw the towels in the washer angrily, wondering what had happened to my dog. It was too cold for him to be lost outside. I was still worried when Mom arrived with Nero and the boys all bundled up. Abel was thrilled to see Emalee and have a playmate and they were off to build a fort in my living room with Kozik's recliner and hide a bar as walls. I could tell the laughing and screaming of the kids was starting to grate him by the way he held his jaw.

"How's the bird?" Mom asked peeking into the oven. "Did you remember to check it?"

"Just like you said. You didn't see Giz out did you?" I sighed leaning against the counter. We were about to start in on the meal prep for dinner tonight. I had a pumpkin pie recipe I wanted to try out.

"Nope. He'll turn up don't worry." She promised going to the fridge making herself at home. "Got anything you need me to do?"

I almost considered asking her to clean up Kendra's bathroom mess, I knew it'd piss Kozik off though so I didn't. I went and did it myself mad the entire time. When I finished she'd finally drug herself out of the room, and to my amusement and Jessica's, was staring Carter down while he talked to Kozik. "At least she's being nice to someone." I mumbled to Jessica careful to keep my voice low.

"Is she awful? I bet she is, you can look at her and tell." Jessica whispered back smirking at Kendra.

"You have no idea." I relayed the events that had happened since she got there, ending with the way she was leaned against Kozik's legs while he sat on the couch. "Its like.. She can't stand for me to touch him."

Jessica kneaded the dough for our pie crusts expertly. "I don't know Lee, I'd be a little pissed too if I found out my new step mom was 22 . Kozik doesn't seem old enough to have a teenager. I always thought he was in his thirties." She stretched the dough over a pie tin carefully. "Is he okay with the baby?"

I stirred the pumpkin mixture up slowly, going over the instructions again. "Yeah he said if I wanted the baby, then we'd have a baby. It was my call. I'm hoping for a girl." It seemed strange to actually talk about my pregnancy aloud, Kozik hadn't been here long enough to discuss it much with beyond morning sickness. "Are you guys still trying for more?"

"Actually…" Jessica stopped trimming the crust to give me a smile. "I'm 6 weeks."

"Seriously?!" I exclaimed excited we'd be able to share this experience together even if we were so far apart. "Jess, you should have said something!"

"I didn't want to spoil it for you, you being the center of attention." She apologized with her eyes shining happily. "Twins too."

I almost dropped the bowl I was mixing. "Twins? Oh my god…."

Mom came back in carrying empty sippy cups to us. "What's this a Preggo convention?"

"You knew!" We both accused making her grin back.

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't know everything about everyone, now would I?"

By the time I had the pie in the oven I was exhausted. I'd been up for three hours and wanted to crawl back into bed again. The minute I started to sit down I got up to go search for Gizmo realizing he still hadn't came back. I pulled on my heavy coat along with one of Kozik's 'Reaper Crew' hoodies to go look around outside while the Mom and Jess were still at it in the kitchen. I trudged through the light snow fall calling out for the dog loudly but no luck. I walked up and down the blocks until my face was numb.

Defeated, I headed back to my house with my hands stuffed into my pockets. I'd forgotten to put mittens on before I went out. I made it to the end of the driveway where Kozik met me in his own bundles of layers. "I can't find him." I sniffed wiping at my eyes. "He's gone Koz. I've had that dog for years."

"He'll be fine Aleah, you need to go inside. Its freezing out here kid." He stomped his feet in an attempt to keep warm. "C'mon."

"No.. I'll go look one more time, maybe ask a few people." I wasn't ready to give up just yet.

"No you're coming inside of the house." Koz challenged me with his stern face. "Its cold and you're three months pregnant out here."

"I can't just leave him-"

Koz grabbed my arm in a tight hold with a look in his eyes I knew well. "I swear to God Lee, get inside the damn house before you hurt yourself or the kid. C'mon on."

I let him push me back inside, he'd sworn to me he wouldn't do anything physical while I was pregnant but I guessed an arm hold wasn't in that deal. Mom eyed him when he pushed me into the glass door keeping silent while he told me lowly. "Do not go back out there again. Its too cold, you'll get sick. There's enough to do in here, the dog will turn up Lee. I'd rather have you than him."

"I'm just.. Scared he's dead." I sighed letting him pull my coat back off again then unzip his hoodie. "I don't know how he even got out. We were upstairs together all morning…" I looked across into the living room at Kendra. She was smiling innocently at Carter while he talked about cars with Nero. The kids were underfoot climbing around and laughing. "Koz… Kendra let him out."

Kozik followed my gaze on his daughter. "She would have said something." He untied my scarf draping it on his arm next. "You know you could make more of an effort with her. She told me you were being pretty short with her this morning over some towels."

My mouth dropped open, Mom had slipped out when she saw we were arguing in the corner. "I wasn't short with her! She was rude to me, she made a mess in the bathroom, left wet towels on the floor, ruined the dresser… burned my carpet…"

"She's just a kid, you can't come at her like you would… Jessica for leaving a mess. Your job is to pick up the house anyways. You know that."

"But she…" He held a hand up.

"I don't want to hear it Aleah. Kendra's my daughter just like the kid inside of you is mine. Get over it."

I couldn't believe it. I'd done nothing wrong except be nice to this child. "Excuse me while I throw up." I shoved past him hurrying to get upstairs.

I came back out of the bathroom to find Kendra walking around the room looking things over. I shoved the dresser drawer beside me shut with a loud bump. "Looking for something?"

Kendra shrugged stopping to finger Kozik's dog tags he'd given me. "I told Dad I'd come check on you. Since you seem to be so….. Sick."

Reaching over I took the dog tags away from her, I didn't want to risk her taking them. It was a shitty thought to have about my boyfriends daughter but I wouldn't put anything past her. "I'm fine. You can go back downstairs."

"He told me to be nice to you, you know." She smirked starting to pull open a drawer than I put a hand against. That was the last drawer I wanted anyone to look in. It held our sex stuff, flavored lubes, condoms, toys, handcuffs. "Just looking around." She snapped pulling her hand back.

"You're not supposed to go through peoples things Kendra. Your Dad would be pissed if he knew you were looking in his stuff." I knew without a doubt Kozik would flip about that. Before we were even together I'd been at his apartment in Charming and opened his nightstand up innocently and ended up in our first ever fight. "Respect that."

"I don't respect you."

I snapped on her. "Well you know what? You're in my house. You're going to have to respect that, I live here with your Dad. I'm his girlfriend, his Old Lady. We have a life together. You don't have to like that but you will respect me in my own house."

"Last time I checked you didn't have a job, so this is my Dad's house. Not yours. If he kicks the bucket who do you think gets everything? Not some.. Old Lady." She threw back just an angrily. "I don't know what you want with him."

Her words hurt. The honest truth was I really didn't know if I'd be homeless or not if something did happen to Kozik. "I don't think that's any of your business. And I don't need you to understand why I'm with Kozik, just know that I am." I held the bedroom open. "I think we should go back down."

"Fine. Dad said to give me a jacket."

I snatched one of my North Face jackets out of the closet practically throwing it at her, then stood pointedly by the door until she walked out. This kid was a real piece of work. I followed her back down where Abel was getting zipped up with Emalee in their snow gear. "Are you going to build a snowman?" I asked leaning down to wrap Abel's scarf over his cheeks.

"Daddy's gonna help." Abel grinned looking at Jax for confirmation. Jax nodded from where he was talking to Kozik in hushed voices.

"I bet your dad is great at making snowmen." I watched Kendra latch herself onto Kozik's side, hugging him and felt annoyed. I kept my thoughts to myself while they were out playing together in the snow, leaving just the three women inside again. Carter was the first to retreat saying he was a California boy true to heart with a huge grin and red nose. I could see Kozik through the glass door getting pummeled by snow balls from the kids and Jax while Nero tried aimlessly to make the snowman himself.

Someone knocked loudly on the door breaking up our hen talk. "I'll get it. I think I already know who it is." I told them hurrying off to swing it open. Sure enough, Sven stood there with his lopsided grin, it was the most of his body I could see through his layers. He had some sort of fur cap thing on along with the heaviest jacket I'd saw in my entire life. It moved a little like something was trying to get out.

"Dobryj dyen! Miss A-Leah." He said in his sing song way of saying my name stepping through the threshold. He took a few more steps before saying. "I think I have something that might belonged to you yeah?"

I watched with wide eyes as Sven started to unzip his coat with Mom and Jess watching. Sven pulled a wiggling Gizmo out of his jacket giving him a little pat before setting down him. "Oh Sven!" I exclaimed wrapping my arms around the Russian in a hug. "Thank you!"

Sven looked embarrassed but gave me a pat on the back in return with a kiss on the cheek. "He was walking through the yard. I see him, and grab before he can run. He eat good. Very cold."

"Oh! You live up the street! I forgot!" I watched Gizmo go burrow himself down in Kozik's chair like he hadn't been missing all day. "I thought he'd freeze to death outside!"

"I call, but Kozik say he doesn't understand." Sven shrugged, his eyes catching Jessica with a twinkle. "Hello ladies."

Mom smirked at the way he was eyeing Jessica and moved forward to shake his hand. Sven wasn't a hand shaker though, he shook his head. "No shake in doorway." He explained pulling her in for one of his famous hugs with a kiss on her cheek. "Bad luck."

"Mom this is Sven, I don't know if you were ever really introduced." I motioned Jess forwards knowing Sven would greet her next. "Sven, this is Jessica."

"I remember this one." Sven winked at Jessica hugging her next with a kiss on each cheek instead of one. "You look very…. Nice."

Jessica flashed a grin at him. "Well you look very cold."

"Come on Sven, did you walk here?" I asked him leading him into the kitchen where he could see the other men outside. "Its freezing."

"Not so cold. Not like at home. I brought you gift." Sven reached into his huge jacket digging through the pockets. "Kozik said you like flowers."

I watched him wondering if he was about to produce a bouquet out of his jacket when he pulled out two little packets with pictures on the front. Orchid and carnation seeds. "Ohh thank you." I took them from him not sure if this was another one of his oddity superstitions. "You didn't have to bring these but thank you."

"You always bring gift." Sven winked at me sliding his gloves back on. "I go teach these idiots to build snowman the right way. You plant your flowers when its warm. Too cold for real ones." His eyes fell back to Jessica with a grin. "We talk more soon."

Jessica just laughed as he went outside through the glass door, throwing a snow ball that smacked Kozik in the back of the head then another one at Jax's shoulder. "Well that ones a breath of fresh air."

I grinned at her going to put my new flower seeds up. "He's very… friendly." I laughed when Mom gave an enthusiastic nod. "Sometimes I wonder how he survives with those Russian quirks of his."

"Food will be ready in just a few." Mom noted pulling the turkey out of the oven carefully. "Just finish setting the table and everyone can come in."

I set to work, feeling hungry for the first time in days. The turkey smelled amazing as did a lot of other things Mom had fixed. I'd gladly turned over the meal to her helping when I could. I was filling the last glass when the freezing group of Sons and kids came back inside with even Kendra smiling. "Here." I took Kozik's wrap ups trying to keep up the show of being a great Old Lady in front of everyone. "I already got your drink fixed."

He nodded giving me a quick brush on the lips before going to sit down at the head of the table on one end, Jax sitting at the other with his kids. I had to say Jax was doing a decent job today. After we'd all gotten settled (Sven blatantly reused to sit on the corner of the table saying he'd never get married if he did), Jax was the one feeding Thomas and cutting up Abel's meat for him. Maybe big bro deserved more credit than I gave him. Kendra ate in silence except to say things to Sven or Carter with an admiring expression in her eyes that Kozik looked tempted to pop out of her.

Kendra was almost sweet to me from her place beside me, she said please and thank you and smiled when she did it. Kozik looked pleased every time we had a peaceful interaction. After we'd finished eating in peace everyone decided to go back outside for one last frolick out in the snow. I grabbed my own coat to go out with them after checking on Gizmo's paws to make sure he was okay like Sven said. I overheard Sven asking Carter if Jessica was his Old Lady and tried not to laugh. Jess just couldn't catch a break with the club guys.

"You feel up to this?" Kozik asked me when I slid my mitten covered hand into his bare one. "After dinner?"

"I feel pretty good actually. Maybe I just needed to eat. I could use a good nap though." I leaned into him while we followed the other out the door. Mom was even outside in her little leather jacket chasing after the boys in the backyard with Nero. "I feel like we've barely saw each other."

"Me too, but we'll catch up tonight." He promised pulling me in a for kiss. "Let's go play now."

Emalee was adorable with how she kept shoving handfuls of snow in her mouth even after Carter tried to explain you shouldn't actually eat the snow everyone had walked on top of. She made snow angels all around the yard giggling when Jessica laid down beside her to make one too. Kendra was after Sven now with giggles and little touches that he didn't brush off exactly, but he frowned upon. Kendra waited until I was leaned over getting my fallen beanie hat to hit me dead on in the face with a snowball that had a crack to it.

"Oh!" I cried out shocked when the ball fell apart revealing a rock from my flower bed.

"Sorry, I meant to get your shoulder." She apologized with her fake politeness. She was already patting more into a little pile while Jax and Nero were attempting to make a little hide out to have a snowball war.

Kozik had gotten the garden shovel out making his own little snow den and wasn't paying us the least bit of attention since he had Thomas asking him a million garbled questions. I touched where the rock had hit me. "No you didn't." I said lowly pulling my hat on over my ears.

"You're right I didn't. But if you can't play rough, maybe you should go back inside. Go clean up or something." Kendra smiled adding to her little pile some more beside the icy little stone walkway Kozik had laid down when it was still warm. The little path out to the fire pit and barbecue area that was all covered with tarps for now. "Glad you found your dog, I thought he'd be a goner when I let him out this morning."

"You let him out?" I accused my hands turning into little balls of fury. "Why would you do that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" She shrugged standing up from the snow, my jacket fit a little loose on her. "He wanted out, not my fault he didn't come back home until that sexy Russian brought him back."

I grabbed one of her snowballs shoving it in her face with major show of immaturity. "You little brat!"

Kendra shoved back, ready for a fight instantly. "You're the brat! Acting like my Dad should give you anything you want! Like this is all yours! You're just using him!"

I heard Jax call out for Kozik and knew we'd be broken up in mere seconds so I pushed back grabbing onto the middle of the jacket she was wearing. "He's mine, nothings changing that! Why can't you get over it and quit…. Quit… being so difficult!"

She pushed me way harder than I ever thought about pushing her making me slip on the icy walkway with a little scream when I fell front down, slamming my stomach and elbows into the ground with a sharp pain. "Oh my god…" I touched my abdomen. What the hell was I doing fighting with a 16 year old kid? I was pregnant for Christ's sake. "Oh my god…."

Kozik was at my side in an instant, hands on my stomach then my face, his eyes showed his panic. "Are you okay Leah? Are you hurt?"

I shook my head no trying to pull myself up using his shoulders for my brace point when he turned to where Kendra was still standing with a satisfied smirk on her tanned little face. "I swear to God Kendra, I am so fucking done with this shit." He snapped at her helping me up slowly. "Learn to like each other, tolerate each other. I don't give a fuck what it takes, you're both here and you're not going anywhere. We're going to be a family so start acting like it. Now."

Kendra's smirk was gone. She was cowering now, shocked that Kozik had finally snapped on her. "But Daddy she…."

"She has been nice to you. Which is more than what I would have done in her position. She's sick and shouldn't have been picking up your god damn messes anyways. Now look what you've done." His eyes were flashing at her, helping me to the house even though I tried to push his hands away. "She's fucking pregnant, with your brother or sister and you pull that little stunt?"

Everyone stayed back as Kozik lifted me up taking me to stretch out across the couch until Gemma slipped past him unzipping my jacket. "I'm fine Mom, really. It just scraped my elbows."

"The baby feelin ok?" She asked next helping me pull my mittens off.

Kendra was full on crying now when Kozik jerked her into the laundry room, slamming the door.

Jax sat down beside, throwing an arm over my shoulders. "Don't you just love when the whole family gets together?" He asked with a huge grin.

We somehow made it through the rest of the evening without anymore fighting. Kendra had retreated up to her room with a promise to Kozik she'd come back down later to have a 'family' talk with both of us. Family. It seemed so out of place for Kozik to saying that word with me included even though we'd been together for months now. Or longer depending on how you counted it. The three of us women sat in the living watching the parades on TV while the Sons minus Nero who was outside taking a call from Diosa, talked in the study with the door closed over something. If I listened hard enough I could overhear them. I was starting to get curious about SAMTAC.

"You have to understand, if you patch over, we don't have the steady business like SAMCRO." Kozik was saying to Carter it had to be.

"We're not makin shit in Charming Kozik. Not after legal fees, rebuild costs, club expenses, then split what's left between all of us." Jax told him. "We're getting a lot of heat lately, I know I have my boys… but I'm the prez. I'm with Carter on this one. It might be better for him to get out of Charming while he can. If you think SAMTAC will patch him in."

"That won't be a problem we both know that." Kozik replied with a sigh. "We're a big charter anyways, always have been. We have our… problems happening right now though. Those goddamn Russians, sorry Sven, won't stop coming at us. One of them broke into the house while I was gone, looking for the plates we took last month. Knew it was me."

"I can deal with that better than the Mexicans shooting up everything, the IRA shit, I'm good on the construction crew job too." Carter told Kozik. "I just… I have to get my Old Lady out of there. We don't have family like Jax does. The rest of the guys… its just them. No one with families."

Kozik cleared his throat, I could tell it was him. "Get me the paperwork, come back up in a couple of weeks. We'll vote on it. I'll… sway the vote. Just remember… I'm not Happy. And Lee ain't Jax."

Jax laughed a little. "Yeah they're more hardcore up there huh Sarge?"

"Damn right we are." Kozik chuckled some. "I gotta new prospect to bring up anyways. My last one didn't make it through the little trip to Oregon last week."

The things I was learning by eavesdropping I thought to myself accepting the pie Mom brought me with a thankful smile. I hadn't felt sick again since earlier. I felt fine after the fall except for a few cramps that Jessica assured me were normal and she was having some too. I could hear the conversation turning over to me now, Jax asking Kozik "So why didn't you tell me you knocked my sister up?"

"Didn't know until last week myself." Kozik sighed. "Didn't want another kid, you see the mess I have upstairs, but I figured if she wanted it so bad….. I'd give her a baby. Too damn old to be chasing after kids."

"You and me both brotha."

"Shit… I'm having twins." Carter threw in getting apologetic murmurs from all around.

"I expect to see Aleah down in Charming next month." Jax voiced, obviously planning ahead. "She hasn't been home, I ain't Clay's biggest fan but she should go see that old piece of shit."

"I'll see what I can do. Depends on this Russian situation. Might need to send Sven in as a spy."

Sven laughed sounding very amused. "Different Russians, I tell you that. I think its time for pie."

"Pie? You just ate." Kozik laughed at him but I could hear them all moving around to come back out. "What made you choose my place today out of all of those dinner invitations you got from all 15 of our brothers?"

"I wanted to see the 'Old G'" Sven admitted. "And I decided I like you the best. I get to eat dinner with the big president if I come here. See the pretty ladies. The others… not so easy to look at and eat."

I had to stuff my own pie in my mouth to stop myself from cracking up when they emerged. I put my plate down starting to get up to wait on Kozik but he waved me off. "I think I'm capable of cutting a slice of pie you know. I didn't get this old with an Old Lady doing everything."

As much as I loved having a full house of family, I was glad when Mom left with Nero and the kids, Jax saying he was going to the clubhouse for the night. Sven had left earlier after his pie saying he had to go home to watch his favorite TV show. Jessica, Carter, and Emalee went upstairs for a nap, and I was finally alone with Kozik for a few minutes. I snuggled into him with a little sigh. "Finally…. I've wanted to be close to you all day."

"You sure you're feeling okay?" He asked pulling my legs over his. "You fell hard out there little girl. Don't want anything to happen to the little jellybean."

Jellybean, it was so cute hearing Kozik say it. "We're fine Koz, I swear. I feel pretty damn good tonight." He was running his long fingers over my calves, rubbing in little circles. "I'm sorry about earlier, about fighting with Kendra. It was really immature."

Kozik nodded leaning his head back into the couch. "It was _very_ immature. You're older, you should know not to fight with a teenage girl." He kicked his feet up on the coffee table. "She's still pretty pissed. She doesn't understand how… I can be with someone as young as you are. Or why I want to have another kid when I don't do much with her."

I could understand that, I would be a little upset about it too. "I tried Kozik, I really did. I wanted her to like me, I wanted.. To be friends. I know I'm never going to be her step mom even if we got married, but I wanted something."

"She'll cool down." Kozik sighed still massaging my aching legs. "I think once… she accepts this it'll be a lot better. I guess I just never thought I was doing anything wrong. She thinks I'm replacing her with a new family."

"Why don't you let me go up? Talk to her again?" I asked wondering if it would even do me any good. It hadn't so far. "Maybe this baby wasn't such a good idea." I hated saying those words but it felt like it wasn't a good idea. I'd been so sick, Kozik wasn't around, Kendra hated me and probably the baby inside of me, the timing wasn't right.

"Don't say that." Kozik pressed a finger to my lips with a shake of his head. "The baby's a good idea. I want the baby, you want the baby. We can't worry about what everyone else will think about it." His hand moved down to rest on my stomach. "Maybe I'll do a better job this time around."

"You'll do a great job Koz." I put my hand over his with a little smile up at him. "You're already doing it. I think I need to step up a little. Buy some pants that actually fit. Go to the doctor next week and get looked over thoroughly. Decide on a few things."

"Maybe go tomorrow while I'm at work. I gotta go in and look over some stuff, check up on the job sites."

I sucked in my lip not liking the sound of that plan. That meant I'd be alone with Kendra all day. But Jess would still be here at least. I heard someone clearing their throat as they walked in and looked up from our little embrace to see Kendra standing her with her arms crossed over herself. "I need more towels."

Kozik sat up a little, but kept his body parts where they were at. "I'll get you some in a minute. Come here, talk to me some."

Kendra rolled her eyes, something that would've got me a slap, but sat down on the edge of his recliner. "We already talked Dad."

"But now you get to talk to Aleah." He reprimanded her. "Let's have it all out on the table, we're going to stop this fighting bullshit tonight."

Kendra was silent, she didn't look comfortable at all with the thought of having a conversation with me. I broke the ice first. "Kendra, I'm sorry about earlier. All of it. I shouldn't have acted like that."

She stared at the curio in the corner that held Kozik's medals and our other important knick knacks. "Yeah me too. I didn't know you'd managed to get knocked up."

Kozik cleared his throat giving her a stern look. "Don't start…." He warned.

"I don't understand why you think you can have another baby. You don't even pay attention to _me_." She snapped back. "She's just after you for…something."

"It can't be the money that you suck me dry for." Kozik told her . "I pay attention to you when you let me Ken and you know that. You've never been big on spending time with your Pops unless I was dishing out some kind of cash or present you wanted. I'm not doing it anymore."

"Only because of _her_."

"Dammit Kendra, is it so bad I found someone? Your mom is remarried for crying out loud." Kozik reminded her getting a face made by Kendra. "I deserve to be happy. I love you kiddo but you gotta get over this… jealous streak you're having."

"I'm not jealous!" Kendra snapped with a toss of her head. "I'm pissed off. You didn't even tell me about her until I got here. You didn't ask if I liked her. You didn't even have a room for me before I got here. You didn't invite me to come for Thanksgiving, Mom did. You don't even want me here!"

I put a hand on Kozik's arm stopping him from answering her so I could myself. "Kendra, your dad wants you here. He's talked about wanting to be closer to you a lot of times with me. He just… didn't think you wanted much to do with him. The room you're staying in is yours. I went out and bought everything in it just for you, so you could have your own space in our house. I know you don't like me now, but you did when you first got here."

Kendra wiped at the corners of her eyes with the sleeves of her shirt sniffling. She sat there crying in silence for a while with none of us speaking. She finally got up and came over to Kozik and hugged him, then after a timid pause she hugged me before turning and taking off upstairs.


	11. Chapter 11

**And here it is… a little bit of what you've all been waiting for with more to come next chapter :D :D **

**Loved all of the reviews for the last chapter as well… and the feedback that my Sven readers have sent me after reading his story. **

Chapter 11 A wedding, a fight, and a party

The rest of the week with Kendra was much better. She helped me around the house when she noticed I was pale and disappearing to my bathroom a lot. Once she let herself open up some, we discovered we had a lot in common. I hated for Kozik to take her back home because I knew he really was enjoying every minute he had her here but he promised her we'd work something out at Christmastime. I was irritated soon after she left though, Kozik came home and told me he had to leave again. This time for a gun run that would take him all the way down to SAMTAZ then back up to Washington after a total of three days on the road. I wasn't happy one bit. We'd barely had time to steal a few moments alone together since his last run.

I went to my first doctors appointment alone, feeling slightly embarrassed that I looked like one of those young girls that accidentally got knocked up and had no father for the poor kid. Everything looked good with 'jellybean' though so that brightened my mood on going alone. We hadn't made any sort of official announcement to the club or anything, just mentioning it as we saw people. I'd bought a few pairs of maternity clothes that I was starting to wear when I went out and couldn't be seen in Kozik's pajamas.

I swung by the post office to check Kozik's box for him, rifling through his mail to see what he had. Bank, credit card, light bill, water bill, and coupons for What a Burger. I looked at the bank envelope for a while before deciding to open it up, just to get a peek into Kozik's personal stuff. The statement looked normal enough, mostly gas station purchases, a couple of hotel rooms from when he was on his long run, my own purchases at MotherHood and Old Navy, he'd paid our bills with it. I scanned to the bottom where it would give me what I was looking for. So Kendra had been right. Kozik actually did have money. I slid it back in the envelope choosing not to open the other mail up until he got home just in case he did get pissed.

The next two days after that flew by. I didn't hear from Koz much except a few texts and one phone call when he decided to fit me in and wanted to know how the baby doctor went. I was going to start in on Gizmo's bath when he called around 2 in the afternoon. "Hey baby." I sang out.

"What're you doin beautiful?" Kozik asked lowly, trying not to be overheard talking sweet to a female.

"About to wash the pudgy little dog up. I thought you'd be on the road still."

"I'm at the clubhouse. Come up here. Need your help with something." He said not letting me in on any details. "Bring your little kit." Then he hung up.

I grabbed my 'first aid kit' that I'd managed to stuff a few extra things in like what I'd need for surface stitches, the most important part of the kit. I'd taken out more stitches for the guys than I'd had to attempt to give but you never knew when it'd come in handy. I hurried to the clubhouse in Kozik's truck rushing in. I looked around expecting someone to be gushing blood and smirked when I saw Kozik sitting at the bar with Sid who was holding his forearm protectively. "What happened?"

"Bullet grazed him. Didn't go in. Just a scrape." Kozik answered pouring a good sized shot of vodka over the skin as a sterilizer. "Where you want him?"

"Here's good." I told him starting to pull gloves on. "Sid, does it hurt enough I need to give you something for the pain?"

Sid shook his head holding up the shot glass Kozik had used. "Your Old Man's giving me his personal pain reliever."

A little crowd gathered around as I started sewing the wound up. Sid did well wincing a few times but taking the pain like a boss. It didn't take long, I was done after a few minutes. "That'll be $500 even." I joked wrapping gauze over the stitches just to be sure he wouldn't get them dirty.

"Sounds about right. You medical professionals cost more than you're worth." Sid managed to joke.

"Is everyone else okay?" I asked looking at Kozik for any scrapes or wounds. His knuckles looked bloodied and he had a cut on his cheek but otherwise he looked fine.

Kozik shook his head no getting himself a beer from the cooler since there were no sweet butts for him to order around. The prospects were on the job sites today. "Nah we're good. Thanks Leah." He leaned down to give me a kiss. "Think you could do something else for me?"

"Mmmhmmm." I murmured as he kissed me again getting a few groans from our onlookers. "What is it?"

"Think you could take Sven's….. wife… shopping for him while we go take care of business?"

I pulled away quickly not sure I'd heard him right. "Sven's… _what_?"

Kozik grinned down at me wickedly twisting the cap off of his beer. "His wife. He got married."

I looked around for Sven to ask if it was true, but didn't see him anywhere. "Who did he marry?" I asked slowly. "I thought he was on the run…"

"He _was_ on the run." Kozik laughed along with a few of the other guys that were nearby. "He met the love of his life in Mcdonald's."

It sounded just crazy enough to be true. Sven seemed like a spur of the moment kind of guy. "Where is this lucky lady at?"

"Girl." Donut threw in. "Lucky girl. Not lady." There was more laughing then. "I think she might be outta high school."

"Shit." Escaped my mouth before I could stop it. I saw Sven then coming from down the hallway with his huge lopsided grin an arm around the shoulders of a redhead. She was bigger than I was, past the point of being curvy but she was pretty. Very pretty, I could see from a few feet away she had freckles dusting over her nose and almond shaped eyes. No wonder Sven decided he was in love I thought to myself.

Kozik waved to Sven beckoning him closer. "Leah's here. Thought you'd want to introduce her." He nodded at the redhead then at me. "We gotta split soon."

Sven greeted me in his usual hug with a kiss on the cheek. "This is Holly. I get married yesterday." He said proudly holding an arm over to his wife that was standing a little ways back with a blush on her freckled cheeks. "Holly, this is A-leah. She belongs to my brother Kozik. The one I tell you about. You be good friends with her."

I couldn't tell her if it was an order or a suggestion so I gave Holly a friendly smile. "Hi Holly, welcome to Tacoma."

Holly returned my smile nervously, with a lick of her lips. "Thank you." She said in a soft voice. "Sven told me you were new here too."

"I think we'll leave you two girls to get to know each other. We got work to do." Kozik dragged on his beer before he stood up. "I'll be back here around 8 Leah, meet me here?"

I nodded taking my eyes off of Holly to focus on my ruggedly handsome old man. Kozik could use a shave and probably a shower too, but damn, it looked good on him. "I'll be here baby." I promised. I accepted the kiss from him with a little tug on his bottom lip that made him wink at me when he pulled away.

"Be careful, call me if you need…anything. And hold that thought." He whispered into my ear kissing my cheek while he brushed his hand across my baby bump. "Don't do too much."

I watched him leave after Sven handed Holly some bills from his wallet telling her to get what she needed before taking off with Kozik, Donut, Lee, and a few of the other guys. "Well, that was a quick exit." I smiled at her.

Holly folded the money up carefully sticking it in her pocket. "We just got here when Kozik called you. I hope you don't mind taking me, I didn't bring anything with me." She sounded sincere about it like she really did hate to bother me.

"Oh its fine. I don't mind. I wasn't doing anything much around the house. Have you saw your house yet?" I asked her taking her out to Kozik's truck. "You live a few houses down from me."

"No, this is it. Sven brought me straight here." She climbed in buckling up. "We only met yesterday."

"You've got to spill the details on that." I told her with a grin starting the truck up. "I can only imagine how he proposed."

Holly laughed bringing her hands to cover her mouth like she was afraid it was too loud. "They came into the Mcdonalds I worked at and Sven was the first in line. I asked him what he wanted and he said 'Big… Big burger." She laughed some more remembering. "Then when he finally looked at me instead of the menu he said 'Marry me yeah?"

I giggled picturing the way this had went down. "Love at first sight."

"It was! I asked him if he was serious and he told me he didn't know about serious but he wanted to marry me and we had to hurry up because he had to be in Tacoma today. So I pulled my headset off and told my boss I was finished. Hopped on the back of his bike then went to the courthouse and came here."

"No wedding night?" I couldn't help but ask. That seemed very un Son like. "Sven… the romantic."

Holly was giggling right along with me. "No wedding night. Not yet. We've barely even kissed. He's so sweet though. He told me I didn't need to go pack anything, we'd take care of it when we got here then Kozik told him he'd ask you to come take me. Sven said I'd like you and we'd be friends."

"Sven is a sweetheart." I agreed going towards Target. My driving had improved a lot since moving to Tacoma. I didn't have much of a choice. "Didn't you get to say goodbye to your family?"

"No one to say goodbye to except a drunk father." Holly shrugged looking out of the window at the city. "Sven was…. A Godsend. I felt so stuck.. Then he came in."

I wondered briefly how he'd explain his wife to his girlfriend and vice versa. "So we need to get you..everything?"

"I don't even have a toothbrush." Holly sighed looking down at her lap at the jeans she was wearing with what must have been one of Sven's shirts tied into a knot on the side. "I literally hopped on the back of his bike and took off without looking back."

It was so romantic. Their little love story. Too bad Kozik wasn't a romance kind of guy. We went inside getting her the essentials, toothbrush, deodorant, hair stuff, a few shirts and a couple pairs of jeans. Most importantly, a heavy jacket. She had to be freezing in her thin one. Holly asked me a few questions about the club that I answered as honestly as I could. I filled her in on some of the details of being an Old Lady but told her to ask Sven about the rest. Each Old Man wanted something different.

We were in a boutique looking for her a pair of heavier shoes, boots of some sort when she started looking through the racks on lingerie with the little flush on her cheeks. I pointed at a pink and black set. "That ones pretty sexy if you were looking."

Holly paused, touching it lightly with her fingers that had chipped black polish on the nails. "You think he's into…. That?"

"I think you could wear a burlap sack and Sven would be into it." I laughed wishing I could buy something like that for myself. There just no point in it when I was turning into a whale a little more each day.

She pulled it off of the rack holding it up to herself. "Do I just… get a size or is it sized like normal clothes?"

I reached for the tag looking at the size. "It should fit I think. What size do you usually wear in lingerie?" It felt pretty good to be having girl talk. Holly was quickly becoming someone I liked. I could see why Sven had decided he wanted to marry her.

"I've never worn lingerie." Holly almost whispered hanging it back up. "Ever."

I raised an eyebrow at her taking it back off of the rack again. "Seriously? What about just getting a really sexy bra and panties?" I suggested holding the outfit back up to her anyways.

"Yes seriously. I told you… we've only kissed a few times." Holly's face was growing redde, eyes darting around. We were the only customers inside the shop, the clerk was at the counter tagging things. "I don't know how this stuff even works."

"You just put it on… I can.. Help you get dressed before Sven gets there?" I suddenly wished Jessica were here. She was the queen of all things sex related, the next thing Holly said made me wish it even more.

"No I mean… _all _of it. Not just putting this on."

I studied her wondering how in the hell _Sven_ had managed to marry the only virgin I'd ever met. A Son… with a virgin. I was tempted to dig out my phone and call Jessica but thought better of it at the embarrassment Holly seemed to be feeling. "You're a virgin? Does Sven know that?" I asked her softly. She must really be nervous to be confiding in a stranger like me.

Holly looked down shaking her head. "He didn't ask. I didn't think it was something to tell him after that amazing proposal."

"Ohhh… maybe we should… buy this and get out of here. Go get coffee?" I kept the outfit in my hand. "It'll be my wedding present to you."

She protested but I won out in the end before we made it to the Starbucks around the corner still no boots bought. Once we'd gotten our drinks and sat down in the back where no one could hear us we started up the girl talk again. "Okay so….. Umm.. Obviously I've….. Done this." I gestured down at my swollen abdomen. "What do you want to know?"

"I know how it works. The.. Mechanics of it. I'm more worried about Sven." Holly looked into her mocha latte. "Does he.. Sleep around? I don't even know anything about him."

"Uhh… I don't think he does." I really had no clue if Sven slept with the sweet butts or just Sonya but I couldn't tell her that. "He's nice though Holly, I don't think it'll be bad at all."

Holly nodded starting to pick at her chipping polish. "He told me he liked the way my wrists looked, that's what made him want to marry me." She held an arm up for me to see her slender graceful looking arm. "I still don't really understand that."

"That's just Sven. He's.. different." I smiled thinking on the Russian I'd only known a short time now. "You should tell him though before you guys do anything. Otherwise.. He might not be so gentle."

"Are they all rough? The Sons I mean?"

I thought about that. Juice certainly hadn't been rough. Kozik was… terrifying in bed. You never knew whether to expect to be held down or have your hair ripped by the roots with him. "No. Not all of them. I've only had two though."

"God.. I feel like a baby sitting here having the sex talk with someone I barely know." Holly sighed looking distressed.

"Its fine! Really, I like having the girl time. You're the only one here close to my age. Or I think you are. How old are you anyways?" I remembered Donut's comment from earlier.

"20." Holly said with a small smile. "Sven told me he was 34. I didn't think it was such a bad age difference. He seems so much younger than that. Where does he work?"

"He's a Son. And they own a construction company." I told her with a smile. "And you are close to my age. How in the world did you… hold on to it this long?" I was curious.

She laughed softly looking up to meet my eyes finally. "I just always wanted to be with one man and one only. I guess I am now. Sven told me Old Ladies were yours for life and that I'm his now."

"He's right. Once you're an Old Lady that's it." I didn't like thinking about it like that but it was the truth. It reminded me with a pang of exactly _whose_ old lady I really was and it wasn't the same man that had a baby growing inside of me. "But I think Sven will be good to you. He's nice really."

"I hope so. I have to admit I like the idea of not working at Mcdonalds anymore." Holly smiled her almond shaped eyes laughing. "Sven said he'd take me to the house later tonight. What's it look like?"

I tried to picture Sven's house, I'd only saw it one time when Kozik pointed it out. "I'm not sure. I've never been to it. He always comes to our house instead. They're good friends."

"Yeah he told me Kozik was his favorite." Holly finished off her coffee as we got up to finish up our shopping. "I still can't help but wonder if this is all real. A girl like me with a man like this…." She shook her head. "He's so… perfect. And I'm so…"

"So perfect to him." I finished with a smile. I was sure it had to be the hormones that had me feeling all warm and fuzzy about this romance. It was better than a trashy novel.

We made it back to the clubhouse earlier than when the guys were expected back but the ones that were had the party going in full swing. The excuse for the big bash was of course, Sven had gotten married even though the groom wasn't there yet. I stood up against the bar talking to a sweet butt named nicknamed Tequila for her love of the drink and her Spanish looks. Kozik had introduced us a few times as his 'good friend', and Holly. I sipped on the coke Tequila poured for me listening to the familiar rap song that was playing. The squeaking in the background reminded me of the night I'd brought Mia home with me and Juice, fighting to the same beat of this song.

Tequila's eyes widened at someone behind me but before I could turn around I felt hands sliding down my body, squeezing two handfuls of ass tightly. Those hands weren't supposed to be in Tacoma, or on me. I started to turn around but Juice stopped me by talking into my ear. "Here I thought I was going to have to settle for a sweet butt tonight. Looks like you're here to fulfill rule three for me though."

Juice's hands ran back up my sides skimming over my breasts while my heart pounded in my chest. I wanted to call for Kozik, or tell Tequila to but she was staring in awe at how Juice was pawing at me without any hesitation a brother would usually have when touching another's girl. Juice's hands dipped down to my stomach, feeling the bump there slowly. I heard his breath catch a moment as he realized what he was touching.

"Juice.. What are you doing here?" I asked softly. I was frozen not moving from his touch, but not encouraging it either.

"No. What are _you _doing here? I told you not to be here at the same time as me." Juice whispered into my hair. I could smell the liquor on his breath now. That explained where this handling was coming from. Juice's hands played with the waist of my jeans.

I turned around slowly, I could see a few of the SAMTAC guys watching this little scene play out. I silently willed one of them to find Kozik for me. I spied Quinn a few feet away with Tig laughing at something unrelated. "I didn't know you were here. I… I need to go."

"I don't think so. Not yet." Juice pulled me closer towards him with my waistband pushing his hips up against mine. "You remember this song? You used to like me to fuck you to it." He was leaned over whispering in my ear now, his breath hot on my neck.

I could smell his cologne mixed in with the liquor now. Every instinct I had was telling me to slap him but I knew better than to do that. "Juice…."

"Looks like someone's been fuckin you." His knuckles tapped on my bump. "Should have known this would happen. Maybe I let you stay away for too long."

"I have to go. I have… to leave. Now." I backed away from him slowly hoping he'd drop it.

Juice grabbed me, it wasn't a tight grip but just feeling his hand on my bare skin made me freeze again. "You find Kozik. I know that's what you're going to do. Tell him I said to get you the hell out of here before I take my Old Lady back with me to Charming Lee."

The other Old Lady's were hanging back whispering to each other, obviously interested in catching a peek at my real Old Man in the flesh. "Let go of me, I'll leave." I pulled my arm back from him starting to walk off when he jerked the back of my shirt up.

"Just making sure." He said with a sneer on his face.

I wondered how much he'd had to drink since he got here. This wasn't typical Juice behavior. "Its there. Just like I promised. I need to go. It was…nice seeing you."

The crowd was parting some as I spotted the tall blonde biker pushing his way through. I started for him instantly feeling relieved that he was here now. I was shaky when he shoved his way between me and Juice, pure rage in his eyes. Kozik glared down at Juice. "Keep your fucking hands off of her."

Juice did his little head turn that I knew meant he was about to be a jackass. "You keep your fucking hands off of her. She's mine tonight_.. Brother_. Or did you forget whose Old Lady she was?"

Quinn had sauntered over looking pleased with the entertainment of a potentional fight. "He has a point Koz."

"My ink… MY Old Lady." Juice smirked pulling on the cigarette he'd just lit. He looked menacing now, not like the Juice I'd left behind. "Come here LeeLee." He ordered gesturing me towards him.

Kozik shook his head throwing me a look. "Stay there Aleah. Don't you move a god damn inch."

I was torn, I didn't know which one to listen when they were together. I chewed on my lip listening to it escalate some more.

"Don't you talk to her like that." Juice snapped moving forward with his chest out, another sure sign Juice was about to cause trouble. "Aleah, come here to me." He said again holding a hand out. "Listen to me, not him."

Kozik closed the gap between them, they were nose to nose now, chest against each others. "I swear to god this is your last chance Juice. Shut the fuck up and get the hell out of here. She's not yours, leave her alone. You ever lay another fucking hand on her and you won't live to regret it."

"You gonna kill me… bro?" Juice snarled back pressing against Kozik.

Tig started to pull Kozik away but Kozik wouldn't stand down. He stayed in place like a piece of steel bolted down to the floor. "Break it up you two. Let's play nice for one night."

"I don't think I want to play nice. I want to spend some time with my girl. Haven't saw her in a while."

I trembled when Kozik lunged forwards, Sven grabbing a hold of him along with Fingers. I held my arms around myself, I felt sick to my stomach watching this unfold. Juice was laughing now. "You want to settle this? Now?"

"Yeah. I do." Kozik growled still being restrained by the two members.

"You, me. Ring. Five minutes." Juice smirked.

Kozik scoffed at him. "Sure thing. I kicked your ass once, no problem doing it again. I win, you leave her alone. She's mine. You win… "

"I win, she's mine. Which she is either way. I'll just… agree to leave her alone.. For tonight."

"Not happening. Not now, not ever." Tig cut in grabbing Juice this time. "You've said your piece, now its over. C'mon Juice."

It looked like Juice was really going to walk away for a moment, so I stepped towards Kozik putting a hand on his forearm. "Kozik, lets get out of hereeee~!" I felt the impact of their bodies slamming into each other again, and stumbled back, someone was holding me up from falling.

Juice had whirled back around after only a few steps and they'd made a mad lunge for each other. I'd been standing 5 more inches over I would've been smashed between the two of them. Tig was trying to push them apart again with Donut helping him. Neither man seemed to want to step away first. "You two really want to fight or is this just a show of how big your dicks are?" Tig asked with a firm grip on the collar of Juice's cut.

Lee had finally been called over to make his verdict on this fiasco. It was an uncomfortable situation no matter how you looked at it. "Let 'em fight." He said after seizing each of them up. "Bare knuckle in the ring. Three rounds. Fight it out clean. No rings, no boots. Just skin on skin."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOSOASOASOASOA

I wrapped the tape around Kozik's knuckles tightly, bent down in front of him. He'd produced a pair of shorts from somewhere, his locker most likely, and slipped those on in place of his cut and Levis. "Kozik… don't… hurt him." I said softly trying not to sound like I was pleading.

"Keep out of it." Kozik growled back flexing his hands when I was finished wrapping him up. Across the other side of the ring Tig was doing the same to Juice.

"Okay." I stood up from the ground slowly, pulling my shirt down where it rode up on the sides of my growing stomach. I had a suspicion that was what had fueled Juice's fire.

Kozik took off his dog tags handing them over to me. "Stay back. Don't get in that ring no matter what happens. You keep out of this. This has to happen."

I nodded up at him, looking at him in the blinding lights of the hover lights. Donut called over to him telling it was go time. "Koz…. His stomach. Lower chest area on the left. He can't stand for anything to touch it where he got shivved inside." I advised lowly. "Don't kill him."

He grabbed me in for a kiss that left my knees weak before pushing me away again. "Go."

I backed off watching him climb into the ring as Juice did the same from the other side. Holly came to stand next to me looking intrigued by all of this. "I didn't know… you had two."

"I don't. They just don't know how to let go." I sighed as Sven came to stand beside us with the prospect they called 'Sunshine', my bodyguards in case I decided to go rogue and try to separate them I knew.

I watched as Sid, the self appointed referee, held up his hands then dove out of the way to signal the fight was on. The hits came a second after Sid was gone. Juice was never a fighter, but he could brawl when he had to or felt like it and he was showing it now. Kozik was hitting back pummeling Juice in the side of his face while Juice was wrapped around him taking body shots. Tig had no doubt told Juice where exactly he needed to hit Kozik at for it hurt him the most.

They backed off just as fast as they'd connected, moving in a circle before attacking again. The hits were terrifyingly hard, blood was flying from one of them. "Oh my god… somebody stop them!" I cried out not being able to stand this.

Kozik got a good, slamming hit into the spot I'd told him about making Juice drop down to all fours with a loud howl. "Stay down… please stay down…" I whispered to myself, Holly had wrapped an arm over my shoulders in sympathy. Juice didn't stay down though, he kicked out hitting Kozik in the left knee bringing him down with him. They both rolled at the same time swinging again as they got up out of breath.

I knew Juice wouldn't be able to take much more. Or Kozik if that hit was as hard to his knee as it looked. They weren't showing any signs of slowing down though. Kozik had Juice in a hold now taking hits to his already bloodied face. "Break em up!" Someone yelled over the roaring crowd that was cheering excitedly for one guy or the other.

Juice bit down on Kozik's bicep, a complete Tig move but it got Kozik to released his hold on him. They were both starting to sway around some, sweat was glistening down Juice's dark caramel skin making his chest gleam. He turned a little allowing me to see the tattoo that made me gasp in surprise that it was still there **'Always'** read across his back. His eyes locked on mine for a the split second it took for Kozik to bring his fist down across his jaw sending Juice stumbling. Then they were back in their hold hitting so heavily that Lee motioned for Tig and Fingers to separate them.

Neither or them would let go of the other or stop swinging. My hand was over my mouth while my body shook watching the guys try to keep them from locking up a second time. I started for the ring but Sven grabbed my hand shaking his head. "No, you stay here. Too dangerous."

I pushed him away trying to fight against him to get to Kozik, Lee was reprimanding both of them. "Its over. Hug it out. Forget it, remember what brotherhood is about, not some piece of gash."

Tig was holding Juice up, he didn't even have the strength to support himself anymore. Juice shook his head. "No hug for that fucker."

"Fuck off Juice." Kozik snapped his own face had blood pouring from the cut on his face from earlier that was worse now. It looked like his nose was bloody too but I knew his knee was his real injury. Kozik climbed out of the ring grabbing his shirt from Donut angrily with a slight limp.

Juice got out after him, his face had taken more of the beating than Kozik's did. He stopped in front of me, Sven still holding me back, and gave me a hard look spitting out a mouthful of blood. "This ain't over Lee."

"Come on killer, lets get you patched up." Quinn steered him away giving me the same dirty look.

Sven finally let go of me when Juice was out of sight and I took off for Kozik where he was walking for the clubhouse with Donut as his supporter. "Kozik…" I started but he shook his head at me.

"Go home. Now." He wouldn't even look at me. "Get the fuck out of here."

I stopped, defeated and unsure of what I'd done to deserve this. I watched him go inside, shutting me out.


	12. Chapter 12

**These thoughts are what's going through her mind while she's waiting for Kozik to come home… it skips a lot but I think you guys will be happy with it. Next chapter will pick up where 11 left off**

**Thank you for your support in your reviews! I love getting them :D **

**Thanks goes to Jessica1018 for all of her help with these stories, she works just as much as I do on them and hopefully we will have our Hale story up soon for you guys. **

**I do not own SOA**

Chapter 12 Aleah's Thoughts While Kozik is Away…

Juice was nothing like the man I had met when I was a lonely naïve seventeen year old girl looking for love. He wasn't the same caring, lovable guy that had a grin that could make me knees go weak. He was cold, short mouthed, and distant. He never smiled anymore. It was always the same stoic, dead look on his face. It'd been there ever since we did what we did. What I did.

"_Do you love Juice? Or do you love your father more? You better decide fast Aleah, times running out." Jax smirked at me as I glared at him from the desk chair inside the office. _

"_I swear to God Jackson… if you so much as lay a hand on him.. I'll…. I'll…" _

"_Oh I'm not planning on laying a single finger on my brother in law. Trust me." Jax had replied with so much ease that it made me snap. _

_I was on my feet within seconds, leaning into his face with my own smirk now. "Let me clarify this for you some more.. Brother…. You hurt Juice… I hurt Tara."_

"_Guess you just made your choice then. Get me those documents tonight." Jax ordered stepping backwards out of the office. "Or the gun."_

That damn gun that had done this to us. We were digging through Dad's boxes the first time we saw it. Juice was admiring it when Dad explained where it had came from. A gift from Piney for his first five years. It was a work of art as far as guns went. The look that passed between the two of us told each other we were both thinking the same thing… That gun might just be our way out of this mess.

Did I love my Dad? Of course I did. But I also hated him. He'd lied to me. Lied to Jax. Lied to so many of us that I wasn't even sure what was the truth anymore. I just knew I had missed out on knowing my real mother because of him and his affair with Gemma. But I couldn't blame Gemma for his actions. She was just starting find out just how evil he could be in her own way now days. I would never forgive him for blackmailing my mom to stay away from me. It'd taken a lot of prying, a lot of digging on Juice's part, but I tracked her down. Now someone needed to pay for the hurt I was feeling from the secrets that were unraveling.

Why not save Juice and hurt my Dad at the same time? I couldn't bare the thought of anything happening to him. I couldn't live without Juice at this point I knew that. I was nothing without him alive. He had done what he thought he needed to do to help the club and it blew up in his face. Now he was paying for that, and I was paying for it right along with him. I knew already a good Old Lady would do whatever it took to protect her man. If I couldn't do this for Juice, then I wasn't good enough for him.

So I did it. I told Dad I wanted to talk to him alone for a few minutes before he got ready to leave for Ireland just in case I missed him later on. It gave Juice the time he needed to take that gun. And now my Dad was residing inside of Stockton Pen. Where he belonged until I at least got an apology.

It was after that that Juice really started to lose it. Where he'd been distant before, he was now just straight out incorrigible at times. He would give me looks as if to say 'Why are you here?' every so often. He took to sleeping in his office in his recliner. He would come home late and eat dinner alone in the kitchen with the lights off. He didn't text or call like he used to. And heaven forbid I attempt to touch him. He would recoil like he'd been bit by a snake.

Was it me? I asked him. No he said… its not you…. But I had a feeling it was me. Even now over a year later when I was with Kozik I knew it was me. I had lost our baby. He didn't want to get close enough to me to risk getting me pregnant a second time and bring him more heartbreak.

"_I can't take this anymore. I think I should go to Mom's for a while. Or maybe I'll stay with Jess." I said softly to Juice in the doorway of his office. _

_He was reclined back with a blanket across his naked upper body, giving me a look. "No."_

_I scoffed a little at that. "No? Then tell me… why should I stay? You don't even want me here anymore. You treat me like… like.. Like something on the bottom of your shoes." I wouldn't cry. Not in front of him. _

_Juice hit pause on whatever he was watching and slid out of the chair letting the blanket fall to the floor, coming closer. "If I didn't want you here, I would have sent you away by now. You're my Old Lady Lee. You can't just leave like that."_

"_You sure don't treat me like an Old Lady."_

"_What are you wanting here?" he sighed rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't want to have sex. I don't want to cuddle. I don't want to deal with…"_

"_With me." I finished for him so quietly I didn't think he'd hear me. _

"_Its not you Aleah. I just.. Need to sort through some shit of my own. Things are crazy right now."_

_I crossed my arms over my chest fixing him with a harsh look of my own. "I can't deal with you shutting me out. Not after you were so close with me. It hurts."_

_Juice looked away, his eyes downcast. "I'm not getting you involved in club shit again. Ever."_

And he meant the ever. He never mentioned club business to me anymore. The guys didn't speak much to me either. They were pissed as hell with me for not giving any of them paychecks from TM. It was my own small form of payback for the havoc they had wreaked on my life as of late. Chibs, who I loved like a second father beat the shit out of Juice to show his feelings on what Juice had done. Bobby was gone…. Carter kept a distance from us along with Jess. Tig had never been quite right with me since he found out about Kozik, Rat was quiet, and Happy never spoke to me. It was petty of me to extract payback in that way but it was all I could do. You didn't mess with Juice. I didn't work so hard to save him for him to be the club punching bag.

Tonight he'd looked…. Angry. Volatile. I couldn't blame him. I knew without a doubt Juice still loved me. Always, he'd told me so many times. So many nights he'd whispered that one word into my ear before dozing off. Did I still have feelings for Juice? On a certain level… I did. I would always love him. We'd had a child together no matter how the pregnancy had ended. Or started….

_I tapped my foot impatiently on the tile floor of the bathroom. Three minutes felt like forever. An eternity. Juice was pacing around in a small circle with his hands shoved into the pockets of his cut. "Stop that." _

"_I can't. I'm…. nervous." He admitted sheepishly glancing at his watch for the hundredth time. _

"_Its not a big deal. I'm only one day late." I reminded him but silently hoping it did mean something. "It could be nothing."_

"_Or it could mean something." _

_I was fighting off the urge to look at the test to see if it had started to turn colors yet. This was excruciating. "You think you're ready for this?"_

_Juice stopped pacing and gave me a little shrug. "I guess I am if you're pregnant. I have to be." _

"_Do you want this… a family?" I asked him even though we'd been through before many a times while we laid in bed together. _

"_I think if it happens, then yes I want it. If it doesn't…. that's okay too."_

_I nodded, knowing what he meant. He would adjust because it meant so much to me to have a baby. I was dying for a son or daughter with Juice's dark caramel skin and maybe my blue eyes. A baby to be with me if anything ever happened again. My own piece of Juice. _

"_Its time." Juice's voice cut into my thoughts , his shoulder brushed against mine on his way to the bathroom counter. _

"_Lets look together." I decided reaching out for the little stick. _

_I flipped it over slowly, bracing myself. I wouldn't cry if it was negative. I'd just keep trying. But it wasn't negative. It was very boldly positive. I threw the test down at the same time Juice grabbed me up in his arms twirling me around in a circle while we cheered. We were going to be parents. _

Or so we thought. We had no way of knowing what was going to happen. At only 8 weeks we were already painting a baby room, yellow of course so it was gender neutral. A crib was bought at 10 weeks, and at 12 weeks we were buying small things here and there until the day it happened. I would never forget it as long as I lived.

_I woke up alone which wasn't unusual lately. Juice had been up to his eyes in shit between Roosevelt and the club. It was starting to get to him. I didn't know how much he could take without cracking again. Those marks around his neck had broken my heart when he finally confessed what he'd tried to do. _

"_I just thought…. It'd be better that way. The kid doesn't need a fuck up like me around. The club will always take care of you as long they don't know that you knew about all of this."_

"_The baby needs a father!" I'd snapped at him hitting his chest with my fists. "You can't run out on me right now!"_

_Juice nodded, looking solemn and understanding at the same time. He wouldn't run out on me again. Except for on mornings like this when he had to be up at the crack of down or the alternative…. Which meant he'd never even came home the night before and I hadn't noticed it. I called his phone a couple of times and left messages. No answer. Where in the hell could he be at? I wondered after calling the clubhouse a few times throughout the day._

_I wasn't feeling good. I was cramping bad, and had felt my heart jilt when I saw a few spots of bright red blood in my panties. I was bleeding and I was alone. I grabbed my purse off of the counter after calling Jessica who immediately said she'd meet me at the hospital. I couldn't even reach Gemma on her cell. I had no one else to call. I drove myself to the E.R shakily knowing already that bright red blood was bad news in any pregnancy no matter how healthy it'd started out. _

_After 20 minutes of being in the E.R I was finally taken back. Working in the maternity ward didn't give me any precedence here. Not until I was far enough along to be able to go up there anyways. I was losing my baby. Jessica rushed in moments after they were handing me a gown, looking every bit as worried as I was. _

"_Aleah? Are you okay? What happened?"_

_I sniffled out the events to her just as the swinging doors to the back area flew open with the paramedics rushing in a man on a stretcher. "Gunshot wounds. Four bullets. One hit the lung, we need to get him into surgery asap. Mrs. Teller said do whatever we have to to keep him alive."_

_I felt the room go silent around me. No no no no…. not all in the same day. I couldn't lose my father and my baby all in the same day. Where in the hell was Juice at when I needed him? Dammit I needed him right now. _

_Then while I was in and out from the panic attack and breakdown he appeared from somewhere. I couldn't even remember what he'd said to me. But he finally came. _

ATF holding had kept him away and out of contact. Roosevelt had came into the hopsital after the incident with Dad and found out I was there from hearing the club talking amongst themselves and went for Juice himself. As if that would somehow make up for the part he played in destroying our lives.

That was when it started to change somewhat. The different Juice. He wasn't quite as distant and cold towards me in the beginning but the signs were all still there. It had been a surprise when I came back from Tacoma that first time and he was at home waiting for me with dinner made. Had it been possible this… creature had missed me? Cared if I was gone for days at a time? It almost felt that way when he gave me a small smile when I walked in through the front door being met by Gizmo.

"_Hey… I made dinner." Juice greeted me motioning at the pots on the stove. "Thought you might be hungry when you got in."_

_I was almost suspicious. "Ohh… thanks. You didn't have to."_

_He shrugged nonchalantly fixing me a plate, moving around the kitchen with ease. "I know I didn't have to. I wanted to."_

_Juice was thinner than he'd ever been before, but he still appealed to me. The attraction was still there even after months of romantic exile. I watched him move around, the thin white cotton shirt clinging to his body, jeans slung low on his hips. "Smells good." I dared to say in an attempt to keep the conversation going. This was the most we'd spoke in months. _

"_Yeah, I followed one of those recipes Jessica wrote down for you. Didn't have much goin on today." _

_He slid the plate down in front of me sitting down with own, still giving me a small smile. I forked a small bite up, playing it safe. What were the odds he was poisoning me because he found out I'd been with Kozik all weekend after all? He sure as hell wouldn't smile if he did know. I chewed slowly, savoring the taste. _

"_Not bad." I commented taking a small sip of the Coke he'd poured for me. "So what'd you do while I was gone?"_

_Juice swallowed down his own bite before answering me. "I did some thinking. A lot of thinking."_

"_Oh? Anything I should know about?"_

"_Not yet…. We'll talk soon though." Juice promised looking like he meant it. "Lets just… eat. I'm glad you're back."_

He had no clue where I'd been at. That was apparent soon after I got home. He was friendlier than he had been in months and it was killing me. I'd been planning on leaving him without a stitch of guilt because of how he'd been treating me. Now he was slowly starting to make a come around. Did I want to stay and risk things being the same later on? Or did I want to go back to Tacoma where I knew someone that loved me was waiting?

The difference in Kozik and Juice was that Kozik had never retracted his feelings towards me. Even when he'd been depressed, angry, and bitter towards me he hadn't once treated me the way Juice had. He'd still openly showed he cared about me. Juice had holed up inside himself. I needed someone to be there for me, show me they cared. I couldn't be alone. I refused to be alone, they both knew I wouldn't be. Why should I put Kozik on hold yet again because Juice was deciding to come around? Why should I play by Juice's rules?

_The deal had been three weeks. If Juice didn't touch me again for another three weeks it would seal the deal on me going to Tacoma to be with Kozik. I wanted to be with Kozik. I needed that type of love he had to offer me. After 20 days of being back home Juice was still making baby steps in treating me better. But it wasn't enough. Not even when he slipped into bed with me one night when he came home late instead of going to the office to sleep. _

_Juice slipped between the sheets like it was nothing. Like it was completely normal for him to strip down and lay with me. "C'mere." He whispered. _

_I was hesitant. What would this mean if I did this? Kozik would call the deal off, I knew he would. He was a man of his word even if it wasn't in his favor. But I couldn't refuse Juice. He was still my Old Man. I slid closer to Juice underneath the blankets letting him wrap his arms around me for the first time in forever. "Juice….."_

"_Shhh…. Not tonight okay?" He whispered back silencing me with a gentle kiss to my lips. His mouth felt foreign on mine. His lips were warm, soft, and moving just as amazing as ever. _

_I shut my eyes melting into the kiss opening my mouth slightly for him to slip his tongue through. God… I'd missed him like this. I ran my hands up and down the sides of his Mohawk sighing a little bit when he nipped at my neck teasingly. It might have been a while but he still knew exactly which spots to target. Like my ear lobe he was sucking on softly. Or the soft fleshy part of my thigh he was running his fingers over. _

_His index finger ran along the side of my boy shorts teasing me. I couldn't believe this was happening. It'd been so long….. I inhaled sharply when his free hand started to work my panties down. I lifted my hips up helping him with it. I wanted this. I wanted it so bad. I wanted Juice again. I had to know if this would be the same as it always had been. If I truly didn't want him then it wouldn't be. _

_After a few minutes of playing around the moment of truth came when Juice poised above me, pushing inside slowly with a hiss that told me he hadn't been going elsewhere for comfort. He really hadn't been interested in sex at all. But he was now. And it was good. So damn good. It felt like it lasted for hours, our bodies pressed against each others making up for lost time. Sweat soaked the sheets and Juice's back would be a mess of scratches and bites in the morning. But it was worth it all. _

_One last tryst before I went back to Tacoma. Kozik could never know what I'd done. It would be treacherous in his eyes. I would never tell him about this night with Juice only one day before I went to be with him permanently. He wouldn't understand the need to end it like this. _

And I didn't know it would hurt Juice as bad as it did when I left him. I didn't tell anyone about the part of the conversation we had where he asked me not to go to Tacoma. I wouldn't embarrass him in front of the others by sharing that. I would keep his secrets… and he'd keep mine…..

_This was so hard to do. To tell him to his face why I was leaving him. I had to do it, I couldn't not do it. That wouldn't end well for anyone involved. I stared at my feet instead of at Juice on his place on the couch beside me. "I can't stay here any longer."_

"_How longs it been goin on this time?" Juice asked quietly. _

"_Not long….. Just… when I left for a few days. I needed a friend. Kozik was there." I sighed daring to sneak a look at him. "He's always there. You're never there."_

_Juice hung his head down, looking defeated. "I haven't treated you right lately, I know that. But I don't want you to go Lee. You belong here in Charming. Not in Tacoma with Kozik."_

"_I think I do belong in Tacoma. I think I just caused us both a lot of hurt by not going sooner." I honestly replied. "I don't want to hurt you."_

"_Too late."_

It seemed I was always going to be hurting one of them, no matter what I said or did or who I chose. There was no winning with these two men that both claimed to endlessly love me. I knew which one meant it and which one didn't. I knew which one would be there and which one wouldn't. They each had their flaws, and they each had their good moments. I loved them both. But love wasn't always enough.


	13. Chapter 13

**Even though I already told most of you in your review replies I'm going to say it here too…. The baby is Kozik's…. the space between her sleeping with Juice then getting knocked up is too big of a difference lol. No little Mohawked babies. **

Chapter 13 Marry Me Yeah?

I stayed up until late in the night waiting to hear Kozik's bike rumble in while I snacked my way nervously through ice cream, cold pizza, Cokes, brownies, and finally a case of morning sickness.

I was leaned over the toilet hacking when Kozik finally came home. His hand reached down holding my hair back while I got sick from my little binge. "You want some of those pills the doctor gave you?"

I nodded yes, not daring to open my mouth to answer verbally. Kozik rifled through the cabinet for my pill bottle while I got up to rinse my mouth out. I stole a look at him, wanting to see if he was okay physically. His face was bruised but it wasn't bad. Someone had patched his cheek up for him with butterfly stitches. He held out two of the little white pills to me once he'd dug them out.

"Thanks." I picked them out of his hand swallowing them down with a handful of water from the bathroom sink.

Kozik brushed past me back into our dark room. "Baby ok?" he asked pretty much tonelessly.

"Baby's fine. I'm the one that's sick." I crawled into the bed watching him prowl around the room like an animal on the hunt. "Kozik.. What did I do?" I asked quietly wanting to know why he was treating me like I'd committed a crime.

"Every time I picture Juice's hands on you, I get so pissed off I can't even see straight. Then….. I remember. You're not really my Old Lady. You're still his. You'll always be his." Kozik had stopped his prowl to a dead halt. "You're Juice's girl, not mine. You live with me, share my bed, love me, but you're still his."

"I don't want Juice." I sighed holding my little jellybean through the baggy shirt I was wearing. "I'm carrying your baby for crying out loud. I love you."

Kozik rubbed his face with one hand. "But you still love him."

So he was doubting me. He thought I still wanted Juice because Juice obviously still had hopes I'd come back to Charming one day soon. "I… care about him, we did.. Things I can't even tell you. We have our secrets Kozik. But no I don't love him. I don't want to be with him like this. I wish I could cut this tattoo off of my back myself to prove it to you."

"You really love me? More than you've ever loved another man?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, I do." I knew that without a doubt. Kozik had always been steady in my life since he came into it. He was that rock that everyone needed in someone.

"C'mere little girl." He ordered from his place against the dresser. I crawled back out of the sheets to go to him hugging him tightly. "I'm not mad at you. I'm pissed with myself for letting this happen. I shouldn't have…. Its tricky."

I understood what he meant by that. This was something that would make others questions his loyalty to them regardless of however Juice handled this. "We can't help who we love Koz."

Kozik was petting my messy hair, I'd let it hang wet after my shower without even brushing it out. "You want to marry me?"

I inhaled sharply, heart thudding away. "Yes! I mean… yes if that's what you want." I tried not to over read what he'd just said. It wasn't exactly a proposal, more like a question after all.

"Then we're getting married. As soon we can." He kissed my forehead, pressing a hand on my bump like he'd done earlier. "Just you, me, and Jellybean will be there."

I'd always pictured a big wedding with Dad walking me down the aisle is a huge white Cinderella dress, everything done in with lavender accents, Jessica as my bridesmaid. I was getting four months pregnant and a walk up the courthouse steps with Kozik instead. But it was perfect. "Yes!" I hugged him tighter trying to kiss his jaw but not quite making it. "As long as you're sure you really want to."

Kozik laughed, it sounded a little bit rougher than normal. "Little girl, haven't you figured out I don't do anything I don't want to by now?"

It wasn't as terribly romantic as Sven's "Marry me yeah?" But I'd take it any day. I'd never expected Kozik to want to marry me even if we were together for 10 years straight. Kozik wasn't the marrying type of man. Then again, he wasn't the type of man to take an Old Lady when we first met either. I kept out of the clubhouse for a few days, I wasn't sure how the club would approach me with what happened. Kozik hadn't been in any trouble over it, just given a firm reminder of the rules and who I belonged to in technical terms by Lee.

Sven stopped by for Kozik one morning when he was running late to get to the job site, pulling up in one of the white work trucks they used. He was smoking when he came to the door with his grin. "Good morning." He said in his very precise English, a change from him greeting me in Russian. "Today… you go to my house? Visit?"

I was still in my pajamas when I'd answered the door, but feeling pretty good considering except for a few pains I kept getting. "Sure, did Holly invite me?" I asked wondering if this was her idea or Sven's. I didn't want to intrude on her.

"I invite. She… lonely. Not talk much. Needs friends. I offer her to use the phone but she says she has no one to call now." He shrugged helplessly accepting the cinnamon roll I held out to him on a napkin. "I tell her where you live but she say she doesn't want to interrupt you."

"Trust me, I don't do anything when it snows that she can interrupt." I grinned holding up the coffee pot to him.

Sven shook his head no chewing on the bite he'd taken before talking. "Good good. You know which house it is?"

I hated to admit to him I didn't know. "Uhh…. Four houses down….."

"On the left, the brick one. My bike is in the front under tarp. You knock on side door, she'll hear you." He grinned finishing off his breakfast. "She feed me too, I guess I make pig of myself today."

"What else is new?" Kozik asked swooping in still damp from his shower. We'd stayed up late the night before going over things. The baby, what we had to get done to the house, and then tangled up in each others arms the rest of the time. "Fix me a to go cup of coffee Leah."

I grabbed a travel mug pouring in the hot liquid while he started pulling on his layers of ratty hoodies to wear to work. He didn't usually get filthy but sometimes he had to do more than simply supervise. "Don't forget I have to pick up my ring." I reminded him.

"Use the card. Get whatever else you think you might need for it too." Kozik stood up from his kitchen table. "Just get…. Whatever for me. Get what you want, don't worry about the money."

The romance of shopping for wedding rings didn't exist with him. He simply didn't care what it looked like as long as it was white gold or platinum and plain. I was picking up the engagement ring we'd picked out online the day after he'd proposed. "I'll send you a picture over. Here take these with you." I pushed the container of cinnamon rolls at him with his coffee on top. "Love you."

Sven made a groaning noise when we kissed that we both ignored. Kozik pushed his tongue through my lips rolling his tongue over mine so that the silver stud was a tease. "I'll call you on lunch." He glanced at Sven before mouthing. "Love you too." with a grin. "Come on idiot."

After I got ready I decided the walk up the block would do me some good instead of the driving, and bundled up. It wasn't snowing now it was just freezing outside. I headed off to find Sven's house, spotting it when I was still a ways off. It was a small house, but from the outside it looked well kept. His bike stood out in the tarps like Kozik did to his when it snowed and couldn't get it in the garage without making a fuss of moving the other vehicles around to do it. I walked through the open carport and rapped on the screen door that was in front of the cream colored one behind it wondering if she could hear me knock on that one.

It took her a moment but Holly came to the door shyly, smiling at me when she got a good look at who it was. "Oh! I wasn't expecting you! I thought it must be for Sven." She held the door open beckoning me into the warm house.

Sven's house was clean. Everything was very… sterile feeling. He had a lot of Russian flags hanging around, some of them framed and pictures of at least 40 relatives were hanging on one wall together. For the most part it looked like he still had a bachelor pad, which was okay since Holly had only been living there for 5 days. If it weren't for her shoes beside the door you wouldn't know she was even there.

"Sorry to just drop in like this. I just thought… we live so close to each other, why not come by?" I smiled sitting down at the butcher block style table across from her.

"I should have came to see you. You shouldn't be out in this cold, not pregnant." Holly held out a plate of snicker doodles to me. "Sven informed me he loved these when he took me to the grocery store." She grinned.

I laughed taking one off of the plate. "I bet he did. I don't think anyone's cooked for him except my Mom since I met him."

"His mom calls him every night." Holly sat down after getting us each a glass of sweet tea from the fridge. "I think she's nice, but I'm not really sure. Sven said she doesn't speak English so he does all of the talking."

I chewed on my snicker doodle, it was pretty good, looking around the kitchen. It was smaller than ours was, but Sven probably hadn't been counting on finding a wife either. "Kozik's family is gone except for a brother I've never met, and his daughter. And the club of course."

"I heard congratulations are in order." Holly played with one of the placemats. "Sven told me Kozik proposed to you."

"He did! I'm so excited. I have to go pick up my engagement ring in a bit." I brightened up at the mention of my engagement to Kozik. "He didn't even want to look at wedding bands with me. Said to get whatever I liked for both of us."

Holly held up her left hand showing me a very pretty, sleek gold and diamond creation. "Sven told me it was his grandmothers ring, and hers before that." She let me pull her hand towards myself for a better look at it. It was definitely an antique and had to be valued at a pretty penny. "It makes me so scared to wear it around but he said I have to keep it on. 'Never take off'."

"Its beautiful." I admired it in the sunlight coming in through the blinds.

"It is. I feel bad that the ring he has is so plain. He bought it when we went out the other night to look for 'woman stuff' as he says." Holly laughed. "He has it in his head I need more things. I did get some pretty nice boots at the Harley store though. Nicer than anything I've owned before."

I followed her through the living room to what must have been their room. It felt like I was invading their privacy just by stepping into another couples room even though I'd been Jessica and Carter's bed just as much as they had. The room was plain, no decoration of any kind, the furniture was just as plain. Sven had seemed to live a simple life, nothing flashy at all in his house. Holly dug through their walk in closet until she pulled out a black box with her new riding boots. They were a butternut color with deerskin soles. I loved them. She showed me the other things he'd gotten for her, mostly clothes and a bag from the MAC counter in the mall with make up in it.

"Maybe I'm marrying the wrong guy." I joked when she pulled out a few simple jewelry sets that I fingered over admiringly.

Holly grinned sitting down on the chair in front of the mirror on the closet door. A dressing type area Sven must have improvised. "He's been good to me. Really good."

"It definitely looks like he knows how to treat a lady." I nodded sitting on the foot of their bed. It had a heavy feeling quilt on it. Homemade from the looks of it, something Sven must have brought over with him. "So umm…. Am I sitting on… the wedding bed?" I asked frowning now at where I was sitting at.

She laughed covering her face with her hands blushing underneath her freckles. "Oh god… it was horrible Aleah….." She'd stopped laughing now but kept her hands over her red face. "I mean it. I just wanted to crawl under the bed and die."

"It couldn't have been _that_ bad. I mean… Sven… looks like he must know a _little_ something." I was the one blushing now, talking about Kozik's brother this way. "Oh geez… I mean, he just seems…" I couldn't even get the words out from the awkwardness until Holly started laughing again, me with her.

Holly finally caught her breath, both of us still giggling every now and then. "No, that wasn't it. Sven was…" she searched for the word before saying. "He was… nice. Gentle. The horrible part was me." She sighed no longer laughing. "I started crying."

I entertained the thought in my mind briefly that she'd cried because of the 'beautifulness' of what they were doing and knew that wasn't why. "Did you tell him before?" I was loving every minute of this talk, it was so much like the ones I wanted to have but couldn't because I only had Mandy and Rachel and I was pretty sure they didn't want to hear about Kozik's bedroom skills. "Why don't you start at the beginning?"

Holly nodded pulling her legs up in the chair with her. "Okay so… we came home around midnight from the party, I loved the house when he showed it to me. I wasn't expecting something like this. Maybe an apartment or something. But it was already clean in here and he carried my bags in and showed me where everything was to get a shower before we went to bed. It was more like he told me to." She looked like she wanted to laugh again. "So I go in the bathroom and start the shower, only he's got the shower head turned to the side for some reason so when I do water goes everywhere in there."

"So I shut it back off, go out for more towels and he's just hanging up my clothes for me, clearing out the dresser for my stuff and just smiles when I get three more towels and go back in. I sop up the mess, then finally get into the shower. I realize then that I forgot to buy my own bath soap and have to use his little three in one stuff. So after I shower and smell all manly I hop out, use the bathroom then the toilet won't flush. I still swear I only used a little bit of paper but it started overflowing everywhere so I'm trying to look for a plunger and wondering how the hell I'm going to clean that mess up without telling him."

"I find the plunger and started messing with it when he knocks on the door and says "Hol-ley everything okay?" I told him yes, I was just getting dressed and stuff and he doesn't say anything at first. Then he knocks again and tells me that there's water coming out from under the door." Holly looked embarrassed to be reliving this event. "I didn't take anything in the bathroom with me except for the lingerie you bought me, and I didn't want him to see it while he fixed the toilet for crying out loud so I put his robe on and opened up the door."

"He went in there and just sort of… stared at first then told me to get the mop from the laundry room. So I go digging through his.. Our.. House for the mop. I found it and a bucket and cleaner in the same place, went back and he'd fixed the bathroom problem and then he took the mop and started cleaning up the water too. It'd killed my plans already…. So once he was done I went back in telling him I needed to do something, and he told me 'This time you do the mop'." Holly paused smiling some.

"I got dressed in the outfit, used some of his lotion and bit the bullet and went out to face him." Now the flush was coming back to her cheeks. "I think he was waiting for me. He was sitting here in this chair, he almost looked like he was asleep but then he gave me this… smile and told me I looked pretty. Or I think that's what he said. It was in Russian. He'd put all of my stuff up, the clothes I'd had on were gone from the floor too. Then he got up and slid this on my hand." She held up her left hand. "He told me it was his great grandmothers and that as long as we were married, I couldn't take it off once it was on."

Holly was smiling again, her almond shaped were gleaming. "Sven was pretty svelte with his words. He told me that even though we didn't know each other that much, he hoped I'd be happy with him and that he loved me the minute he saw my wrist reaching for his $20 that day. Then one thing led to another, and he said "Mrs. Vakhrushev lets go to bed I am sleepy from my trip." She'd stumbled when pronouncing her new last name but got it out with a third try. "So… I get into the bed beside him once he got out of his street clothes, and holy moly…. That man has a _body! _Then the kissing starts, his mouth is..magic I swear….. Then it gets a little further, and right when he starts to… do something, I just blurted it out. "Sven… I'm a virgin." And he stopped."

I sat up a little more, lost in the details of her story. I wished suddenly I had a typewriter to get it all down. "And then….." I pressed for more.

Holly's button nose crinkled a little with the smile. "And then… He kissed me again, stroked my hair and said 'You get to know me, then we consummate this. Tonight, go to sleep. You're my wife, still.'. I just… started crying, it was awful. I felt so… embarrassed like I'd let him down. I knew he'd been expecting this wild night of passion and now he was on top of me with a promise of a good nights sleep."

Wow… so not what I'd been expecting to hear. "So… nothing else happened?"

"Not yet… While I was crying he rubbed my back and told me there was nothing to cry over, that he just wanted to make sure I was completely comfortable with him, that he didn't want it to be like I was having sex with a complete stranger. Which I guess, he still kind of is in some ways." Holly was back to her bright red face, almost as red as her hair. "Sven just seems too good to be true. I keep wondering when something is going to happen, shatter all of this."

"I think what you see is what you get with Sven." I was seeing him in a whole new light now. Most Sons would have jumped on the chance to de-virginize some poor young girl like that. And they wouldn't have been the least bit gentlemanly about it. " Is everything else going good?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Very good. Sven thinks I'm lonely here at home though. He's been trying to get me out of the house, he tried getting me to go visit you a couple of days ago but I didn't want to intrude. I asked him if I could apply for a few jobs but he just shrugs and smiles, doesn't really answer me."

"Some of them don't like the women to work." I explained sliding off of the bed, stretching out slowly. "I'm actually a nurse, but I don't work. I was working some in their office but Kozik thinks I should be at home now that I'm pregnant."

"I told him I wanted to work though, I want to get my own car, be able to go out on my own. Sven said to tell him if I wanted to go somewhere and he'll leave me money or take me, and that he'd find a car." Holly frowned a little at the mention of Sven's short leash he had her on already. "I appreciate the idea of being taken care of… but I just… want to do something."

"You do. You keep the house." I grinned following her back into the kitchen, glancing at the clock hanging high at the peak of the walls. "I have to go to the jewelry store, do you want to come with me?"

Holly paused, thinking before nodding her head. "Let me grab my purse." She disappeared into their living room area grabbing a gold bag that made me smile again. Yes, Sven definitely needed to Kozik a few things about women. If Kozik bought me a new Marc Jacobs bag I'd be in love too.

We headed to the store talking some more along the way about the other Old Ladies she'd met at the party. She'd only been to the clubhouse that one time, Sven had told her she didn't have to hang out there if she didn't want to. He wasn't pushing for her to be in the circle of Old Ladies as long as she was still polite when she saw them, and like me, she was intimidated by them. She liked to talk though, and kept me entertained while we drove through the metro. "His English is improving a lot too. He handed me his book and asked me to help him. He's so… _educated _compared to me its so surreal that I'm having to help him with something."

"Ugh, I feel the same way when I have an intellectual conversation with Kozik. He was a Marine for a few years and now I feel like a kid in comparison. He talks about his time in Somalia and I talk about my trip to Sacramento. He tells me about the college classes he took for accounting, and I'm a nurse, which isn't too shabby but still. I feel..childish." I slowed at a red light with a sigh. "Which I guess… really… I am a child compared to him."

"Sven's a lot than me too. 13 years." Holly shrugged pulling an Iphone from her bag glancing at it. "He's still a child at heart… trust me."

I laughed remembering how Sven had participated in the snowball fight in my backyard, making a snowman with the kids and then asking for marshmallows with hot cocoa instead of coffee. "They all are. What about you? Were you in college when Sven swept in and played Romeo?"

"Nope. Just working at Mcdonalds until I found something else. I thought about physical therapy, but I don't know…." That started us in on a chat about college until we reached the jewelry store.

I walked around checking out the wedding sets with her until finally deciding on one that would match the engagement ring. I hadn't wanted the engagement ring too, it seemed silly when we'd be married soon but Kozik had insisted it was 'proper'. I'd never known a biker that cared about what 'proper' was before but didn't argue when he picked one out for me. I paid for the rings with his card, eyes widening at the amazingly high total at the register.

The real shock came after I dropped Holly back off and went to my house. Three bikes that I didn't recognize but had Reapers on them were parked behind my car. I opened the front door up slowly, not sure what to expect inside of my house but felt my heart jump when I saw them standing around in my kitchen making themselves sandwiches. Happy, Tig, and Carter were all here, in the flesh looking half frozen.

"How ya doin sweetheart?" Tig greeted me coming to give me a hug. "Lookin a little… bigger than the last time I saw you."

"I didn't know you were coming." I hugged him back, decided against hugging Happy but dove into Carter's bear hug. "Jess didn't even say a word!"

Carter grinned down at me throwing the butter knife he'd been using to spread out mustard into my sink. "I told her not to. Its my turn to stay the night in your house, in your bed, eat all of your chips, and then blame it on someone else."

I sat down on one of the bar stools beside Happy, he was eating on his own sandwich with my jar of pickles beside him with a fork in the jar. With a beer. It had to be disgusting. "Sure, we have plenty of room. Are you all staying over?"

Tig shook his head pulling on his beer. "Nah, I'm goin over to the clubhouse. Better selection of tail over there." He winked at me. "Still a little too young for me even if Kozik has his own ideas on that."

Happy finally spoke but kept his eyes downcast on his food. "Kozik said I could take the study. Don't want to be upstairs."

I nodded smiling at all of them. I was thrilled to have these unexpected house guests from Charming. This meant Carter really was trying to transfer to Tacoma, and I'd get my best friend here. "Wherever you want is good for me Hap. The guest room is made up, or I'll bring you some pillows down to the study."

"I figured I'd take the same room as the last time." Carter told me moving around my kitchen like he would his own. It just showed how close we'd gotten over the years. "We'll clean this mess up."

""Think I'll get a shower if you don't mind Aleah, been on the road a few days." Tig asked already done with whatever meal he'd scrounged for himself.

"Yeah sure. The bathroom is upstairs on the left, or there's another one down here if you all need to clean up." I stood up slowly, holding my aching stomach. I was still feeling crampfish. "How'd you guys get inside anyways?"

Happy smirked at me balling up his paper towel. "I have a key. And the security code."

That was news to me. I wasn't aware anyone but me and Kozik had keys to our house. "I see…. Come on Tigger, I'll show you where to go."

I took Tig upstairs with his saddle bag into mine and Kozik's bathroom, I felt like he'd be the most comfortable in here out of him and Carter. He knew Kozik well enough to know his little quirks about anything. "Just yell down if you need anything else." I told him starting to leave when he grabbed my hand.

"Don't fuck this one up kid." Tig said lowly looking at the shiny bright engagement ring on my hand. "He's trying here."

"I'm not going to Tig… I know he's trying." I smiled at the older man with the wild black hair. "Come back tonight for dinner if you want." I squeezed my pseudo uncle's hand before leaving going to check on Carter who was apparently already showering since he knew where everything was and like me, felt at home in each others homes.

Happy was at the counter where I left him spearing pickles from the jar with his fork biting them in half with a snap that made me wonder if he had a bite thing like Tig. He stared at me blankly as I moved around washing their dishes by hand. "Stop looking at me like that." I finally said.

"Ain't lookin at you no way." Happy rasped back with a scowl.

Happy had never been overly friendly with me, but he'd never been this… stiff either. I shut the water off using a towel to dry my hands. "You mad at me or something Happy?"

"Or something." He replied shortly going back to his small replies. He made my stomach twist when he drank some of the pickle juice down.

"Is it… because of Kozik? Or… Juice?" I asked slowly realizing he was in a way stuck in the middle. Happy and Kozik were better friends than him and Tig were, but in Charming, Juice was his wingman. Always doing the dirty work together.

Happy shrugged sipping on his juice again then grabbed another pickle out to munch on. I moved around straightening up some more. "What do you think.. About this?" I dared to ask him knowing his opinion would be a interesting to hear.

"What's it matter what I think?"

"Just curious. You know Kozik pretty well." I tied the bread bag back up again, noticing in amazement they'd devoured almost the entire loaf. Food must not have been a priority on the ride up here.

"I do know Kozik pretty good. He loves you. A lot. That man don't do this domesticated shit. He ain't that type of guy, but you're that type of girl." Something in the way he said 'girl' made me twitch a little. "What you did, it ain't right girl. You never put two brothers against each other like that."

Happy made me feel like I was in trouble. I crossed my arms over myself motioning for him to continue. This was likely the only time I'd ever hear him speak this much. "Kozik ain't right either. You never show that kind of disloyalty to your brother. 'specially not over some piece of pussy. You were Juice's girl when he started fuckin you, we all knew it was goin down, but no one thought you'd pull this shit and come up here." It shows he's disloyal to the club. He's lucky he's still wearing that SAA patch on his cut. Hell he's fuckin lucky Juice hasn't came up to slit his goddamn throat yet."

"So you think I should go back to Charming, be with Juice again?" I asked him taking in everything he said.

Happy shook his head swirling his pickle jar around some. "Never said that. I just think Kozik should have kept his dick in his pants. Too late for that shit now though." His eyes fell on my bulging stomach.

"I didn't get pregnant to trap him." I started to say but Happy cut me off curtly.

"Takes two to tango." Happy downed the rest of the disgusting pickle juice down. "If Kozik didn't want you around he wouldn't have fucked you without wrapping it. Maybe he trapped you." Happy smirked at me when my mouth fell a little. "That man can't take anymore hurt in his life. You fuck him over like you did Juice…." Happy didn't even have to say what he was implying he just gave me one of his dark looks.

"You don't like me, do you Happy?" I had backed off a ways from him, leaning into the stove.

Happy gave me a once over, from head to toe. "You're alright girl. I just don't like the shit you do to my brothers."

"I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did. I'm not going anywhere either, I love him Hap. A lot."

He rolled his eyes in disgust. "Enough with the feelings. Can't take that shit. Just remember this…. Maybe _you_ didn't trap _him_. Maybe he trapped _you_."

"You want something else to eat? A real drink?" He was starting to make me nervous now. If anyone knew Kozik's motives on anything it would be him. The way he'd just said that so casually….. 'Maybe he trapped you' was ringing in my ears.

"Nope."

"Hey Happy?" I paused at the trash can.

"Yeah?"

"Don't bring home any whores tonight." I grinned tossing the jar into the trash getting a small grin back from him as he lit up a cigarette. "Might be able to tolerate you."


	14. Chapter 14

**This chapter is a bit longer but I couldn't find a good place to cut it off at. Thank you all for reviewing last chapter :D **

**Thanks goes to Jess for her help….. **

**I do not own SOA only my characters. **

Chapter 14 The Last Blow Hurts the Worse

It was late when Kozik came home. Carter was still out doing who knows what, Happy was still out too, so we had some time alone. I had been curled up on the couch with a book when Kozik came in kicking his boots off by the door. "Hey honey." I called over to him.

Kozik turned, noticing me now and slunk over towards me with a yawn. "Thought you'd be in the bed." He collapsed beside me, taking my book and throwing it on his recliner.

"Hey! I wasn't done with that!" I protested but let him grab my hand to check out the ring on my left finger. "Its beautiful."

"As long as you're happy." He kissed my hand just above the ring. "You decide when we're doin this?"

I'd thought on that some after the boys had left, and still wasn't sure. "Some, I don't want a big thing. But I hate to just go to the courthouse too. I don't want to be huge and pregnant, but I know we need to do it soon, before the baby's here."

"I vote for Vegas." He grinned wiggling around in the cushions to get comfortable beside me. "Little white chapel works for me. I think Hap'll even come for that one."

"I don't think so. Gemma would murder you if she missed out. Jax already tried to give her the slip when he got hitched. Both times." I laughed remembering how pissed she'd been, terrifying Wendy by busting in on the honeymoon. "She wanted us to use her and Dad's rings, but I said no. They're tainted."

"Tainted huh? Your Pops isn't that bad Leah. Least he's around when he's able to be." He was wrapping my hair around his index finger slowly. "Did you get rings?"

I nodded resting a hand on his thigh. "Yeah, they're upstairs. I think you'll like them. I kept receipts on everything for you." Keeping track of what I spent had been one of our discussions the night before, I hadn't been doing such a great job of that as of lately. I hated to admit it, but I was still used to Juice keeping track of what our money flow was and telling me a limit, Kozik though, gave me a free hand as long as I kept track of it if I used his Visa. The cash was what I preferred for the most part.

"Good. I forgot to tell you the guys were coming in today." Kozik chuckled. "Tig told me my bathroom looked like a chicks and that I was pussy whipped for having curtains in my room."

"That is one friendship I'll never understand." I grinned thinking how odd it was that someone as normal as Kozik was best friends with someone as out there as Tig. "Unless you have some kind of closet freak side I don't know about yet."

Kozik pretended to think, turning his head side to side. "Hmmm…. Did I mention I like to have sex with corpses? I might need you to play dead later."

I giggled at the confirmation that the rumor was true about Tig. "Are you serious? That's so… creepy…. Any other sexual perversions I haven't experienced yet of yours?"

"Well… you know… there _are _a few things we haven't gotten around to…" Kozik wasn't joking now but he was still grinning. "Things you told me were absolutely off limit's for a while."

"Mmmmhmmm… I didn't know you were holding back after this long." I was a little surprised, I'd thought we were pretty open sexually. "What are these things? Should I be scared?"

"Maybe. Just… things… I like but didn't think you were into, Things you told me were off limits since I wasn't your Old Man. Then when you moved in, I guess I just never really… took the time to try them."

I was getting curious now, what the hell kind of shit was Kozik into that I didn't know about? I shifted beside him some so I could see his face better. "Okay..shoot. I gotta know."

Kozik laughed, he didn't look the least bit embarrassed to be outing himself as a said closet freak. "Anal. Bondage. I like roleplaying. Dp. Maybe a good threesome if you're down. Pain. I have…things… put away for when I feel like playing. You already know I like to be dominant."

"Things? Where? Why haven't I ever saw this stuff before?" I sat up straight eyeing him. I thought I'd already pawed through all of Kozik's belongings. He'd shown me the basic normal stuff that was in our dresser, but not his secret arsenal. "What else?"

"I used to be into swinging. I don't think I can do that now though…. Not with you. I don't want to share. I like it being just us…" He glanced at me for any signs I was going to freak out on him I knew. "Tig told me you lost your virginity to Juice, didn't want to… spook you."

I laughed loudly, then full on cracked up. "Kozik… I didn't lose my virginity to Juice." I managed to get out. "I don't know why Tig thinks that."

Kozik looked confused. "So I've been playing nice for a year for nothing?" He asked with a frown.

"Yep…" I caught my breath after a few more giggles. "So go ahead and spill all of your dirty little kinks to me now, I need to know what kind of sexpot I'm marrying here."

"Speaking of sexpots…. Carter patched in. Guess your porno buddy is movin up here next week." Kozik changed the subject, but to one that made me squeal in delight. "Told them they could stay here until they found something if he doesn't find a place between now and then."

"Is everything else going good? The club?" I asked remembering him telling Carter he had a Russian situation going on.

Kozik shot me a look almost like he knew I knew something I wasn't supposed to. "I have everything under control that needs to be. Might have to stay in the clubhouse for a day or two soon. Just watch your back. Take Holly with you when you go places. Its good you have a friend your own age now."

"You just don't like Mandy." I accused knowing it was the truth. There was no avoiding that Mandy was Jenn's sister. "She never brings… Jenn up to me anymore. We get along just fine. I just have been so busy I haven't had time to see any of the other Old Ladies. Plus, I like Holly better. She's fun."

"Sven likes her. Said she's funny, cooks, cleans, and he thinks she's going be around a while. Sonya wasn't so big on the idea of him having a wife though." Kozik snickered, eyes dancing. "But he convinced her its okay."

"You mean.. he's cheating on her already?"

"Not cheating where he's from." Kozik shrugged lacing his longer fingers through mine. "Its normal for him to have a woman on the side plus his wife. Guess he's holdin on to 'the old country' values."

I bristled a little bit, Holly was too sweet for that treatment and I was positive she didn't know about Sonya. "I guess so. He shouldn't do that though. She's so sweet, and she really does love him already. He's good to her. I love hearing about all the….romance."

Kozik rolled his light colored eyes at me. "Romance huh? Didn't know Sven was a pussy."

I popped him on the chest lightly with a scowl. "Romance doesn't make you weak. Its sweet, caring….. If you did some of the things he does, I think I'd die of a heart attack."

"Hey I'm romantic!" He argued back with a grin. "I do..things. I proposed didn't I?"

"Only because you're scared I'll have to run back to Juice." I reminded him haughtily. "And because you knocked me up."

"I was romantic the night I knocked you up." Kozik threw back looking too amused by this. "If you want romance, you're with the wrong guy kid. I love ya, but romance isn't my thing."

"I noticed…. Tell me something." It was a new game we'd started after Thanksgiving, I'd ask him to tell me something about himself I didn't know yet. He'd spilled some already tonight, but I wanted more. I always wanted to know more about him. He was interesting.

Kozik thought for a moment before answering. "I went to a Metallica concert one time, dropped acid, and dived off the stage head first."

"Wow…." I could see that actually. "More."

"Uhhh…..I met Tig in a whorehouse in Korea." He threw in with a wink. "Totally random."

"You went to a _whorehouse_?" I asked in awe. "You paid for sex?"

He nodded, sticking his tongue ring out so that it rubbed his upper lip. "Yep. It was.. Interesting. I got shot in Somalia." He lifted the tail of his shirt showing me a very faint scar on the white of his stomach. "Rebel."

I touched it, wondering how I'd never noticed that before. "Where else did you go?"

"Let's see.. Somalia, Korea, Iraq the first time we occupied, Germany, hmmmm…. I had a layover in Ireland once too. Went to Mexico with Hap one night." He chuckled rubbing his thumb over my fingers. "What else?"

"You could tell me about your family." I suggested liking how relaxed we were right now, leaning against each other.

Kozik sucked his tongue ring back in with a little clack when it hit his teeth. "Parents… Mom was nice, she'd like you. Very June Cleaver. Dad was a construction worker, kinda uptight. Brother runs a comic book store in Sacramento. You've met Kendra. That's it really. I left home early, at 17. Joined the Marines, some of the guys were in those bullshit military MC's and I decided a bike looked fun. So I got one, rode it everywhere. Then once I met Tig we rode together. He got out before me though. Joined the Sons. Prospected me in when I was ready."

I hadn't known Kozik was Tig's prospect too. I smiled picturing the torture he usually inflicted on the guys he sponsored in. "When did you decide to love me?"

"At Bobby's party." He answered automatically. "You were leaving and I stopped you. I tried to hold back but well…. We both know how that went."

I nodded remembering his flirty little digs during that conversation. I'd convinced myself he was just being friendly back then. "You were always around after that."

"Yep. I wanted you pretty fuckin bad. I knew I loved you, but I didn't think it was such a great idea to tell you that. Not for a long time."

"You always been this closed off?" I asked him next dragging this out as long as I could.

"No. I was…nice one time." He stuck his tongue out at me. "I _do_ have feelings too you know. They get hurt, ripped out, stomped on. At least I'm not completely like Happy."

"I'm glad you asked me.. To marry you." I said randomly looking down at the ring. "You've been a good friend to me Koz."

Kozik ruffled his hair up grinning like he was embarrassed me. "I think I can keep you around for a little while. Maybe."

"Maybe?" I teased letting go of his hand to hug him. "I love you."

"Love you too Leah." He patted my back while he hugged before kissing my cheek softly. "And the little jellybean."

"Jellybean is making me feel awful." I sighed pulling back to settle back beside him. "I'm so… achey."

He slid his big hand on my stomach even though I wasn't far enough for him to feel any movements yet. "Hope it's a boy. I've had enough of daughters."

"I want a little girl. With blonde hair and your nose. My eyes." I decided watching his hand rubbed around my firm bump. "Maybe I'll name her Brianna. Or Mackenzie."

"Boy. Herman Kozik Jr." Kozik suggested with a sly look. "And lets hope the kid doesn't take after his grandfather."

"No baby deserves to be named Herman." I laughed hoping he was joking with me. "I want to name it Clarence if it's a boy though."

Kozik nodded in agreement. "I guess I can go along with that." The front door opened up with a quiet click making us both look over to see who'd came home. Carter stumbled in with a lopsided grin in our direction.

"Sorry…. I think its time to go to bed." Carter waved walking with a little tilt to his body. "Too much vodka."

I giggled watching him hold the banister for support, tripping one time. For a drunk man he held it together pretty good though. "Least he came home. Not all wrapped up in sweet butt. Or a corpse."

We both laughed together, then a thought occurred to me suddenly. "Hey Koz, you never….. Had sex with a tranny did you?"

Kozik's eyes widened giving me a look I couldn't read. "I think its time for bed on that note."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

The house Carter found for his growing family was 20 minutes away from ours in another one of the residential areas of Tacoma. He lived closer to Lee, Lorca, and Donut, but still close enough I could go visit if I wanted to. Jessica was huge when she made it to Tacoma, her twins were making her look closer to being 6 months pregnant instead of 3. But she was still insisting on being up moving around on her own.

I took Holly with me on their moving day, deciding we should all three become friends. Our own little group of Old Ladies as the youngest ones in the charter. The outcasts. The other Old Ladies had beat us over though, and already had the house cleaned when we got there and were helping Jessica piece the place together while the guys unloaded the heavier stuff. Jessica greeted Holly warmly. "So you're my replacement huh?"

Holly blushed but hugged Jessica back when she threw her arms around her. "Its good to see another friendly face."

"Tell me about it. I feel like these women would rather burn my house down than clean it." Jessica said lowly as Mandy walked by carrying Jessica's box marked kitchen stuff.

"They'll warm up. They like to get to know you first." I assured both of them. Sven's wife was still being scrutinized on the basis that the old ladies thought that she married Sven to be her meal ticket. Jessica, was under watch just because she was new.

Holly grabbed a box from the pile. "Just point me in the right direction." And just like, they were friends the same way I was with both of them.

Once the crowd died down and the entire house was in order, Kozik and Sven showed up each carrying in two pizza boxes and a two liter under their arm. "I made dinner tonight." Kozik winked at me sliding the boxes down on top of the table. "Don't ever say I don't contribute."

"I'm sure dialing Papa Johns was pure hell for you." I replied giving Carter's still body a poke from where he was slumped over at the kitchen table. Emalee had been attached to his leg all day along with him unloading and unpacking. The poor man was exhausted.

"Moja dorogaja." Sven greeted Holly when she came into the kitchen with Jessica. He gave her his lazy crooked grin. "Ya tebya lyublyu." He leaned over giving the redhead a kiss so passionate I felt like I was spying on a private moment.

Holly blushed when he pulled away still grinning at her in his suave manner. "ya tozhe tebya lyublya." She whispered back in slow Russian pronouncing each word carefully obviously something he'd taught her to say back to him. Sven looked pleased with hearing the expression from her. "How'd you know I was here?"

"Kozik tell me." Sven shrugged taking a plate from the stack Jessica had pulled down. He motioned for Holly to sit down at the table beside Kozik and Carter. I watched with a smile as he opened the boxes up placing a piece of pizza and a couple of breadsticks on a plate, handing it over to her. He then turned back around fixing her a glass of Pepsi while I gave Kozik his own pizza with a look.

"Why can't you be more like Sven?" Jessica asked Carter popping in his chest when she sat down with pizza for him.

Carter was startled out of his little nap jumping slightly. "I don't speak Russian."

"Amen to that." Kozik grinned at him pleased to see he wasn't the only man being asked that question lately. "You guys get everything in okay?"

I eyed the pizza for a moment deciding if I wanted any or not and decided against it, sitting back down at the table instead. Jessica nodded while Carter was chewing. "Yeah, everything is actually done. All put away. You didn't warn us it was the Artic here already."

"It gets worse." Kozik smirked grabbing one of the napkins I'd sat down on the table. "Where's the monster?"

"Asleep." Me, Jessica, Carter, and Holly all answered at once then started laughing. Emalee had been a handful. She loved Holly's red hair and insisted on braiding it like her dolls then told me all about how Uncle Juice promised he'd come visit her soon and maybe even take her to the zoo like he always did.

"You're not eating?" Kozik asked noticing I was just sitting there watching them all dig in.

I shook my head scooting around in my chair. "Nope. Not very hungry tonight." I lied. The truth was I'd gained more weight than I should have at this point. I was going to be a whale soon. "I found a wedding place today too."

He rolled his eyes but smiled, surprising me with how….. Sweet. He was being in front of other people. "Let me guess…backyard. In the snow."

"Close, but no." I pulled out my phone to show him the images I saved. "Its called 'The Tea Room'. It'll fit 40 people. I figured that'll have to work, and we'll just do a big reception."

"Do I get a honeymoon?" Kozik asked with a sly grin. "Maybe Hawaii?"

"Think you had honeymoon already." Sven grinned over at him rubbing his belly. "Kotonik, you want more?" He asked Holly when she pushed her plate away.

She shook her head no, giving him a small smile while Carter and Kozik made faces at him. "So when did you get so nice?" Kozik challenged him humorously.

"Always nice to the ladies. You treat the sladkaya good, she treat you good. Speak from married experience." Sven laughed good heartedly about it.

"What the hells a sla-what sit?" Carter asked with a grin "Unless that means ball and chain, I don't think I want to know." He pointed at Kozik. "You're joining us in hell soon man. She picked a date."

Kozik glanced over at me raising an eyebrow. "I have a wedding date now?"

I nodded excitedly going to my calendar app, my phone had turned into my wedding planner during the past week. "Two weeks. We'll find out what the baby is the day before too, so I was thinking the cake could be a gender reveal too?"

He groaned pretending to cover his ears up while the other two men laughed. "Should have eloped man." Carter smirked getting a look from Jessica. "Worked for me."

"Until you got arrested right after!" Jessica threw in with a scowl. "I was supposed to get a ring, cake, and a night at the Four Seasons. I got the clubhouse and Chuckie's tacos instead."

"I plan the party." Sven interjected suddenly. "Last night as a free man. We go see Sonya yeah?"

Me and Jessica looked at each other with angry eyes then at them while they were nodding. If Holly knew who Sonya was, she didn't comment on it but she didn't look too thrilled about this bachelor party either. "No fair. We're pregnant." I protested but got a look from Kozik. This would be an argument for home.

We were cleaning while the guys disappeared off somewhere together, I had to say I was happy with Carter and Kozik getting along so well. A while back they couldn't even stand to be within a mile of each other without one of them snapping. Sven was just so easy going he seemed to hit it off with Carter from the start. I was glad when we made it back home, just the two of us though, I was dying to stretch out in our bed and soak up horror movies together.

I put on pajamas while Kozik showered, picking us out a flick then settled back into the pillows stretching my legs out in front of me. Swollen already. By the time he'd finished and came to curl up beside me yawning I was in a talkative mood again. "Hey Koz…. Tell me something." I played with a smile.

Kozik threw an arm over me, rubbing my stomach in a slow pat. "Let's see….. Hmmmm….. Why don't you tell me something this time?"

I tried to come up with something… different. "I used to steal cigarettes from Jax when I was 15. I'd pretend to visit him and take a few."

He smirked a little bit. "Uh huh… a thief and a minor. What else ya got?"

"Me and Jess stole Opie's beer one night. I was babysitting for him and Donna and we hid it in my backpack." I laughed remembering how nervous we were that he'd find out. "He never said anything about it but I think he knew the whole time. Your turn."

"I never had sex with a tranny." He looked at me with a grin. "Not my style babe. That's more along Tig's kinks."

"Kinkiest thing you've ever done then." I dared him to answer, with a nervous type feeling in my stomach at what he might come up with.

"You sure you want to hear this stuff?" Kozik asked slowly, hesitant to divulge much further into his sex life. "I don't think I'd want to hear shit about you and…"

I gave him a facial shrug. "It doesn't bother me. I'm the one laying here beside you… pregnant with our child." Now I just needed to believe that myself.

Kozik flicked that silver stud a few times. "Orgy. Hands down….. Kinkiest thing I ever did."

"Where in the hell did you find these people at?" I asked him interested now. I had no intentions of doing it, but it was pretty interesting to hear about. It explained how Kozik got to be so terrifyingly good in bed.

"What's with the sudden interest in my past sex life?" He asked looking very uncomfortable again. "I don't ask about yours."

"I don't have much of a past sex life and you know it. You thought I lost my virginity to Juice for crying out loud…. I'm curious." I crossed my arms over my stomach getting irritated. "Ask me anything."

"How many… before me?"

"4. Well 5 if you count the one girl." I answered automatically. "That's it. What else you got?"

Kozik pulled his hand off of my stomach sitting up now too. "Who was the best? Don't lie…"

"You. I don't even have to think on that one." I replied just as fast. "My turn…. Who were these people you swapped with? Did your…. Swinging with?"

Again, he hesitated. He looked like he was thinking about making a flight for the door so I threw a leg over his. "I don't think you want to know this stuff Leah… you might not.. .like it."

My blood ran a little cold. "Oh my god… you fucked Gemma? didn't you?" My hand flew to my mouth in shock.

"No! Fuck no! No no no no!" Kozik was appalled now, shaking his head wildly. "Never… not once.. _No_."

"Then who?" I pressed him some more, if he was going to get mad he would have exploded already.

He looked away from me, messing with his hair, that was always the motion that betrayed his emotions. "I used to live in Charming then….. I swapped with Tig a few times… my wife for Colleen. I swapped Bobby for Precious too."

I felt disgusted. My mouth dropped open not being able to even say anything on this revelation. Kozik sighed shifting around again. "I told you , you didn't want to know that. I…. switched with Lee before too….."

Now I really felt sick to my stomach. And clammy. I ripped my leg off of his feeling like I should make a dash for the bathroom. "You.. Fucked…..Ughhhhhhh!"

"I asked you if you were sure you wanted to hear this!" He grabbed my hand.

"I fucked Juice when I went back home after coming to see you that first time in Tacoma." I snapped at him admitting it. I'd told him nothing went on between me and Juice. "And it was good. Really good. I figured he was willing and there, so why not? He fucked me against the wall, the dresser, on our bed, I-"

_SMACK! _The blow that came to my face was hard enough it echoed off of the walls in a sickening way. It took about three seconds for me to realize what had just happened. Kozik towered over, his face twisted in a mask I'd never saw before. "I swear to God Aleah, you better count yourself lucky as fuck that you're fucking pregnant right now." He pointed down at me, I was holding myself while I cried in chokes of air. "You were up there fuckin Juice huh? Guess that makes it okay to tell you I was down here fuckin Tequila when you called me to tell me you were on your way. I was 8 inches in." He leaned down grabbing a handful of my hair roughly, pulling it hard at the root. "Guess I lied. I lied about not hitting you too huh? I swear to God and this isn't a lie, I will kill you myself if you even think about another man again. Ever." He let go of my hair just as roughly as he'd grabbed it.

I started to sit up but something in the way his eyes cut at me told me to stay on the floor between the bed and the dresser where I was at. I watched as he started grabbing clothes from different places shoving them inside a bag. Snot and blood covered my face along with saliva, I leaned over trying to spit the metallic taste out of my mouth whimpering at the bright red mixture that hit the floor. Kozik didn't even blink an eye at me. He pulled his cut on then stopped at the door giving me the most hate filled look I'd ever saw on his face.

"Don't even think about going anywhere. I'm leaving." The bedroom door slammed after him rattling the pictures of the wall so hard one of them fell off, shattering the glass.

I waited until I heard the sound of his SuperGlide roaring to life before I pulled myself up to access the damage. It hurt bad. I couldn't help but keep crying while I tried to clean myself up. My lips were both split, nose wasn't broken but it hurt like hell which meant I'd still have black eyes. One if I was lucky. Kozik hadn't slapped me this time, he'd full on punched me like he would Tig or Happy. I rinsed my mouth out holding on to the counter for support until I got rid of the taste. I didn't even want to try to make it downstairs for something to ice it with. I pulled myself back into our bed crying until I fell asleep.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASO

I hid from the world for two days straight. I didn't answer phone calls, texts, or any of the knocks on the door when people stopped by. Kozik didn't try to get in contact with me, so I didn't try to contact him. My face was awful. I looked like someone had beaten the hell out of me when all Kozik had done was take one square hit. I pulled myself out of the bed, going downstairs to let Gizmo out in the backyard for a while then decided I should eat something even though I had no appetite. I was sitting down with my scrambled eggs when I heard someone sliding the deadbolt with a key in the lock. My heart jumped, scared that it was Kozik. I couldn't face him yet.

But it wasn't Kozik. Sven slipped through the door, pressing it closed behind him with a small smile, just a remnant of his normal grin. "I come by yesterday, no answer. Today I bring key with me. Make sure you're okay." He explained holding up Kozik's key ring.

I nodded, letting his eyes look over my wounds slowly. I couldn't tell if he was upset by it or thought it was justified. "I'm fine."

Sven came closer touching the bridge of my nose as gently as he could, still making me wince and pull back. "Kozik… he didn't mean to do that to you." Sven patted me on the back. "He…very jealous man. Doesn't want someone else near you. Then you tell him…." Sven shook his head, obviously knowing all of the sorrid details of the fight. "You hurt?"

"I'm fine Sven." I repeated letting him pull me into a hug. "I don't want to see him."

"He won't come here. He sends me to look." Sven hugged me tightly then pulled back to give my stomach a pat. "Make sure the baby is okay. Make sure you okay."

"You think I deserved it don't you?" I asked him softly.

Sven gave me a little facial shrug, pulling out of our hug. "I think you did something very…. Bad. Very angering for him. Kozik is a mean man. Lots of anger. You're a good girl Aleah. But you…."He seemed to be looking for a word. "You… did this. Now you pay for it. You know the rules, sladkaya. You tell him everything, no lies. No one else. You make him do it this time."

So Sven did think I deserved it. I felt my shoulders droop a little more with a sigh. "Is he at the clubhouse?"

"Yeah. He staying there so you don't go anywhere." Sven's warm eyes met mine. "You don't go anywhere ok kotonik? He was very… not himself before you come here. Now.. He's better. You stay here."

"Sven, I can't tell you that." I shook my head, I still hadn't decided if I was going to make the phone call to Charming to tell Jax himself to come get me and take me back. It was my only way out of here.

"Yes you can. If you were going, you would have. Now, you stay here, and be good. No more Juice. He's bad for you. You stay with Kozik. He'll come home soon. Maybe no more hitting."

I let him hug me again, this time he patted the back of my head in a loving manner like he would have done to a sister or a relative. "Thanks for coming to see me Sven."

"Yeah, I come back soon. Check again. I send Holly over to come see you. You stay in house for while. I will get your wood for fire. Its snowing. Kozik said you don't carry it in alone. So I come to do it, or the big one." Sven smiled pulling his fur hat onto his head. He had to have been talking about Carter. "Kozik means well. He does it because he loves you."

I nodded watching Sven slip out of the door going for the stack of firewood no doubt. He made a few trips in and out before he'd determined he had enough for a small blizzard to strike us. "Hey Sven? Thank you."

Sven waved me off stopping to take another key off of the ring he held. He held up the key to Kozik's truck. "He say you drive this. Car… get stuck if you have to go somewhere. You'll be okay in a few days. Face will be just as beautiful as always." He winked at me in his suave way. "Holly will come tomorrow morning. Call me on my phone if you need anything. I don't mind."

Then he left. I watched him leave through the window getting into one of the white work trucks and taking off down the block towards his own house. So Sven knew. That didn't mean everyone else did, which would explain why Sven repeatedly told me to stay inside of the house and not to leave Kozik. I ate my eggs mulling over the new information Sven had fed to me about Kozik. He was staying in the clubhouse, so I wouldn't have to leave the house. He was angry with me over sleeping with Juice, but cared enough to send Sven over to check up on me and bring in my firewood from the pile. And leave me his truck that he would end up needing in this weather.

I grabbed my bottle of nausea medicine popping two pills even though I wasn't feeling sick. I just needed to sleep and my choices were limited on drugs since I was pregnant. So I slept. I slept until early morning around 3, then took another little white pill and went back to bed. Keeping myself in a self induced coma was how I'd handle this situation. Once an addict, always an addict when things got tough. Last time I'd felt this alone and emotional I smoked pot constantly. Now I couldn't do that. I had to have another out.

The next time I woke, I decided to keep myself awake just in case Holly really did come by for a visit and was happy to see her when she did show up around noon carrying a large plastic bowl against herself. Married life seemed to be treating her well, she'd put on a little more weight adding to the softness of her face when she smiled. "Oh my god… Aleah!" She exclaimed when I opened the door. "Sven didn't tell me it….."

"It was this bad." I led her into the kitchen where it was warmer. "I know, it looks awful."

"Sven told me to put some of this stuff on it for you." She produced a little jar of something. "He said it heals bruises. I don't know, the labels in Russian."

I sat down across from her at the table, watching her pry open the jar then made a face at the same time she did. "Lets not…. And say we did." I suggested.

Holly screwed the lid back on. "It smells like rotten boots or something." She glanced at me again. "I don't know if I'm allowed to ask….. But what happened to you? Sven didn't tell me much. He just 'You go see Aleah, she needs you.'." She had a funny way of imitating Sven's Russian accent that had us both giggling.

"Do you want something to drink first?" I offered getting up to go get myself something. "Sven was sweet, he came by to bring in wood for me."

"Oh yeah that's right. I forgot to even ask… how is Kozik? I saw when they brought him and Fingers in yesterday. That arm shot looked awful." Holly shook her head with a little shudder. "Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into."

"Arm shot?" I asked blankly, what in the hell had happened to Kozik? "I didn't know he got shot…"

Holly looked like a kid with a hand in a cookie jar. "Maybe I wasn't supposed to say anything. I just thought you would have saw it last night…." Then she made the connections and gasped. "Oh my god! _He_ did this?"

I kept my back to her while I made us each a glass of tea. "I did this. I… did something, and he found out. Remember my Old Man?" I waited for her to say 'uh huh' "Kozik found out I slept with him one last time before I came to Tacoma. He's very.. Possessive I guess you could say."

"He can't just… hit you." Holly protested, still not adapt to the rules of the MC.

"Yes he can. I'm Kozik's Old Lady here in Tacoma. Kozik can tell me whatever he wants to. Same as Sven does you, only Sven is a nice one."

Holly's almond eyes were wide with empathy for me. "I never thought he'd…. he looks at you so… adoringly."

That was news to me. I'd never noticed Kozik looking at me any kind of way. "Does he? I never saw it…. I thought Sven looked at you like that."

"He does. He follows you around when you're moving. You called while he was at my house one day and his entire mood shifted instantly. It was… sweet. I didn't say anything to him though. He's still scary." Holly opened her plastic bowl up. It was filled with different types of Christmas candy. "I made this for Sven last night, thought you'd appreciate some too. I don't need it all in my house. I've gained 5lbs already since I moved."

"Try gaining 15." I sighed looking down at my growing body. I'd been eating the bare minimum to keep myself going. I wanted a piece of the fudge that was calling my name though so I snatched a huge chunk up. "Thanks."

"No problem. I like cooking. Sven likes eating." Holly laughed, our conversation switching to something lighter. I was glad she'd came to see me then. Like Sven, she was one of those people that made you feel better just by being there in the room with you. "I asked him for a Christmas tree last night too. I think he's going to cave and get me one. He smiled and told me trees were for kids."

"I doubt we do much around here." I hadn't done any decorating, I knew better than to even ask if we were going to Charming after last night and the episode with Juice.

Holly took a piece of the divinity she'd made breaking it into little crumbs that to chew on. "I want our first Christmas to be…special. I know it sounds stupid, but I want us to have good memories of our first year together. I don't want it to be something we look over until we have kids… if we have kids."

Something in the way she said that made me raise an eyebrow at her. "If you have kids?"

"Sven told me he wants 5! I don't want 5 kids!" Holly exclaimed with a shake of her red hair. "At least we're finally on the stage of doing something to even have kids….." She flushed but her eyes told me she was dying to spill her latest romance tale for me.

"Spill it." I ordered with a grin grateful for this distraction. "Every sappy detail."

"Welllll… it happened two nights ago." Her cheeks were turning an even deeper red now. "He came home late. Really late. I was in the shower when he got there and usually, we give each other space. We don't walk in on showers and stuff. He walks around in his towel and all but I never looked at anything else."

I motioned my hand in a rolling motional. "keep going…."

"So I'm in the shower and the door just opens up and then Sven's pulls the curtain back, he looks tired, really tired and he's leaning against the wall. He says 'I'm going to join you yeah?' and I just nodded so he strips down gets in, and starts showering. He didn't try anything until I started to get out then he grabbed my arm and told me to stay a bit longer with him. We started kissing, just leaned against the wall until the water ran out. I told him 'lets go to bed' and then he smiled and said something in Russian but got out with me. So… I took the risk and just got into bed without wearing pajamas, so then he did too. He kept asking me if I was okay with what he was doing, and trust me, it was totally okay with me." Holly laughed a little.

I was smiling now too, leaned towards her on my elbows completely in love with this story. "Soo….."

"Sooo….. After we messed around some I told him it was okay to keep going. He was on top, he kept… touching my stomach. I told him to stop that, in case you haven't noticed I'm a little on the fluffier side." Holly laughed some more covering her mouth her hands. "Sven said 'If you want me to make love to you, I make love to all of you. Not just the parts you like. The parts I like too.'."

I thought I was going to melt into my seat from Sven and his Don Juan lines. Whoever taught that man how to romance women had done a very thorough job of it. Holly's eyes sparkled as she continued. "So then.. It happened. It hurt so damn bad but he kept talking to me until it was better. You were right, Sven _does_ know what he's doing."

A laugh escaped my lips then we were both cracking up over Holly finally losing her virginity to her husband. "I told you Sven seemed like he knew what to do."

"He knew what to do, and what he wanted _me_ to do." She covered her face laughing still. "He brought me home flowers the next day. Like a….thank you or something."

We were both howling by now, tears were forming in the corners of my eyes from laughing so hard. "Please tell me he didn't actually say thank you!"

"Not exactly. It was more like 'I've been wanting my wife so much'" That set us off again, my sides were hurting from it. "Ok now you have to spill… tell me about Juice… Or Kozik. I'll let you choose."

I bit my tongue thinking on which one would be the better story. "Hmmm…. The first time with Juice was amazing. I was only 17 then, he was way older. We snuck off to a cabin for the weekend did he sexed me up pretty damn good. He was the first one to do a lot of things to me. Kozik though….. It was so different with him. We were friends for a while before we crossed that line. He would come into Charming on club business and steal little grins and winks away for me. Sometimes he'd talk to me but only when we could get away with it, its rude to talk to someone else's Old Lady without them there."

"Wow.. They take that stuff seriously don't they?" Holly put in amazed by it.

"They do. So I sat around talking to Kozik one night while everyone else was busy, just us. He said something that stuck with me, he told me I reminded him of my mom. I didn't know her, but he did. So I decided I'd hound him for more info when he came back. Only when he came back the next time, Juice was gone to Ireland and I was having problems with an ex. So I got stuck with a pack of attack men latched on to me, including Koz. We spent more time together, he joked a lot with me. Said sweet things…." I felt like crying but didn't want to ruin the romance story for her so I kept on talking. "Then Juice went to jail with the rest of the club. 14 months inside. I was pissed. I was so pissed Holly… I was so alone. My dad, brother, boyfriend… all inside"

"I was still having problems with the ex, so one night after a good scare they sent Kozik home with me to keep an eye on things at mine and Juice's place. Koz was trying to go to sleep on the couch but I kept going and waking him up, scared of my own shadow. After an hour he had enough of it and agreed to sleep my room with me if it meant he could sleep some." I smiled remembering that night I'd talked Kozik into climbing into bed with me. He'd fought so hard not to.

"So I tried to let him go to sleep once he laid down with me, on the very edge of the bed as far away as he could. Then I started crying because I heard more noises and had a little meltdown. Kozik kind of…. Snapped in his own way and started kissing me to shut me up. I was pretty hysterical .I was convinced Juice was going to die this time he was inside. One thing led to another, and we were having sex after maybe a minute."

"I was just… desperate for someone to show me they cared." I was reliving the moments in my head. The way he'd grabbed my cheek to hold me still long enough to kiss, his hands pushing my pajamas down roughly. "It was sooo good. The best sex I'd ever had in my entire life. I'd never experienced anything like Kozik before." I shot her a grin. "He was completely dominant the entire time. Very… hard… rough… after the first time I kept going back for more. Even after Juice came home and I was with him again, Kozik kept trying to tell me to come to Tacoma with him until I lost my baby I didn't think I ever would. But I'm glad I did."

"Even after he did that?" She asked with a frown looking at my scrapes and bruises again.

"Even after he did this." I sighed softly knowing how stupid it sounded. Sometimes you really did love someone enough that you just put up with certain things they did. I knew how Juice must have felt when I was making him buy my blow now.

Holly stayed a few more minutes before going home before the snow started falling any heavier. It was getting pretty rough outside. She told me she didn't know much about how Kozik got shot only that someone had came to the clubhouse to pull the slug out of his arm while she was there, and he seemed to be fine otherwise. I wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse. I knew I couldn't see him again until I had really thought things through. With all of my options in perspective.


	15. Chapter 15

**Reviews…. Where I appreciate all of them, I really do… I will not tolerate reviews being left to argue and attack other reviewers. I will continue to delete them as I have already done. I have the filter on all of my guest reviewers so I have to approve them before they post. **

**This story was already complete before I posted it or even thought about posting it. I appreciate all of your ideas and thoughts on what I should do with it, but it already has its own ending along with Sven who I will send back out to everyone once we get to the point we need to for you to be able to see the rest of his story. **

**Also….. Sometimes real life gets in the way and I just don't have time to edit and mess with my fan fic as much as I would like to. Something a few of you don't know about me is that I am actually married with two kids, and another one on the way which is why I am not feeling too well most of the time. Once again… I appreciate the enthusiasm but please try to be understanding…..**

**Jessica, I hope we finish that chapter of Deliahh and post it by Monday :D:D I'm very excited to get to work on Hale again now that I'm up and moving around. **

**I do not own SOA only my OC's **

We go into Kozik's POV this chapter, and he does something… kinky… if you're not into that…. You might want to skip the end lol.

Chapter 15 All Apologies

I knew I had to bite the bullet and approach him first when I got the call to remind me of my OB appointment the next day. I didn't have enough cash to pay for it on my own and they wouldn't take his credit card there, I'd already tried it before.

I put it off as long as I could before I sent him a text trying to keep it as unattached as possible. _I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I can pay for half of it on my own if you'll help with the other half. _

It took him a while to reply, texting hadn't ever been his favorite thing to do. But he did.

**Kozik 3 : I will cover it. Money will be in envelope at the bar in clubhouse for you. Ask the prospect for it. **

It was straight to the point. I text him back asking if it would be there tonight and got a simple yes back from him. No more sleeping pills until after I went there and back. It was hell being awake all day, finding things to do around our house. I was feeling hormonal, uncomfortable, and fat by the end of the day when I made the trip to the SAMTAC clubhouse. There were bikes parked in a long row out front with a few vehicles spread out in the parking lot. I slammed the door to the truck, pulling my coat closer around myself. I had the hood pulled as far down as I could to shield too much of my face from anyone's view when I went inside. Music was playing softly, not as loud as it usually blared, sweet butts were milling around in their tight jeans and little sweaters.

I could spy Kozik at a table in the very back playing poker with Sven, Carter, Sid, Lorca, and Donut with women standing around nearby. Like anyone of them needed women I rolled my eyes approaching the bar. The prospect they dubbed 'Sunshine' was drying glasses with a cloth when I went up to it. "Hey… Kozik was supposed to drop something off for me?"

Sunshine nodded silently retrieving an envelope with my name written across it from the inside of his cut. I opened it up counting the bills inside to make sure I had enough, then stopped when I saw he'd slipped in an extra hundred. Normally, I wouldn't refuse Kozik's money gifts, but I was feeling pretty vengeful that I couldn't even pull my jacket down in the clubhouse full of people and I was avoiding the Tacoma Old Ladies that were on the other side of the room.

I yanked it out going towards him when I noticed Tequila sitting in his lap running a finger down his neck. Kozik's words came back to me "I was eight inches in Tequila when you called me". I was in the clubhouse! And he knew it! I threw a glare at Sunshine who gave me a wry look that I glared at before channeling the Gemma Teller inside me and charging towards the two whores.

"Get off of him." I spat out at Tequila, my hands were clenched into fists. "Now"

Tequila turned in Kozik's lap, his hands were planted on her ass in two handfuls. "I don't think he wants me to get off." She smirked at me.

Kozik leaned his head back, smoking while his eyes ran over me, not saying anything to . "Old Lady triumphs whores. Get the fuck off of him now. Learn your place."

"Looks like you're the one that needs to learn her place." Tequila laughed noticing my bruised face.

I saw red when I grabbed for her, getting a handful of her jet black hair just as she started to get up. I scrounged up every inch of strength I had left in my tired pregnant body and popped her across her face as hard as I could then swung a swift kick in her direction as I stumbled from the commotion of all of the men jumping up as Tequila tried to scratch at me with her ragged nails. "Stupid bitch!"

Someone was dragging me back, holding me under the arms tightly and laughing. Carter bent over Tequila asking her if she was okay. I pushed at Kozik's hands. "Don't touch me! Don't you ever touch me again!" I dug my nails into his flesh until he turned me loose still laughing at the fight that had broken out. "I will chop your dick off!"

Tequila was rising up from the floor with the help of Carter and Sven when I spit as much salvia as I could draw out of my mouth onto her. "Don't you come near him."

"Aleah, calm down. You're pregnant." Kozik told me still grinning at the scene. I knew everyone loved a good chick fight and it fueled me even more.

"Trust me I've noticed! I'm going home, try not to fuck anything while you're here." I jerked the hood of my jacket back up knowing everyone had already saw the damage done to me by now.

More laughs followed me out of the clubhouse, I slammed the door behind me then climbed into his truck angrily. Separated for two days and he was already slipping dick into anything with two sets of lips. I was angry the rest of the night, I did a lot of pacing until my feet started to swell up to the point it hurt to walk. I was supposed to be getting married in 5 more days, not beating up club whores. I grabbed my nausea medicine off of the kitchen counter slipping myself two of the pills. Sleep. It would make everything better when I woke up.

And I slept like the dead for hours. I was sleeping so soundly on the sofa I didn't even hear it when Sven did his daily stop by the next morning. I found the note he'd written along with a bowl of cookies telling me he brought more wood in and shoveled the walkway for me. I got myself ready, piling the make up on before going to the doctors office where I once again, looked like a single mother on her own.

The appointment went well except I'd lost weight, my blood sugar was low, I had a kidney infection, and would have to ask Kozik for more money to fill my prescriptions. And for the ultrasound the next week to see if we were having a girl or boy and check on the baby's growth.

I dropped my prescriptions off at the drugstore checking again if they'd take the card I had, of course they said no since I wasn't Kozik. Defeated, I sent him a message asking if he could pay for the antibiotics, nausea medicine, and kidney pills. Then I went to see Jessica. She was in an even more miserable state than I was. She was huge and tired. Her mood was a lot better this time around, no complaining or whining only bright faced smiles. Emalee was cute as a button pretending to be a biker on her tricycle inside the house.

I didn't hear back from Kozik until his work day must have been over. He sent me a message back saying to meet him at the drugstore in 20 minutes. When I got there he was standing out front in a heavy leather jacket with his cut on over it, and a beanie hat smoking. I pulled myself out of the truck clambering towards him and pulling my stretchy maternity pants up at the same time. Kozik eyed me before opening the door up following me in. I slid my hands in my pockets while we waited in line quietly behind an elderly woman that was arguing with the clerk over the price of her insulin.

"You need anything else?" Kozik finally broke the ice shifting around on his feet uncomfortably.

"No, I'm good. I can use the card for groceries or gas." I stared at the white floor in front of me. "I have an ultrasound next week though. $500 cash."

He nodded moving up in the line when the old lady walked off. "I'll take care of it."

It was a short conversation, nothing that ended with either of us apologizing or saying much but I could feel his eyes on me after he paid for my medicine and walked to his truck. I made it home without any incident, and started in on my work. I dumped the Christmas candy, cookies, and banana bread all into the trash. Then I drank a huge glass of water down with all of my medicine including the nausea pills that I wanted to knock me out again. No food again. My appetite was pretty much gone. I wasn't even sure what I had to eat inside the house, if anything edible.

I curled up on the couch with Kozik's heavy blanket and a book thinking over and over again on whether or not I should make the first move. I typed a message up as fast as I could before I could change my mind. "Are you awake?". Kozik answered back fast, like he'd been holding his phone open already saying "_Yes. For a while longer." _I frowned at it, he was being cold still. I typed away saying. "Alone?" This one took longer for him to answer to, and I felt the coil in my stomach until my phone flashed with his reply. _"Yeah. I'm alone, don't worry about that. Not gonna happen." _

I didn't know if he meant tonight, or any night so I left it at that. I tossed my phone down on the floor letting my pills lull me to sleep for a few hours. I fell into the routine of waking up, drinking down a few ounces of water, popping my pills, letting Giz out, and going back to sleep. It worked out fantastically until Sven started shaking me awake to ask me if I was okay when he stopped in. On day three I'd enough of waking up to a Russian saying "A-leah…. You wake now? A-leah!" in a little sing song voice while he grinned, and decided to slack off the pills some.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Kozik's POV

Aleah was never supposed to fit into my life. Ever. I could still remember the first time I glimpsed at her on Juice's arm at a party when I'd tried to talk to her, I was drunk though and hadn't realized who she was then. But the next time I saw her, months later at Bobby's party….. It hit me. Like a pile of bricks on top of my skull. This was Alanna's daughter, and I loved her.

There was something about those cool blue eyes and the way they fell on me that night in the parking lot at TM that made me feel something I hadn't felt in years for someone. She'd seized me up, keeping her distance at first then came closer when she realized I wasn't going to jump out and hurt her. I might have been…. Predatory…. But I wasn't exactly a rapist. She'd stayed just far enough out of my reach, far enough away I couldn't reach out and pull her against me like my body was wanting me to, my mind was saying kick your Glide up and haul ass back to Tacoma ASAP.

She talked easily enough to me, but still…. She was wary. Those eyes kept dipping around behind her until Juice appeared signaling for her to leave with him despite she'd just stood there and told me that was over. Yeah right. You didn't pull a fuck n go with the prez's kid. So I let her leave. I didn't say anymore, or make any moves except to raise a hand in hello at Juice who glowered at me. Little bitch. I could still remember how annoyed I was over that.

I flicked my ashes into the tray on the bar in front of me, staring at the TV hanging up on the other side. It was a quiet night for the Samtac clubhouse, the married guys were gone. The single ones were either putting it to a sweet butt, playing poker, or shootin the shit together. Too many people talking for me to have my head straight. I rapped my knuckles on the polished but dented in wood raising my empty glass in signal to the Prospect. Sunshine. He'd looked like a sunshine when I brought him up to the club. He was the latest underdog for me, my last one hadn't made it back home after a shootout. Sunshine came forwards with the bottle of Crown, refilling it to the rim.

"Get you anything else Sarge? The girls made some grub in the kitchen."

I shook my head at him already starting in on the amber liquid in front of me. I wasn't hungry. I didn't like to drink like a fish then eat. I'd be puking like a teenage girl on prom night. "I'm good."

"Earlier… was that… your.. Girlfriend?" The Prospect seemed to search for a word that described Aleah the best. "Woman.. Old Lady.. Shit I don't know what to…"

"My girlfriend." I said with a hard look at him. I didn't like the idea he'd noticed her like that. Or that he'd looked at her. "Leave the bottle and get the fuck out of my face."

Sunshine hesitated but left the bottle in front of me, leaving me to brood in peace. I'd been sitting here drinking since she'd left, throwing me that hurt little girl look after making a grab for Tequila who I'd pulled into my lap as a joke with the guys of a 'good luck charm'. Shit.. I didn't know Aleah could throw a hit like that. Guess you didn't grow up with THAT family and not learn something though. It'd been amusing at first that this girl-woman was willing to scrap over me. Then once the crowd cleared out and she text me asking if I was alone…. I'd felt far from amused. Now I was drowning out my fucked up thoughts and memories with some liquid therapy.

I should have lied when she asked about the sex stuff. Honesty wasn't getting me very damn far with this girl. I lied easier than I told the truth anyways. I couldn't change my past, couldn't change the fucked up things I'd done while I was high. She hadn't even given me the chance to explain I'd been on my fucked addicted chapter of my life. Anything to do with Charming meant trouble. Every fucking time I went back there, I fucked up somehow. The first time was when I went back for their lockdown. I shouldn't have done it. Should have told Lorca and Lee both no.

I didn't though. I knew I'd get another glimpse of her. She'd be locked inside that clubhouse, protected to the gilt no doubt by members. Clay wouldn't risk something happening to her. So I went down to face my own demons. People I couldn't avoid anymore. Tig being one of them. I still felt sorrowful when I thought about coming home on a good roll whistling for that damn dog. I searched the entire house in a panic, worried she'd gotten out somehow. That would have been better than the latter. I'd found her curled up in Tig's closet foaming at the mouth. Overdosed on my stash. An entire eight ball of cocaine.

That was what started our bullshit feud. We'd beaten the shit out of each other that night. I was shaking, starting to come down from my binge. My best friend was my worst enemy that easily. I hated myself for killing that dog. Leaving that bag of blow thrown carelessly into a shoebox under my bed. I'd never thought Missy would get into it. After that… I couldn't hide my problem anymore. I transferred up to Tacoma, putting on the façade of trying to get clean for the guys up here. Most of them didn't remember me from back then except the older ones.

I'd been a mess for the first couple of years. I was constantly back and forth. High and clean. Clean and high. I couldn't get as good as rush as I used to, so I'd taken to snorting the coke then when it wore off, dosed myself with a small hit of meth. God, it'd been pure hell getting off of that shit. It was either get clean or lose my cut. Being clean and a Son had finally won out over my need for the rush, the adrenaline… the feeling of being untouchable. Happy had been the one that smacked me when I needed it, snapped me into sobriety. That was one tough son of a bitch but he cared about his brothers. Loyal. His loyalty to me as his SAA is what brought me back to being me again.

Once I was me again, I got a good look at the shit I'd been doing in a whole new light. Jenn had to go. I was glad she'd took off when she did when I held that knife to her throat. I would have ended up hurting her. Or worse. Kendra was kept far, far, far away from me. I sent money every month and made the occasional phone call. I didn't need to be near a kid. I didn't need to be near anyone who wouldn't handle me. That had given me limited friendship and brotherhood. Even the sweet butts were off put by me for a while. I wasn't to be trusted alone with anyone.

After a while, I was good. I knew I was really done with the drugs. I threw myself into the club, proving myself whole heartedly to the Sons. I was a good outlaw, loyal as fuck, did anything asked of me. Lorca was in charge then, if he told me jump, I jumped. It earned me the Unholy Ones patch. A trained killer. Lethal. Predatory. Stalking. Violent. It all described me perfectly. Until I saw those cool blue eyes again.

She'd sidled right on up to me while I was talking to Donut and a couple of the other guys. No fear, no hesitation this time. Walked right on up like we were the best of friends and gave me a hug. A hug. Someone actually hugged _me_, of all people. The only hugs I got on a normal basis were from the higher ranking Old Ladies around Tacoma and those were far and few between too. I didn't allow much body contact between me and anyone beyond fucking the sweet butts. But I let her do it. She hugged me then smiled up at me like she actually was glad to see me there. So I talked to her. It was rude, disrespectful, and wrong of me, I knew who her Old Man was, knew he wouldn't like it one bit. But I talked to the girl until Gemma tore her away, giving me a look underneath her false eyelashes that should have killed. She knew.

I liked hearing her soft feminine voice. Aleah was womanly yet very girly still. Still reminded me of the child that was playing around in the TM lot when I left for Tacoma years ago. She didn't remember that. She'd been too young to remember when I'd been in Samcro the first time. I could remember her, she'd been a quiet kid. Didn't bug us at work when Gemma brought her with her to the office for the day. Stayed in the shadows and out of the clubhouse unless Clay took her in for a pop or a snack.

If I thought back enough, I could remember Alanna bringing the shriveled pink wrapped bundled to the clubhouse with her to see Clay. Clay hadn't been interested much. Like most of us, he didn't mind children as long they didn't need anything from him. Children took a man's money and responsibility away. Alanna was a sweet woman, her and Aleah looked so much alike it was frightening. Aleah was built the same way, same dark curly hair, blue eyes from Clay though, and an attitude she'd picked up from Gemma. But Alanna was still in that girl. I could tell. Alanna was the same as Aleah, always easy to joke with me, easy to be around.

Alanna was a secret I'd keep to myself until the day I died. It'd never been romantic. Never once did that ever cross my mind. We were sitting outside around the fire pit together, everyone else had went in for food and fresh beers, and we were left alone. Alanna was red eyed and sniffling so me, like a dumb ass ,asked her what was wrong. Clay was fuckin Gemma. I knew that. Hell anyone with two eyes knew that. She was sad, distraught, and stuck. Clay wouldn't let her go as long as Gemma was with John Teller. He wouldn't be without an Old Lady at all. An even bigger dumb ass move made me tell her I had something that would make her feel better.

Her addiction came from me. I gave her that first glorious line of coke. The coke that destroyed her later on like it had done me. In the end, I wondered if it wasn't better that way anyways. Clay would have killed her to be with Gemma just like I suspected he had done John. Those were just guesses though. I didn't know shit about that and didn't plan on digging into it. Mind your business was the first rule of being a Son. I couldn't believe it when so many years later Aleah confessed to me on Juice's couch that she'd had her own time with that white powder. She seemed too good for that. But…like mother….like daughter.

"Hey Kozik, you want in on the next hand?" Fingers asked coming up next to me at the bar for another beer.

"Nope. I'm good right here thanks." I lit a cigarette knowing I looked every bit as brooding as I felt. Everyone had been giving me a pretty wide berth.

"You need anything?"

I snapped, tired of being asked if I needed anything. Was I okay? Was I going to be fine? "I don't need a god damn thing." I slammed the glass down on the counter.

"Hey just asking" He held his hands up backing away from me.

Shit, this wasn't usually my territory. I could be a dick but this was a bit much even for me. Those damn blue eyes did this to me. I could picture her laying on the couch now with a book, maybe some popcorn and that ugly mutt she doted on so much. I knew it'd break her heart for that pudgy thing to kick the bucket. A couch and popcorn was what started it so long ago. She'd started to break down, I saw the signs. She was crumbling without Juice there. And she trusted me by then. I'd played the hero while they were in Ireland and never imagined I'd be doing it again. I wanted to decapitate that pretty boy douche bag that was fucking with her when I found out about it. Instead, Piney sent me to her house. Her god damn house. I knew the second he said it I was going to have control issues.

Sleep on the couch. That was my order from Opie the acting prez. Don't touch her, don't do shit but protect her. Don't be a dick either. But they didn't know. No one knew I was watching this kid in an entirely different light. They thought I'd be turned off by the age difference, more importantly by her being with Juice. It made me feel good when she started to cling more and more towards me that night. Showing me that she needed me to make her safe. It did something for my ego at least.

Then… I was on top of her. Hands all over her small, tight, little body while she gasped and whimpered. She wanted me. She'd been wanting it as much as I had. I'd saw those eyes go across my body more than one time when she'd saw me with the bag practicing a few punches, or going up against someone else. Prison clause was my excuse. I didn't really do anything wrong. Sure, no one ever really used the rule, but it was still a rule. It was meant to honestly see which bitch was loyal and which wasn't. She'd felt like…. Shit I couldn't even think how to fucking say it. Aleah was everything I thought it'd be like, and then.. Not. I hadn't fucked anything that young or tight in years. I never went for women my own age of course, but Aleah was way under the age limit I mentally set for myself. I couldn't say no to that one once she asked me for it. After that first fuck.. I wanted more. I wanted that in my bed every night. I wanted those hands touching my bare flesh. I wanted that soft voice whispering to me. But she wasn't mine. She still wasn't. Not really.

I'd coveted someone's Old Lady. A sin in the biker world. You never messed with someone's Old Lady. That was cause for death. The only thing saving my ass from that when I decided I wanted her was that Juice had decided to let her go. He didn't want her anymore, but he didn't want me to have her either. Bad blood still. In a way I could understand him, you didn't just love Aleah then be done with her. She was in you. In your veins. Your mind. No she wasn't 'Just an Old Lady'.

The first time she got in contact with me after she'd lost her baby, the wheels were turning in my head. I wanted her to come to Tacoma. I wanted her to be with me. Her little weekend trip was supposed to be a booty call for her, but I had plans. My own hidden agenda. I knew the second I took her to that diner the Samtac crew would be there and see her with me. And know exactly who she was and that we were in no way just friends. I didn't have just friends with women. I had women I fucked, and women I didn't bother with. Guess it was different this time because she wasn't a woman. A girl. A young girl.

They'd told me I was different. I'd changed when I came back to Tacoma. I was meaner, colder, harder on the younger guys than I normally would have been. I had so much anger inside of me. Jealously. Pure rage filled me every time I thought about leaving her behind in Charming, Pregnant and with Juice. Several times I'd thought about doing the job myself, just finishing him off. I could get away with it, Juice would never expect it. It'd kill Aleah though, it might break her to see him die. So I didn't do it. I turned that rage on to other people instead. Loving the girl that owned those blue eyes was pure hell for me.

I avoided her at all costs once Juice was home. I couldn't stand to see someone else touching her, making her smile, loving her. I wanted to be the one doing it. It seemed like a cruel sick joke on myself. I didn't love Kendra's mom, not in the way you should love your wife. It'd been a marriage of convenience. She was pregnant after a few hard, rough, fast fucks and told me she'd get rid of it if I didn't man up. I didn't like kids. Didn't even want any ever. But I didn't believe in killing them. So I got married. An actual wedding and everything. It didn't last long, we just didn't get along. I was a dick to be with.

Jenn was different too. I'd loved that woman to pieces. My day and night started and finished by her. I'd do anything for that woman. Then I got too deep into my addiction. I slapped her around entirely too much. I beat her like a man should never beat a woman. She loved me, so she stayed. Until that night I pressed the knife into her flesh and she fled. Guess that's what they meant about loving someone a little too much.

Aleah, had my heart in a different way. Like she'd always had it and I never knew it. It made me feel like an old dirty bastard to know I'd once colored with this little girl. Aleah had no idea about that. She just remembered me as another one of her dad's friends back then. I'd colored with her, gave her pop, and helped her with a skinned knee when Dawn shoved her off of her bike. Thank god no one had ever felt the need to bring up any of these things. They had enough respect not to embarrass me like that even if I did deserve it for the shitty was I'd taken her.

I glanced at the clock hanging at the peak of the ceiling. It was getting late, the crowd was still just as thick as it had been at 8 though with the party actually picking up a little bit more. Tequila was still hanging around, no doubt waiting to see if I'd change my mind and take her back to my room. I couldn't believe no one else had picked her up for the night. Sven was even still here, throwing back vodka while he played cards. He didn't bring Holly with him too often, I had to say he'd found the second best Old Lady in the club.

Whoever was running the music around here was doing a shitty job in my opinion. Who the fuck actually liked Nirvana anyways? 'Heart shaped box' didn't scream dirty old bikers. It screamed emo kids. And it hit a little too close to home tonight. I poured more Crown into my glass sighing before taking a drink. My hair was sticking up so much from me messing with it I knew it wasn't the sexy disheveled look I usually went for, but more of the just woke up look.

Mandy came over, just as pregnant as Aleah was, and sat down on the stool beside mine. "How's it going Koz?"

I eyed her up, seeing if she was asking or if Lee had sent her over. Mandy was an ok female. Didn't get too mouthy, knew her place, and made a decent Queen. The fact that I'd fucked her on a switch off didn't sway my treatment of her at all. "I'm good. Just needin a drink."

"Maybe you've had a little too much tonight." She suggested pushing the bottle away from me gently.

"Maybe." I agreed with a nod noticing I was still staring at her. I looked away, at anything but her. She looked too much like Jenn.

"You hit that little girl Koz?" Mandy asked quietly in a way only she could ask me. She was the 'mama' here like Gemma was to Charming.

I kept my gaze steady, careful not to give too much away with my tone. "Yeah. I did."

"She's pregnant. You shouldn't hit her while she's carrying your baby. that's a beautiful thing. And… she really is a sweet thing Kozik."

I swiveled around to face her again, she was giving me a sympathetic look. Eyes that matched her sisters. " We both know I don't do sweet. Or babies. Or girlfriends."

"You can keep telling yourself that… doesn't change the fact that you have a sweet girlfriend. That's having your baby. And left everything she's ever known to come be with you in Tacoma." Mandy stood back up, taking the bottle of Crown with her. "Fix this one."

I gave her a swift nod then watched her disappear with my bottle. I should stop drinking anyways. I needed to sleep. I had to be on a job site bright and early the next day. I had to fix my mess tomorrow. Tonight…. I was going to keep reliving my past. Figure what went wrong….

It was hard to ignore that she was hurting. I always felt like I'd slapped myself after I hit her. I hated myself for being like that. For always raising a hand to her. This last time was too much. I'd hit her with too much force for a little girl. Especially a pregnant one. She wasn't used to being treated the way I dealt with her. She was the type that wanted hugs, kisses, and whispered promises. I wasn't that man. I wasn't into the happy families and loving wives. I was harder than that.

But… I wanted to be with her. So I had to change. I couldn't expect her to do all of the changing on her own. Mandy had a point, Aleah had sacrificed her entire life and reputation for me. I needed to sacrifice something for her too. I would stop being such a dick. Stop being so hard on her. She was having my baby, a baby I didn't really think I wanted but knew now just how much I actually did. I hadn't been much a father the first time around. This was my second chance at getting it right. I could do this. I could be a family man. I could be good, so good to Aleah, love that baby and do a better job this time.

If she'd still have me. I didn't know if she actually would. I was pissed off pretty bad that she'd admitted to fucking Juice one last time before she left him but in all honestly…. I didn't have a right to be. She wasn't mine then. She was still in his house, under his thumb not mine. She'd technically done what was expected her as an Old Lady and submitted to Juice's wants. It was just too bad Juice's wants made me want to drive to Charming and blow a .45 through his head after I'd pummeled her for it.

Shit… I was dangerously jealous over any little thing that happened with her. I was so lost in my thoughts I'd gotten shot the day before during our latest spat with the Russians. Arm shot. A few more inches over and I would have been a dead man. And Aleah would have been left with nothing. I needed to make sure she was taken care of, stop dancing around. Time to get my shit together. I downed the rest of my last glass of Crown since my bottle had been carried off, leaning to rest my forehead on my palm.

Those blue eyes… I couldn't stand to see them wet with tears from something I'd done. Or someone else. It'd killed me to see her crying so much when she was upset over Juice being in prison. I hated seeing her ball up into a pile of nothing and sob until I would give in and go to her, hug her, kiss her, whatever she asked me to do. I was like putty in that girls hands. And she didn't even realize it. She'd actually asked me if I loved her a couple of months ago. I loved her so much it was tearing me apart. I couldn't stand it I loved her so much.

Alanna used to cry to me in a similar way, only I never hugged her. Never did more than sit there and listen while she sobbed her eyes out in the garage. I wasn't stupid enough to go near that woman. Clay would chop my dick off if he even suspected for a minute I got too friendly with her. She was a good woman, and I felt bad about the way things went down for her. I'd been one of Clay's wingmen that night he'd went to take Aleah away from her. She'd went nuts trying to her baby back until Clay slapped her one good time. That place had been filthy, Aleah was dirty, needed a diaper and a good meal but we'd gotten her out. I felt like that was my fault back then, but now… I knew the only person an addict had to blame was themselves.

I didn't even dare take anything for the searing pain for my gunshot wound. I couldn't take that risk. I couldn't chance liking the pills a little too much. I avoided anything that was too addicting. Alcohol was all I had except for a good blunt every now and then. I'd been warned by Jax, then by Juice on his way out after our fight about Aleah. She'd kept something hidden from me before she came to Tacoma on her little trip. She'd been popping sleeping pills, Xanax, and pain pills like candy. Juice warned me to watch out for it, she'd gotten away with it until he found the empty pill bottles too late one night. I'd been pissed he'd have the nerve to approach me until he told me this.

It was dangerous to have two ex junkies together. Very dangerous. I knew it would only take one time for one of us to slip and we'd both be thrown back into it. But I couldn't let it happen. We were having a baby now. A baby that I hoped she'd let me go see on the ultrasound next week. I wanted a boy. I'd had enough with having a daughter already. Kendra was a brat even though I shouldn't say it about my own kid. She'd learned it from her mother though. My looks and her mother's attitudes.

I felt hands snaking around my back, feeling up my chest. Tanned fingers. Had to be Tequila. "Whaddya want?" I sighed showing I wasn't in the mood for company.

"You handsome. Why don't you let me cheer you up?" She whispered into my ear, being a little daring by licking my earlobe. "You look like you could use it."

I lifted my head up, mulling over the invitation before standing up, my left leg aching when I did. That damn leg had been giving me hell for a while. "Go." I ordered her making it clear this wasn't about to be some love filled tryst.

And so she went. She went to the room she knew I was using because she'd already been inside of it since I arrived at the clubhouse with my duffel bag of belongings. I kicked the door shut behind me, not even bothering to lock it. I didn't care if anyone saw Tequila's body. Or mine. Most of them had already saw mine anyways. You lost modesty when you laid your bike down and your brothers had to cut your clothes off to see where the blood was coming from. Mandy was the only Old Lady that had experienced it though. And not too many people knew about mine and Lee's sexual habits from years back of swapping out my girl and her sister.

Tequila started to pull her sweater off but I stopped her with a slap on the wrist. "What?" She asked confused then realized what I was wanting. "Ohhh okay… come here then."

She went to her knees like a pro. Her talon tipped hands ran up my thighs unzipping my jeans with her teeth freeing my already hard cock. Her dark hair was close enough, but it wasn't curly. Her skin was too tan too, and Aleah didn't suck on me like she could suck the chrome off my tailpipe, but she'd work. I put a hand on the back of her head forcing her further down. I could hear her gagging but didn't care. I didn't care if I hurt her. She wasn't Aleah. I could do what I wanted to her and not worry about scaring her off. I bucked my hips forwards with a hiss when I felt her tongue move like a snake on the underside of me, bitch had had a lot of practice.

Tequila's eyes were wide open, scared almost when I let my narrowed, angry eyes fall on her. "Get up." I ordered her up pulling out of her mouth. "You said you were up for this."

"I..I am." She tried to reassure me but I knew she was getting scared of what iw as going to do to her. "I'll… do it." She undid her jeans so fast it was like second nature. I kicked my own off grabbing a condom out of my nightstand. There were always condoms in these rooms. You never knew who might need one.

I motioned for her to turn over and she complied getting up on her knees for me, ass in air. "Don't make a sound or I swear to god you'll regret it." I grasped one hand on her throat and slammed into her.

I had to be hurting her. I was pounding into her with an urge I'd been wanting to fulfill for a while but couldn't do this to Aleah. I couldn't use her body like Tequila's. I couldn't hurt her like this. No matter how many times she'd told me harder, or it was okay to be rougher, I couldn't ever show her this side of me. She was trying hard not to jerk away from me, or make a single sound. I saw how she threw her face down into the mattress. I pulled my shirt up out of my way, groaning loudly with how deep I was inside of her. Definitely had to be hurting her. I could feel myself bottoming out I was doing her so hard. I dug my fingers into her hip knowing I'd leave bruises on her dark skin. She was jumping every time my hips went back and forth.

I let go of her throat reaching further down to grab one of her nipples. No… abuse was a better term. I pinched and rolled the tiny rosebud between my fingers as hard as I could. I closed my eyes picturing Aleah bent over for me, Aleah's soft moans she always tried to hide from me unless I ok'd it first. Aleah's tightness, not this…. Fuck… this wasn't going to do shit for me no matter how good it felt. I couldn't get off on this.

I pulled back out of the sweet butt, pressing a hand onto her lower back to show her to stay down then grabbed open the top drawer again looking for the lube I knew I had in there. It'd been a long time since I'd done this too. I let a glop of it drop down onto Tequila's puckered skin then rubbed some along the condom I had on. She was glancing back at me , no doubt even more nervous about this. I'd done this to her one time before, months ago and she'd cried afterwards. I pushed just the tip of myself into her deciding to play just a little bit nice with her.

Tequila slowly pushed back taking me in a little bit further showing me it was okay. I was making a "ahhhhh." sound at the intensity of being inside this hole for a change. I slid in completely with a low grunt, then back out getting a small sigh from her. I gave her hair a rough pull silencing her. If she made any sound it'd ruin this for me. It'd bring me back to who I was really with instead of who I wanted to be with. I fucked her for what felt like forever in my drunken mind before getting off with a hard groan that made her whine and gasp out in the pain.

"Get out of here." I told her pulling back out ripping the condom off. "Now."

She was moving at a snails pace, maybe I really had hurt her. I lit a cigarette watching her scramble to get her clothes together. "Go." I said a little louder.

Tequila started to pull her sweater on, not getting the hint. I didn't care if she went back out into the hallway naked. That was her problem. I got up from the bed, strode over to her and gave her a slap in the face. "Get the fuck out of here."

She held her face with a gasp, then took off with her pile of belongings while I smirked slamming the door behind her. Some bitches just never learned.

Aleah learned. She was amazingly submissive to me. She didn't fight me back those first few times we had sex. She let me hold her down, pull her this way and that. At home even, if I told her to mop ten minutes after she'd just finished, she'd mop again. She aimed to please and that was a quality you couldn't find in just any Old Lady. She knew the do's and don't's . She knew the club was first, not to complain that my brothers were constantly dropping in at our house. She didn't even bitch when Happy told her he fell asleep smoking and might have burned her blanket….

I laid there in the empty bed picturing what she was doing until I fell off into my a hard, nightmare fueled sleep of my own personal hell. Because any night I spent away from her was that…hell.


	16. Chapter 16

**Authors note: I really hate making these long notes for you guys but it seems like each chapter there's more things I have to clarify….. **

**I never said this story was going to end very soon. I only said it is complete. For those of you wanting to know why I do not just post the entire thing at once and be done its because I edit as I post each chapter and honestly I don't want to sit down and edit out a full length fic at one time. You guys that have read Sven already know I make a lot of mistakes in my unedited works lol. **

**Next…. I won't tell you the ending no matter how many times you ask…. Just stick with the story and DO NOT make any assumptions on how it ends and who she ends up with…. There's only one other person besides me that knows this and she helped write it and I even shocked her with what happened. **

**Lastly…. I appreciate everyone's enthusiasm and love for this story. It really wasn't going to be published it was just something fun I wrote for Jessica1018 while she was down and decided to share later on. I try to reply to all of your reviews as they come in to show you how much I enjoy getting them… now with that said I have something else to address…. **

**I tried to put this nicely in my last note but it appears it only worsened things…. I will NOT be accepting Guest Reviews anymore. They will all be deleted without me even reading them due to the unneeded spam I have been receiving for a while now. Its causing problems in my actual email and honestly, a few of them were snippy to my other reviewers that sign in. I'm sorry if this upsets any of you, please please please know I appreciate your feedback and support .**

**I am also choosing to stop accepting Guest Reviews to make things easier for Jessica1018, she will be updating this fic for a few chapters while I try to feel a little bit better. As mentioned before I am pregnant and not so great. **

**I will still reply to my signed in reviewers, there's a few of you I enjoy talking to (Intimacy, loveink, and a few others just to name a couple)) **

Chapter 16 Twisted

Kozik's POV

I was still half drunk when I got up for work the next morning when someone banged on my door until I cursed at them. It peeked open a little, then swung open all the way revealing my alarm clock to be Lee. We had a good working relationship, some what of a friendship too. He'd never be Lorca, but he did alright and he trusted me with his life every time we went on a run. "I'm up." I snapped sitting on the edge of the bed, head spinning.

"I see that. You wanna tell me about that naked sweet butt tear assing outta here around 3am?" Lee smirked making it clear he wasn't going anywhere until I physically stood up from the bed.

I got up letting the sheet hit the floor. If he didn't care that I was naked neither did I. I grabbed my jeans jerking them on. "Not really no." I yanked a long sleeve thermal on, then a Samtac shirt topped off with a flannel over shirt then a hoodie. Cut would be last. "Bitch wasn't any good."

"You sober?" He asked next still leaning in my door jamb watching me move around the room towards the tiny bathroom.

I grabbed my toothbrush started in on personal hygiene next. "I'm straight." I brushed my teeth in a quick angry manner, checking over my tongue ring next getting an eye roll from the older man. I wasn't a young buck by MC standards but I wasn't the oldest dinosaur in the cave.

"Don't seem like it. Eyes look a little bloodshot to me." Lee observed watching me rub gel through the front of my hair now. "Can't have you on the job still boozing from the night before."

"I said I was straight." I snapped sliding my heavy rings onto my fingers. It was just a sorrid reminder that next week I should have been sliding another one onto my left hand. I highly doubted that would be happening anytime soon now. "I'm not drunk. I'm not high. I'm not rollin. I'm fuckin fine."

We were standing nose to nose now, staring each other down. Lee finally smirked then gave me a clap on the back. "I think you're under the influence of a whole new thing. Its called 'love' my friend."

I rolled my eyes at him grabbing my wallet and phone from the dresser where I'd thrown it last night and followed him into the main room where a few of the other guys were gathered. Carter was off to the side, on his own watching the others talk sleepily to each other. He was still a little on the outside of things here. I didn't fully even trust him. I'd saw him kill before, I'd saw him fight, be led off in handcuffs, but that didn't mean I accepted him just yet. Getting him voted in was more of a favor to Aleah than it was gaining a brother for me. Having Carter here meant Jessica was here. It didn't hurt that I'd saw the brotherly way he'd cared for her a couple of years ago, checking on her, the hugs and the little jokes they shared. Carter would take care of her like his own.

"Where's Sven?" Lorca asked getting up from his chair slowly. He'd stepped down as prez but was still a member and after his surgery, had come back to work with us.

"Takin care of some stuff for me. Personal He'll meet us out there." I answered him without looking at anyone. They didn't need to know Sven was at my house making sure Aleah was still alive, and that she hadn't burned my living room down building a fire. Sven said he didn't mind, he liked Aleah anyways, and that he was hoping she'd become friends with his Old Lady. Whatever worked.

Lorca nodded at me then jerked his head at the door. "You, ride with me."

The guys all made an "Oooooooo" sound like kids did when someone got called to the principal's office. I flipped them the bird and went out to the white pick up letting Lorca climb in first out of respect. He waited for me to get a little ways down the highway before he started in on me. "Doing ok?"

"I'd be doing ok if everyone would stop asking if I was ok." I threw him a look shrinking back into my angsty teenager like mood. Fuck.. I didn't act like this. I didn't wallow around. I was just a dick to people. Why couldn't I do that now?

"How's that leg been doin up here in the snow?" Lorca nodded at my bum leg.

It'd been hurting worse and worse every time I didn't let myself rest properly. It killed me to make my 3 mile jog each evening. But I did it. The Marine in me made me push myself to keep on, stay in physical shape. I was past caring about how good my torso looked, now it was just to keep myself in enough shape not to get shot. Apparently that was a busted theory since I was sporting about 30 stitches in my arm.

"Its good. I feel as young as ever." I joked looking out the window at the snow covering everything.

As young as ever. I didn't feel as young as ever right now. I felt my age. And I really wasn't even too old. I'd put myself through too much in the Corps. Somalia had almost killed me, but I kept on. Now, I couldn't let anything happen to me. I refused to leave this girl alone again. I'd already saw what happened to her if she was left alone. She'd crumple. I had to make sure I was there for her, her rock like she called me a few times. The constant in her life since I came into it. My 20 plus years didn't make a difference to either of us. If anything I had the feeling it made me that much more appealing to this little girl. She loved to ask me about the things I'd done, places I'd saw, people I'd met before her.

I wondered if she'd wanted to leave the MC life. Choose something different than this. Different than me. Did Juice hold her back? Or Gemma? I'd never thought to ask her why she didn't go away for school, for her nurses training that she didn't even use now. I didn't mind if she worked, I just didn't like the idea of her on her feet all day when she was pregnant. I couldn't take the chance of her losing this baby. This time it would kill her even more.

I turned my head suddenly aware of Lorca talking to me. "Yeah?"

"You didn't hear a damn word I said, did you?"

"Nope." I grinned lighting up my first cigarette of the day. "How 'bout a repeat?"

"Lee wanted me to talk to you…. Charming put in a call yesterday. Wants to borrow $60,000 from us. Lee's thinking about askin them for their garage in exchange, an even deal."

I shook my head quickly. "Bad idea. They don't own the entire thing. The garage and half the clubhouse are technically….." I stopped knowing now why they wanted to talk to me first. "I don't think she'll go for that man. She's… pretty pissed towards bikers right now."

"More like one in particular. Get your head outta your ass." Lorca growled back coming to a sliding stop in the snow in front of the duplexes we were building. We had at best maybe a week before we'd have to shutdown for a while. The snow would be too bad.

"Everyone keeps telling me that for some reason." I mused out loud with a smirk.

"You're an asshole. A bastard. A bitch to be around when you're alone." Lorca told me matter of factly. "And if your heads not on straight, you're not any use to us."

I knew that. I knew if my mind slipped for even a second when we were out somewhere, that'd be the end of it. For me and a lot of people. I was their enforcer here. I was the Tig, the Happy, the Quinn of Tacoma even though I liked to think I was the better looking of the latter. I was also the youngest, and the one they all watched the closest for a fuck up. Some people were more forgiving than others about my crimes against the club. Stealing Aleah had been a pretty big risk. It could have cost me everything but after a long three hour talk, Lee told me he couldn't strip me and punish me for wanting the same thing every other man did. An Old Lady.

Aleah was different. So _so_ different. I wanted to leave and go to our house, make this right. I didn't know how. She'd hit a pretty big nerve, and I knew I'd hit one with her. But don't ask questions you don't want the answer to right? Wrong. You just lied when they were asked of you. I had learned that years ago with the first Old Lady, if you counted her as that. I didn't really. She never wore my ink, hated my tattoos. Jenn was the next one, she'd gotten a small 'K' on her hip but that was it. No one had ever really worn my ink before. Now Aleah was stuck with Juice's crow on her, just above the curve of her ass. I hated fucking her from behind for that main purpose.

I trudged around the job site making gruff comments to the others, liking this supervising job a lot. I'd worked my way through this place, starting at the bottom and now I was the go to guy. I watched the others hanging the drywall up in huge sheets while I smoked. I heard the little beep of my phone and frowned. No one ever text me. I pulled it out in one of my gloved hands flipping it open. Aleah. Wanting to know if I could pay for her prescriptions. Like she ever had to ask me. I'd pay for anything I had the money for and then whatever I could rob if she asked me to. I didn't answer her though. I'd think on some suave reply then answer her. Maybe I should be more like Sven after all.

I waited until the end of the way to text her back. I had no flirty line to pull on her like I would have a couple years back. Things were simple with us then. All I had to do was grin at her and she'd blush and lower her eyes to the floor in admiration. Now… she was just as likely to try to stab me with my own knife if I grinned at her.

I met her at the pharmacy on my bike, watching her climb out of my truck slowly. Her stomach was pretty prominent now, you couldn't not notice she was pregnant. But she was still beautiful. Her dark hair was loose around her shoulders, and her ass looked great in those stretchy little jeans we'd bought a couple of weeks ago. Her skin was free of make up making her look even younger than normal.

I didn't speak at first. I was dying to. I wanted to ask about the doctors appointment, the baby, see if she okay. So I finally did it. Not much of a response. She kept away from me, eyes shying down every time I tried to meet them. No ,she was still very much mad and afraid of me. So I didn't push it today. I'd try again in a couple of days. I watched her climb back in, memorizing every inch of her to tuck away in my mind for when I'd need it later tonight. I felt a little bit of that 'asshole' persona chip away from being in her company a few minutes.

At 43, I should have been way past this awkward stage and bullshit. But no, nothing was ever that easy for me. I had to go through hell to get what I wanted. I went back to the clubhouse for a hot shower, dinner, and more Crown. Or maybe Jack tonight. I should switch it up. I dressed in jeans, and jeans only before I went back out into the main room. The other 'lodgers' were watching 'Die Hard with a vengeance' on the flat screen in the center of the room on the couches, plates balanced on their laps. Someone had made us spaghetti, garlic bread, and a chocolate cake for tonight. I started fixing my own plate to have Tequila pull it from me, finishing the job off without looking me in the eye once.

"Thanks." I mumbled taking it back from her when she held it out towards me.

Tequila nodded starting to slip back out of my way, I grabbed her hand then tilted her chin up to look me in the eyes. "Sorry." I brushed my lips across her cheek before turning and waltzing back out leaving her in shock. This new leaf had to start somewhere even if it meant apologizing to Tequila for being too rough. In all honesty she was probably the first and only female friend I'd ever had until Aleah.

Watching TV on the couch with Fingers, Freddie, and Sunshine wasn't my ideal night. I'd rather be on my own couch watching horror flicks with popcorn and Pepsi as was the tradition. But my couch wasn't an option. I knew they were all wondering why I was staying here. What had happened between me and the girl they'd all ribbed me over. I'd endured hell when I brought Aleah around the first time. 'Cradle robber, ODB, Gramps, Daddy, school girl fetish, they'd hit me with all of it. Then when I'd made the actual decision to keep her around permanently, they hadn't liked it a bit.

It was better now. She had Jessica and Holly to be friends with and the men had accepted that if I loved her, they loved her. Plus Carter's praises helped out a lot. The sweet butts were around, clearing our messy plates off of the coffee table, offering us refills, and a totally different kind of dessert. I hadn't went over if I wanted any company or not yet. I thumped Sunshine on the ear across the couch. "Bring me the Jack. Now."

He flew to his feet going to retrieve the bottle even though I could have asked a sweet butt for it. He brought it back obediently uncapping it before passing it over. I tipped the bottle back taking a long swig before standing up to head off to my room for more depressing thoughts and memories. Everything I'd ever done was eating away at me. I caught Tequila's eye on my way down the hall.

"Find me later." I told her still walking. I kicked off my shoes the second I was on the carpeted floor. The only room in the entire building with any carpet. Ugly, stained carpet at that.

Carpet. That brought on another memory. I'd scrubbed and scrubbed the blood out of the carpet in Alanna's apartment. I felt like I couldn't ever get it clean enough even with the bucket of pure bleach and water I was using. She'd slit her wrists and called me of all people to come help her. She didn't want to die. She'd changed her mind last minute. I had wrapped her small wrists up in bandages then started trying to hide the mess up before anyone else could see it. The woman was a nutcase towards the end. I had to hide it for her, had to. She had dirt on me. She knew I was getting heavier and heavier into my usage. I hated her then. Our friendship ended after that incident.

If I thought long enough I could bring back memories of my own horrible divorce. It was a mutual thing. She didn't like being married to me. I slept around, drank too much, and never came home. Pretty much the same thing I was doing now only I went home more often when I felt welcome. I tried not to fight with her in front of Ken. But she didn't listen. That bitch never listened to me. That was the problem. She didn't know how to be a good wife. She always had to nag at me. Where did the money come from? Where did the money go? Where are you? Who are you with? Why can't you be with me and only me? Don't you love? Why can't you love me? Why are you so…. Then she'd look for the word to describe me.

If Aleah thought I was abusive towards her, she hadn't experienced anything yet. I was even worse with the other women in my life. I never laid a hand on my ex wife in front of Kendra though. Didn't argue in front of her. We always took it to the room or sent her to her grandparents when we were it was about to be bad. The ex would fight back, slap me, bite, scratch. All in vain. I was bigger and stronger and didn't give a fuck if I hurt her. Stupid bitch. Now she was all about sucking every dime she could get out of me. I knew the money Kendra asked me for wasn't just for her.

Aleah didn't ask me for much. She was very careful about her spending, I just needed her to keep track of it a little better. I wasn't broke, but I couldn't cover an outrageous rack up on my credit card at 17% interest either. The baby appointments were killing me but I paid for it without a single bitch. I could afford it, I was just… mindful of my spending. She was used to someone taking care of her, I could tell. Clay had babied her for way too long. Then when he'd stopped doing it Juice stepped in and took over. She worked yeah, but for fun. I liked handling things for her. It made me feel… a sense of authority over her. I liked her having to ask me for things that cost more than a candy bar.

Dominant was the word I'd use to describe myself. I needed to be in control all of the time. I needed to be the man on top. I needed to be in charge. No talk backs. No arguing. I could be a little bit easier on that too. Maybe I didn't need to give her a good slap for pissing me off. I didn't like her being terrified of me. It'd be a long time before Aleah let me touch her at all. Which is why I sat up in the chair in the corner of the room with Tequila knocked on my door.

"Yeah. Its open." I sighed chugging on my bottle.

Tequila slipped into the room giving me a sultry little smile. She'd no doubt just finished cleaning up the kitchen or the main room. I could tell from the smell of Palmolive. At least I knew soap and water had touched some part of her body. I had no idea what she actually did for work, or a place. Didn't care. She touched her dark hair, curly today, and started to get on her knees for me.

I pushed her back with my foot, shaking my head. "Strip."

I watched her take off piece by piece of clothing, doing her best to make it into a little strip tease for me. She really wasn't a bad looking woman. A little used up, but she could find an Old Man if she tried hard enough. I got up once she was stark naked and went to my closet, knowing exactly what I was looking for. Zip ties. Tig had taught me this little trick. "You with me?"

Tequila eyed the ties before giving me a shake of her head. "Just….. don't take it too far ok?"

A smile formed on my face, I knew my eyes were darkening more and more with the thoughts on what I was about to do here. I handed her the bottle of Jack. "Drink this while I get it ready."

Tequila was a decent fuck for me. She didn't argue, didn't cry too much, didn't even mind when I left her zip tied to my headboard for over an hour at a very uncomfortable position while I took a phone from Happy. She didn't have much of a choice though. The bandana I had tied around her mouth dampened her ability to speak much. The zip ties didn't cut into her skin because I'd tucked a scarf around her wrist. She was a good girl, we'd done this a few times without her revealing it to the others.

I was on top of her, my own low groans pushing through my mouth getting me off with just knowing what I was doing to her. Someone knocked on my door, I stopped, staying still inside of her thankful I'd flipped the deadbolt now. "Yeah?" I yelled out looking down at the Spanish woman giving me wide dark eyes.

"Hey man! I need to get the number for Bobby over in Charming from you!" Donut yelled through the wood, rapping his knuckles on it again.

Sighing, I rolled off of her whispering "Don't go anywhere." with a smirk before snatching my phone up. I scrolled through my contacts before I cracked the door open, just a tiny crack to speak to the man on the other side. "Here." I slid the phone out.

Donut peered at me through the crack curiously. "The fuck you doin in there man? Been hearin shit for a couple hours."

"Fuckin." I sneered showing how unhappy I was to be interrupted right now. "Hurry up."

"Must be some good shit. You've never been shy before." He laughed while typing the number into his phone from mine. "Who ya got?"

I snatched the phone back roughly. "None of your business. And I don't ask how you like to get down." I slammed the door shut in his face, flipping the bolt again. I was still hard, but now I had to build it all back up again.

"Just… give me a minute babe." I sighed to Tequila crawling back into the bed with her. The dim light from the bathroom was shining over us. Just enough light, but not too much either. I grabbed the leather strap from earlier, getting right back down to business. I didn't get to do this often. I wanted to enjoy it while I could. These were toys I didn't get to pull out with Aleah. I didn't want to hurt her no matter how much I got off on it.

After I played around a while, and Tequila had a few more welts and bites on her body I was ready to go again. And again. By the time I cut her loose she was shaking from the mixed pain and pleasure. I held a joint out to her, leaned against my headboard. "Between us?" I ruffled my hair up glancing at her while she toked.

She nodded then passed it back to me exhaling slowly before grabbing her clothes. "Yeah. Between us. Don't worry about it. Its safe with me."

"Good girl." I watched her dressing, looking over her now ravaged body. It'd be a few days before anyone but me could fuck her.

"Hey Kozik…." Tequila paused at the door to my room, pulling her dark hair up from the nape of her hickey covered neck. "Maybe… maybe you should go home to your little girl now that… that its out of your system."

Tequila might have sucked dick for a living, but she was no dummy. She knew why I was seeking her out for this twisted shit I'd just done. "Maybe I should. Hey… come here." I stood from the bed grabbing the sheet around myself. I grabbed my wallet handing her a couple of bills. "Here."

She looked at the money before taking it giving me a grateful smile. "Thanks… I'll see you around."

And that was why I liked fucking Tequila. She would come back for more. And more.

I laid there in the sheets that were dampened with sweat for a while before I got out, going to shower again. I felt dirty almost. I had to get Tequila off of me. Get rid of all traces that this had ever even happened. I wasn't supposed to be fucking anyone but Aleah. I let the water roll down my body, the heat drawing out the kinks in my muscles. Why was it so hard for me to stay faithful to one woman? Sure we were technically broken up but it felt a hell of a lot like cheating the same it did when I'd tried to get a blowjob on the road. That was the furthest I'd taken it since Aleah came to Tacoma.

Cheating. Faithful. Loyal. Single. Married. Words that confused me. I didn't know if it was the alcohol or the mind boggling orgasms that had my head spinning right now. Or maybe the memories. The fucking memories that were haunting me since I left my house. No this wasn't a memory that was doing this to me. It was the present. It was seeing Carter grin like he'd won the lottery every time Jessica called him up or stopped by to see him. I'd never saw someone that much in love until I went to Charming and saw my young brother with his Old Lady.

Carter himself was okay. I didn't like him or dislike him. He was just…. Confusing. He was good at hiding what he was even when he had that cut on his back. He could go from being the nicest guy in the state to being a cold blooded killer just like that. He was now our explosives expert after training under Opie, then Bobby after Ope died. He had a good knack for wiring things from his days as a thief. I lied to that poor bastard, told him that gash cheated on him with Ope and you would have thought I'd killed another puppy. It worked for what I wanted it to, Carter was all over that whore within minutes trying to heal his wounds.

He cheated. She cheated. But they were happy. So fuckin happy it made me want to puke. Or that might have really been the alcohol now. They were having three fuckin kids for Gods sake. And everything was perfect from what I could see. He adored that blonde bitch. She looked at him in a way I wanted Aleah to look at me. The way Holly stared at Sven that day we went to McDonalds for lunch. That was another sickening, mind boggling, story.

It amazed me that after knowing Aleah for as long as I had, I had never thought about marrying her, then Sven meets a girl in a burger place and falls in love. He didn't even look at her before he blurted it out. Good thing she wasn't ass ugly. A little fat. But not ugly. Seemed like a good girl even when she dropped everything and climbed on the back of his bike, going to get hitched while we watched on. Sven had turned into Mr. Romance out of nowhere. That guy had been just as bad as I was with running through women, now he had all these ideas about a strong marriage and poppin babies out as soon as he could.

Jessica wasn't my favorite female. Too mouthy for my taste. Didn't know when to shut the fuck up. Hitting her had been one of my greater moments in the eyes of most of the Charming crew. They'd all been itching to do it and I was just the only one willing to. Unfaithful whore. Fuckin Hap every chance she got. I loved my brother, but damn, he had some poor choices in pussy. A porn slut… a stripper porn slut with a kid. Hap wasn't too choosy though. Everyone needed the occasional skank. Guess she was his.

Happy almost had some kind of an unhealthy obsession about hitting it until he did. Then the game was over for him. He wasn't interested anymore. Blondes with boobs did it for him and she was no exception there. The girl had to have beer flavored nipples to be pulling in the cuts like she did. Sven had even eyed her a few times. She had a fuck able body but that mouth… I'd end up strangling her in a way that wasn't sexual in any way.

Those two fuckers were soft. Carter and Sven. Married and whipped. So in love they couldn't stand it. I was in love. Way in love. But I didn't show it. Maybe that was my problem. I needed to show it, break down some walls I'd had up for so long I'd forgotten what it was like to let anyone in. I'd already let those blue eyes trick me into letting her in after that first night, I let her hug me. Sleep curled up next to my back with one hand on my chest to make sure I didn't leave her alone. She didn't need to be alone. She needed to be there like Carter was for Jessica. Care like Sven did for Holly.

Jessica could go back and forth from cheating, to being married. Sven still had his girlfriend on the side. Carter fucked around. Holly was the only one I didn't know any dirt about and doubted ever would. Sven was very…secretive about their personal life. He'd just grinned when we asked how his wedding night had went once he got his red headed marshmallow home and in his bed. He didn't argue back or throw jibes, he just grinned when we made crude comments about it. No one said anything like that about Aleah. They might have accepted what happened with us, but she was in a position of respect even though she didn't realize it. She was Jax Teller's sister, Clay Morrow's daughter. And my Old Lady. My rank put her above the others except for Mandy.

I turned my face up, letting the scalding water roll over my skin with a loud sigh. I wanted to be home so god damn bad. I wanted those little hands rubbing my aching leg. I wanted that little body, well not so little anymore, underneath me with her face scrunching up while she gasped out how much she loved me. I love you had never sounded as sweet as it did coming out of her with those blue eyes focused on mine. But she was scared of me now.

The other two girls weren't scared of their husbands. I'd never saw Carter act violent or the least bit grouchy even towards a woman. He just grinned at the sweet butts when they approached him and shook his head saying 'Very taken man'. Sven was pretty much the same. He treated all women decently, it was in his blood. But he'd confessed to me after seeing Aleah's face that he would have done the same when I told him she fucked Juice under the oath I'd kill him if he ever repeated it. Sven had that in common with me, he wasn't a woman beater, but if you pushed him…. He'd snap. And Aleah knew how to make me snap. She pushed buttons on me I never knew I had.

That girl was able to send my moods flying with just how her voice sounded. She was pregnant though, so I'd been chalking her snappish answers to me as hormonal. I remembered all too well what a pregnant wife had been like. I was missing out of the horny stage. Now all I had to look forward to was the ice cream and pickles for dinner. If she could even hold anything down. Poor girl was always sick. She had cried the day I forced her into going to buy maternity clothes. As smoking as I thought she looked in my pajamas, she couldn't wear them everywhere and her clothes didn't fit. She sniffed the entire I stood back and waited for her to get done flipping through racks of Preggo clothes. I hated shopping. With a passion.

But I did it for her. If I didn't go with her, she wouldn't do it. I didn't get why it was such a big deal. She was pregnant, not fat. She'd never been skinny to start with anyways. Always had those little curves that kicked out in just the right places and a stomach with a softness to it, not rock hard flatness. I thought she looked good with my kid bulging out of her. I liked to put my hand over that bump, picture what he or she would look like. Kendra had always looked more like me than her mother. Blonde hair, light eyes, tall, thin build.

I shut the water off with a loud slam to the spout and got out, going to lay back in the bed again. I needed to sleep some. I was starting to feel like shit with a bad headache. Tomorrow would be busy. Happy was on his way up to help assist since I couldn't seem to make the kill this time. Slimy bastard slipped away every time I got on him. I'd been enraged to hear his comment about 'Lovely house ya got. Nice lookin Old Lady too. It'd be a shame for something to happen'. He was talking shit of course, if he wanted to harm her he would have done it the day he broke in looking for that press. The press was long gone. Fucker shouldn't have been so easy to attack.

I drank from the almost empty bottle of Jack not even noticing the burn anymore. I was past that point. I knew it was late, but I didn't know much else. I drooped back into the pillows flicking on the Tv. I hadn't even picked up the zip ties yet. Or anything else. I needed to get up and hide the evidence before Lee decided I needed another personal wake up call and learned way more about my sex life than I was comfortable with. Bondage, torture, and anal would give me a Tig like rep that I didn't want.

Nope, I wanted nice normal sex. With my wife. Or she should have been my wife in a few slow days. I should be getting ready to settle into marital bliss with my perfect girl. I'd still do it if I thought she would. I wanted that ring on her finger, my last name tagging hers everywhere. Aleah Kozik. Aleah Morrow Kozik. Now I sounded like a fuckin lovesick kid. I hit the pillow beside me turning over with a loud exhale. I was just Kozik. No one to tag with me now. But maybe I could fix this. I could be nice. I could be Carter….or Sven….

Or the guy that was deep down inside of me. The guy that woke up in a pretty decent mood the next morning and decided to work out before chapel. I did my bicep curls, lifted, my jog in the freezing ass cold, push ups, then started in on some more grueling chest exercises. I was lost in my workout when I was vaguely aware that I wasn't alone anymore. Someone was behind me in the weight room. "What?" I snapped not even turning to see who it could be.

"The fuck you doin in here Iron Man?" Happy's raspy voice came from around me, moving silently through the room.

Should have known it was him. No one else was stealthily enough to sneak up on me like that. I slowly moved the bar down, then sat up grabbing for my towel to wipe the sweat off of myself. "I should be askin you that."

Happy was my friend. A close brother. Someone that knew just how dark I could get when I let myself. He was the one that taught me the correct methods for getting what you want out of someone. Now though he looked like a man that had drove all night from Charming to Tacoma and wanted to pass out somewhere.

"I'm gonna go out for a while. Was gonna crash in your hole and looked like it was occupied." He stated. He didn't usually talk this much either. We had a silent friendship based on booze, bitches, and bullets.

"Been here a few days." I tried to sound casual about as I took a long drink from the bottle of water I'd snagged from the kitchen.

"Saw that."

I poured a handful of the water into my palm, using it wet my face. "I'll get someone to pull the sheets. You can take it today for a while. Others are occupied."

"Yeah looked like some freaky shit went down in there. What the fuck you use zip ties for?" Happy asked looking curious. The man was always interested if he thought it was something he could use.

I shot him a warning look and a shake of my head. "Shit.. You know. Just… a prop. They cookin yet?"

"Yep."

Now we were getting back to the one word answers I knew. I pulled my shirt on over my head slowly, my shoulder was sore from the workout around the muscle the bullet had penetrated. Probably shouldn't have worked it at all. "How's Charming?"

"Ask the bitch." Happy shrugged, his eyes were daring me to correct him.

I threw him a shitty look in reply to the bitch term. "Haven't saw her much. Pissed off at me. Don't treat her like that pussy did."

"Nope."

"You don't like her do you?" I asked him leaning against the mirrored wall, wondering just how well Happy knew Aleah.

"Bitch is trouble. Mouthy."

I listened to his opinion, interested in it with honest curiosity. Happy was a watcher. "Think I should leave it alone?"

"Nah. Not this time." Happy rubbed a hand over his shaved head with a yawn. "Go the fuck home so I can crash here."

I smirked, of course he had an ulterior motive. "I might. C'mon, lets get something to eat while they change it out."

I might go home now. Now that technically I needed to. Happy was a visitor, he needed the room more than I did. I could sleep on the couch. Or the guest room. Or say fuck it and sleep in my damn bed. I shoveled the scrambled eggs in my mouth that Cici, one of the regular girls, put in front of me with a mug of coffee. "Thanks doll."

Cici nodded doing the same for Happy. She was one of the three we kept around the clubhouse just for this purpose. Cooking, cleaning, and just being there. We paid them a small salary each week to be our maids and fucks. "Layla started in on your room for Hap."

We ate in silence, the only noise was our forks scraping against the plates until we were both done. I saw Layla coming from down the hall carrying an armload of laundry and a small plastic baggy of trash she'd collected from around the room. "Come on." I hit his arm shoving myself up.

I led him down into my room grabbing my things off of the dresser while he started digging out his own. It didn't bother me to leave Happy in my little space. He wasn't some nosey bitch. He would sleep in my bed, use my shower, and maybe smoke my weed. But that was it. "You comin to chapel?"

He shook his head throwing his cut on the back of the recliner that was in the corner. I started to walk around the side of the bed to grab my phone and be out when I bumped my knee into the corner of it. No slammed was more like it. I couldn't hold back the string of cusses when I went down. Holy shit…. I took a deep shaky breath pulling myself up, I could feel Happy's eyes on me waiting to see if I would be able to get myself up on my own. At least he had the respect to stay back. I stood up slowly, not trusting that leg again. It was getting worse.

"You talk to them about takin some time off?" Happy asked me lighting up a cigarette.

"Nope. Don't need it." I answered shortly. He'd been the only one I told about the damn doctors appointment. I needed surgery. I couldn't step away from the club long enough to recoup right now though. I couldn't lose my seat, or my patch because I had a bum leg with a jacked up cuff. I'd just as soon drink the pain away. Or medicate it. That salve Aleah had bought me helped but smelled like ass. Unwashed ass.

"You gonna fall on top of the little bastard?" He rasped in a way only Happy could and make sense.

I rolled my eyes, giving myself a moment before I tried to leave and walk to the chapel. They could wait a few. "Don't call my kid a bastard."

"Just sayin… where I'm from.. If you don't marry the bitch… the brat is a bastard. I got my notice the weddin was canceled."

Nodding I looked at my best friend warily. He knew I did something, I could tell from the smirk on his face. "Just for now. I ain't letting that kid go back to Charming. We both know that."

We didn't talk much about feelings. Our talks about women were usually about which body parts we liked the best and who was going at it first. But he knew me enough to know this was one I wasn't stepping away from. So Happy nodded pulling on his cigarette with a hissing around. "I brought her some shit from Gemma. Out in my saddle bag. Birthday shit. Wrapped up all pink and bitch like."

Oh shit. I forgot about her birthday. I knew it was just a few days before Christmas but I forgot it was this close. Or that ….it was about to be Christmas. I hadn't bought jack shit. For anyone. Add that to my list of fuck ups. Kendra was easy. Western Union. Aleah though…. What the fuck had I been doing? I must have been looking at Happy funny because he kind of glared at me before giving me a hard push. "I'll see you later to finish this."

I left him in the room, thoughts going everywhere. I could send flowers. Flowers were a chick thing. They liked those. Pink roses. No… what the fuck were those flowers Sven brought… Orca….or…. Orsomethings. I was still running the possibilities over my head when I sat down on the right side of Lee, tuning in and out in a haziness. Turning into a pansy over night. I did my share of nodding when Lee looked at me, but for the most part, I swiveled around in my seat. I perked a little bit when Donut brought up the deal with Charming.

"Kozik…. You think your Old Lady will go for that?" Lee asked staring point blank at me.

I snapped out of it in a flash. "No. No way in hell if she going to okay Jax splitting off his share of the Charming shit. She's held onto it through a lot of shit brother."

"Think you can convince her otherwise?" Donut smirked leaning back in his chair across the table from in the VP spot.

This was a sticky spot. "I don't think I can. I'll mention it when I see her, but she might be pissed that Jax didn't ask her."

"Well the king said if we want it, we have to deal with the co owner ourselves. Clay isn't due out of the joint for a while longer, so if we get it, we get it now."

I hadn't even thought about my future father in law getting out of prison. Another pile of shit to deal with. I made it through chapel without fucking up anything other than staring off into space beside Sid's head getting me a strange look from him. Sloppy bastard. He'd gotten shot before Sven picked Holly up at the McDonald's. I didn't care for him much. Fuck I didn't like anyone lately, who was I kidding?

I rode to the job site alone. I didn't invite anyone to ride with me. I was busy scrolling through my phone for a florist deciding on the sappy pussy pink roses with an added on box of Godiva. She was pregnant, she'd love it. I was on the phone telling the old bat what I wanted the card to say when Fingers ran up to me, out of breath, to find me in my hiding spot in one of the closets in the duplex.

Aleah totaled my baby. My truck was destroyed but I was okay with that. She was okay, and my baby was okay. I could buy another truck, I couldn't buy another Aleah or jellybean. She stayed amazingly calm while I held her, ran my fingers through her hair, and consoled while she cried. There really wasn't anything to cry over. We were at our house sitting on the couch and she should have been fine now. She might have some soreness from the seatbelt but that was about it. Jellybean was moving around like a crack addict inside of her. And …. This really thrilled me… jellybean wasn't jellybean anymore. Jellybean was a boy. He. Him. Boy. Male.

I almost jumped up for joy when the tech said she could give us the sex of the baby if we wanted it to tonight. Uhmmm hell yeah I wanted it. I knew it would be a boy this time. I was beyond happy. I was in my house, with my girl leaned on my shoulder, and my son inside of her. It was totally different from how I'd pictured our reunion going. She hadn't said too much yet except for the 'yeah im fine' im sorry, I was so scared bullshit. I hated crying with a passion. I hated the way she was balling up with her little gasps.

"Leah, c'mon baby. Stop crying." I whispered trying to console her. "Its all okay. You're fine, the baby's fine. The truck isn't a big deal. I got insurance kid."

Kid, I couldn't help but call her that. She was just a kid compared to me. Aleah sniffled some more, her blue eyes were clouded over and puffy. "Tell me something." she whispered

I smiled a little to myself. So she wanted to play this game again. Whatever she wanted. "I love you. I love you more than I should little girl that's for damn sure."

She was staring up at me, almost like in a trance. "You still love me?"

"Yep. I couldn't stop if I tried babe." I admitted hating to say it so bluntly. My spiteful, mean mood and memories had faded away replaced with this warm buzz now. "I was just… jealous. I don't want to hear that shit again. You love me?

"I love you…." she whispered almost like it was a sin to say it. But I'd take it…..


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you for the reviews and follows for the last chapter… they are appreciated. KupKakes (Tiffany) wanted me to let you guys know she was sorry about getting this to me late but it was a lost chapter that she had to rewrite for you all. **

**I do not own SOA or the song 'Lost in you' by Three Days Grace. **

Chapter 17 Lost In You

It was different this time. This time I didn't just jump back into his arms like every cell of my body was screaming to. This time I had to be sure it wouldn't be the same as it was every other time we argued and fought with each other. Slowly, I was starting to realize I didn't have just me to think about anymore. I couldn't exactly stay and put my son in an uncomfortable situation. But I couldn't leave either. I knew deep down I'd never leave Kozik. We didn't go through months of hell and dirty looks just to throw it away over a fight that we were both at fault for.

So we worked on it. I poured myself into being a good Old Lady like I'd been shown to be by Gemma. I knew what Kozik expected of me; loyalty, respect, unconditional love, and adoration. And he knew what I expected from him… the same unyielding love that he'd always had me since he laid eyes on me. It even felt different this time, everything was better every day. After days apart I knew I never wanted to be alone again. I didn't do good alone. That was how I ended up with Kozik in the first place.

I studied Kozik across the room from my perch in the glider he'd finished putting together earlier for the nursery. He had on a muscle shirt that clung to his torso in just the right places, and basketball shorts slung low on his hips while he rolled the paint roller back and forth in a slow rhythm to spread the pastel yellow paint out evenly. "You missed a spot." I pointed out with a small smile knowing how he hated to be corrected in his work.

"No I didn't. I thought I'd save you a spot to paint since you're being _such_ a great help today." Came his sarcastic reply that I'd already anticipated before I even spoke.

"I'm helping!" I protested rocking back and forth with my slipper covered feet propped up on the foot stool part of the glider. "I'm the one that looks like a whale right about now. Cookin a baby isn't easy."

Kozik rolled his eyes at me but his face was grinning in his easy going way. "Doin the bitch work ain't easy either kiddo. Who do you think rolls out of bed at 5am to go play Bob the Builder then comes home and transforms into Cinderella around this place?"

He had me there. At 7 months pregnant I wasn't moving anymore than I had to. I honestly had days where I felt like I just couldn't get any bigger. My stomach was huge and already sitting low in my hips making me feel even bigger than I actually looked. Whenever I voiced a complaint about how big I was Kozik's standard snarky comeback was "Just wait til the end little girl…..this ain't shit" .

"You always thought that I left myself open, but you didn't know I was already broken… I told myself that it wouldn't be so bad pulling away you took everything I had….. You tried to lie and say I was everything.. I remember I said I'm nothing without you…" Kozik sang along with the Ipod I had docked into a spot on the bright white dresser already half full of baby clothes.

I smiled listening as he sang along some more, surprised that he actually didn't sound half bad when he made an effort and didn't attempt metal jams. Somehow I'd never pegged him as a Three Days Grace kind of guy even after being together for as long as we had.

"Somehow I found a way to get lost in you, let me inside let me get close to you…. Change your mind I'll get lost if you want me to.. Somehow I found a way to get lost in you…" He tapered off humming along with the rest of it pausing to give me a wink when he bent down to smear some more paint on his roller. "Somethin funny?"

"No of course not… Just enjoying the serenade…" I wasn't even lying either… the song fit us in that cheesy way all couples had a certain song that reminded them of each other.

Kozik paused, swiping a hand across his face to wipe the sweat from his brow making his spikes stick up even more. "This paint looks like baby shit." he observed looking at his handiwork so far.

I threw the nearest thing I could get my hands on without having to move too much hitting him on his bicep. "Does not. Its… cute. Its babyish."

I loved the butter yellow I'd picked out for the room we decided to turn into the nursery along with the baby Mickey Mouse theme border and the white furniture Kozik had decided to surprise me with while he was still in the early stages of groveling his way back into my heart which he honestly he didn't have to work very hard to do. I was determined to be one of those moms that had everything perfect before the baby arrived. I'd went shopping with Holly earlier in the week for a car seat and stroller set , and I had to say I might have been overbuying a tiny bit.

"Baby shit is babyish." Kozik smirked coming to sit on the foot stool for a break. "Guess we can change the shit out in Kendra's room for something more…neutral in case the guys need to crash or something."

I doubted Tig or Happy would care if the room had pink pillows or black pillows. They were pretty much just happy for a place to lay their heads that they didn't have to pay for and had running water along with a kitchen of food to rummage their way through. It'd been a couple of weeks since Happy's last trip through and I thought he was warming up to me a little bit. Or as warm as Happy was capable of getting. Still… it was a start when he actually made the effort to clean up after himself instead of leaving the empty pickle jar on the counter like he usually did.

"Doesn't matter to me. Leave it the way it was, change it…. Whatever you say." I shrugged leaning into the pillowy cushion of the chair while Kozik rubbed my legs. My calves had been getting 'Charlie horses' nightly and as his way of helping Kozik had started massaging them whenever we were sitting around.

"Whatever I say…." He echoed with a look I knew all too well forming across his features.

"Perv." I accused giving him a light kick with one of my fuzzy slippers.

He rolled his eyes leaning up to give me a peck on my nose before standing up again. "Wasn't even close to thinking that."

"You're always thinking that."

And he was. Being pregnant didn't curb any type of sexual attraction for me that was for damn sure. If anything it'd improved things to a whole other level.

I watched pick up the roller again getting back to work while the music played on softly in the room with us. He wasn't perfect. He had imperfections like we all did. He had scars on his cheeks, some on his arms, and one pink fleshy scar on his stomach. His blonde locks I loved to run my hands through or tug at when he was on top of me were starting to grey in some places since he'd chosen not to take the Tig route and dye his hair or shave himself bald like Happy did. His knee had been swelling up worse and worse lately if he overworked himself, and I knew it had to be bothering him more than he was letting on. Still though….. I had no doubt that he was it for me regardless of the wear and tear starting to show on my prince charming.

"Your staring at me." He stated calmly without even glancing in my direction. "You plottin my death over there little girl?"

"Not yet… I think Clay might be though." I admitted to him with a smirk.

Dad had called me for the first time from prison a few days ago. It'd been awkward… extremely awkward at first when I answered the phone. We hadn't spoken since the day he was taken in by Roosevelt while me and Juice cowered in the hallway watching. I could still feel how hot Juice's skin was underneath my fingertips when I grabbed his arm and shook my head. It'd been too late for any sort of remorse we were having. Gemma too but remorse wasn't a word that was even in her vocabulary.

Dad started out the conversation normally enough, the normal questions of how you been? How's the family? Before he'd gotten down to what he really wanted. He'd finally heard I left Charming for Tacoma and who I'd left with. And he wasn't exactly thrilled that I was living with a man twice my age and someone he'd held in high esteem and been good drinking buddies with before I was even born. He was worried about me he said, worried I was making a bad decision and worried I'd end up regretting going with Kozik. He'd recoiled some when I told him I was pregnant then gave me a hearty congratulations that I knew was from the bottom of whatever black heart he had inside his body.

It was nice talking to him, hearing his voice. I'd kept him blocked off from my mind mentally for over a year now. I didn't want to relive the horrible things I'd done to him, the horrible things he'd done, but Kozik had given me a look and a sigh and said quietly "Ya know, I'd give anything to have my blood family in my life, you might do shitty things to each other but that doesn't change the blood that runs through your veins."

So I decided to keep accepting the phone calls from the prison whenever they popped up on my phone. We'd only talked a few times since but it felt good. I hadn't had the nerve to tell Gemma or Jax yet though. They were going to explode at me having any contact with him. All of the shit he'd done didn't change the fact that he was still father. I didn't have Alanna around , only Gemma. I was owed this much in life to have a peaceful relationship with one of my biological parents. There were just some things Gemma couldn't fill the void for for me. Dad was every bit warm and sincere when we talked. Enough for me to think he'd turned over a new leaf in there.

"I ain't scared of a beat up old man behind bars." Kozik quipped back starting on the last wall he had to paint before he was finished. "I think I'm more terrified of Sunshine than I am Clay."

I snorted thinking on Kozik's shaggy blonde headed prospect that followed him around like a puppy after its owner. It was terrifying to actually see with my own two eyes how some of the younger guys seemed to envy and have a hero worship him and his club credit.

"He was a big help last week with the furniture." I pointed out remembering him tagging along with me and Holly on our shopping trip. Poor Jessica was already on bedrest off and on with her pregnancy. I didn't envy her a bit for carrying twins and having Emalee to chase after besides that. Holly and Sven had Emalee with them on more than one night a week lately to try and help out while Carter was gone on runs for the club.

"Good. I should have had him paint this too." Kozik sighed going through the motions of his task at hand.

"But then we wouldn't be spending time together." I smirked placing my hands on top of what Kozik called 'The Hump'.

"We have eternity."

I rolled my eyes knowing he couldn't see it with his back turned. "No we don't."

"We could though…. If you wanted…." Kozik said so nonchalantly I almost didn't catch the meaning behind his words.

I sat up a little bit straighter biting down on my lower lip while he talked on, my heart pounding away. "We could still get married. It doesn't have to be a big thing. Just the two of us like we'd planned anyways….. If you still want to marry me that is… I mean… I know how I feel… I just don't want you to think that-"

I cut off him with a squeal jumping up from the glider with more energy than I knew my swollen huge body possessed to tackle him into a hug that sent the paint roller flying in the air. "Yes!"

Kozik grinned letting me knock him to the floor with my excitement. "You sure this time? You can't take it back again… this time… its all or nothing little girl. No more games."

"I'm sure. I'm positive. I love you… God… I love you so much. I didn't want to bring it up in case you didn't want to… in case you were still mad or not sure this was going to work." I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face.

"Little girl…. I would have married you two months ago when you were pissed at me." Kozik pulled me into as close of a hug as my stomach would allow, squeezing me tightly. "I can't lose you again. Ever. I just… can't… I can't do it."

I knew exactly what he was talking about without even having the words to describe it. "I can't do it either."

Two days later we were married at the courthouse with nobody in attendance except for the two of us and it was perfect. Everything was falling into place with us. No more fighting. Things were the best they'd ever been. The anger was gone…. The violence was gone.. It was enough to make me wonder if Kozik was taking Prozac or something and not telling me about it. He was different. He was the laid back, easy going, joking Kozik that I'd fallen for.

We just had to get through our next big obstacle…. Having a baby together. Kozik still swore up and down this was my idea so it was my baby to deal with. I could tell from the proud grin he got whenever he talked about 'his son' that it wasn't true. He was excited whether he wanted to admit it or not. Which was good….because we were down to the last few weeks…..


	18. Chapter 18

**About 1 ½ to 2 more chapters and we will be going to Juice's POV, I know you guys will be excited for that. **

**Thank you for the reviews last chapter my two reviewers :P :P **

**I do not own SOA only my characters**

Chapter 18 Labor Pains

Labor was hell. Pure hell. I'd been in labor for hours now and my epidural had worn off. I was in the worst pain of my life. Kozik was prowling around the room like he wanted to rip someone into shreds. He'd scared two nurses already when they told him they couldn't do anything else for the pain. He was anxious, I could tell from the way he was pulling at the blonde spikes on his forehead.

"Kozik?" I called out softly from the hospital bed. I was laying on my bed, curled up into a ball.

He was at my side in a flash, his palm against my forehead. "What is it baby?"

"Can you get me some more ice chips?" I sighed holding my huge belly. I hadn't ate for hours. I was ready to have this kid and go home.

"Of course. I'll be right back. Sven said they were on their way. Holly wanted to be here with you."

I nodded, I knew Holly would come already. She was wanting to be in the room with me when I had Alex, which was fine with me. I needed support from someone other than Kozik and Jessica had already went in labor and had her twins before I had Alex. Gemma wouldn't be able to come up for a couple of days. Jax was on a run and left the kids with her, so now… I was alone with no one but Kozik. He was trying his hardest to make sure everything was taken care of, but sometimes you just needed a female for stuff.

Another hard contraction rocked through my body making me tense and scrunch my face up while I breathed heavily. I wanted to scream. Cry. Pitch a fit, but I knew if I did Kozik would do more than yell at those nurses. Which actually happened again in a few minutes when I did cry out from pain. Why hadn't anyone told me it would be this long? I couldn't help but start to cry like a big baby.

"Leah… don't cry baby. Its almost over. The doc is supposed to be coming in to talk to us any minute." Kozik whispered leaning down to talk into my ear. I had a death grip on his hand. "They said you've been in labor for too long."

"I know that. You know that… it took _them_ forever to know that." I whined feeling every bit sorry for myself.

There was a knock at the door and we both lifted our heads to look, Holly rushed in carrying balloons, flowers, and the diaper bag Kozik had forgotten at home. "I got here as soon as I could. Sven's in the waiting for room. He said he doesn't do good with seeing women in pain."

"Trust me, you had plenty of time. I think this kid is stuck in me forever." I rolled over onto my back slowly wincing at another contraction.

"Do you need me go get anything else? I brought the car seat too, its downstairs in the car. I knew you guys were hurrying." Holly came closer giving me a small smile. "I took Gizmo out and then locked up the house for you too."

"I think we're good now, thanks for helping out." Kozik told her still standing beside the bed. "The doc is supposed to come let us know what he wants to do."

I gripped his fingers again, this time so tightly they were turning white. "Go find him. _Now_."

I didn't know how much pain you were supposed to be in when you had a baby, but I was convinced I was in way more pain than most women. I thought I could handle it after working the maternity floor and being with Jess but now….. I needed drugs and this kid out of my body. And I got both as soon as the doctor came in 20 minutes later. Emergency c- section since it didn't look like my body was wanting to accommodate pushing the 8.3 oz baby out of my body.

Alexander Clarence Kozik was beautiful. He had light hair like Kozik, and blue eyes that could have came from either of us. He was the most precious thing I'd ever touched in my life. Kozik was the first to hold him, cradling him tight against his chest while he whispered to the little boy he'd wanted. It was almost funny seeing this bad ass biker getting misty eyed over a baby in his hospital scrubs he'd had to don to go back into surgery with me.

"You did good kid." Kozik smiled down at me in my bed, still holding the baby. "You think you can hold him?"

I nodded tiredly. I was exhausted. I wanted to hold my little boy and go to sleep. I held my arms out for him, loving the way the little body felt against my chest already. "Oh Kozik… he's…." I couldn't even find the words to describe what I was feeling about him right now.

"I know Leah." Kozik kissed my forehead with one hand still on our blue wrapped bundle. "You want me to let anyone in? Or want some time alone for a while?"

"You can let Holly and the girls in. I don't think I want the guys seeing me like this." I smiled faintly at him. "I'm tired Kozi."

"We'll get you a nap in as soon as the nurse is done with you." He promised just as the nurse came back into the room. "I'm gonna go get the girls."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Whatever Kozik had lacked as a father the first time, he was certainly making up for this time around. He was with me like clockwork for the first day we were home except for he had to make a quick run to the port to secure their latest shipment. He'd gotten Tequila to come and help me around. As much as I didn't want to like that woman, I couldn't help but enjoy her company. She was sweet, kind hearted, and Kozik had a soft spot for her. He'd finally told me she was the one that had helped him when he was detoxing at the cabin. So really… I owed her one.

Tequila came back day after day to help me with household tasks even after I didn't need her to anymore. I'd told Kozik I needed the help but we both knew it was more of us wanting to help the young mom out. I found sly ways of slipping her things in ways that she wouldn't feel offended. Her and Gemma even got along when she came up to Tacoma a couple of days after I had Alex. Gemma liked getting to cuddle the baby instead of worrying about cooking supper for Kozik. Tequila did that, and I made sure she took enough home for her and her daughter too.

"Here babe." I walked up behind Kozik to give him a bottle.

He was sitting back in his recliner, holding Alex. It was always his first stop when he got home now. He'd hurry to swipe germ x across his hands then grab the little guy up with a grin. "Thanks. I think someone's hungry."

Alex was a good baby. He didn't cry or fuss much unless he was hungry. Like he was now squirming around in Kozik's arms with a whimper that we both agreed reminded us of a mouse. Kozik popped the bottle in his mouth, adjusting him around a little bit while I looked on. Koz was doing great with having a new baby. I hadn't expected him to help at all when we came home. He'd been so adamant about helping financially only that I didn't think he'd be the one getting up during the night to warm up milk or change a diaper. Really didn't see him changing diapers.

"Tig called, said he was coming up tomorrow night. Happy too. Guess everyone wants to see what has the resident enforcer so head over heels." I grinned going to sit on the couch. I wasn't too sore anymore. The staples had came out easily enough, but now I was just plain ole fat.

"Sounds good to me. I'll tell them to stay at the clubhouse. I don't want you fawning over the two of them." Kozik smirked knowing already I'd be making beds and trying to baby them when they got here.

I watched him cradle Alex's head, turning him over to his shoulder to burp him. Kozik learned the hard way to make sure you take your cut off first. "Mom's coming back with them too."

Kozik nodded like he'd already expected that. "Fine with me. She's gonna put Tequila outta a job if she keeps visiting so much though."

I twisted my wedding band around, I had taken it off one time since Kozik slid it on my finger. As far as I knew he never took his off. "You've been a big help too Koz. Really."

He gave me one of his eye rolls, adjusting Alex around again to hold him. "I'm capable of changing a diaper ya know. Believe it or not… I might be a little attached to this midget."

A little attached would be an understatement. Kozik was all the parts of a proud father. He'd mailed off pictures to Kendra, his brother in Sacramento, and some to Clay in prison. I had to talk to him about that problem too.. I'd wait until we were laying down to take on that talk though. Kozik might not like what I had in mind…

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

"No." Kozik firmly said with a shake of his head when I sat down on the bed beside him. "I can't have him here Aleah."

"But… he's my dad Kozik. He doesn't exactly have anywhere else to go. Jax wants him out of Charming when he gets released." I sighed rubbing the towel through my wet hair. "I can't just… turn him out."

Kozik gave me a hard look, those eyes turning to steel. "Yes you can. You tell him your Old Man said no."

I threw the towel down on the floor beside the bed with a thump. "He didn't ask. I was just thinking about it. He gets out in a month. I was thinking maybe… Juice… would pick him up at jail then bring him up here. Or I could drive down there and pick him up."

Now I was getting a really dirty look. Really damn dirty look. "Aleah, he was voted out of the Sons. I can't just open my home to him. I'm the god damn SAA in Tacoma. That reflects bad on me that I'd let a traitor into my home."

"But he's your father in law. I wouldn't turn your family out. And I'm not in the club, this is my home too." I argued back. I hated fighting with him. We'd been doing so good about getting along that arguing was foreign now.

"He _is_ my father in law. That I will gladly put up in a nice hotel if he ever decides to visit his grandson." Kozik said in a tone that was telling me to back off.

I looked him over, seeing what level of irritated he was on before I made my move. He was propped up against the headboard, shirtless. His face told me he was around the level of slamming things. I pulled my legs up, going to straddle his lower body. "Kozi…. Lets at least talk to Lee about it. Please." I kissed his jaw line softly, I could feel the tension start to move from the hard line it was set in.

"I'll think about it." That was as good as it was going to get with him too. His hands ran up to grip my hips pushing me down on him hard enough I could feel that another part of him was wanting a release. "Convince me."

I kissed him hard on the mouth, begging him to open his mouth and let me feel that silver stud on my own tongue. He knew what I wanted and flick his tongue across my lips with a smirk. "Shirt comes off." He whispered knowing it was a deal breaker for me.

I hadn't let him see me completely unclothed for 6 weeks now. This was the first time we were attempting sex since the birth. Sure we'd made out and groped at each other… but now Kozik's hands were unsnapping my nursing gown. It wasn't very fashionable, but it worked for what I needed it for…easy access to the boobs. I was rocking against him through the thin materials of his pajamas and my panties without even realizing it. He was smirking at me with that shit eating look in his eyes. "Damn baby, you want it that bad you're gonna dry fuck me?"

"You better not hurt me." I warned him shivering when he ran his tongue in the cleft of my bra. "Kozik, what are you doing?"

He unsnapped the bra in one move, something only he'd ever been able to do to me. "I'm having sex." He replied matter of factly. "And you're going to sit back and enjoy it. Don't be so paranoid."

Kozik's hands gently kneaded my sore, tender aching breasts. He was just barely grazing a thumb over each nipple. I was starting to rock again and stopped, catching myself. "Hey if you like it… keep rockin baby." He chuckled leaning down to flick his tongue over me now.

That did make me move again. I was so sore. "Koz…." I knew the breast feeding had been an amazing thing to him. He stared whenever it happened, and I knew it wasn't because of the beauty of the process of seeing me feed his son.

Kozik pulled the nipple in with a slow suck making me buck up against him. He was pushing up against me, hard as a rock while he sucked on me. It was so… taboo… yet.. It was turning me on to know it was turning him on to breastfeed. What kind of freaks had we turned into? His hands were pressed hard into my back making sure I didn't try to move away while he took a turn on the other one. "Koz…." I sighed leaning more into him, actually starting to enjoy his little freak fetish.

He pulled his mouth off with a loud smack. "Ride me." He ordered giving me a smack on the butt. "You remember how right?"

I threw him a look, starting to get off to take my panties off when he jerked me down shoving them to the side. "I think I can get it done."

I lifted up just enough for him to push his pants down and then cried out when he pushed into me. "Oh….. It hurts. It hurts." I whined trying to raise back off of him. His hands held me down in place keeping me from breaking the connection. "You promised you wouldn't hurt me."

"I'm not trying to hurt you. I didn't really think it _would_ hurt. Just… go slow down on it." He rocked up little by little pushing more into me. "Maybe I should get on top of you."

"No… I think that'll be worse." I honestly didn't like the idea of him being able to pound away inside of me. This was such a shitty deal. I had a c section and still couldn't have sex right away because I'd still went through the natural side of it too. Now I was on top of my husband trying to brace myself for his normal rough and hard bedroom skills.

"Do what feels okay to you." Kozik rubbed my thighs trying to be nice about it. My husband didn't normally do nice.

In the end… we had sex. We even got off. But it required a lot of KY and Kozik's magic fingers working overtime.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Mom swooped in at the same time Tig and Happy got to the house. They must have tailed her I realized. That would make sense. Mom didn't usually travel alone, so Jax must have saw the opportunity to send her two bodyguards. Two deadly ones at that.

Tig didn't even bother knocking before he came inside. He just opened up the front door and let himself in. "Your favorite Uncles here." He called out with Happy walking behind him.

"In here." I said sitting up glad that I had went ahead and gotten dressed. Alex was in his swing by Kozik's recliner asleep.

Tig came in leaning down to inspect the little guy over. "Shit… he looks just like Kozik doesn't he?"

I grinned, it was true. Alex looked a lot of Kozik already and was proving to have his dad's temper as well. Happy stood behind him giving the baby a once over with a small nod. I hadn't expected him to be head over heels for a baby anyways. He didn't even like kids.

"Well thanks for the help with the bags. Assholes." Mom muttered coming into the living room carrying her suitcase herself. "He's gotten big."

Alex had gotten chunkier in the past 5 weeks. At the rate he ate it was no wonder. We were still up every 3-4 hours to nurse or give him a bottle if Kozik was the one up with him.

"Do you want to hold him?" I offered to Tig who nodded enthusiastically. Tigger had always been a sucker for kids. He didn't have much to do with his own girls when they were bigger but he'd developed a real spot for Jax's boys in the past couple of years.

Tig sat down in my place on the couch looking gleeful at holding his namesake. "Uncle Tig will teach you how to do things right. Drink like a fish, pick up chicks, shoot guns… ride a Harley."

"Lets not get him outlawing before he's out of diapers." Mom smirked following after Happy to the kitchen. "I think Happy's hungry."

"A little." Happy grumbled making himself at home already rummaging around.

I couldn't complain about Kozik's friends being at home in our house. They were frequent visitors and Happy had been known to pop in on me when Kozik was gone for days at a time and he was in town. I knew already if anything ever happened to Kozik, Happy would be the one that got tasked with watching after us. "Here Hap, I'll make you something."

He didn't argue. He just down on one of the bar stools watching me move around the kitchen while Mom started washing the bottles that were in the sink. I'd told Tequila I didn't need her today, to spend some time at home. I knew Mom would be here and be ready to help out whether we needed it or not. Mom ran the sink of water glancing over her shoulder at me. "Where's Dad at?"

"He had something to do today with the club. Then I think he's planning on stopping by before he goes to the clubhouse tonight." I shrugged having no idea what Kozik was really doing. I just knew he left dressed in all black and carrying a huge roll of trash bags. That sort of club business I didn't ask about. That meant he was up to no good.

"Aren't you going tonight too?" Mom asked rinsing a bottle out.

"No.. I can't. The baby and I don't feel comfortable asking Tequila to baby sit when I know she wants to go out too." I did feel a little left out of Kozik's night at the clubhouse. I hadn't been with him to a party in ages.

"Go tonight then. I'll watch junior. We'll make out okay."

I frowned at her, glad she had her back turned. Happy was watching me closely almost like he was enjoying me not going to the clubhouse and feeling uncomfortable with going again. "I guess…"

"They're having a barbecue tonight." Happy put in out of nowhere.

"See? You'll have fun." Mom nodded looking grateful when she turned to see Happy. "Go on Mom.. I can watch the kid. You better go make sure Uncle Tigger is okay in there."

Uncle Tigger was walking around cradling the baby while he told him things about Kozik. Tig loved having a baby named after him. He'd been thrilled when Kozik called and told him what we planned on naming Alex. We were both hoping Alex didn't turn out like the fully grown Alex.

I got Happy fed, Alex fed, and a shower before getting ready to meet Kozik at the clubhouse. I sent him a text telling him I was going tonight and got nothing back. They must be into something deep I thought to myself. They'd been gone for hours. When I drove over to the clubhouse with Happy and Tig in tow behind me, they still weren't there either. The guys that hadn't went were lighting up the bonfires and firing up the grill. Sven was missing, Kozik, Sid, Fingers, Sunshine, and The Rev. An odd group for a run in my opinion.

When the light grey van did pull up with all of them in it, it was easy to see something wasn't right. The guys all jumped out like the van was about to blow up. Last to get out was Kozik and Sven and then I realized what was wrong. They were at each others throats arguing. They kept getting in each others faces to the extent that The Rev would push them back apart. Kozik had taken on his SAA persona and was shouting down at Sven, who to my surprise, wasn't taking it. Sven was yelling back just as angrily standing nose to nose with Kozik.

"Oh shit…" Holly whispered coming to see what the commotion was about. "What happened?"

"I have no idea… but this isn't good." I whispered back watching them bumping against each other now.

Lee shoved between them, breaking them up but it clear neither of them was willing to play nice. Sven was glaring over Lee's shoulder at Kozik while Kozik returned the dirty look. "You two got beef, either take it to the table or take it to the ring. Work it out."

"Ring." They said at the same time.

"What happened?" I asked Sunshine sliding up beside him. He was a good kid, close to my age. He'd tell me if he knew.

Sunshine glanced around before whispering. "Sven botched the job up today. We ran into some of his people from back home. Wouldn't fuck with 'em."

I backed away slowly going to tell Holly what Sunshine had said happened. She looked frantic watching Sven pull his shirt and cut off. "Anya isn't here is she?" I asked remembering Sven's little sister that came home with them from their trip to New York .

"No thank god she stayed home. She wasn't feeling good." Holly wrapped her arms around herself. "Why can't they…"

"Kiss and make up?" I sighed wondering the same thing.

We could hear the other guys talking excitedly about the match up about to begin the ring. "I don't know man, Kozik is a trained boxer. He's got weight over that Russian too."

"Yeah but that Russian has a mean streak a mile wide once you bring it outta him."

"Kozik's pretty fuckin ruthless in the ring."

"Saw Sven crack someone's skull open with the bare hands one night. Remember that?"

"The Sarge can knock out that scrawny foreigner with one good hit. He ain't no pussy."

"Sven's got about 10 years on him. Maybe its time for out with the old."

Sven was lighter than Kozik, but he was sturdy. He had a thinner build that revealed to the crowd a huge Soviet seal tattoo on his chest. Sven was younger which meant he was quicker to pounce than Kozik was too. We all winced when Sven took the first blow to Kozik's jaw with a crack. I'd be at the hospital later. I was nervous, and I knew that beside me so was Holly. We were clutching at each other the same way we'd done when Juice and Koz had fought only now it was our Old Men in there.

"Shit!" I exclaimed with wide eyes when Kozik took Sven down to the floor of the ring delivering hit after hit with quick fists.

Sven landed a a heavy blow into the right side of Kozik's head sending him off of him then it was Sven on top pounding into Kozik. They were sticking to straight blows to each other, no biting or anything like that. They'd both agreed to leave their rings on too from what I could see. Sven stood up in a moment of mercy for Kozik that only pissed Kozik off all the more. They were both up now fists flying so fast I could barely keep up with what was going on. Sven was going to win this one. I covered my mouth in horror when Sven gave Kozik a heavy kick into the left knee. The knee Sven knew very well was causing Kozik problems.

Kozik went down hard. The pain was written all over his face. He didn't even try to get back up from the kneeled down position he'd fallen into. Sven offered him a hand that he spat a mouthful of blood at. Sven just waved it off in true Sven fashion then held his arms up in victory. He'd just taken down the SAA. Kozik was in the top three of the most badass members in the northern charters and Sven had just taken him down and didn't look like he was off too bad.

I let go of Holly to rush to Kozik, Tig and Happy were already climbing into the ring hauling up. "Oh god.. Kozik… baby.."

"I think you might need to run this one to the ER tonight." Tig told me in a low voice. "Don't tell anyone you took him, just do it."

I nodded understanding what Tig meant. Kozik wouldn't want anyone to know Sven hurt him this bad. I hurried to open the back door to the truck up for them to put Kozik in. "I'll let you know."

Kozik finally spoke to me once I pulled away from the clubhouse. We'd left just in time to avoid anyone else seeing just how bad off he really was. "My knee Leah…. "

"I know Koz. I'm taking you to the ER. I don't think we can put off that knee surgery anymore."

"Its swelling already." Kozik said lowly, I realized he was talking like that because of his jaw. Sven had to have cracked it with that first blow to the face.

I pulled into the ER at Tacoma General Care minutes later, going inside to get an orderly and a wheelchair to help me get him in. I hadn't even thought to get his cut. Maybe Tig or Happy would grab it for him. I didn't give the hospital any information on what happened only that he'd gotten into a spat with a friend. Nothing else. The news was grim… Kozik was having that knee surgery he'd been avoiding tonight. His jaw had a hairline fracture that they couldn't do anything for other than tell him eat soft stuff for a while.

Kozik was in a terrible mood before they even took him back for the surgery. He was pissed about losing his seat for the next few weeks while he recovered, he was pissed off he got taken down by Sven, and he was pissed off that he'd been carried out by Tig and Happy who were even older than he was. I almost begged the nurse to give him something for pain now just to knock him out.

After surgery was even worse. He snapped at me over the smallest things. He was becoming the codgery old man he'd avoided being up until now. Lee came to see him as soon as I brought him home, Happy had stuck around to help me get Kozik around the house until he could walk some. Lee didn't bring news that improved his mood either. Kozik lost his SAA rank since he couldn't ride for 10 weeks. Sven was temporarily taking over the spot with the understanding they would have a revote on it when Kozik was able to ride. The same man Kozik took under his wing was now taking over his position.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOSOA

Kozik had to wear a brace for a while. He hated it and hated that he couldn't do certain things. Like ride. Or have sex. Or make it up the stairs without stopping halfway up to cuss and scowl. 8 weeks and counting. The only good thing that had happened in the past twp months was that Sven had came by and apologized to him for botching up their job. And more importantly… told him he wasn't interested in keeping the patch long term. He wasn't ready for that responsibility.

The best news Sven brought was that he was a dad. Or actually an Uncle. But he was settling for dad. Anya had taken off and left after hiding her pregnancy until the week she went in labor and left her baby boy with a note for Holly to take care of him along with a paper stating she was Giving up any parental rights. I knew Holly had to be ecstatic even if the circumstances were pretty fucked up. She'd confided to me that she'd been praying about their conception problems for months. She'd suffered 3 miscarriages already. This baby was a godsend for her.

I was more than happy to pass along the bassinet I used for Alex before he outgrew it and a bag full of baby clothes with Sven when he left. He was on his way out to go get the essential baby items. The poor little boy didn't even have a car seat yet. Jessica and her three kids were a mess. Emalee was the funniest child I had ever met in my life. She was a mini Jessica right down to the little pink purse she carried everywhere with her make up inside. She even wore those plastic high heels around everywhere she went when she wasn't wearing her 'motorcycle boots' Uncle Juice mailed her.

The twins were Alice and Anastasia and they were adorable. They looked more like Carter than Emalee did too. They were rolly, chubby little things that slept a lot. Jessica couldn't have been happier with that either. She was up to her ears most days in baby laundry, bottles, and trying to take care of herself, Carter, and Emalee as well. I wished I could go help her like I'd done the last time, but now I had Alex plus Kozik laid up at home.

Tequila was a big help around my house. She'd gotten a real job but it was only part time so she still had time to come over each day and help me around. Kozik scowled at her a lot when she would bring him food or a drink but he didn't ever act out towards her. She'd whispered to me in the kitchen away from Kozik that Happy had started coming to visit her. I was hoping maybe he'd decide to settle down with her. Tequila deserved someone to be good to her. She'd told me one night when she first met Kozik she'd been hoping it'd be him until she realized no woman could tame him. Until I came along.

I was washing the dishes alongside Tequila when someone rang the doorbell. That was strange… everyone usually knocked once then let themselves in. Everyone knew now that Kozik was camped out on the couch unless he was at physical therapy. "I'll get it." I sighed to Kozik from his spot on the sofa. He hadn't even flinched.

I was drying my hands off on a paper towel when I swung the door open. "Ohh… what do you want?"

Juice was leaning again the stoop, eyeing me. "I came to talk to you. Alone."

I glanced behind me, Kozik was starting to sit up to get a look at who was at the door. "Umm… Now isn't really a good time."

"Why not? I can be in the same room as Kozik you know." Juice snapped tearing his eyes away from me.

"How'd you find out where I lived at?" I snapped back at him, hands on my hips.

"Carter gave me directions. I told him I needed to talk to you about some…business matters." Juice smirked standing up straight from his spot. "You gonna invite me in or should I just talk loud enough Kozik gets up and comes to the door?"

I glared at him but stepped back to let him inside. Kozik saw him and his demeanor instantly changed. He wasn't the relaxed lounging patient anymore. He was ready to wrap his hands around Juice's throat. Kozik scowled at him as he walked into the living room where he was at. "Seriously asshole? You come to my fuckin house now?"

"Relax..brother. I came to talk to your wife. My Old Lady about some things while I was in town." Juice smirked at Kozik taking a seat on the loveseat uninvited. I had no idea when he decided to grow a set…. Juice was still different from the Juice I knew. He had a dead, vacant look in his eyes where the warmth used to be.

"About what business matters?" I sighed deciding I should sit down between them. I couldn't do much to stop them if they decided to fight but maybe between me and Tequila we could take one of them down.

And speaking of Tequila, she chose that moment to walk by carrying an armload of laundry upstairs. Juice's eyes fell on her, and I saw the way they went down her body and felt a pang of something. Why in the hell was I jealous of Juice checking out Tequila? I was married! To Kozik! I shook my head trying to erase it right after it happened.

"Clay's getting our in two weeks." Juice looked me dead on in the eyes this time. "I don't know if you've talked to him much.. I went to see him last week. He's still pretty pissed with me."

"I've talked to him." I stared back into those melted chocolate eyes. "What's the problem?"

"I just wanted to make sure he had somewhere to go… I have his storage shit in my garage and his bikes. Car too. Jax said I had to get rid of it the second Clay was out. No communication."

I felt a surge of anger at my brother. "I'll come get it myself."

Kozik was looking irritated too. "Look Juice, let us worry about Clay. He's coming here when he's released. We arranged his ticket to come up, I'll come get his shit from you ok?"

Juice smirked back at Kozik. "Sure thing. Cause it looks like you're capable of doing so much right now."

"Okay… maybe its time for you to leave." I stood up giving Kozik a look that settled him back down into the cushions. "I'll walk you out."

"Good.. I want to talk to you anyways. Alone."

That made Kozik sit back up again and Juice snickered menacingly. "I'll see myself out. See you soon Lee…"

See you soon… somehow that grated on my nerves as bad as it did Kozik's… I gave him a silent glare the entire time it took him to walk back to his bike slamming the door when he pulled away from the curb. Asshole.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks for the reviews last chapter! I'm glad you guys are still sticking with this story :D **

**A little bit of a time skip here and a little bit shorter of a chapter… But still enjoyable of course. **

**I do not own SOA only my own characters. I do not own the song 'Just the way you are' by Bruno Mars either… **

**Much thanks to Jessica for her help with this story, it wouldn't be what it is now without you. **

Chapter 19 Just The Way You Are

Today was the type of day I loved. Tequila was off for the day, Dad was out fishing with Lorca and Kozik was putzing around the backyard shirtless while I cleaned the kitchen with the backdoor opened with the radio full blast.

It was breezy outside, nice, for once it wasn't cold or raining in Tacoma. If I could finish up the chores quick enough I could go outside with Koz and work on my flowers before Holly brought Alex back from his 'baby play date' with Borja. Baby play date meant Holly had gotten Sven to drag out the sand and water table and had the boys toddling around their yard in diapers while they dug around in the dirt and jabbered to each other. The new generation of SOA we all jokingly called them.

Adjusting to having Dad here wasn't as hard as we'd thought it'd be. He spent most of his time out of the house as long as the day was decent enough for him to fish, piddle around at Lorca's place, or the occasional date with the widow up the street who'd taken a liking to him to my amusement. He picked up after himself, watched Alex if we needed him to, and kept out of our arguments if we had one. No, Dad living here for the past few months hadn't been bad at all. It'd been almost a year now if I thought about it. Alex was nearing the 18 month mark, so it'd been longer than I realized.

We'd given him the choice of Kozik's study or Kendra's room to take as his own and he'd taken Kendra's room saying he didn't want to put Kozik out anymore than he already had. The Tacoma charter hadn't liked it much when Kozik approached them about Clay coming to Washing since he was banned from Charming and really had no other family besides us. But it was our house and Lee still had a respect for Dad despite the shitty things he'd done in his past. Jax was furious I'd taken him in. Gemma didn't like it a bit but chose to simply ignore it when she came to visit. Dad was treated like a speck on the wall in her presence and that amused him to no end especially if Nero came with her and spoke to him.

I scrubbed at the pot Kozik had made Hamburger helper in the night before frowning at the way it was stuck to the sides. One thing that hadn't changed around our place was that if we wanted something non frozen and non packed, Kozik had to cook. I did good with cookies and cakes, but actual meals were still a wonder for me to make so that it was edible. I glanced outside smiling to myself as I watched Kozik spray down the patio set with the water hose, prepping everything for the get together we were holding this weekend. We hadn't used the backyard for entertainment in a while.

Kozik was back to being well… nice Kozik now that he was recovered from that god awful knee surgery a year ago. He still had his good days and bad days when it bothered him but that was only if he irritated the pins that had been put in place. He was just happy he could still ride even after the surgery. But in place of the knee problems, he'd started to have back pain so bad I had to help him stand straight some mornings when he got out of the bed. He'd truly put his body through hell over the years and was paying for it at an earlier ago than some of the other guys were. Even Dad had made it a few years longer than it looked like Koz would, and Piney.

I hummed along with the song that came on the radio then singing along softly to myself while I scrubbed some more at the disgusting pot. "Her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining… her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her tryin… she's so beautiful.. And I tell her everyday." I tossed the SOS pad down into the soapy water giving up singing a few more lines of the song as I walked out the back door to see what Kozik was up to. He'd gotten mysteriously quiet out here.

A blast of cold water hit me on the side of the face making me shriek and freeze in shock. I heard Kozik cracking up to my right and glared while I started to wipe the dripping water from my cheek. "What in the hell…."

Another stream hit me in the chest while he laughed on until I made a run for it towards him. Then he tossed the hose down and ducked behind the fire pit. "I was just playing!" He protested when I grabbed the hose he'd dropped.

"So am I." I squeezed the trigger hitting him in the chest while he laughed some more. I squealed when he lunged towards me, even in the shape he was in he was still in better condition than I was physically. "Stop!"

Kozik's arms grabbed me from behind lifting me up easily while I shrieked with laughter and tried aimlessly to push his arms off of me. "Never little girl. When you gonna realize that?"

I stopped struggling, out of breath and just leaned into him, our wet bodies sticking together. "This your idea of a wet t-shirt contest?" I teased leaving my hands on his arms while I leaned on him.

"Mmmmhmmm.." He murmured nuzzling his stubble covered chin into my neck. "Gotta keep things exciting right?"

"Spraying me with the hose is your idea of spicing up our sex life?" I asked in disbelief wondering if this was another attempt of romance. The last one had been him bringing home flowers on his bike only to realize half of the petals had blown away before he got home.

"Somethin like that. Or maybe I just wanted to hear you scream and laugh."

His lips brushed across my forehead lazily while he held me, bringing me to sit in his lap on the bright green grass that he babied to keep looking decent. I looked out at the yard, smiling at the toys that were littered around here and there. "I gotta drag the kiddie pool out and fill it up for the babies still."

"Little rugrats. Ya know Borja keeps callin me 'Cozy' every time he sees me?" Kozik grinned. "Alex is getting so damn big, I can't believe it. I don't even remember Ken bein this little."

"He is. I'm going to miss the baby things, the crib, the binky, the cuddles and jibber jabber." I sighed thinking on how much our baby had grown in the past year.

He tucked a strand of wet hair behind my ear, adjusting us so that we were propped up against the fire pit. "I'm glad he has Borja and the girls to play with. Glad you have the girls here too. And that you're close with 'Quila now."

I nodded thinking on our housekeeper, nanny, and friend that we'd welcomed into the circle of young Old Ladies with me, Holly, and Jessica. "Things feel good, don't they?" I sighed enjoying the breeze that went by. "I mean… I like this. The way things are. I'm happy. Its been great having you home the past few days for vacation too."

Kozik nodded in agreement, his chin bobbing on top of my head. "I know, I hate to go back to work on Monday but its been pretty sweet getting to chill around the house with you guys. I'm goin fishing with the old geezers tomorrow morning."

I laughed at that, picturing Kozik tagging along with Dad and Lorca at the lake. "You really are getting old, aren't you?"

"Yeah I am." He sighed holding me a little bit tighter. "I feel it. I think it more than I say."

"Not too old though… you have a toddler to keep you young."

"Trust me, I don't need reminding of that." He chuckled obviously thinking of Alex's 5am wake up cries. "I'm just thinking… I'd like to be alive to see him graduate high school."

I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't want to assume he meant something he didn't. I would never in a million years jump to that conclusion normally. "What do you mean Koz?"

He swallowed hard, I could feel his Adam's apple bob with the motion before he spoke. "I've had more than one close calls lately Leah, we both know that." And that was true, he had. The Russian conflict had exploded onto a level nobody had ever anticipated. He'd been shot again, and rode down not too long ago on top of other incidents that left me shaky and panicking when I found out. "My knee's gone to shit. My back kills me if I make a long ride. I'm not the oldest guy patched in, but I'm not the youngest either. Bein the SAA is startin to wear me down pretty damn bad little girl."

I nodded in agreement, I knew it was. I could see it with my own eyes but it wasn't my place to tell him so. I listened as he continued on in a quiet, but deep voice. "I was thinking… maybe by the end of the year I could patch out. It gives Lee enough time to find a new SAA, or me enough time to pick him out one. I love my club. I love those guys to death… but I love my family more."

I felt a tiny part of my heart breaking to hear him say that. I knew what the club meant to him. They'd been all he had for years. "Koz…. You don't have to do this."

"I know. I want to. I feel like I need to. I need to get out while I still can Leah girl… I need to get out while I'm still alive and kickin. I got two kids and a wife that depend on me now. And lets face it… Karmas going to catch up with me sooner rather than later if I stay around until I'm the next Piney."

Karma. He was getting worried I realized, that these close calls meant something more than just bad luck. "Baby…. I don't want you to feel like you have to do that…because of us."

"Just… let me finish ok?" He stroked my sun drying hair gently. "I've done a lot of shitty things in my life. Real shitty. Things that most people would put me in the nuthouse for just by hearing them instead of actually doing them. I just… have a real bad feeling lately little girl. I need to get out of the club. I'll still supervise on the construction business for a legit job and to keep the money comin in, but that's it. No more handling shit down at the docks for them, no more runs. Nothing. I'll ride for run on the weekends like the other Dad's on the block do."

That made me smile a little bit. Koz trying to be the normal average American family instead of what we really were… a family of 1% bikers that earned shady and lived shadier. "I'm not going to stop you, if that's what you really want Koz…. But I don't think the Reaper is comin for you honey. But I won't turn down having you at home more either….. Maybe… we could work on what we talked about a few days ago?"

This time Kozik was the one that paused and had to think on what I'd said. "I don't know Leah. Another baby sounds great but… I ain't …. I ain't gonna be around forever kid. I don't want to leave you with a pack of monsters to chase after."

"You quit that. Quit acting like you're about to kick the bucket or something." I ordered moving around to face him. I stared into his eyes haughtily. "You might be in your damn 60's but you'll be here to see these kids grow up. You said it yourself, you didn't think you wanted a baby until Alex was here… now you couldn't imagine not having him." I had him there.

Kozik's face flinched a little bit, knowing it was true. "I just.. I don't know…..You sure you can handle another one? I'm not the one that has to be pregnant again, or take care of two kids under 5 all day long."

I knew I could do it. I wanted to do it. I'd have an entire house full of Kozik's kids if he'd give them to me. I might not be able to cook so great, and I might have the emotions of a teenager at times, but I was meant to be a mother. Some people just knew they were meant to take care of someone else. It was just what I did. I blamed it on the Gemma parenting.

"Please…. Just one more…." I pleaded with him giving him my sad eyes. "Just one more…. A little girl would be nice…. We could just try and see what happens."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead, and I knew I had him reeled him. "We try…. No charts, no doctors… just plain old fashioned sex. And if it doesn't happen by my next birthday…. We don't try anymore. I'll go get… fixed."

I threw my arms around his neck making us fall sideways onto the concrete pad. "Yes! I knew you'd say yes!"

"Do I ever say no to you?" Kozik grumbled but was grinning all the same. "Just what I need… another damn kid."

"You love your kids. You said it yourself." I grinned kissing his cheeks then the tip of his nose before planting one on his lips. "I love you."

"Love you too little girl." He muttered against my lips kissing me again. "Sometimes I think I love you too damn much."

I laid against him, letting myself rest across his bare chest while one hand traced the tattoo I knew so well. My name had been tattooed down his left forearm along with our wedding anniversary a few months ago, in turn I'd taken his ink on my rib cage. An elaborate design of orchids and the simple name 'Kozik' weaved into them. I still had Juice's crow riding on my lower back, yet to be removed.

"Don't ever leave me." I whispered feeling content against his warm skin.

"Never. You're mine and I'm yours… forever." He promised in a husky voice.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you everyone for your reviews and favorites/follows with the last chapter. **

**No Juice this chapter, it ended up being 2 chapters instead of the 1 ½ lol , I didn't realize it was so damn long until I started to edit it out. I just couldn't bring myself to post 22 pages in one chapter and I'm sure your eyes will thank me :P :P **

**Please please please please, review this one for me…. Interested to see your opinions :D :D **

**For those that didn't understand why Aleah was so accepting of Tequila, its because she learned afterwards that it wasn't exactly always a sexual thing for Kozik and Tequila. Kozik saved her, then in turn… she saved him. I do have an outtake that better explains it if you guys are interested. There are actually quite a few outtakes to this story, some of them are with Tequila's POV, some are Carter, some are Sven and Holly. **

Chapter 20 Something Unpredictable, But in the end its right

In the end it was decided that Kozik would stay on as council but no longer take part in club business that involved runs, hits, and basically be in the same position as Lorca. Still a voting member but semi retired. He would be turning in his SAA patch after one last run to set things up at the port with his connection and Sven who would be taking on that responsibility. I still wasn't sure how I felt about it. The club was in my blood, I knew it was in his as well, but it just felt…. Strange for Kozik to be on the same level as Lorca or Piney given that he was nowhere close to them in age. He was still fairly young, I knew though, that it was more of him being convinced that his luck would run out soon with close calls than him feeling ancient.

Alex was two and a mess. He terrorized poor Gizmo in the blink of an eye, threw fits, and was every bit 'Terrible Two' like the old wives tales spoke of. I could only imagine how Jess felt with two of them at home all day. Her only salvation was that Emalee had started kindergarten this week so she had a little bit more peace and quiet but not much more than me or Holly. Borja was his own brand of terrible two, he'd morphed into a mini Sven looking so much like him it was hard to believe he wasn't his father. I had to say though… Alex was looking more like Kozik every day especially when he decided to throw a dirty look. Those little eyes could turn to steel.

Right now I was thankful those eyes were still closed and sleeping good in his crib along with Dad still asleep in his room. I liked being able to start the mornings out with just me and Kozik, sitting at the kitchen table talking over coffee. I slid a plate of scrambled eggs across the wood towards him as I sat down in my chair across from him. "Anything else?"

"Nope. I'm good. Thanks." Kozik grabbed his fork already shoveling the pile of eggs into his mouth.

I frowned watching the way he dug in. So much for putting on appearances after marriage. If anything Kozik considered marriage a way of sealing the deal and his cue to be as crude as he wanted to be. "You eat like a hog."

"Least I don't look like one…. Yet." He swallowed , eyes landing on me. "What you got planned for today?"

I shrugged moving my mug around in a circle. "Maybe garden a little bit. Nothing too major. What about you? Feelin antsy about your last run as the Sarge?"

Kozik pushed his empty plate away pausing the conversation to take a long drink before answering. "Antsy? Nah….. Ready to get this shit over with and be free for a while. I was thinking we'd run to Charming this weekend if you want. Go to Sacramento too and see Kendra before she leaves."

I nodded remembering Kendra was leaving for college on the other side of the country in a couple of weeks. Kozik would see even less of her than he did now once she made the move. At 19 she was ready to leave home after begging Koz to pay for her first semester at U of Miami. It sounded like a total party school in my opinion, but I wasn't about to be the one that broke that news to Kozik.

"Sounds great to me. I'll call Mom and tell her to expect us. Her and Nero have been hinting that its our turn to come to them for the next visit." I reminded him. I still didn't like Nero too much. It was still just… wrong… to me even though they'd been together for going on two years now. He was still as nice as could be, but it was awkward as hell to have him and Dad in the same house together.

Kozik leaned back in his chair lighting up a cigarette like he always did after he ate. "Yeah, we should have enough time to stay a few days. Think we can trust the old man not to burn the place down while we're out?"

I rolled my eyes on that thought. "I'll leave him a box of corn flakes and beer. He'll be all set for a few days. You know he'll be over at Lorca's or Mrs. Jenkinson's place anyways. That widow has her heart set on reelin him in."

"Must be her schizophrenia kickin in again. No woman in her right mind would want that dinosaur." Kozik smirked dragging on his smoke.

"Yeah well lets hope I age more like Alanna instead of Clay." I joked back sipping on my coffee.

"Amen to that." He agreed with a chuckle snuffing out the butt of his cigarette. "Shit.. I'm so ready for this to be over with today. You have no idea." He yawned sleepily as if to emphasis it.

Reaching across the table I slid my fingers through his , letting him rub his rough thumb over the back of my hand. "Rum run? Or stuff for Jax?" I inquired with a frown.

Kozik threw me a dark look that made him grimace again. "Rum run of course." He confirmed referring to what we'd nicknamed the runs that Tacoma did involving the illegal liquor trade. The same liquor trade that had gotten them into the deep pile of shit with the Russians that didn't seem to want to back off of them.

"Your last one would have to be a dangerous one wouldn't it?"

"You know it. Danger is my middle name." He grinned squeezing my fingers. "So…. Should I even ask if there's any progress in the baby department?"

I was the one that grimaced this time. Six months of trying and still no luck. It wasn't looking like we were meant to have a baby. I was late again, but I'd been late 3 times so far and gotten excited over nothing. "No luck yet." I sighed using my free hand to prop my head up while I looked at him. "I don't understand why…"

Kozik wasn't nearly as upset about it as I was. If anything he seemed relieved every time I told him it was a no go this month. "Maybe we're just not meant to have another little monster running around. Sven and Carter are havin enough for all of us."

That was true. Jessica and Carter had the three girls and Holly had told me only yesterday she was pregnant and everything was looking good so far for her carrying this one to term. "I guess not… you already have two though. I only have Alex. I wanted just one more."

"Borrow one. Jax doesn't seem to mind getting rid of his for a few days." Kozik laughed remembering the little visit Thomas and Abel had made to see us for a week.

"Jax has Wendy chasing after them now. Now he doesn't need me. Or Mom really." I frowned thinking on my sister in law. I'd never understand what was going on in Charming for Jax and Wendy but as long as the kids were taken care of; I didn't care. "I guess its good we're going to Charming anyways. I should look at the rebuild. See exactly what's on with that."

"They waited long enough to fix it, didn't they?" He observed. "Must be sick of using the ice cream parlor as a clubhouse after this long in it."

I nodded remembering the explosion that had taken everything down with it. "Dad can't exactly go look at it, and you never know with Jax if what he's saying is the truth anymore." I hated to even think those thoughts about my brother again, but I'd certainly stirred things up when I moved my father into my home.

"Tequila working today?" Kozik asked glancing at the clock.

"In a little bit. I was thinking if Carter's goin on the run too maybe me, her, and Jess and Holly could take the kids to the park. Feed the ducks or something."

Slowly he pulled our hands apart and pushed his chair back with a quiet scuffling sound. "I gotta get goin if I want to be back in time to barbeque later." He stood stretching his back out so that it popped a few times. "I'll see in a while Leah."

I got up following after him to the door, padding along in my bare feet on the cool wooden boards. "Call me if you're going to be late?"

"Maybe." Kozik teased shrugging his dark black hoodie on over his cut before pausing in his movements to leave to lean down and kiss me.

I kissed him back with a little sigh, loving how even after all this time one kiss could still bring it all back to me. "I love you."

"Love you too little girl." He grinned sticking his studded tongue out at me before slipping out of the door. "Give little man a hug for me when he gets up."

I watched him climb on his bike from the doorway, smiling the entire time until he backed out. It was a good day.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carter's POV

_Holy shit. Holy fuckin shit. Fuckin shit. Fuck _was all I could think while I gripped the side of the light grey van we were piled in the back of. I had my eyes squeezed shut so I didn't have to look at what was on the floor. I couldn't look. I wouldn't. I'd shoot whoever tried to make me. I couldn't do it again.

"Carter?" Came Sid's voice through my mental cuss out.

"No." I said in a voice so hoarse and hollow I couldn't even recognize it as mine.

Someone nudged my arm gently with a warm hand. "Get out. We're here. C'mon." Fingers voice told me. "C'mon son."

I shook my head wildly not daring to open my eyes just yet. I'd seen fucked up shit in the past few years but this was different. This was…. Horrific. And they knew it. "No, not until…."

"You get out now." Sven's tone was angry and I felt him pulling my arm hard. "I said get out or I make you get out. We need you."

"You don't need me."

"You get out or I make you." Sven threatened again and I felt his fingers digging into my skin.

I still didn't want to open my eyes. "Is … he gone?"

Fingers' voice came back now. "He's gone. The Rev and Lee carried him in. C'mon man."

I finally dared to open my eyes up slowly. I was the only one sitting in the van still and Sven had a hard look on his features that I'd never saw before. He was covered in the same crimson blood we all were. Slowly I slid out of the back wincing from the leg I was pretty sure I'd sprained bad if not worse while we were all sprinting through the woods.

Sven held his upper thigh, he was pressing his hoodie into it. "I cannot walk in alone." He said evenly, admitting it instead of trying to play tough guy.

Now I knew why they needed me get the hell out of the van. I looped one of his arms around my shoulders and Fingers took the other both of us balancing his dead weight out between the two of us while we walked him into the clubhouse slowly. We only had a few feet to go but it felt like a mile by the time we made it into the busy clubhouse. People were moving around at a rapid speed around us. I knew already who they were all gathered around while The Rev's voice chanted over and over "One, two three, breath. One two three….. C'mon keep pressing."

I helped get Sven onto one of the long tables where Fingers no doubt would start to work on him. He was the closest thing we had to a medic right now. Someone had yelled at Sunshine to call his girl for help. She wasn't a surgeon but she had a medical background somewhat. Sven was hissing through clenched teeth while Fingers ripped the wet jeans away from his leg roughly. I stood back, frozen and not even sure if I could help anyone right now.

"Get some vodka. Now." Fingers ordered me giving me a hard shove to snap me out of it again. "And get the bag from The Rev. They don't need it."

_They don't need it. _Those words echoed in my mind while I hurried to the bar to snatch the first bottle of the clear liquid I could see. The hardest part of the task assigned to me was going to snatch the kit from the table they were all still hurrying around. I knew it was just as pointless as they did. I heard Layla, one of the sweet butts that they kept as a housekeeper, whisper loudly "Shouldn't we call an ambulance?"

I braced myself as best I could when I approached the table. Lee's face was just as pale as the one that was laid across the wood. He almost looked like he was about to cry. Hell, we were all about to just burst into tears. I grabbed the bag in one quick motion, getting a nod of understanding from the The Rev as he started whispering in a voice so low I almost couldn't hear what he was saying. I could just make out "May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up" He was whispering his last rights despite the fact he couldn't reply to any of them.

I handed the vodka over to Fingers wincing when he doused Sven's thigh with it. I knew it was taking everything he had not to shout instead of just gripping the chair beside him. "What can I do?"

Luckily I didn't have to do anything I wasn't trained for. Sunshine's girlfriend rushed in just then and set to work without even asking who to go to first. "Should I call Holly?"

Sven glanced over at the table a few feet away and shook his head. "Not… not yet."

I knew why. He didn't want Holly to see it either. Not until we could tell the person that needed to know. Lee was looking over my shoulder at Sven, checking on him when Sunshine started to rush by to go get more gauze for Fingers when he stopped him. "I need you to get up to the retreat. Get things ready."

"No." I spoke loudly shaking my head.

Lee looked at me then at Sven before saying slowly. "You telling me what to do Carter?"

"She won't want that. She'll never forgive any of us if we…. No. Just no…" I shook my head knowing I was completely right on this. "Don't Lee…"

"I will go see her as soon as I'm done." Sven spoke up from being stitched up. He'd been lucky enough the bullet went through both sides.

"I'll go." Lee nodded at him. "You just worry about getting yourself taken care of."

I didn't feel right about that either. This was going to be. So god damned bad. "No… I will. We're close. Got history. I'll do it. Alone."

The older man was still pale faced from the scene but he nodded reluctantly. "Get cleaned up first. I've ordered no one speaks until we talk to her. If we're not doin this the club way I need to make a few phone calls. Get this handled."

I nodded going down the hall to the dorms to find a clean shirt and jeans. I was starting to shake again. I knew at any minute I was going to lose my shit again and I couldn't do it in front of everyone else. I shut the door to the first room I came to that was empty. I didn't care whose it was. They'd get over it. I needed to be alone for a few before I had to do this.

I leaned against the door, shutting my eyes again, and the images started to flood my mind instantly. I slid down to the floor gripping two handfuls of my cropped hair while I finally let go now that I was completely alone.

_We were on the Hwy on the way to the port, Lee was in the front and Kozik was right behind him. I was at the back of the group since I was the last to patch in. No big deal. I was always at the back in Charming too unless there were Prospects with us. We were turning a steep curve when the SUV came out of nowhere humming from the acceleration to catch up with us. I heard a sharp whistle and Sid waved to warn the others. "Russians!"_

_POW. POW. POW. POW. POW. POW. POW. Shot after shot was being fired at us while the SUV nipped at the back of my bike. "Pull over!" Kozik shouted over his shoulder at us just before sliding his bike down into the dirt and grass. We were all grabbing our heat, making a run for cover away from the 5 angry men that piled out of the SUV gunning us down. I was running as fast as I had ever moved in my entire life with my heart slamming away into my chest. I still had my helmet on. Gunshots were whizzing by missing me by only inches. _

"_Go!" Kozik yelled at me ducking behind a large tree for cover. "Get the fuck outta here!"_

_I tripped. I fucking tripped. Over my own god damned feet. I was scrambling for my gun when they started to advance on me. I was going to die. I was about to die. What would happen to Jess? What about my kids? Oh god… my kids…. My parents. I wasn't ready to die yet. I was too young…. I felt hands jerking me up and heard more bullets popping off one after another. "GO!" My SAA shook me violently before pushing me. "I got this!"_

_But he didn't have it. Not even for a minute after he spoke. Kozik turned towards the Russians full on firing directly at them popping them off. That was when it happened almost in time with each other. The first shot hit him in the stomach. I saw the way his body shook when it pierced his flesh. Blood gushed out. The next two were on either side of his chest. The last and final one hit him directly in the middle. His body was shaking and rigid at the same time when it hit the grass. _

_I didn't know w hat the others were doing. I didn't even know where they were. I could only focus on Kozik. Maybe they had been the ones that took down the Russians, not him. I had no clue. I was shaking like a leaf whenever Sid ran past me to Kozik's body. Blood was running down the sides of his face. His skin had already turned milk white….. His body… holy shit… I'd never saw anything like this. I hunched over and vomited not being able to help it. They were shouting things around I couldn't understand. I was hunched over still rocking back and forth staring at Kozik on the ground. His eyes were like hard steel. _

_I killed my own brother. He died because of my own stupidity. And I would never forgive myself. _

How in the hell could I go tell Aleah her husband was dead because of me? How could I look this girl in the eyes and tell her he wasn't coming home? She was like a sister, she was my family… I shook my head back and forth letting a few tears escape despite the fact that crying was for pussies. This was going to wreck her. I needed to do it before somebody else did. No matter how bad she was going to take it, it'd be worse coming from somebody else. I had to be the one to go see her.

I was in a trance when I got up and walked on shaky legs to the bathroom and pulled my blood covered shirt off and wiped myself down with a wet towel. I couldn't go over there covered in blood. That would have her bawling before I could even tell her. I took a shirt from whoever's dresser and slid it on. They wouldn't care. Not right now. We were all too fucked up to care about much right now. I walked back out in the same trance just nodding when someone spoke to me until I was at the door.

"I'm going with." Sven told me hobbling a little bit but taking the pain like no one I'd ever saw do before. "Its on my way home."

I nodded, I'd figured someone else would be sent with me. I could see that they had moved Kozik's lifeless body somewhere else where eyes couldn't reach it. The women were trying to clean the blood up pointlessly. It was everywhere. "Lets get this over with."

I noticed right off that Clay's El Camino was gone when we pulled up to the house in one of the work trucks from the construction site. Aleah's car and Kozik's truck were still there along with a small Malibu I could only guess belonged to Tequila. Slowly, I got out glancing at Sven to make sure he didn't help to get out of the truck. He just waved me off making it clear he didn't want to be helped again. It felt like the walk up to the front door was a 10k race instead of a few feet. Should I knock? Just go in? I frowned to myself before just turning the knob and letting myself into the big house.

"Where is she?" Sven asked quietly beside me looking around.

The living room was vacant and the TV was off. The entry way showered no signs of life. I slipped into the kitchen and noticed the backdoor open and could hear Aleah singing along with the radio outside. "She's out there. See if you can find Tequila. We might need her in a minute."

I wanted to do this alone. I didn't want Sven to see how this was going to be. I had an idea of it in my mind. I stepped outside the glass door looking around until I spotted the dark haired woman on her knees in front of her flower bed digging in the soil , an array of plants in little plastic containers surrounded her on the bright green grass. I felt like I was going to be sick again. I had to suck it up. I could do this. I was tough.

"Hey Lee…" I called out walking towards her slowly, god I hoped Sven hurried with Tequila.

Aleah smiled up at me, wiping her hands on her shorts even though they were covered in the dirt as well. "Hey Carter…. Sorry if you knocked. I thought I'd get some work done out here while Jess had Alex making paintings with the girls for a while. Its my turn next week for play date."

So Alex wasn't here. That was one good thing. I'd planned on taking him with me when I left anyways. I cleared my throat and shuffled my feet unsure of where to start. "Lee Lee… I need to… I need to."

"I thought you were going on the run with Koz today? Don't tell me he left you behind again." Aleah wiped a hand across her forehead smearing more dirt on her face.

"I did go on the run with Kozik." I said softly, my heart breaking to get the words out. "I need to tell you something okay?"

Aleah's face was turning white and she was shaking worse than I had as she got up from the grass slowly. "Where's Kozik?" she demanded.

God this hurt so damn bad…. "Lee, Kozik… he… he had an accident." I swallowed the lump down that was trying to form in my throat.

"What the fuck do you mean he had an accident? Where is he? Where's my husband?!" She was becoming panicked now.

Sven and Tequila were hurrying across the yard towards us, I could tell Tequila knew. She was crying already. "There was a shootout, Russians. Kozik was trying to get us all out before he took off. He stopped to help me when I fell. He died fighting."

Aleah was crumpling before my eyes. Sven grabbed her just in time when she fell back. I thought she'd fainted at first but she was crying so hard she couldn't make a sound. When she did speak again, I almost wished she hadn't. "H-h-h-he died for you?" she choked out.

I nodded slowly wondering if that was going to be comfort point. "Yeah he did." I said honestly.

"Then it should be you in that box!" She lunged at me scratching down my face before pummeling at me while Sven fought to get her back off.

When he did pry her away. She had lost her mind. She crying uncontrollably, shaking, gasping for air, it looked like she was going to pull her own hair out for a moment. Her words had the effect she'd wanted them to. Any thoughts I had about feeling guilty over Kozik's death were even heavier on my shoulders now that I knew someone else thought it was fault.

"Call the clubhouse. Tell them we need something to calm her." Sven ordered Tequila who scampered off to do what she was told.

I started to help him take her into the house but he shook his head. "I have her. Don't make it worse."

Don't make it worse…. I didn't know if it could get any worse by the time Sunshine pulled in with a syringe of something to stab into her. Aleah was losing her mind from the grief of losing Kozik. This was a million times worse than I pictured it. I watched as she fought Sven off like a wild animal screaming that we were lying to her. Kozik would come back. He wasn't dead. Her Kozik wouldn't leave her. It was heart wrenching to see Sven finally climb on top of her and pin her down while Sunshine hurried to shoot her up.

"Where's Clay?" I asked Tequila in a thick voice.

"He went to dinner with that old lady up the street. I'll stay until he's back." She whispered her own tears still falling down her tanned cheeks. "Somebody should tell Gemma. I don't know if…"

Sven let go of Aleah when her body finally relaxed and she was out. "This isn't good. I don't… I don't know."

None of us knew. We'd never dealt with an Old Lady that was this far gone before. And her entire family was hours away from her with the exception of Clay. I knew what I needed to do. I glanced at them before going for the door. "I need to call someone."

I shut the door firmly behind me hitting the call button before I could change my mind. I couldn't think of anything else to do. Tequila was calling Gemma. The club would tell Jax now that Aleah knew. The phone only rang three times before the recipient picked up. "Yeah?"

"Its me. You need to get up here. Now."

"What's wrong with the kids?" His voice was more alert and urgent now.

"Its Kozik. He's dead. Your Old Lady needs you."

**I know some of you don't like Carter's POV when I do them but I really didn't see another way of showing everything that happened without using him….. And… be prepared for what's to come…. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Because I was so thrilled with the response last chapter, I decided to post again tonight. I loved the feedback on Kozik's death. Yes I hated to do it, but it had to happened as much as I hated for it…. But… Koz lives on :P You'll see. **

**There are a few things that will be mentioned in the next few chapters that may seem demeaning and wrong, but I have looked into how it would be handled and it appears accurate with MC happenings…. **

Chapter 21 Basket Case

I hated riding with Gemma to Tacoma. We were just a few minutes from Aleah's place now but the hours of being stuck with her were horrible. I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing right now. Saying right now. I just knew what had happened was horrible. I never wanted Aleah to hurt this way. No matter what she'd done, I never wanted her to suffer. Not like this.

"Here we are." Gemma sighed pulling her Navigator into the already crowded driveway. I couldn't even pick out any of the bikes that were littering the place.

"Clay's inside right?"

"Yeah. Asshole." _Well that's a mood lifter _I thought to myself getting out of the SUV after she did. The other Charming members had ridden on to the clubhouse. I didn't get that option.

Gemma pushed open the door letting us into the house that was eerily loud yet quiet at the same time. Clay was playing host to everyone inside of it along with Tequila, the sweet butt that seemed to be a good friend of Kozik and Aleah's. Her dark eyes were red rimmed and puffy showing me she'd been crying.

"Where's the baby?" Gemma asked Tequila, giving Clay a look over with a scowl on her face.

"Laying down. Between me and Gramps here we've been taking care of him." Tequila sighed offering Gemma one of the shots she had on a tray.

Gemma took one downing it quickly. I was looking around seeing who was here already. Carter and the Russian I'd met before were in the kitchen talking. I didn't see Jess or his Old Lady anywhere nearby. Lorca was perched in the recliner, and there were a few women I didn't recognize moving around through the house trying to make room for the food dishes that seemed to be endless. Soon, this place would be even more packed out.

Carter spotted me then and came over, a sad smile on his face. "Hey man… thought it'd take you guys longer to get here."

We hugged each other a little more tightly than we normally would have. "We left as soon as we got the call bro. You okay?"

He nodded casting a look over at the Russian who lifted his glass at me. "We were with him when it happened. Sven got a bad shot to the thigh. I didn't get hit. It was… it was terrifying man."

I knew for Carter to say it was terrifying, it had to have been. "Where is everyone else at?"

"Jess is at home with the kids. Holly's at Sven's place finishing up some food to bring over, clearing their driveway for the back up parking. We didn't know if Aleah would feel like…" He paused before finishing. "Feel like leaving the house so we cleared it to have the street. The neighbors are being pretty understanding."

That was understandable. This was going to be biggest funeral procession I'd ever saw in my history with Samcro. Bigger than Donna's. "Where's she at man?" I finally asked swallowing the lump that'd been in my throat. I was dreading this.

"Upstairs. In the bed. They had a doctor friend come in and shoot her up. She… she's not doing good Juice. At all." Carter looked down at his feet. "Maybe when she sees you it'll help. She's been begging us to go get Happy."

Of course she wanted Happy. He was the closest thing she could get to Kozik right now. "Where's he at?"

"On his way. He was all the way up in Canada when we called him. He said he'd be here as fast as he could get here. Told him the girl was wanting him something bad."

"Think seeing Tig would help her any?"

Carter gave me a facial shrug. "I don't know. She's not making much sense. I'll go up with you, if you want." I could tell he wasn't really wanting to, a look of stress flooded his face.

"I'll go with him." Gemma said approaching us. "Come on sweetheart."

I could feel all of the eyes of everyone in the house on my back as I walked up those steps. My legs felt like lead they were so heavy. I followed Gemma to the room that had to have been the one she shared with Kozik. Kozik had done good for her, he got her a house I had to say that. It was nice. Gemma didn't knock, she cracked the door open some before slipping in. An Old Lady I didn't know was sitting in a chair across from the bed while the girl I loved for so many years was in a deep sleep burrowed down into the blankets.

"She's been tossing a lot. I think she'll get up soon." The woman whispered standing up. "Lee said not to leave her alone, and Clay is so busy trying to keep up downstairs that I volunteered to come stay with her."

Gemma nodded, her face had fallen a little when she saw the state her daughter was in. "Thanks Mandy. I appreciate it, really I do. I'll take over from here."

"No problem. I'll go see what I can do downstairs to help out. Tequila's been a good girl staying around. We all loved him."

No we really didn't. I didn't love Kozik like I should have loved a brother. I'd been angry with him for years. I wanted vengeance on the man that took my Old Lady. The only thing that had stopped me from killing him was the fact I knew it would break her. Now she was broken from another kind of death claiming Kozik. I glanced at Gemma before I sat down on the edge of the bed beside Aleah. It even looked like Kozik's room in here more so than Aleah's. He had dominated every aspect of their relationship that was clear to see.

Aleah shifted beside me, her eyes fluttering open. "Kozi?" She mumbled starting to sit up. Then it was like it hit her at once. The tears welled up in her eyes.

"No, its me baby. Juice. I came to see you. Gemma's here with us." I said gently like I was talking to a child.

Gemma came forward pushing Aleah's matted hair back. "Hey baby… Mom's here now to take care of this for you."

Aleah nodded like she was understanding us then she started bawling. Her cries were so pained I knew I was about to cry with her. I blinked and looked up, forcing my eyes to stay open. "Leave us a minute Gemma. Please."

Gemma didn't argue with me, she gave me an understanding look before she slipped out of the room. I wrapped my arms around Aleah pulling her close to me. "Just let it out Lee. Let it all out. I'm here okay?"

"He promised he wouldn't… wouldn't.. ever leave me." She cried in deep ragged breaths. "Why are you here Juice? You didn't like Kozik. Go."

I kept my arms around her even when she struggled to shove me away. "I care about you. I want to make sure you're okay."

"Leave me alone!" Aleah cried, she sounded animalistic with her cries of pure pain.

I'd never saw anyone hurt like this in my entire life. Aleah literally was a mess without Kozik. She calmed down enough for me to slide back the pillows long enough to make it to the door. I'd thought Gemma would be outside but she wasn't. The hallway that led to the stairs was empty. I wasn't sure if I should leave her alone or not but I didn't know what to do now. She was crying to the point of hysteria. I dashed to the top of the stairs. "Gemma? I need you up here. Now."

I was hurting for her. My chest was hurting with the pain I was absorbing from just being in the room with her while she wept and mourned for Kozik. Gemma ran up faster than a woman of her age probably should along with the Russian. Sven glanced over at me while he grabbed the pack of needles I hadn't noticed earlier off of the dresser. "I've been having to hold her while they…."

I understood. Sven had been holding her down long enough for someone to shoot her up with the tranquilizer to numb her pain. Aleah had cracked up. I held her again against me while he administered the shot into her arm. Her body calmed almost instantly. "Will.. She be okay now?"

"Yeah. For a while. Let her sleep." Sven nodded to me throwing the used syringe in the trash. "I want to speak with you a few words yeah?"

"Yeah. Sure." I sighed knowing that someone would have a problem with my being here. It wasn't ideal for me to attend this thing. But I had to.

We left Gemma with Aleah and Sven opened the door to what must have been Clay's room. It held a man's belongings. Sven pushed it shut once I slipped inside with him. He eyed me harshly at first. "Why did you come here? She is hurting enough."

"I had to." I told him crossing my arms over my chest. "I made promises, and I'm keeping them."

No one had ever known about these promises. Kozik had known his luck would run out soon. He was nearing 48. He was old by MC standards.

"You think she will let you help her?"

"I don't know man." I really didn't. "What… what happened?" No one had given us the full story yet. All I could get out of Carter was that Kozik had been shot, and apparently it'd ravaged his torso pretty bad.

Sven's face changed to one of sadness when he starting telling the events that had taken place. "We were ambushed on our run. Me, Kozik, Carter, Rev, and Lee with a couple others. Carter….. He was in the rear, taking the worst of the shells. We pulled off on a shoulder to try and lead them off. They found us. Carter was hiding behind some bushes and they were advancing on him. Kozik jumped in front of them. Took 4 shots to the body. We tried to stop the bleeding but.. They were all chest shots. Nothing we could do for him when we made it to him. The girl.. She.. She fainted when I come to tell her. The old man said he could take care of her, but I sent my girl over here to check on things."

"I appreciate that." I told him honestly. "Aleah.. She don't do well with being alone. She can't be. She's had Kozik for a lot longer than most people realize. I don't know…"

Sven understood what I was saying. "Me either brother. Maybe we should go make sure they are getting things done. The old man and Lee are supposed to be doing the arrangements. Kozik didn't leave instructions. Carter say not to burn him though."

By the time we made it back down, Gemma was downstairs and Tequila was sitting with Aleah. Gemma was pouring over the booklets the funeral director had dropped off for someone to go through with Clay to my shock. He'd known Kozik the longest out of all of us that were here so far. Happy and Tig would be in later but someone had to make decisions now. "Shit.. I don't know. I wish that daughter of his was here already."

I hadn't known Kozik had other kids. "What about family?" I asked softly.

"A brother. They didn't get along. Ex wife is coming with the daughter according to Tequila. The ex Old Lady is in town but I doubt Aleah would want her involved." Clay shrugged helplessly. "Lee said it was up to us on this. The club wanted to burn him. Release his sins."

I knew Aleah would have never agree to that. She'd promised me years ago she'd never let them burn my body if anything happened to me. "Did he… have everything ready just in case?"

"He had insurance. It was set up so everything got paid for if he died under any circumstances. The house, truck, their accounts, are all paid for. He had burial too." Gemma said in a tone that told me she was happy he'd done that much. "Everything goes to Aleah and Aleah only. He didn't name either of his kids as heirs. I have a feeling the daughter might put up a fight with that."

"Better not. I don't think Aleah could handle that right now." I rubbed the back of my neck. I knew people were starting to arrive and were still staring me down. "What do we need to do?"

I didn't want to, but someone had to take charge here. Gemma and Clay were usually the ones that Charming looked to for the lead in things but now even they were lost in their daughters pain and couldn't. I took the booklet from Gemma's hands looking at the caskets. "Here, get the black one. He'd like that. Bury him in his uniform with his cut under his hands. Silk lining in silver."

I was making more progress in the past five minutes then they'd made in the two hours we'd been here. I made Kozik's arrangements for the most part, and decided to let Tig or Happy okay them before finalizing things. Or the daughter if she showed up tonight. I hadn't known Kozik well. Never tried to know him too well. He was the type that didn't say much about himself or try to make many friends. It felt surreal to be here in his house planning his funeral while our Old Lady cried herself into a coma upstairs.

Tequila was coming downstairs clutching a blonde haired little boy that had to be Kozik's son. He was sniffling and clinging to a handful of her dark hair. I felt something stir in my chest when I looked at the fatherless little boy. He looked so much like his dad it was insane. He had those cold blue eyes, blonde hair, and a look that said he didn't like these strangers in his home.

Gemma rose when she saw them, holding her hands out for him. "Come see Grandma little man."

Alex held his arms out to Gemma going to her easily. "I just changed him, he might be hungry." Tequila advised giving his hair a ruffle.

It was hard to see that Aleah had gone on to have a baby. It still bothered me to remember that day I rushed to the hospital to find out we weren't having a son or daughter anymore. She'd wanted kids bad. I hadn't been able to try again as much as she wanted me to. This was something Kozik had done for her that I couldn't. Still, it'd broke me to hear she was pregnant by him, then see it with my own eyes. I was grateful for the interruption of Jessica arriving.

She walked right up to me and gave me the tightest hug of the day yet. "Juice, I'm glad you came. She needs you so bad right now. She won't talk to me, or Holly. The last time I went in she threw stuff at me."

"I know Jess. I'm gonna go check on her now." I looked at Gemma and Clay playing with the little boy. "I'll be back."

Aleah was still sleeping when I went into the room. Tequila was perched on the chair chewing at her nails. She looked up at me when I crossed in, going to sit on the ottoman at the foot of their bed. "How long she usually out for?"

"Couple of hours. Sometimes longer. It just depends if she gets up soon though, she might be down enough for us to try to get her cleaned up some. She wouldn't let me put her in the shower this morning."

I nodded looking over at the poor little thing. "Were you close?"

"We were good friends. Kozik was good to me." Her voice cracked. "He helped me out a lot when I needed it. I helped him out when he needed it. And no I don't mean sexually." She wiped at the corners of her eyes. "I took care of him when he was still having problems with the coke. He took care of me after that. I loved him."

Someone knocked on the door just then, interrupting the conversation. Happy came in, still wearing his glasses even though it was dark outside. "She ok?" he asked leaning down to kiss Tequila to my surprise.

"Not really no." I looked over at Aleah. "She's been wantin to see you they say."

Happy wasn't the nurturing type, so when he sat down beside Aleah and stroked her hair I was surprised. "Little girl…Wake up. I'm here." He said so softly I could barely hear him.

Aleah's eyes opened the second Happy spoke to her. "Oh Happy!" She leaned into his body hugging him tightly. "When will Kozik be here?"

I could see the muscle in Happy's cheek twitch. "He ain't comin this time kid. Just us okay? But… Kozik.. He told me to tell you to get up and get cleaned up okay?"

Aleah nodded like she really believed what Happy was telling her. "You'll be here though?"

"Right here kid. I'll sit right here while you get a shower. Let Tequila help you aight?" He was making more sense to her than what we had obviously because Aleah was kicking the blankets back to get up. "I'll call Kozik for you, tell him everything's okay, you were just asleep like you always are when he can't get a hold of you. Bastard ruins our nights huh?"

I had no idea what he was talking about unless Kozik had been in the habit of getting Happy to pop in on her. That had to be it. Kozik was that kind of guy. "Should I… get Gemma?" I asked him.

Happy shook his head. "Naw man. Let me… handle her. I'll get her down in a bit." He stood up offering his hands to Aleah.

She clung to him a like a little kid would, letting him lead her into the bathroom in the far side of the room. I heard her say. "Happy…. He loved you the best." before the water cut on.

I paused at the door wondering if Happy was going to actually undress her but Tequila went in and he came out. "I'll let them know."

"Yeah. We'll be okay up here." He was already rummaging through their dressers like he'd done this before.

I felt a little bit jealous that it had been that easy for Happy to come in and take over the task of getting Aleah out of that damn bed. The ex wife and daughter arrived within minutes of me being downstairs. Kendra looked a lot like Kozik too. She was holding her little brother close, her eyes glittering with unshed tears. She'd been lucky enough to have Kozik around in some way or form over the years, and now all Alex had were memories from two years of his short life and some pictures of the man that helped give him life.

"Gemma said you had the arrangements done." Kendra spoke quietly approaching me.

"Yeah, I just… wanted someone else to okay them before I called the director up." I explained going to get the booklet. "We were going to get Happy or Tig to look if you weren't here."

Kendra' eyes barely skimmed the pages before she nodded. "That's fine with me. What did Aleah want?"

I realized no one had told her. "She… isn't up to making choices right now. That's why I wanted you to okay it."

"Ohh." She shifted Alex around on her hip. "Where is she?"

"She'll be down soon." I told her wondering if she was always this…. Forward. "I'm gonna go settle this then."

I was on the phone when I heard people saying "Here she is." I hurried to finish up the call, spotting Happy leading Aleah down the stairs. He'd gotten her into a simple black dress, with her slippers. Guess he didn't want to push it with the shoes. She kept a hand on Happy's arm as he led her into her lower level. She was pale. Really pale liked she hadn't eaten or drank anything for a long time. He leaned down to whisper something to her that she nodded to.

Her cool blue eyes fell on me, but she didn't smile. They stayed cold and hard. She went to Kendra though, hugging her then kissing her on the cheek then she did the same to Alex. "Thanks for coming." I heard her whisper.

"He was my dad." Kendra gave her a sad smile that told me Kozik had his own family troubles he never mentioned to anyone. "I loved him even if I didn't always like him very much."

"Amen to that." Came Tig's voice. He held his arms open to Aleah and she went to him tearing up some. "Jax will be here soon too, and Bobby."

She nodded hugging Tig back using his shirt to wipe her eyes off with. "Okay." She whispered in a child's voice. She let go of Tig to cling back to Happy again. He was doing really well with this caring thing with her I had to admit. He let Aleah clutch his arm and stay glued to his side the entire night. Things were winding down when the trouble started though.

Kendra was in their living room pointing at something on their mantel. "That one too."

Aleah turned, her eyes turning into two pieces of ice. She let go of Happy to stalk into the area Kendra was in. The lady that had to have been Kozik's ex wife was reaching for a framed and preserved flag that the plaque said Kozik earned in the Gulf War. "Don't you touch that."

The woman turned to Aleah, a few items already in her hands. "Its my daughters."

"No its not. Its mine. All of that is _mine_. Hand it over. _Now_." Aleah was using a tone I'd never heard before.

"You can't tell me no. It was Daddy's not yours." Kendra snapped back to Aleah reaching to take the flag down herself.

"Kendra, so help me God if you touch another thing in _my_ house." Aleah snapped right back in a warning tone. "I may be medicated but my mother isn't."

As if on cue, Gemma stepped into the living room with a critical eye. "I suggest you put those things down honey." She nodded at the frames they'd already taken down. "Those are my daughters now. Your Daddy didn't leave you anything Kendra."

Kendra's face turned up into a snarl that mimicked Kozik's perfectly. She motioned for her mom to put the stuff down then turned to Aleah. "The only reason he kept you around was because he knocked you up. He never loved you. You were just a trophy wife for a lonely old man."

Aleah's face crumpled. "Get out of my house." She whispered pointing at the front door. Everyone was silent, watching this scene unfold. "Get out of here and if you have a problem with Kozik's will, you meet me in court."

"Sure thing doll. Just remember, possessions will never equal up to the love he never felt for you. Why do you think Dad always bought you things?" Kendra smirked Aleah one last time before going to the door.

Her words had hit a nerve with Aleah. She was breaking down again, this time for everyone in the Samtac charter to see. Carter moved to comfort her and was met with Aleah's hand across his face. "Don't _you_ touch me. This is your fault. It should be you in that box tomorrow. Not my husband. Not Kozik. None of you liked him. None of you!"

She was cracking again. Aleah was crumpling to the floor when I caught her, trying to hug her. She clawed at me wildly. "Let go of me now! You hated him too! You tried to kill him! I love Kozik. Let me go Juice.. _Let me go_.!"

I lifted her up even with her struggling and clawing at me. I said loudly over her shrieking. "Somebody get Happy. Now."

She was scratching at my cheeks when Happy finally rushed into the house from his smoke break. He pulled Aleah from my arms with ease; she wasn't clawing at him. "I need him Happy. You promised he'd be back." She was crying into the killer's shoulder. "Where is he? He's never gone this long."

Nothing but true loyalty to Kozik could make Happy do what he did next. "He'll be here. You know how he is, he gets caught up in shit. Listen little girl, Koz said to tell you he wants you to let Juice stay with you okay?"

Aleah's eyes were wide when she looked at me. "He hates Juice. Why would he say that?"

"He told me he wanted you to let Juice take care of you for a while. He knows Juice loves you like he does. Gemma can take care of the kid for a while. You just let Juice take care of you Leah."

This was uncomfortable. We had a huge audience to her breakdown. If anyone had been wondering how she was holding up before, they knew the truth now. I nodded at Aleah giving Happy a grateful look. "He told me to take care of you LeeLee. Come on, lets get you upstairs and maybe we can get Tequila or your mom to bring you something to eat up."

She allowed Happy to shift her back over to me, she laid her head down on my chest with a frown but she wasn't screaming anymore. Carter was gone, the sting in his eyes was enough to make us all wince when she'd screamed at him. "Thanks man." I quietly told him going for the stairs.

"Don't thank me. I just know what he wanted." Happy said with a look that told me he knew all about mine and Kozik's talks.

I got her settled back into the bed. She'd let me slip the dress off of her and put one of Kozik's shirts on her thinning frame. I was pulling the blankets over her when Tequila crept in with a plate of food for her and a bottle of pills. "Get her to take two of these if you can. Help her calm down some."

"Thanks." I said to Tequila taking it from her. "I'll be down later."

Aleah didn't speak to me while I spoon fed her the food, coaxing for her to drink some water. I'd never in my life saw her this bad off. She'd flipped when Opie died, but this was thousands worse than that had been. She was watching every move I made around the room closely. I got up to put the plate down on the dresser and then tentatively sat down beside her on the bed like I had earlier. "I never told you I was sorry did I?" she said quietly.

I knew what she was talking about without asking. "You didn't need to. It was my fault too. You loved him. He loved you too."

"But you love me."

I nodded slowly opening my arms to see if she'd fall into them like she used to. She did. She rested her head against my chest, hand going for the spot it always had just where my tattoo was. "I do love you. I came to be with you. You gotta let me take care of you okay?"

"Okay."

I held her even after she'd fallen asleep on me, remembering Kozik's trip to Charming. I closed my eyes letting my mind go back in time like it was on video.

_I was at work at TM when Kozik blew in, approaching me slowly with a nod before he was even close. A peace gesture. "Think we could talk a minute man?" He asked me looking around the busy garage. _

_I was curious… but guarded. We never spoke much to each other even before the Aleah incident. We hit each other if we had a problem. I studied him closely for a minute, noticing the way his face had seemed to age since the last I'd saw him. Slowly… I gave him a nod and followed him over to the row of bikes. "What's this about?_

"_Aleah." Kozik said simply ruffling his smashed hair from the helmet. "She… She's young Juice. Almost half my age honestly. And I need to ask you something. Something big."_

_I crossed my arms over myself, nodding for him to continue on. It might be better if I didn't speak until I found out exactly what he was wanting from me after the personal hell he'd put me through. _

"_I've had a few close calls lately man. Really fuckin close. Its got me worried that maybe its time I paid the Reaper." He looked down at the concrete before glancing back up at me. "I need to know something… did you mean it when you said she could come back to you? Even now that she'd had a baby by me?_

_Floored. I was absolutely floored by this. I'd expected anything but this from him. He'd never give her up with a fight. I listened on as he talked quietly. "She can't be alone Juice. She'll crack. I can't let her turn into nothing even if it means getting you to take her back. I love her too much to let that happen." Kozik looked me dead on in the eyes now, they'd changed to a look I'd never seen before… Pleading. _

"_You gotta take her back. Please. You have to Juice. I'm begging you. She won't need anything from you financially, I got that handled already. She keeps the house, and you can move to Tacoma and live in it for all I care. Just take her back… and my son. You have to promise me you'll be good to my son."_

_I was hesitant. Why in the hell should I do Kozik any favors? He'd ridiculed me and taken the only person I had in this world. I knew in the back of my mind why I'd do this… because even after the shitstorm had faded away… I still loved that girl like crazy. I'd never been able to replace her, find another woman I loved like I loved her. I rubbed the back of my neck before giving him a nod. _

"_I meant it when I said she could come back." I sighed hating to sound like a pushover. "No matter what. I'll take her back Kozik, and don't worry about the kid. He's Aleah's isn't he? I'll look after both of them."_

_Relief flooded Kozik's features. "You can do it, no one else can. Remember that. I brought… this.. Just in case. Read it after okay?"_

_It was morbid.. But I took the letter he held out to me. And I didn't read it until I got the phone call. If Aleah didn't want me romantically that was okay, just take care of her. Love her like he couldn't his letter had read. He'd left me a what if letter along with Aleah who hadn't gotten hers yet. You can be good to her in ways I couldn't be he'd written. I was never meant to be with her, no matter how hard we tried. Not like you were_

As gently as I could I shifted Aleah off of me, deciding I should get downstairs and see what was left to take care of. Memories would get me nowhere right now. Practically everyone was gone by now, but there were a few people left, mostly Samcro members. Happy moved around the house like Tequila did, comfortable inside of it like they'd spent a lot of time here before. Clay was talking to a guy they called The Rev when he looked over at Happy. "Happy, you mind opening the garage up for the guys?"

Happy looked at them blankly. "What you need out of it?" he asked slowly like he was wary of letting anyone in with Kozik's belongings.

"Nothing. We brought Kozik's bike home. Wanted to cover it for her, get out of the weather." Rev explained. "Thought she'd want to keep it."

Happy pulled keys out of his pocket, so he did spend a lot of time in Kozik's home, and headed for what I guessed was the garage. I spotted Carter at the kitchen table with Gemma, Jessica, Sven, and his wife. I headed over to them getting a few small smiles from my company.

"How is she?" Jessica asked softly, she hadn't been up to see her friend since I got there.

"Good. She went to sleep without a fight. Ate for me too. Talked some. I think she'll… let me help her." I really wasn't sure if she would or not. She wasn't herself. She was crazy Aleah.

Gemma wrapped her hands around her cup of coffee. "I knew she'd be hurting but I didn't know it'd be this bad."

Sven nodded dragging a spoon through his own cup of coffee. "A-leah.. She really loved him. He was… I don't even know the word for it."

"Her rock." Holly smiled a little. "She told me once that Kozik was like her rock. He was what grounded her when something was wrong in her life. That he took care of her, guided her."

"The thought of Kozik guiding anyone through life is scary." Jessica joked making us all chuckle despite the circumstances. "I feel… awful. Its no secret that we didn't like each other much."

"He grew on me after I spent some time around them together. He was different with her." Holly nodded, her red hair shaking with it. "He could go from asshole to gentlemen in .5 seconds just by her walking into a room."

I toyed with my rings, deciding to add to the conversation. "Guess it won't be a shock if I say we didn't like each other much either."

Carter laughed along with Sven, obviously remembering our fights. "Did anyone really like him? I mean sure we loved him as a brother, he was a good man to have on your side, straight forward, brutal, and one hell of an asshole if you crossed his path."

Gemma smirked over at him. "You just didn't like him because he got one over on ya three years ago. I think we all liked him, just not in the way we feel like we should have but we all loved him. We all knew he'd take a bullet for us."

I glanced at Carter to see if he'd react to that. His face was somber. "Guess he was a good man in his own ways."

"He used to piss me off so bad when he'd take a hit at her." Carter put in with a shake of his head. "Wasn't shit any of us could say to him about it. She'd let him knock the shit outta her then the next day they were all lovey and kissy all over again."

"He was a tough man. He was old school MC." Gemma explained, her face said she didn't like Aleah being hit by him. "He thought Aleah should mind him and be seen not heard. That was the age difference in them."

Clay had joined us again, taking a seat beside Gemma. "He wasn't too bad to her. Not while I was here anyway. They had their share of fights though." He whistled like he was remembering them. "Gem's right, he ran his house like a real Old Man would. Aleah didn't get a say in anything. But he loved her."

"Yeah he did." Sven nodded in agreement. "Kozik was a good man, he loved her very much. He didn't want her to struggle for anything. He could not stand the thought of her being with anyone else. Used to be even worse of an asshole before she came to be with him. Then….. He cheered up."

"You think she'll snap out of it?" Jessica asked what we'd all been wondering.

"She will." I answered with all eyes turning on me. "She's tough. I just don't know how she's going to like going back to Charming."

Now they were really gawking at me. "What do you mean..back to Charming?" Gemma asked slowly.

"I'm taking her and the kid back to Charming with me. For a little while at least. I can't leave them here and I'm not transferring either." I looked down at the table. I'd been avoiding saying this to anyone but I might as well start with the people that were the closest to us. "Kozik made me promise him a few things."

"Like what?" Gemma asked sitting up straighter. "Is this why you insisted you were coming with me?"

"Yeah it is. I told him I'd… take her back. I'd let her come home with me. Promised to take care of her and the baby. So yeah.. I can't leave them here alone." I knew hew ludicrous this was sounding. We'd hated each other. "He made arrangements for her."

"He knew his time was up." Clay nodded in understanding. "Those last few days… he was slow. I don't think he would have been Samtac much longer either way."

Sven spoke up. "He wasn't. He spoke to me, about taking his patch. He told me he was ready to be at home with his family."

Holly shifted beside him, her green eyes were stormy. "They were trying for one more baby. He told her if she wanted one more then it had to be before his next birthday. He told her he was too old for more kids…."

"But if she wanted more, he'd have more." Carter finished. "He did anything to keep her happy. I saw him do some crazy shit for her before."

Whoa… I hadn't known they were trying for more kids. Kozik was right, he was too old for more kids. Or in my opinion he was. "He turned on his club for her, it doesn't get much more loving or loyal than that."

"Amen." Clay interjected making us guys laugh some. "Guess I'll stay here, keep house while she's gone."

"Good. I'd been hoping you would." I sighed rubbing my temples. There was so much to do. So much to plan out. "I just have so much shit going on."

"Pop an adder all, you'll be good to go." Jessica smirked at me. "So who's staying tonight?"

Gemma lifted a hand up. "Me. I sent Tequila home with Happy. I told him be on stand by in case we need him to come talk her down again. She's going to cling to that man. He's the closest damn thing she can get her hands on right now to Koz."

"I'm staying too." I said with my brows furrowed. "I don't want to take off in case something happens."

"Well I live here, so I guess I'm staying too." Clay smirked at all of us. "I can help with Alex at least."

"At least she has him to remember Kozik by." Holly said with a sad little smile. "He looks just like him."

"Lets hope he doesn't act like him or Aleah really will be going nuts." Sven grinned.

We were laid back, talking about our dead buddy and his girl like it was nothing. But it was the sort of thing Kozik would have enjoyed hearing too if he were around. He'd want to remember the good stuff and the bad. And he'd want us to all have a drink for him before we went to bed.


End file.
